And now, it is time for…

Nut Reviews.

With Wade Wilson, a.k.a. Deadpool.

Tonight's review:

Author Fighters: The Burst Soldier by DW64

"HOLY CRAP, THIS IS THE GREATEST FIC EVER!" Deadpool said, bolting in front of the camera.

"So, there's this guy called DW64, only he's not CALLED DW64 anymore. NOW, he's a jerk mercenary."

"Honestly, who would go into that line of work? Who would just go around, killing for money, cracking stupid jokes, and cause nothing except aggravation?"

"Oh, right. Me. I retract previous statement."

"He WAS called DW when he was in the Author Fighters, but he left and went by his name: Darren Wong."

"Not to seem stereotyping, but Singapore makes some odd names."

"And there's this Darkside, called Crow, who's paying Darren to make sure a shipment comes through."

"Only Darren is suspicious and begins working BEHIND Crow's back!"

"He then meets this hot chick, Tifa Lockhart!"

"I MET A HOT CHICK ONCE! But she kicked me in the nuts, spat in my face, drove her heel into my face, and called me a jerky pervert."

"And, get this! HE MAKES OUT WITH HER!"

"Cloud would have your HEAD for that, if this was in the Final Fantasy universe, anyway."

"I will BRAVELY go where no man's gone before! AND I'LL GLADLY DO IT AGAIN!"

"Anyway, Darren gets captured by the police and they hauled his carcass off."

"THAT'S for becoming a mercenary!"

"Why am I bad-mouthing my own profession? I have NO IDEA!"

"Anyhoo, MistressofDawn finds him and bails him out! He then says that he'll rejoin the Author Fighters, taking up his title of DW64!"

"FINALLY, a wise career move!"

"I'm gonna stop being a mercenary and become a speech writer for Ron Paul…"

"NOT!"

"So, he travels with Tifa and comes across this moron, who's Tifa's DAD!"

"Tifa's dad threatens his own daughter to leave DW and help him with the shipment."

"But DW doesn't like that AT ALL!"

"He's like…"

"Let Tifa go!"

"And Mr. Lockhart is like…"

"No!"

"DIE!"

"But then Crow shows up and DW decides to fight HIM instead!"

"Then Tifa SHOOTS her father!"

"YES!"

"I wish I could shoot MY father!"

"If he wasn't DEAD already…"

"So, the Author Fighters come up and take away Crow."

"Be thankful that Cloud didn't show up, Darren."

"This is Wade Wilson saying…TIPS! GIVE ME TIPS! Come on! I won't tell Cloud!"

With apologies to DW64…and Cloud Strife.

Personally, I think Author Fighters: The Burst Soldier was good.