I know that two big chapters in as many days is crazy, but I just wanted to share it will you. I suspect you won't hate me for doing so!
Chapter Ten: He's No Fool
Mourmelon le Grand, 3rd December, 1944
Sarah cracked an eye open, and looked dizzily around the room. Mid-afternoon? She was very pleased that no-one had bugged her this morning. Because she was so not in the mood for niceties today. In fact, it was very fortuitous that it was a Sunday. The likelihood of anyone coming anywhere near this room, whether or not last night had happened, was very low.
Oh god, last night. She wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. "God dammit!" She threw a pillow across the room, which connected with a vase, causing it to come crashing to the ground. The sharp sound reverberated, adding to the ache in her head. She sat up and looked at the shards on the ground. But it was all too quick. She felt her stomach retch, and suddenly she was bent over the bed, discarding the contents of her stomach all over the floor. The spittle, the chunks, the spit hanging from her lips.
"Fuck. Shit. Gah!" She forced herself up and grabbed a small towel. She wiped her mouth, and then quickly wiped up the floor, throwing the towel into the bath when she was finished. She then crashed over to the shards, attempting to collect them from the ground. It was a failed attempt. All her angry grabbing at the shards did was to cut her fingers. Exasperated, she plopped herself on the ground, and just stared at the blood.
Where did it go all wrong? Where did I go wrong? She felt so useless. So much for being strong. She started to pick the small ceramic shards from out of her fingers. Look at yourself. She peered around her. It was an embarrassing sight. The room was uncharacteristically messy. She knew she looked tired – the bags under her eyes had been getting darker and more prominent over the last month. Her hair was scraggly. She was angry all the damn time. Everything was everyone else's fault, of course. She'd shut out her closest friend. She couldn't bear to face the fact that she was falling for another. And she had been going out of her way to put herself in the firing line in some fruitless attempt to make this war somehow more... manageable.
"You're kidding yourself, Price." She sighed, and stuck a finger in her mouth to try and curb the bleeding. I am such an embarrassment. For so long she had prided herself on being this strong, Maori woman. Making an attempt to be a positive role model for others. Decisive. Independent. What a joke. She had lost her footing, and instead of picking herself back up, was trying to ignore everything.
I'm running away. Since when did she run away from anything? She thought back to when she was at school, and all the girls used to be mean to her because she refused to play with dolls. Honestly, how boring is that? Or when she first joined the Army, and there was that rumour that she was a lesbian. And when they were in Egypt, after she had agreed to join with Ryan, and someone tried to say the only reason why she got asked was because she had slept with the David Stirling (like she had actually met him). Did she run away then? Hell no.
And since when was she boring? Because she knew that she was boring now. Think about it. How long have you been wallowing in your own self-pity for? She'd never thought of it like that. She hated to think of the respect she had lost. Did her men hate her? She wouldn't know. She couldn't remember the last time she had a real conversation with half of them.
She thought about her family. Her mother, so wise, so thoughtful, so strong. Her father, generous and kind. Her brother, Charles. Her best friend. He had always looked after her. Taught her stuff secretly after school. And so naturally, if he was to join the Army, then she was too.
She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. The lump in her throat. She hadn't thought about Charles for such a long time. Probably not since he had died. Maybe that was when it started. The running.
She chuckled to herself as she recalled when one of his friend's declared his love for her one evening. Charles had been hiding around a corner, and had heard. No longer was this boy his friend. "Don't even think about touching my sister. She's too good for any of you boys."
She wondered what Charles would think of her situation now. On the one hand she had Roo, her best friend, and someone she loved dearly. And on the other hand she had Dick. Someone, who for some reason, could see through to the depths of her soul with seemingly no effort at all. Who she also loved. Deeper than she could admit. Would Charles approve of her choices thus far? Or would he tell her to stop running?
It was at that point that Sarah knew what she had to do. To be strong, she had to make difficult choices. Recognise her weaknesses. Embrace them. And be fair to herself and those around her. It would take a while, but it was time to rebuild. The first task: cleaning herself up.
