Hello hello! Sorry about the long delay, things have been absolutely CRAZY. To reward you all for your patience and lovely reviews that make me smile, I have included a character I think you'll all remember and appreciate. Enjoy!
**
Gathering what little energy he had left, Bobby yanked Uriel, Sam and Castiel off Dean, who was turning a frightening shade of blue. Castiel began to regain consciousness after being tossed on the floor. He sat up, swaying and cross-eyed but didn't say anything. In fact, he looked like he might have forgotten how.
"Ok, all of you are getting a time out. Uriel, back to the basement." Uriel practically skipped off to the basement, grinning gleefully.
"Anna, you go in the kitchen. Ruby, my bedroom."
"Bow ch-chicka wow woooow," drawled Castiel proudly before falling over again. Bobby scrubbed a hand over his face.
"I really have to talk to Dean about what he says in front of you..." Bobby muttered to himself. "Castiel, you're going in the attic." Castiel nodded sleepily.
"Sam, you're going to go into my reading room."
"Whatever you say Booby." Said Sam, nodding solemnly.
"Dean you," he looked down. Whether from lack of oxygen or just exhaustion, Dean was unresponsive. "can stay right here. What are you idjits waiting for? Get going!" Ruby rolled her eyes and walk upstairs. Anna cast a longing look at Dean's sleeping form before leaving the room. Sam hit the doorframe, but he kept walking and didn't seem to notice. Bobby collapsed onto the couch.
"Um?" Bobby cracked open one eye, silently swearing that if anyone called him 'Booby' one more time that there would be trouble. Chuck the prophet blinked innocently at him.
"What do you want?" asked Bobby, too tired to muster up manners of any kind.
"Erm, it's just," he stammered awkwardly, "I was on that game show, and I got um, injured and uh, have you got an ice pack by any chance?" Bobby almost cried at the simplicity of the request.
"Yeah," he mumbled, eye sliding shut again, "In the kitchen freezer." He didn't hear Chuck leave. But a few minutes later he heard a scuffle and some scared breathing. He kept his eyes shut. If he couldn't see it, then it might go away.
"Bobby," He grumbled when someone poked his arm but didn't move. Should have known that wouldn't work. Poke poke,
"Bobby!" The poking got so insistent that Bobby gave up. Chuck was inches from his face, looking anxious.
"What???" Bobby hissed. He wasn't sure he could survive eighteen more hours of this.
"There's a monster in the kitchen." whimpered Chuck. Bobby groaned and sat up.
"Monster?" he repeated in disbelief. Chuck nodded earnestly,
"Yeah, the kitchen is dark and I keep seeing this shape darting around and making noise. Sometimes I can see its eyes and it says," Chuck gulped, "my precious." Bobby glared,
"Are you intoxicated too??"
"Yes, but that's not the point. There really is a monster in the kitchen!" Bobby sighed and was about to stand when Chuck squealed and jumped on to the couch with him.
"It's there! It's there!" he cried in horror, "It wants Dean!" Bobby looked; Dean was obliviously unconscious on the floor and breathing peacefully. He had his arms slightly flexed above his head and his shirt had ridden up enough to expose his toned stomach. Then he noticed. Chuck hadn't been lying; a shivering figure wearing a cloak was bending over Dean, hands inches from his bare stomach, fingers waggling with anticipation.
"My precious....my precious" it whispered. Dropping Chuck unceremoniously onto the floor, Bobby got up and crossed the length of the room in three steps. He wrenched off the cloak, which was actually his table cloth and glared.
"Anna, what in all the hells do you think you're doing?" Anna's mouth dropped open. She gulped soundlessly for a moment, looking like a fish out of water and then threw herself on top of Dean. Bobby grabbed her arms and yanked her off.
"I... can't... take it anymore!" Anna screeched, thrashing, "Must...touch!" She managed to get a hold of Dean's jeans and rubbed her face against his leg, purring. With an almighty tug requiring strength he didn't know he had, Bobby managed to get her completely off. She struggled in his grasp and even went so far as to bite his arm. That almost worked, but he managed to grab her again, just in time.
"If you don't stop it right now, I'll lock you in the basement with Uriel for the rest of the homework time!" Anna went completely still. Only her brown eyes moved, darting back and forth.
"Tell you what; if you promise to stay in the kitchen, I'll let you look at a picture of Dean."
"Hokayyyyyyyyyyyy" beamed Anna, still sounding scary and looking insane. She skipped off back to the kitchen. Bobby was astonished to see that Dean hadn't reacted at all to being molested; he hadn't even noticed! Dean snored and rolled over. Bobby rolled his eyes but threw a blanket over Dean and tucked a throw pillow under his head. Then he picked up the photo of him and the Winchesters that he kept on the mantle and carried it into the kitchen.
