Invisible
A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated! Well, I'm kind of scared to post another songfic because I got practically no feedback on how I did last chapter with Dear John, but here I am! It took me a little while to decide which of these two songs to do for a different fandom and which one for this one, but I decided to pick Invisible by Big Time Rush because it fits Cammie better. And I'm not gonna put the chorus In till the end. So, without further ado…
I pulled the blanket I had brought with me to my secret spot tighter around me as a flash of lightning lit up the sky and another crack of thunder made the school sound like it was going to come crashing down any second. Even if I know that's impossible, I still thought that. It's also why it makes my entire life, my school, everything. It just makes it feel so… tiny.
It's kind of like the Gallagher Academy is my whole world and for that to be a girl's whole world, it's small, trust me. And when a teenage girl's world is that small, it makes her feel so…unloved…so ugly compared to all the other bright girls in the school who are noticed while she's just the invisible chameleon.
And whenever-well, if you're reading this you probably, you probably know, but even though thunderstorms freak me out, that's when I always think and let my mind wander. But, I recall that whenever we had group talk or one of Ms. Dabney's newly implemented trust exercises that involved telling our secrets since these were our future coworker's, including the infamous boy, Zachary Goode.
Every time it was my turn in those exercises, it was like my entire sisterhood forgot that even a chameleon has secrets. In fact, she has secrets that eat her inside out all the time. Secrets that she puts herself on the line to tell, but then never gets to go through with it.
And Zach. Don't even get me started with Zach. Ever since that one kiss the day Blackthorne left us, I've been like a stranger to him. It's like I'm not even there. He acts like the kiss never happened. Macey says its because he's afraid, but honestly? When is Zach Goode ever afraid? I'll believe when I see it…well, actually when I hear it.
I mean, I walk by Zach and practically every other girl in the Gallagher Academy each day. My mother is the headmistress, for crying out loud. Am I seriously invisible to them? Do they even think one thought about me when I see them? Another clap of thunder echoed through my small room as I leaned back against one of the silk pillows on the window seat.
Do you ever wonder
When you listen to the thunder and your world just feels so small.
Put yourself on the line and time after time
Keep feeling inside that they don't know you're alive.
Are you on their mind or just invisible?
You know, I always think when I'm doing a CoveOps assignment or when operatives from MI6 or the CIA come to visit, I wonder if I'm on the edge of doing something big, becoming a legend like my father. Am I about to earn a spot in one of the coveted organizations? And then sometimes, the CoveOps assignment will fail or the agents will just look at me and not even notice, or pick out Bex instead of me to do something for them.
I love Bex, don't get me wrong, but it's time like those I just mentioned that I just want to quit. I just want walk away from all this spy business, no matter who my mother and father and aunt were. I just want to be normal at the ranch in Nebraska with Grandma and Grandpa. I get so afraid of being a disappointment to my father, to my family name.
And it's on those nights, after that failed CoveOps exercise, or that being overlooked, that I'll come out here and I'll try to figure it out. Do I take the risk of everyone shunning me after? Should I tell my mother how I feel? No, she wouldn't understand. Should I talk to Bex, Liz, and Macey? No, they'd say anything to make me stay. Should I open up to Zach? No way, he doesn't even think I exist anymore. Or should I just get up on a table during lunch and tell everyone how I feel about everything and stop being treated like a ghost.
Do you ever think of
What you're standing at the brink of,
Feel like giving up but you just can't walk away.
And night after night always trying to decide
Are you gonna speak out or get lost in the crowd?
Do you take a chance or stay invisible?
And I could never ever ask anyone to help me do that. The only person who is actually persuasive towards girls I know is Zach and there is no way he'd help one of us do that. Especially me, the ugly, indecisive girl. I mean, I do remember one period of time when he would always try to help me with anything and everything, but I kept pushing him away, waving off his worried questions, pushing by his outstretched hand in P&E, and I suppose it is kind of my fault for making our relationship this way, but I don't think I'd be able to fix that now.
And suddenly I heard a noise. I quickly reached for the Swiss Army knife my father had given me, where it was tucked inside…Zach's jacket pocket. Don't judge me! No one knew about this place and if someone was coming, they did not in any way belong here. My hand hovered over the knife handle as I heard the secret door at the end of the tunnel slide open and my fingers grasped the metal.
"Put the knife down Gallagher Girl," a voice said to me before I could even see the person. But I knew only one person called me that and a clap of thunder followed by another lightening flash confirmed that it was Zach. I reluctantly dropped the handle and tugged at my blanket again as he entered.
"What do you want?" I asked, not in the mood to hear what he had to say after all my wandering thoughts about being invisible. To be honest, I'm surprised Zach even saw me in this small space.
"I want to talk to you," he said simply, causing me to groan inwardly at his non-too-wordy answers. I opened my mouth to ask him why the heck he wanted to talk me, but he beat me to it. "And don't ask me why, just listen to me." He sat down on the other side of the window seat, looking at me as the rain continued to fall outside the window.
"Cam, why won't you talk to me anymore? Why won't you let me help you with even the smallest darn thing?" Zach asked, cutting right to the chase and bewildering me for a moment before I caught myself.
"Zach, no one sees me, so why should you? I'm an invisible, ugly chameleon who can't do anything right and is too afraid to tell anyone how she feels," I burst out before covering my mouth in shock and turning away for two reasons. A) I didn't want to see Zach's face or watch him walk out and B) I didn't want him to see the tears that had entered my eyes.
I waited for a couple minutes and when there had been no sound, I thought Zach had left without me even knowing. But when I blinked away my tears and turned around, he was still right there, his emerald eyes staring at me.
"You know, I can see you. You are in no possible way invisible, even if you are the chameleon," he finally told me. "Cam, I don't understand," he cut me off again. "I don't understand why won't just let me help you, take the hand I'm offering you." He ran a hand through his hair and I could tell he was concerned. I didn't understand why, but he was.
"Zach, you don't have to pretend to care," I choked out, feeling the tears coming on again. "I'm used to it. No one notices the ugly girl or listens to her." I turned away again, watching lightening streak across the sky and tears stream down my face before I felt warm all of a sudden.
The warmth was body heat because in a second, I felt his chin on my shoulder.
"Please don't cry," he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around my body. "See? I can see your tears, too. You're not invisible and you never have been," he soothed. When I turned my head slightly in order to see his eyes, he gently pecked my lips, shocking me before pulling away.
"Oh, and you're not ugly," he added as we turned to watch another lightening flash streak across the dark night sky. "You're beautiful."
Gotta look far, I'll be where you are.
I wish you could see what I see.
So don't ask why, just look inside
Baby, that's all you need
And I don't understand why you won't(you won't)
Take my hand and go, 'cause you're so beautiful.
And every time that
Oh, when the lights go down in the city
You'll be right there shining bright.
You're a star, the sky's the limit
And I'll be right by your side.
Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me
Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible.
A/N: I don't like how this came out, but I felt bad not updating and please review guys! This chapter and last chapter? I'll try to update before I go on vacation Sunday, love you guys!