Mourmelon le Grand, 4th December, 1944
Sarah straightened her skirt and took a deep breath. She then knocked on the door of Dick's office. She could see that he was in there, hunched over that endless amount of paperwork, through the glass. He looked up and, once seeing it was her, smiled. She opened the door and stepped in. "Sorry to disturb."
He held his arms up. "Oh no, you're rescuing me."
She smiled and glanced onto the ground nervously. Spotting the chair in front of the desk, she drifted towards it and sat down. She looked up to see Dick with a small smile on his face, head tilted, but nonetheless clearly concerned.
"I just wanted to say sorry." She frowned and looked up at the roof. "And thanks."
"You really don't have to."
She sighed. "No, I do. I once again managed to embarrass myself on Saturday night. I swear, it's all getting a bit too regular."
Dick stood up and walked around to her. "Sarah, you have nothing to worry about. Stop beating up on yourself."
"But I do, Dick. I do have something to worry about. I'm an Officer. I was put in charge because I should be able to handle all of this shit, but I'm not. I'm thinking I should apply for a transfer out of the unit. I need to face my issues head on. The way I've acted recently it's," she could feel a few tears in her eyes, "it's unacceptable." She sheepishly looked at Dick, who was now kneeling in front of her.
"You listen to me. I see nothing but an amazing person, and an incredible soldier, sitting before me. We all can barely handle it at the best of times. You're not alone." He said knowingly. He grabbed her hand and held onto it tightly. "I understand."
"You're too good to me."
"You're too hard on yourself. I'm just making up the difference." He grinned at her. "You once asked if you could be honest to me. Can I ask the same?"
She looked at him curiously, before nodding.
"To face your fear; your embarrassment; your disappointment, you need to stay with them. I'll help you." She could feel him squeezing her hand tightly. "I'm here for you."
They stood then. Sarah became very aware of the fact that Dick was still holding her hand. Glancing at it, she looked back at him and caught his eye. She searched his eyes, and smiled at the comfort and warmth she saw looking back at her. She squeezed his hand. He stepped ever so slightly forward. Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he leaned forward, and brushed his lips on hers. Oh god. Just as she was about to give in, someone behind them cleared their throat.
Sarah had never seen two people move so quickly apart. All of a sudden there was a wide gulf between them, and Dick had swiftly moved back behind the desk. She turned, and was greeted with a very amused looking Nixon. She glowered at him, before turning back to Dick.
"Thanks for your help."
"No problem, Lieutenant."
On the way out of the office she walked past Nixon, discreetly kicking his ankle as she went past him.
Dick watched as Sarah exited. Why are we always interrupted? His eyes narrowed at Lew, who was clearly enjoying himself and what he had walked in on. Dick mentally kicked himself for not just grabbing her and kissing her as hard as he wanted to.
"I'm sorry, did I just interrupt something?"
Dick growled. "You have this uncanny ability of positioning yourself in the most annoying of places."
"Hey now, I'm happy for you two kids. It's about time you made a move on her." He was watching for that long?
Dick sighed and sunk into his chair. "Well thanks to you and your impeccable timing I have no idea if she feels the same way."
Dick was shocked to hear Lew let out a loud laugh. He glared at him. "Dick, seriously, are you blind?" Lew sat down in front of him. "She visits you all the time, she turns down an advance by her best friend, and I don't know about you, but when was the last time you saw a man get close enough to her to be able to plant one on her?"
Best friend? "Sergeant Clarke?"
"Yes, Sergeant Clarke." Lew looked at him, with a dumbfounded look on his face. "Come on, Dick. Tell me you aren't so blind that you haven't noticed how awkward it is between them?"
"Of course I've noticed. I just didn't think it was because of something like that though." That would explain why he looked like he was going to break my neck on Saturday night.
Lew shrugged at him. "Saz said that other day that he was one of her best friends, but a line had been crossed. What else would it mean?"
Dick raised his eyebrow at Lew. "You don't actually know this for sure?"
