Chapter 10: The end of the tunnel

Beeping sound.

White light.

Needles.

Veins.

Pain.

Is this what death is like? Have I reached the end of the tunnel?

"Miss Vause can you hear me?"

Am I going crazy? I really don't know anything anymore. If there is a god I should have met him or her by now, right?

"Mam' can you hear me?"

Mom, is that you? Can you hear me? I try to form the words that are laying on the tip of my tongue. Nothing comes out. My muscles are soar, I can't move. Everything hurts.

"Alex?"

For a second there is a hand on my cheek. It's a faint feeling. I'm being slapped. It doesn't hurt though. Maybe someone is trying to wake me up. I want to respond but I can't. I let myself drift back into the darkness, the warm familiar feeling of nothing.

It seems to have taken forever, but when I'm ready, I open my eyes. Slowly. Carefully. The sound of people passing by fills my ears. The smell of iron hangs in the air. The muscles in my neck come to life and I try to move my head. But, it doesn't work. I still can't move an inch. My body is stiff.

The sight is blurry, the tears and my bad vision make it impossible to decipher where I am. I move my hand and feel around. The needle in my hand stings. I'm scared.

"Welcome back miss Vause." The friendly male voice sounds unfamiliar. "You scared us. We weren't sure if you would wake up. You're in the general hospital of Kep. I advise you to lay still. Your stomach is completely bruised. We intubated you to be sure that you're able to breath. I think it's best if you try to go back to sleep. You need the rest."

…..

I have endured a full week of pushing buttons for morphine, swallowing pills and endless sessions with my kinesiologist. Tomorrow they will let me go, finally. I haven't had any major complications. My stomach is healing rapidly, above everyone's expectations. I can't wait to get out of here. The nurses aren't bad looking but I keep focusing on my delayed plans to return back to the States. I'm not even sure if I'm still allowed to leave.

No one has come to visit. In a normal situation my hospital room would be full of cards and gifts from family, friends and acquaintances. But here, right now, only the white walls stare back at me. The room is not holding one homey feeling. It's all cold and blank. And it stinks of disinfectant, nothing like my rose odour. But why am I even thinking of all of this, nothing is normal, nothing has been for the past 736 days.

I don't remember much from the violence I've suffered. I remember being hit with a metal object. There is also a recollection of a male voice ordering my attackers to back off. I have an idea of whom that was, but I'm not completely sure.

I have been drifting off again cause suddenly I hear a knock on the door.

"Come in."

It takes a few seconds before the door opens. A man appears.

"Glad to see you're still alive."

"I don't feel like thanking you." I shift my position to sit upright in the bed.

"You should." He steps into the room and goes to sit in the chair by the window. "I saved your life Alex."

"Well, you put me in danger in the first place. That's not something I want to be grateful for." A smirk escapes.

"Once a bitch always a bitch I guess."

"Fuck you Yasar. Fuck you."

"No thanks." He uncovers a folder from his jacket. "Anyway, I didn't come here to bicker or to get emotional like I know you lesbians do. In fact, I have some great news. I didn't think that you had it in you but congrats, you are officially free. You served us right, held your part of the bargain. So, since we are no bad guys, we keep our promise. This folder contains your passport, a plane ticket and some cash. You're as free as a bird." He lays the folder on the table in front of him and lays his hand on top of it.

I don't know what to say. All this time I have been living up to this moment and now it's finally here. I can fucking leave. I can go back to my old life and the people I care deeply about. Mom. Nicky. Piper…Pipes, my heart skips a beat.

"You don't have to worry about you're status of being dead, that's already been taken care of. You see Vause, we always wanted the best for you. Don't ever doubt that for a second. Don't you have anything to say?"

"Like what?" For old time's sake, my attitude wins again.

"Don't think that you're such a smart lady. I believe a thank you would be in order."

"Thank you." I push out through my gritted teeth.

"I wish you all the best. Oh, before I forget. I saw your girlfriend the other day." He stands upright and puts his hands on the end of my bed. Leaning on the surface.

