Shizuo grabbed Izaya by the furry collar of the jacket and lifted him off the ground easily.
"You fucker! How dare you!"
"Now, now, violence solves nothing. You should know that already-"
"Shut up!"
Shizuo shook him forcibly.
"Why all the hostility, when we got along fine in bed. Honestly now."
"Fgfhfg!"
Shizuo was past coherent speech.
"I hate that I have to threaten you, I really do"
"Liar!"
"-but if something happens to me the footage will go viral. For the whole world to see!"
Shizuo dropped him but Izaya landed gracefully and with a bow, even.
"I hope you die!"
"Ah, I know you don't mean that. Aren't you happy that the truth is out now? Looking back at all the years we spent locked in misunderstandings, so sad. But all is well now."
Shizuo strongly disagreed. This meant that Izaya had plenty of ammunition to use against Shizuo. A lose-lose situation.
"You're just going to blackmail me for the rest of my life."
"That doesn't mean anything, Shizu-chan. I blackmail everyone! Doesn't mean I don't love you."
Shizuo choked.
"Love?"
"Why, yes. We are very compatible in bed, too."
"Will you stop harping about that! You don't have to tell me every single thing anymore!"
Izaya nodded.
"True. I don't have to but I want to."
"See! This is what is wrong with you, you're obnoxious on purpose!"
"But not obnoxious enough to make that video public. Unless you make me, Shizu-chan. And you don't want to do that, neh?"
Izaya's smile was glorious. Shizuo could have throttled him.
"Fine. What do you want?"
"Do you really need to ask? It should be obvious."
"How can I possibly know! Since you have a dirty mind I bet it's something- naughty."
Shizuo hated himself for blushing and of course Izaya had to giggle.
"'Naughty', that's such a cute way of putting it. Of course I want hot sexy times with you."
"I knew it!"
Shizuo pointed at Izaya to express his outrage. Izaya sighed in mock disconsolation and shook his head.
"Shizu-chan, things like this show that we have trust issues. First you claim you don't know then you make a point of saying you did know. It's almost as if you don't trust me."
"I don't trust you! Besides, why do you want to do this and that- we already did that!"
"That was then, this is now. Besides, who in his right mind would settle for a one night stand when the sex is that good?"
"You can find someone else, you and going to gay bars like the loose person you are."
Izaya sighed anew.
"I wish you were unable to lie again. But you can believe I am telling the truth when I say that you are the best I ever had and I've had plenty. I will never find anyone with greater skills. Not to mention I love you, let's not forget that."
Shizuo's blush deepened. He could not help but feel flattered, uneasy and embarrassed all at the same time.
"Stop saying that, you only love yourself. You're just in for the sex, you're a, a, what's the word, nympho….something!"
"The word is 'nymphomaniac' and it only applies to females."
"Don't care, you got no morals."
"Gee and you're the epitome of virtue. Could have fooled me!"
"IZAYA!"
"I can hear just fine, no need to shout. Anyway! Since you're complaining so much we'll do something new. And totally different."
Shizuo eyed him with obvious suspicion.
"Like what?"
"Can't tell you. It'd ruin the surprise."
"I fucking hate you."
"Good thing I know better than to take that at face value."
Shizuo flailed angrily.
"Didn't I also tell you that I hated you? You pick and choose what the hell I say!"
"So you did but Shizu-chan, I already knew about the hate and all that. It's old news, you know? But it's all cool, can channel it into delicious hate sex."
"How fucked up is that?"
"It wonderful. Adds zest to our relationship. It'll never get boring, that's for sure!"
"One of these days I swear to God I'll kill you."
"See? I rest my case. Cheer up!"
Izaya proceeded to skip around Shizuo.
"Will you stop jumping like a flea! You're making me dizzy!"
"With my sex appeal?"
"….no."
"You really should try telling the truth of your own volition, Shizu-chan. It would make your life so much better."
"Yeah, right…like hell it would!"
"The truth liberates."