"Again, stop being so blind." Lew leaned forward and rested an elbow on his knee. "Who cares anyway. She likes you, Dick. Anyone can see that." Lew shook his head and chuckled. "Man, are we lucky you don't work in intelligence."
Before Dick could answer there was a knock at the door. It was Sergeant Clarke. He looked very grim, and very serious. "Captain Winters, if you have a moment I'd appreciate a word."
Dick looked at Lew, who was clearly thoroughly interested in getting in on the scandal. Dick tilted his head and glared at him, and he quickly got the message that he should be leaving. "I'll leave you boys to it, shall I? No doubt you have some important business to attend to." I could really hurt him right now.
Lew left as quickly as he had arrived, and Sergeant Clarke was soon sitting in his place on the chair in front of Dick's desk. "How can I help, Sergeant?"
"Roo. And it's about Sarah." Well he cuts straight to the chase. "I need your help."
What is he scheming? "Oh, and what, you're recommending she should get transferred?"
Roo stared at him, unwavering. "I'm not here to get into an argument with you. Nor am I here to cause trouble. I'm here to be honest with you. I know Sarah wouldn't bother with you if you weren't a decent man, and I need your help."
Dick was starting to get annoyed. What was he getting at? "Okay then," he leaned back into his chair, "cut to the chase." He paused. "Sergeant."
"I'm sure you know how I feel about Sarah." Yes. Although that was the final confirmation. Dick could feel the jealousy burning through his body. "And I'm sure you also know that she doesn't want me. But, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love her. I can't just turn that off."
Despite that revelation, the jealousy still burned. Dick couldn't help but be distrustful, and a little territorial. How is this not causing trouble? "Are you telling me to back off, Sergeant?"
Roo glared at him. "If I did, would you?"
"Not a chance."
"Then no."
Silence. The tension was thick. "Captain, we are two very different people. But there is one thing we have in common. Sarah." Dick could feel Roo eyeing him. He could also feel his blood pressure rising. "She needs a break from all of this."
"And you think I can help?"
"I know you can. I've heard that there could be a chance for her to get away for a few days. With Captain Ryan a couple of days off arriving, I need your help to organise it. I don't have the authority to do it myself." Dick could see Roo clenching his jaw, and his knuckles were turning white as he gripped the chair. He was clearly not enjoying being forced to ask Dick for help.
Dick's eyes narrowed. "You want me to organise a pass for her to go to Paris?"
"Yes."
More silence. More tension. Suddenly Roo stood. "If you are anywhere near good enough for her, then you will make this happen." Roo walked to the door, as he went to turn the handle, he stopped and looked back at Dick. "By the way, Captain?"
"Yes?"
"If you ever hurt her, I'll break your neck." And then he was gone.
Dick sat there, in silence. Well, it has definitely been a morning of revelations.
Paris, 6th December, 1944
Later in the day on the 4th, Saz had gotten word that she was to take leave in Paris for 48 hours. She was taken aback at first, but was secretly very happy. It gave her some time to think and reflect in a new environment. Maybe that would give her some new insights.
The train ride into Paris had been a bit bumpy, in more ways than one. Before she left Mourmelon, Luz had managed to track her down and hand her a package. It was from home. She had been very shocked when she saw the postmark. Luz had obviously realised its importance based off her reaction because he suddenly morphed from a joker into much needed counsel, and had asked her if she was okay. Such a good friend. She was lucky that she hadn't lost him, too.
She had sat staring at it ever since he had given it to her. It peeked ever so slightly out of the top of her bag. Teasing her. Every few minutes she glanced at it, far too scared to look inside it. It was almost as if it was Pandora's box. She knew that by opening it she would find good, but at the same time it would be causing her to face all the bad.
Once at the hotel, she decided that she would leave it there. This next 48 hours were for her to figure herself out, on her own. Whatever help or hindrance that package would give, it was an obstacle to tackle later. One step at a time.
She had been sitting on some stairs, overlooking a small canal, when a familiar face had appeared before her. Dick. She smiled widely at him. "Fancy seeing you here."
