A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR REVIEWS! :D I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

if you're reading "from here to Texas" EXPECT AN UPDATE LATER TMROW.
THANKS AGAIN!

"Can I walk you in?" James asked, as he pulled up into Katie's driveway. She smirked, sympathetically.

"I don't think so…"

"But you said your brother's not coming home for a while!" He protested, determined to get inside her house.

"So?"

"And your Grandparents are senile…"

"Yeah, so?"

"And I just… really thought you liked me…"

"Yeah, but…"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She laughed, coming to the realization that her arguments were going to fail her in the long run. James opened the door, then pranced out onto the front steps.

"James!" She hissed, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"Katie!" He said, through a smile.

"No!"

"Yes?"

She huffed, then held up a hand.

"Five minutes. And then you have to go away." James bounced on his heel, in obvious victory.

"Sweet."

Kendall and Logan pulled into the driveway, hardly surprised to hear music blaring from every window, and lights blinking subtly. It didn't seem too crowded, but that didn't mean the party wasn't going to be wild.

The pair walked onto the front porch,

"You wanna knock?" Logan offered, grimacing at the nervous blonde. The text from James increased his excitement along with his anxiety, but already, he wasn't feeling great. Maybe this was a bad idea, he thought.

He remembered being so proud, having convinced his ex best friend to attend a potentially crazy event with him in hopes of demonstrating what a swell guy he'd become, and or getting the boy drunk. Either would be fine, but now Logan wasn't so sure. If Kendall was in fact gay, it wouldn't make a difference, as he still would only look to Logan with an eye of disgust.

There was no way a similar sexual orientation would change his opinion.
But then why would he have come out with me...? Logan tried to convince himself. It was no use, though. While Kendall claimed to come as only a designated driver, Logan knew this was the truth, as his eyes were dead like stone, and his lack of enthusiasm was contagious.

He doesn't want me to die.. It's a start.

Kendall smirked as he made a fist, then rapped against the front door until he heard faint footsteps under the music.

"Oh my god," Gushed the customer, in a metallic purple shirt that was partially undone. He wore sparkly black skinny jeans, and his hair was so shiny and slick, that Logan wondered if someone had tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with his head. "You actually came." Kendall smiled as Logan shifted uncomfortably.

"And who's this?" Jett continued, running his gaze up and down the brunette, intimidatingly. He obviously wasn't expecting the supermarket blonde to show up at his house with another man.

Kendall shrugged, "He likes parties..."

"Well, great!" He said, accepting the answer. "Come on, in!" Kendall and Logan stepped into the house, immediately impressed by the lavish abode. The house was beautiful and expensive, as they could tell from the dimly lit environment. The hallway was cluttered with teens that stood and swayed to the music, classy martini glasses in hand. It didn't appear to be even border line chaotic, just classy, which was an odd change of environment for Logan. The smell of alcohol was faint, though enough to make Kendall nervous.

"How do you two know each other?" Jett asked, standing in between the two as he led them to the heart of the party. He had to shout over the music.

"We work together," Logan answered, having to press himself up to the host's ear to be heard.

"Oh," He replied sloppily, letting on that he was already a bit tipsy. "Why'd you bring him,

"He likes parties," Kendall repeated, awkwardly.

"I mean like," Jett continued, throwing a hand, flamboyantly, "Are you two…."

"Are we two… what?" Logan asked. He knew exactly what the boy meant, but he wanted to hear it, anyway. He wanted someone else to say it. He wanted to hear it, and he wanted to let it run through his ears; he wanted to know if it sounded as ridiculous as he thought it would.

"Like…"

"No," Kendall said quickly. Logan's face fell. "No, not at all, no." Jett released a sigh of relief, while the brunette had to bite into his lip to prevent a reaction. Crap. He thought.

"Oh," Jett smiled. "Well, then," He turned to Logan, sympathetically. "I guess he won't mind if I steal you for the night?"

Suavely, he dropped his hand and slipped it into Kendall's, making the blonde blush uncomfortably.

"Ah…" He mustered, immediately reclaiming his hand, putting it up into his chest.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jett offered, ignoring Kendall's withdrawal.

"I don't drink," He admitted.

"I'd like one." Logan piped up.