"You've decided to take very very good care of this picture and treat it with the utmost respect." said Bobby, holding it out to her reluctantly. Anna nodded seriously,
"I will." She took the picture and cradled it.
"Good." Said Bobby gruffly, grabbing the ice pack for Chuck and leaving Anna to her business. "Chuck, can I leave you down here and see if I can get some sleep?" Chuck nodded and curled up on the vacated couch, sighing in relief when he took the ice pack.
Bobby trudged upstairs to his room. The lights were off and he collapsed on his bed. With any luck, the patients would fall asleep and be calmer in the morning. Of course, when has Bobby ever been lucky? He was almost asleep when he felt a hand stroking his arm. He froze, hoping it was his imagination. Then he felt someone kiss his neck and begin to nibble his ear. He leapt to his feet and turned on the light. Ruby smiled seductively at him from the bed. Bobby noted that she had abandoned her leather jacket and was wearing a very form-fitting black tank top. Bad Bobby!
"R-Ruby?!?" Ruby stood and slowly approached him. He backed up, but hit a wall.
"You could say that I'm feeling a little...frustrated." She purred. "I'm not allowed near Sam..." This was when Bobby began to sweat. Please don't mean what I think you mean...
"And after all, you did win the title of Hotter Better Dancer. It's too bad I couldn't compete, I've got moves that would blow your mind." She winked impishly at this last comment. Bobby whimpered. Ruby put her hand on his hips and pressed herself up against him.
"I can't believe I never noticed how attractive you are," she breathed. Bobby, now thoroughly uncomfortable said,
"What's that sound? I think Sam is having a shower!" Ruby instantly released him.
"Really? Where?"
"The bathroom obviously. Go have a look!" Ruby threw him aside and bolted through the door. Bobby slumped against the wall, relieved that he had gotten rid of her. What he hadn't anticipated however, was that the shower was actually in use. He heard a high-pitched scream followed by loud footsteps outside his door. Pulling it open wearily, he saw Castiel tear past wearing nothing but a towel, repeatedly wailing,
"I've been violated!" shortly followed by Ruby's yell of,
"I thought you were Saaaaam!"
"Someone shay my name, Booby?" called Sam, from the bottom of the stairs. He jumped out of the way when Castiel ran by him and out the door. Wait, out the door? Goddammit! Sam acted before Bobby could; he darted into the TV room and nudged Dean awake.
"Dean! Dean! Cas has gone missing, we have to find him!" Dean jumped to his feet and fell into his little brother's arms.
"Hmm? Right Cas, gotta find him. Let's roll!" He and Sam swayed drunkenly out the door, heedless of Bobby's shouts.
Now he was really faced with a dilemma; did he dare leave Uriel, Anna and Ruby alone in his house? Did he dare risk them going out in public? He was assaulted by visions of Ruby molesting every man she came across, hulking out if they angered her. He saw Uriel imitating his brother and smiting anything and everything with lightning bolts. Anna he wasn't worried about...unless she found Dean and the picture was no longer satisfactory. Bobby shuddered.
"Chuck, I'm going to find the other boys. You're in charge now. Bye!"
"W-w-what?" Chuck spluttered, but Bobby was already gone. Chuck looked out into the night and Bobby's car, getting gradually smaller in the distance. Chuck began to cry.
**
Castiel had no idea where the heck he was. He had been wandering aimlessly until a man stepped out of a building and reprimanded him for slacking on the job. Bewildered, he had followed the man inside and found himself in a room with four other men. Two of them had towels around their waists and two were wearing robes. One of them nudged him and said,
"Get your head in the game; it's time to go on."
"Go on what?" asked Castiel. Without answering, two of the men linked arms with him and pulled him through a pair of dark red velvet curtains. Castiel blinked sluggishly at the bright lights and winced slightly at the screaming crowd that he couldn't entirely see. The music began and Castiel's eyes almost bugged out when he saw the other men starting to rub up against poles. He stood there, dumbstruck until one of them sauntered over to him and rubbed up against him. He let out a most un-manly squeak, but instinct told him he should play along so...
**
"Sam!" cried Dean, grabbing his brother's shoulder and almost knocking him over. "Look!" Sam looked; it was a sign announcing a Chippendale's performance that night, the theme: bathrobes and towels. Sam and Dean exchanged soulful looks and then took off running.