"What do you mean?" My nerves are taking over.

"My advice, don't get your hopes up." He starts laughing and walks towards the door.

"What the FUCK do you mean?!" I throw my hands in the air and let them fall. I'm throwing a tantrum.

He stops and turns around. He is laughing in my face. "Let's just say that her love for you wasn't big enough." He thinks for a second before he spits out "She's in a new lesbian relationship. Enjoy the ride Vause."

With that he leaves the room and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

…..

The hotel room is an upgrade that I welcomed willingly. I booked one right in front of the airport so I don't have to worry about city traffic. My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait till I'm out of here. Meeting Yasar this morning nearly knocked me of my feet but I have made the decision that I'm going to pretend like I didn't hear what he said. He has fucked me over a dozen times, I no longer believe any word that leaves his mouth. He always talks big but I've never seen anything come to action.

All the times that I fantasized about returning home I acknowledged the possibility of Piper being in a new relationship. I know that it is a realistic scenario and honestly, I can't blame her. I was the one to leave, I was the one to break her heart and to break her promise. If it weren't for my mom living in New York I think I would move to a different city. I would leave Piper and Nicky alone, they have been through enough. It's not fair for me to turn their world upside down for the second time. But, the reality is that I don't have a choice. I want my mom back and that means that I have to face my best friend and the woman I'm still in love with. I'm going to have to tell them that I'm not dead.

I have no idea how I should tackle my homecoming. Should I just ring the doorbell and let them run straight into my arms? Or should I call first? Is it appropriate to send a letter, explaining what happened?

And how the fuck are they going to react? Will they be angry? Relieved? Sad? Should I leave them in the dark of what happened to me? Would that be a solution? Do they need to hear about the hurt that has been brought onto me? Fuck, I think I'm going nuts. I need answers. I think mom will be happy to see me. Off course she'll be shocked and maybe she'll faint but I'm pretty sure that she'll be glad to see me.

I hope that Nicky's reaction will be like my mom's. She'll probably slap me in the face to check if I'm real but afterwards I can see us sitting on a couch, drinking a beer.

Piper's reaction? That's a whole other story. I'm so scared that I ban that discussion out of my head. There is no way that I can predict how she will act.

It's time to try and relax. I need a drink.

…..

"Another margarita please." It's the third one that I order. Since I'm free, I'm going to enjoy the fact that I can drink as much as I like when I like.

The bar is on the main floor of the hotel. The light is dim and overshadows the place with a yellow cloud. Smoke hangs in the air, people are lighting cigars and cigarettes. There are mostly men sitting around in booths. Some of them are playing darts or are losing themselves in a game of poker. I could join them and kick their asses, easily. But I'm not sure if I'm still as good with conversations and reading body language as I used to be. It's been a while since I used those skills to engage in some legal activities so I decide to stay where I'm, sitting at the bar. I lift my refilled glass and sip. It tastes of Pipes. Memories of our initial meeting are coming up, I will never forget the conversation that lead to us falling in love. But right now I can't take it so once again I lift the glass and toss it back.

"Can I have a beer please, and a shot."

The bartender hands me one of his finest beers and before he gets the chance to set the shot down I take it out of his hands and gulp it down. Soon, the beer follows.

"Rough night?" The man next to me decides to pick up a conversation.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Where are you from?"

"United States." I take another sip.

"Going back there tomorrow?" His French accent surfaces.

"For a stranger you ask an awful lot of questions." I turn my head and look at him. "Let's say that if I were to return tomorrow is then all your curiosity off the table?"

He ignores my comment and goes on. "I'm going back to Paris in the morning. I've been quite lonely this past two weeks, I was here on a business trip. You?"

"Well, you're still the lucky one, I was here for two years." The beer bottle is getting more empty.

"Whoa, why were you here?"

"To pay off a depth." I sigh and place my empty bottle in front of me. I sign to the bartender to get a refill for me and my new friend. He comes back and hands us two beers.