"The bars over there," Jett replied, with not a hint of enthusiasum.

"Great…"

Logan spent the night curled up next to a few girls he recognized from school. He couldn't believe what he'd gotten himself into.

Jett and Kendall sat on the other side of the room, talking, hitting it off surprisingly well. Kendall even downed a bloody mary, proud and surprised at how well he could hold his liquir.

"It's not a sin to let loose every once in a while," Jett sneered, dipping a finger into his beverage then drawing it seductively across his lips. Kendall smirked, looking back to see Logan, who didn't apear to be having a terrible time. Their eyes met, and the brunette looked away quickly, pretending they hadn't. He quickly laughed loudly at something a girl next to him had or hadn't said.

Kendall felt his jaw clench; He was a user... an egocentric bitch. How had they ever been friends?

"What are you looking at?" Jett asked, following Kendall's gaze. The blonde shook it off, and turned to face the boy,

"Nothing"

"Him?"

"What?"

"Him. Oh God, he's so queer," Jett laughed, their eyes meeting.

"Who?"

"The brunette….ripped jeans and fitted hat." Kendall choked on air.

"Logan?" He questioned, raising one eyebrow so high, it disappeared into a field of yellow shag.

"Mhm," Jett replied, smugly.

"I seriously doubt it," Kendall hiccupped, counting the girls who'd formed a circle around his ex-best friend. Obnoxious, shallow… yes. But queer?

"Are you questioning my gay-dar…?" Jett asked, with mock incredulity.

"Absolutely."

"He's been looking at you all night!"

"I'm his ride home!" The blonde defended with a sincere laugh.

"…What does that have to do with anything?"

Kendall shrugged simply, then took a long sip of the boy's beverage.

"He's queer." Jett smirked, as he crossed his arms over the table.

"How do you figure?" Pompous, stupid, arrogant, inconsiderate...All the feelings Kendall had used to describe Logan in his diary passage the night of his sister's Bat-Mitzvah came to mind. Queer hadn't been one of them. From what was said around school, Logan was generally stoned, though he wasn't a slut. He was a flirt, yes, but he'd never heard anything romantic about him with a girl OR boy.

Not that Kendall cared, though. It was plainly a reaction to the rumors.

The blonde couldn't help but turn to look Logan up and down. Queer? He looked back to the table, then to Jett, and then deep down into his empty glass. Now his heart way heavy, and his mood had changed, dramatically. Suddenly he was hit by a wave of nostalgia, followed by a pang of regret. Why was he here? And with Logan? Well, technically with, but not at the moment.

Why had he allowed himself to go out?

Kendall shook it off, allowing himself one last look at the brunette. Sure, he missed him. But he honestly had no leftover feelings of attachment or empathy or... anything. He was so uncomfortably cold and numb, that he couldn't even remember how it had felt to have a relationship so meaningful and deep. Today, he sat in crowded solitude, glaring at the brunette, irritated, but not angry. Hurt, but not wistful. He felt nothing but annoyance. No longing, no compassion, no love. His heart was genuinely hollow, and he sincerely couldn't remember a time when it had been full. As the epiphany struck him, he absentmindedly began to down Jett's beverage, dropping it with a clumsy grip when he had finished.

No. He couldn't feel a thing for Logan; He couldn't even recall a time he'd felt for him. In fact, Kendall found it difficult to rekindle the feeling of caring for anyone. He cared for Katie, but out of obligation. At the moment, he could sincerely say he didn't love anyone. But could he? Did he still possesses the ability to… care? And as Kendall met Jett's enthusiastic, vibrant gaze, he realized that he was unable to feel anything for anybody, or anything.

Fuck. He thought in genuine defeat. I've become my mother.

The blonde hadn't realized that Jett had been talking. In fact, he'd been talking for a while. Kendall's heart sped as he watched the boy's lips move up and down, committed to the words they were making. He let his eyes linger on his bottom lip, that was pushed into a slight pout, and creamy under a soft coat of lip-gloss. Kendall wondered what it taste like, and before he could stop himself, one hand was in the boy's hair, and his mouth was touching his.