He grinned at her. "I suspect Lew and Harry had a hand in it."
She nodded. He sat down beside her. "Enjoying Paris?"
"Honestly?" He asked. "Not particularly. I don't know, it just doesn't seem like a place you should be by yourself."
"Ah, but you're not alone. I'm here."
"So you are."
They sat in relative silence for a few minutes, each in their own head space. Suddenly, her thoughts seemed more relaxed. Just having the company made her feel at ease. She smiled ever so slightly, but it was caught by Dick. She chuckled. "It's nothing."
More silence. It was relaxing. "Where are you staying?" she asked him.
"Not too far from here, actually. I suspect you're in the same place."
"The one with the pretentious French doorman?"
He laughed at her. "I think you have just described most hotels in Paris."
She joined in. "Okay. Dumb moment. It's about two blocks away, with the blue roof? Room 112."
"Room 231."
"The name of the hotel escapes me. Me and the French language don't see eye-to-eye."
"I had always thought that people who knew more than one language found learning others quite easy."
"Well, I suppose that's true. I don't know. I understand it okay, I just don't get the pronunciation, I think." She threw a small stone down the stairs.
"Was it hard learning two languages?"
She smiled at him. She liked that he was interested. "No, not really. It was just part of everyday life. It wasn't like we'd have an 'English speaking hour' and then a 'Maori speaking hour'. It was just interwoven into the very fabric of my upbringing, I guess. I'm lucky in that way. I have gotten the best of both worlds."
"How so?"
"Well, my grandmother is actually Irish." Dick looked at her. "I know! Who would've thought? Actually," she leaned into him, "it probably explains my love of the alcohol." They laughed. "So yeah, I'm really quite blessed."
"Do you write home much?" Automatically she felt tense. Dick noticed and put his hand on her arm. "Sorry, are you okay?"
She took a deep breath in. "Yes. Sorry, awkward subject." She peered at him. "I think I've told you my brother was killed." He nodded. "Well I, I maybe haven't written home since then."
She looked sheepishly at him. What she found was not someone passing judgement, but a face full of concern. "I'm sorry to hear that. Can I help?"
How is it possible for someone so selfless to exist? "You're helping right now. It's a relief to actually just hear the words spoken out loud."
He nodded. Sarah sensed that he wanted to say something but was holding back. She threw a pebble at his head, and grinned when he looked at her. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"Is this a challenge?"
"I'm not sure. Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll win." Her smile got wider.
He chuckled at her. "You shouldn't be so cocky. After all, you're wearing heels and a skirt."
"And who is the cocky one now?" She made a noise of mock disgust. "I'll bet tomorrow's breakfast that I can beat you back to the hotel."
"You're on."
Sarah didn't need to hear Dick's answer. She was already up and gone, running down the picturesque street, dodging people. "Hey!" She could hear Dick in the background. Running faster, her feet wobbled a bit, but she used an American soldier to steady herself as she continued sprinting. "Thank you!" She yelled at him as she sprinted past.
She could see the blue roof of the hotel. Suddenly she felt two strong arms grab her around the waist, turning her around, before letting her go. She laughed. Nice to know he can be mischievous when he needs to be! Refusing to give up, she quickly whipped off her shoes and managed to catch up with him just as he hit the hotel foyer.
Puffing, she hit him on the arm. "You cheated."
"Oh what, don't like it when people don't play to the rules?"
She stuck her tongue out at him. It was so exhilarating, just letting go and being well... silly. She leaned on him and started to slip her heels back on. "You have to admit it though, I'm pretty good at running in heels." She gave him a wink.
He chuckled and shook his head. "Okay, you got me there."
Sarah fumbled with her heel, and leaned closer into Dick. She felt his strong arm wrap around her waist from behind in order to steady her. It felt so right. For the first time in a while, she felt very free. It was almost as if she had shed her skin. Once the heel was on, she stood, with Dick behind her. His arm was still wrapped around her middle. She didn't want to move.