"Thanks. Oh uhm, what's your name?"

"Alex."

"Well, nice to meet you Alex, I'm Thomas." We shake hands and go back to drinking our beers.

"You were saying?"

"Huh?"

"You were telling me your story."

A laugh escapes. "I guess I was. So, as I said, I was here to pay off a depth that wasn't even mine. A friend fucked me over and I was dragged to this part of the world to take care of his shit. Don't hope for any details cause you're not gonna get any."

He nods his head in response but he doesn't interrupt.

"Anyway, I did an awful thing. I left behind my mom and best friend. They think I'm dead you know, they don't know that I'm still alive and breathing. But still of all the fucked up things I've done the worst I haven't uncovered yet." I sigh and take another sip to sooth the pain. "I betrayed the woman that I loved. Well, actually, the woman I love. Cause I still do love her so fucking much that it hurts. So you know…" I lift the sleeve of my shirt and let him take a look at the faint tattoo. The flames are nearly gone but the letters can still be read. "… love is pain."

"Well fuck. And here I thought that my life was messy. Shit, Alex. I don't know what to say." He lifts his hand. "Want another drink?"

We continue to drink deep into the night. At some point I decide that it's a good idea to go to my room to sleep. I want to be presentable when I enter the plane tomorrow.

…..

I wake up after a few hours. It's still early so I decide to stay in bed. My phone is on the nightstand. I reach out and grab it. I roll onto my back and go through my contacts. I pass three important names and decide to click on 'Mom'. Suddenly a rush of nervousness runs through my body. Should I gather all my strength to push the call button?

Several minutes pass as I stare at the bright screen. Deciding whether or not to call her. I really don't know what to do so I sigh and throw the phone somewhere on the bed. I lay my hand on my forehead and rub the skin to relieve me of some of the tension.

It's time for me to stand up. I put on my clothes from yesterday that smell of smoke and alcohol. I take the elevator and go down into the cafeteria to eat breakfast. The breakfast buffet holds plenty of options to choose from. I decide to stick with the regular and take a few slices of bread, some cheese, a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I'm still kind of drunk so hopefully the caffeine will kick in soon.

"Good morning Alex."

I turn around and see Thomas. "Hey Thomas. That's a surprise, I wasn't expecting to see you around. I thought you said that your flight was leaving in the morning."

He sits down in front of me with a filled plate. "That was the plan but I got a call that they need me to stay for an extra few days. It sucks but that's how life is, I guess you have lots of experience considering that topic."

"You could say that."

"I will leave as soon as I have finished my cup of coffee. You? When is your flight?"

"In a few hours."

"Are you nervous?"

"I've never been this scared in my life."

"Let me tell you, I think that your girl will be thrilled to see you again. I mean, who wouldn't be when the love of their life is back among the living."

"I hope you are right."

"And you know, if your fear is true and she is in a relationship with someone you should do everything in your power to win her back. I don't really know you but I do know enough to know that no one can fuck with you." He takes a look at his watch. "Shit, I have to go. It's been a pleasure meeting you Alex. If you ever want to visit Paris, give me a call and we can meet up." He hands me his business card and waves me goodbye as he leaves the cafeteria.

I finish my breakfast and go back to my room to get ready. Once I'm inside I walk towards the bathroom and take a long, hot needed shower. I walk back into the room and search for a bag I picked up after being released from the hospital. I bought some black hair dye and new glasses. It takes me an hour to work myself through the procedure but once I'm done I can't do anything but smile at the reflection in the mirror. Alex Vause is officially back. My glasses are proudly standing on top of my nose. My hair is longer thanks to the help of some overpriced extensions and my coloured lenses are removed, my eyes are as green as they ever were. I'm ready to take on the world.

Next stop will hopefully be the moment everyone is waiting for.

I'm currently having exams so I'm not sure when I will be able to upload. Chapter 11 will be posted this weekend so you can already look forward to that.

As always, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and I will see you next time.