They burst through the doors, knocking over the bouncers in their haste. When they reached the room of the performance, their worst fears were confirmed. Castiel was on stage doing an odd combination of the Robot and impressions of the other men with a perfectly straight face. Sam and Dean darted through the crowd, shoving women out of the way. Sam picked up speed, he was almost there- a hand reached out from nowhere and grabbed him, yanking him down. Dean didn't notice; he was too focused on reaching the stoned angel. Dean reached the stage, panting,
"Cas!" Castiel's eyes widened in recognition and he knelt down to Dean's level,
"Cas, I'm sho glad you're ok, we have to" Castiel shook his head,
"What you have to do is get your ass up here and dance!" Dean's jaw dropped as Castiel pulled him up on the stage, dumbstruck. Once safely up on stage, Castiel resumed his dirty-Robot dancing. It just looked so funny that Dean began to mimic him. Less than a minute later, Dean was so euphoric that he took Castiel's hand and leapt into the audience. They crowd-surfed happily for a moment and then noticed that Sam was in horrible danger.
The hand drifted on to Sam's rear and he whimpered uncomfortably,
"You remember me don't you?" the old woman purred, giving Sam a tiny squeeze. He winced and shifted out of her grasp,
"How could I forget you, Ms. Case." She tutted reprovingly
"Call me Gert." Sam groaned inwardly,
"Look uh, Gert, I'd love to stay and er, chat, but I really have to get going." He tried to stand, but Gert pulled him back down,
"What could be more important than our love?" Oh no, not the L word... Sam's complexion turned ghostly white when he saw several more women Gert's age turn when she spoke.
"Oh, is this the young man you were telling us about?" one asked,
"He does look like he'd be firm all over." Said another, leering at him. Sam began to sweat, the old ladies were closing in on him; this was about to get awkward!
"Get your hands off my brother, you cougar!" slurred Dean, pointing at the women. The ladies turned on him, looking mutinous.
"Oh, I remember you," said Gert evilly, "Such a rude young man. Ladies?" They glared at Dean, eyes glinting maliciously. Castiel peered out curiously from behind Dean's shoulder. The women stopped in their tracks.
"Oh my, one of the dancers!" swooned Gert, "Get him!" The three men turned and ran. They didn't stop until they were halfway down the street. Sam doubled over, hands on his knees,
"I-I think we're safe now." He huffed,
"Yeah, cougars can't run that fast." Said Dean reassuringly, patting his little brother's back. Castiel looked into the distance and groaned,
"I think you spoke too soon." The Winchesters looked; something was zooming towards them. It wasn't a comet, it wasn't Anna...oh Lordy Lord, it was Gert in a turbo wheelchair! The Winchesters backed up in terror, looking around in panic to see many turbo wheelchairs approaching not far behind Gert.
"What are we waiting for?" screamed Castiel, "Run!!!" They took off running. Sam got an idea,
"Guys! Get into that tree!" Dean looked at it,
"As if I could ever climb that tree!" Dean scoffed,
"Unless you want to be groped, I shuggest you try!" snapped Sam, hanging upside down from a branch. Castiel nodded his agreement and scrambled up the tree. Dean heard a menacing cackle and threw his arms up for Sam and Castiel to take. Together, they wrenched Dean off his feet and into the safety of the branches. Careful not to move or even breathe loudly, they waited.
"We've lost them." Gert sighed,
"We'll find you my pretty and your little Chippendale dancer too." The sound of the turbo wheelchairs slowly faded away. Dean slumped up against the tree. He cast an exhausted but grateful eye over his two companions and noticed something.
"Castiel. Where is your towel?" Castiel turned red and the three of them peered over the branches to the ground. Castiel's white towel lay innocently on the grass. Castiel said nothing. He simply looked at the brothers with his big blue puppy eyes. Sam and Dean looked at each other and played a quick game of rock paper scissors, which Sam won (as usual) Dean grumbled and yanked off his shirt which he tossed over to Castiel. Sam laughed, removing his jeans and handing them to the angel as well.
"Thank you." Castiel murmured, pulling on Sam's too long jeans.
"Sam, is that Tony the Tiger on your boxers?"
"Shut up."
Dean peered over the branches again.
"I think the coast is clear."
"Good," grumbled Sam, "Let's get the hell outta here! The three men swung upside down at the same time and found themselves blinded by a flash. Stunned, they fell out of the tree and landed in a heap. Sam looked groggily up to see Gert holding a camera and beaming. Dean crawled protectively in front of his brother, but was still so strung out and stunned from the fall that his arms gave out. Castiel moved closer to Sam and whispered urgently in his ear. Gert was accompanied by seven other old women, all holding cameras. They were trapped. Gert's smile widened,
"Let's get started."
**
Another chapter completed! I'm sad to say this story will soon be drawing to a close, but by that I mean about three more chapters most likely. I promise y'all to make them as epic and hilarious as I possibly can! Also, I'm not mocking the Chippendale's dancers. Be sure to drop me a review!
Shooshkipoo