She watched in front of her at a soldier and a woman, had emerged from the hotel bar, drinks in hand. They were both very clearly drunk. All of a sudden, the women wobbled on her heel, and her wine went everywhere. Sarah grinned and shook her head at the events unfolding in front of her. The alcohol was all over the soldier, and his companion was busy attempting to dry it off fruitlessly. She let out a small giggle, which was unfortunately loud enough for the couple to hear. The woman looked at her and gave her what could only be called a look of death.
She laughed. "Is my death stare that good?"
She felt Dick lean into her, and he whispered in her ear. "Much better!" He grabbed her arm and dragged Sarah up the stairs, away from the angry glares of the couple. When they got to the top, Sarah's giggles turned into a laugh. She broke free from Dick's arm.
Holding her hands up in surrender, she attempted to stifle her laughter. "Boy, that serves as the perfect reminder as to the perils of alcohol! Not that I'm short of lessons on that front, of course. It was bad enough in Mourmelon, let alone that night in Aldbourne, can you imagine the kind of trouble—"
She stopped suddenly and looked at Dick. Oh crap, that came out so wrong. The look on his face was heartbreaking. It was clear that in one foul swoop she had managed to dismantle their last few hours together.
"I—" She put her hands on her head and grimaced. I didn't mean that. Dick's face was full confusion. "Oh lord, I'm sorry. Good night Dick."
And she bolted. Made a beeline straight to her room. Ran away. Fast. Leaving Dick standing there.
She entered her room, shut the door, and then leaned against it. Her breath was shallow and fast. Why did I just say that? And why did I just run away? I thought I wasn't doing that anymore? She ripped off her jacket, and sunk to the ground. Putting her head between her knees, she took a deep breath in. I don't regret it. That night in Aldbourne, despite the ensuing madness, was a good thing. The hurt look on his face kept replaying in her head. I have to tell him that it wasn't... it wasn't a bad. That I wanted it as much then as I do now.
But Sarah was scared. Her old confidence had been completely stripped away from her during the last few months. The weather of war had eroded away any sense of self. Here she was, frightened to share her true feelings with a man who was everything she had ever wanted.
She took a shaky breath in. Remember the Man in the Arena. And let the breath out.
Solid breath in. Concentrate. Smooth breath out. Relax.
Deep, smooth breath in. That's it. Relaxed, smooth, and confident breath out. Beautiful.
She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, but it felt like it had been a while. She lifted her head up, and stood with a sense of purpose. Before she walked out the door, she checked herself in the mirror, and attempted to calm her hair down. Satisfied, she strode out of her room and up the stairs towards Dick's. With every step she took, she felt a little bit lighter. That was, until she saw his door, where the crashing realisation of what she was about to do came down upon her.
Just breathe.
She knocked on his door. There was no answer.
She knocked again. Damned if I went through all of that to not have him be here.
No answer.
She sighed and turned away. Lost in her disappointment, she didn't hear the door open. "Sarah?"
She stopped and turned back. Behind the door stood a half-clothed Dick, water dripping off his hair and onto his face. She couldn't help but admire what was in front of her. He was quite the specimen. Suddenly aware of his gaze, her face started going red. "Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to disturb."
"No, it's fine." He motioned her towards him and the room, concern showing on his face. "Are you okay?"
She stepped past him and into the room. No? "Yes." She turned to face him. "I wanted to explain about before." She blurted out. "About what I said. About that night in Aldbourne?" Spit it out, Price.
He nodded.
"It's just... It wasn't... bad." Oh god, he makes me so tongue tied. She looked at him and smiled shyly. "I don't regret what happened." He stood there, staring at her with such intensity. She took a sharp breath in and looked away. "Ah, well, I uhm, I probably shouldn't keep you for much longer."
She walked towards the door. Just as she went to grab the door knob she felt a hand grab hers. Dick pulled her back to face him. He sat there, staring at her. "I do regret that night."
A sharp pain struck her in the chest. He must've had seen the look on her face because he smiled and pulled her closer.