Jett's eyes fluttered closed, then instantaneously pulled himself closer into Kendall. Their lips moved in sync, gently breaking when Jett fervently thrust his tongue into the blonde's mouth. The background noise and strobe lights dimmed, as the pair found themselves entirely lost in the kiss. Kendall ran his hand down the boy's back, and brought his body closer, quickening the pace on his moving lips. Jett groaned contentedly as he licked the inside of Kendall's mouth,

Logan grinned miserably, as one of the several girls surrounding him accused him of being adorable.

"Ah, thanks." He said, surrendering his attempts at being charming. Kendall obviously wasn't buying it, as the obnoxious host had ruined his plan, entirely. In Jett's defense, it was his party… but this wasn't how Logan had anticipated the evening to play out. He hated the handsome host, and he hated himself for believing that he had any sort of a chance with the blonde. He huffed, turning to his phone, reading the time off the front. 9:45, and no end in sight. It was time to go. He needed to leave. He took a swig from a beer bottle that belonged to someone else, then dug around in his pockets, in search of his car keys.

"Oh my god," the same girl said, smiling off into Jett's direction. Logan ignored her, then groaned as he remembered he had driven with Kendall. He wanted to leave. This was one of the dullest parties he'd ever attended, and he was in a god awful mood. His night hadn't turned out at all like he'd expected. Had he really had expectations? He sighed, humiliated by himself. Reluctantly, he turned to Kendall's table, at the other side of the room.

"Hey Ken—" He began, stopping in his tracks. Past the crowd, Kendall and Jett were making out quietly.

"Oh my God," Logan repeated, feeling his heart fall into the ground. He watched, his jaw on the floor, as Kendall pulled back, lightly. Jett blinked,

"Wow,"

"Sorry," He blurt. The blonde blinked a few times, before his face fell, and his heart began to race. "Oh my god,I'm so, so—"

"I—" Said the boy, equally dazed, "No, no, no. Don't—"

"I don't know why…" Jett held the back of Kendall's neck, lovingly, surprising by the heat that radiated off his off his skin. "I don't, I don't know—I don't know why I—"

"You also find me attractive and interesting, don't you?" Jett smirked, pompously, slowly returning to reality.

"Well, I—"

"Allow me to change attractive to fuckin' sexy." He said, getting excited.

"You d-don't have to—"

"And that kiss was… wow."

"I actually don't know, I mean I—"

"Kendall,"

"I—y-yeah?" The blondes stuttered, unsure of how he should be reacting.

"I like you,"

"You…."

"I like you, a lot."

"I actually—" Jett let his head drop against the blonde's, their foreheads touching romantically.

"I don't know if you have plans tomorrow, but—"

"I do."

"You do?"

"Work." Kendall blurt, collecting his jacket, throwing it over his shoulder. In the distance, he saw Logan's look of absolute shock. He felt his face drown in a deep blush, first from embarrassment, then from self hatred. No one knew he was gay, and he'd just… outted himself in front of dozens of people. While no one seemed too interested in what anyone else was doing, Logan made it obvious that he had been watching them. Alright, Kendall thought, maybe Logan's decent enough to keep it quiet. Right? Again, he wished the two were friends; acquaintances at least, so he could bring it up comfortably...

"Where are you going?" Jett asked, his voice dripping with concern as he pushed himself onto his feet.

"I need to go,"

"What? Why?" He demanded,

"I need to get home for my sister," Kendall fibbed, through crooked teeth.

"I thought you would stay for—"

"I can't,"

"But—"

"I can't,"

"Kendall—"

"Sorry." Said the blonde, entirely packed and ready to leave. "Bye."

"Kendall!" Jett demanded, slamming a fist down onto the table, shaking their empty glasses. "Why are you leaving?"

"My-my-my sister needs me!"

"Is that… the real reason?" Jett pressed on, nervously.

"Yes!"

"I… ok." He surrendered.

"I'm gonna go,"

"Can we exchange numbers first, at least?"

"Oh, right-" The two traded phones, temporarily.

"Can I see you again?"

"I—"

"I really like you. A lot."

"Yeah…"

"Can I call you?"

"Well…"

"Can I call you later?"

"Maybe,"

"Maybe?" Jett repeated, losing his cool. "

"I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I just—"

"Damnit, Kendall," He exclaimed, avoiding the urge to stomp his foot. "Just tell me what the hell I did wrong!"

"Nothing!" The blonde admitted, "It's... it's me, I swear. I just need to go, I'm sorry."

"Kendall!"

"I swear!" He said, walking away as he spoke, "You can call me later."

"Fine," Jett replied, stunned. "Ok, yeah, fine. I'll call you."

Kendall bit hard into his lip as he approached Logan, standing on the other side of the room.

"Well," The brunette mumbled, awkwardly. Kendall glared into the ground. Logan felt strangely comforted by the boy's embarrassment, though he was still bitter and angry. Kendall bit harder into his lip, not ready to talk.

He couldn't explain why he had kiss Jett; Sure, he was attractive, and sure, he was alluring. It was more out of desperation, out of need, then desire or lust. He needed to confirm that he still had the ability to find someone appealing; that he could care for someone, feel something. When their lips met, sure, it was comfortable, and sure, it was nice and sweet as Jett tasted like raspberries and liquor, but there had been nothing beyond the surface touch… for Kendall, at least. And so, when he realized what he'd done, and when Jett expressed his enthusiasm towards the blonde's approach, Kendall panicked, as he had completely forgotten how to love someone, and the thought of relearning was terrifying.

"Would you…" Kendall began, as they pushed through the crowd, out the front door. "Mind driving, do you think?"

"Tipsy, now are we?"

"I don't', I'm not…" Kendall blushed, hanging his head.

"It's fine," Logan reassured, smirking lightly. The fact that the blonde was slightly intoxicated made him feel just a little better, as he might have kissed the boy on a drunken wimp.

"Thank you," The blonde replied gratefully, though increasingly humiliated by how the tables had turned.

Logan sat behind the steering wheel, and keyed the ignition.

"Looks like you had fun tonight," He said, after they'd gotten onto the road. Kendall dipped his head.

"You… you saw… didn't you."

"I did," Logan nodded, both embarrassed and impressed by the fact that James had given him correct information for once. Kendall heaved.

A somber silence lingered, until the blonde finally broke,

"I don't know why I did that," He confided. Logan perked up, impressed that the boy wanted to continue the conversation.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Kendall shrugged. "I don't know why I kissed him. I don't know. I'm not thinking, I wasn't thinking-" Logan noticed that the boy's speech was somewhat slurred.

"So you kissed him?"

"Yeah." Kendal replied, his face an uncomfortable shade of red, "But—but… I. wish I hadn't,"

"Why?"

"Because I don't like him," Logan paused, before pursuing the boy,

"Why not?" He asked, businesslike.

"I don't know."

"But you are…" Logan trailed off, realizing his question was far from appropriate. Kendall blushed,

"I'm gay," He blurt.

"…I figured."

Logan, despite everything, despite the fact that it didn't increase his chances even in the least, still felt his heart flutter.

"So why not…"

"I don't know." Kendall gushed, biting into his lip. A serious silence flooded the air.

"Are you ok?"

"I think I'm drunk." The blonde laughed, to Logan's surprise.

"It seems that we've reversed roles.."

"Did you drink?"

"I told you," Logan lied through his teeth, stealthily avoiding the question, "I don't do that anymore."

"What inspired that decision?" Kendall asked, interestedly. The brunette shrugged, gripping the steering wheel vigorously. You.

"I don't want to live this kind of life, anymore." He confided, seriously.

"Why not? Isn't this what you always wanted?" Kendall asked, with an unintentional harshness. The repressed emotions, stress of the evening, sour tone and alcohol helped the blonde's past anger surface.

"I don't know what I want," Logan lied again. I WANT YOU, DAMNIT, He thought, miserably.

"Stoner's life isn't so glamorous?" Even though the remark was supposed to be painful, Logan laughed.

"Everyone's a fraud," He said, "And I've come to realize that I'm never, ever going to be a doctor if I keep this up."

"Oh,"

"It's just hard. I feel like…" Logan breathed. "It's lonely." He hung his head, and bit his lip before he could say anything more. Kendall sunk back into the thick, vinyl seats, and inhaled through his nose.

"My car smells like chili." He said on an exhale.