His voice was soft. "No, it's not like that." He reached out and cupped the side of her face. "I regret being a coward. I let you get away." He inched closer. She could feel the heat radiating off him. "I can't let that happen again."
Their bodies were touching now. She could feel the water on his chest dripping down her shirt. She bit her lip, and looked away. Dick kissed her on the top of her head. Her eyes met his. Any apprehension she felt melted away. He leaned in.
His lips were soft.
Dick wasn't even going to answer the door when he heard the knock. He couldn't help but think to hell with them all. But fortunately, that little voice in his head won him over. Any attempts at rebellion never seemed to last with him.
He was had been confused by what Sarah had said earlier. They had gotten so close over the last couple of months and so he had been taken aback at the comment. But after the bath had relaxed him, and he had replayed the scene over in his mind, he could see that she didn't mean it. Certainly not in the way it had come out, at least. The look of pure horror on her face after she realised how it sounded was enough to convince him of that.
She had looked so vulnerable when he opened the door. She had attempted to put on a brave face, but he knew her well enough now to see through that. Nervous, embarrassed, and fidgety. Her flaws were her perfection. And it only made him want her.
He couldn't let her run away again. Be a man. He pulled her close to him. He could see her chest heaving. "I do regret that night."
A look of deep pain and sadness flashed in her eyes. He put his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "No, it's not like that." Lord she is so beautiful.
He stared into her eyes, and reached out to her face. "I regret being a coward. I let you get away." Only foolish men can't recognise a good thing when they see it. And only foolish men would let that good thing get away. "I can't let that happen again."
The touch of her body against his sent electricity through his veins. The water in his hair and on his skin was dripping everywhere. But he didn't care. What he cared about was right in front of him. Sarah bit the side of her lip and looked at her feet. He smiled. The fact that he had the ability to make such a strong woman shy thrilled him. Give in to it.
Her hair smelt like jasmine. He ever so slightly kissed her on the top of her head. The next thing he knew she was staring at him. He leaned forward, and captured her lips on his. He kissed her softly, tentatively, gently. She tasted so sweet. So real. His. Just let go.
He instinctively found himself pulling her closer, one hand wrapped around her perfect frame, the other tangled in her hair. Sarah's response to this was to part her lips, giving him permission to kiss her with more urgency. He pressed his mouth harder on hers, and he felt her tongue touch his. Sarah had wrapped her arms around his neck, and pushed herself closer to him, her hips grinding against his. Lose control.
Lifting her up, he felt her skirt ride up as he slid his hands up her thighs. They crashed against the wall. A small gasp escaped her lips. They both pulled at the buttons of her shirt, fumbling. She let out a giggle. He grinned and kissed her, stifling it. Despite the arms and legs flailing everywhere, and the continuous crashing of heads, they did, between them, manage to discard her skirt and shirt.
He stood back ever so slightly and took the sight of her in. His breath caught in his throat. He couldn't help but just stare. Here was perfection, standing in front of him. His hands lightly brushed her skin, following the curve of her shoulder, collar bone, breasts. His thumb rubbed around the lines of a long scar on her abdomen.
"Playing soldiers with my brother," she smiled at him. "I won."
He smirked at her. Of course.
Sarah leaned in and rested her forehead on his. "Is this really happening?" She whispered.
His eyes locked with hers. "Only if you want it to," He whispered back.
"Always."
He kissed her again then. But this time, more intensity than lust. This was the explosion after the slow burning fuse had been lit in Aldbourne. Pent up emotion. Passion. The intensity of it was so liberating. The freedom to discard the worlds, and his own, view of himself and how he should act. All he knew was that right now he wanted her. He needed her. And she needed him.
And for this one moment, nothing else mattered.
Oh. My. God. I actually wrote that last bit about 3 weeks ago. Do you hate me for not sharing sooner? I hate myself for not sharing sooner. Anywho. Of course, the rollercoaster isn't over. In fact, if anything, it starts to get a whole lot more interesting!
Reviews are love.