Lost Love
Chapter 8
"When are you going to tell him?" Milly asked the blonde who was riding beside her.
"I'm not even sure I'm going to tell him," Cagalli answered.
"He seems pretty happy when he's with Carina," Shiho said.
"Yeah, but…I don't think telling him would be the right decision," Cagalli said. "Do you guys think otherwise?"
"No, we think it's you're decision to make, Cagalli," Shiho smiled.
"Besides, who are we to tell you what to do?" Milly said. "Are you afraid though? I mean, keeping this a secret for so long…"
"No, it's not that," Cagalli shook her head. "It's just that…God, I don't know!"
"By the way," Milly said, dropping the subject but her eyes have an evil look in them. "I heard you met a guy today…"
"Seriously?" Shiho jerked her head. "Was he cute?"
"You guys!" Cagalli can't help but feel heat rising up her cheeks. "It's not like that!"
"Yuh-huh," Milly raised an eyebrow. "And you're not blushing from head to toe."
"Come on, Cagalli," Shiho said, her eyes pleading. "What does he look like?"
"Ahem," Cagalli cleared her throat. "Aren't you two seeing people?"
"This is your love life we're talking about!" Milly said.
"And we're just getting you to admit…some…facts?" Shiho said, a bit uncertain.
"Ok," Cagalli sighed. "Fine…He's good-looking…"
"Athrun-good-looking?" Lacus joined the conversation.
"Um Lacus, aren't you married to my brother?" Cagalli asked incredulously.
"Yes!" Lacus defended. "But hey, you've got to admit, Athrun's gorgeous."
"Yeah," Shiho nodded. "But dumb."
"And stupid." Milly added.
"Damn it," Cagalli cursed. "Why the hell can't I understand you guys?"
They returned their horses after a few laughs and the group decided to head back home and retire early.
Cagalli couldn't sleep though. After rolling about the bed for half an hour, she got up and made herself some tea. Coffee wouldn't do any good since it'll only make her insomnia worse.
She walked outside and looked up at the starry night, sitting on a stone bench. Maybe if she didn't decide to marry that goofball, this would be her engagement. She shook her head and smiled sadly to herself.
"I'm pathetic," She whispered.
She heard a ruffle of leaves and looked back sharply. What she saw was someone with black hair and red eyes.
"Shinn," Cagalli stood up from her seat.
"What are you doing here?" He said, a bit disgusted.
"I couldn't sleep," Cagalli smiled a little. "You too?"
"I don't need to answer you," Shinn spat. "Mind your own business."
Cagalli looked at him and sighed. "You really hate me, don't you?"
"Is it that obvious?" Shinn retorted with sarcasm in his voice. "You killed my family."
"You blame me and my father for their deaths," Cagalli pointed out. "And it's not going to change any time soon, right?"
"…"
"I thought so," Cagalli sighed again. "Shinn, I know you hate me with all you've got but in some ways, we're both the same. I blamed others for my own mistake and look what it did," Cagalli laughed bitterly. "It bit me on the ass."
"Are you insinuating that I killed my own family?" Shinn questioned angrily.
"No," Cagalli said softly. "What I'm trying to say is that you blame others when they have done nothing wrong. And it's worse than that. Your family's death wasn't anyone's to blame at all."
"How dare you!"
Cagalli finally glared at the young man before her. "You told me I never understood anything four years ago, remember? And you were right. I didn't understand some things but know this; you didn't understand so much either. No one understood each other completely because the pain we experienced was different even though it was so much alike."
"You…"
"I already knew my father was going to die," Cagalli said in a small voice. "Yet I couldn't do anything. Do you not know how it feels to just let someone die? To feel so helpless?" Cagalli closed her eyes. "We fought in those wars because we wanted to protect, not because we wanted the glory or because we wanted to kill- certainly not that. Kira and Athrun…and even you…we all wanted to protect because I mean, if given the choice, I wouldn't go out there and risk my life for nothing."
"Then you're nothing but a destroyer…" Shinn murmured to himself.
"What?"
"That's what Athrun said to me…when he was still our commander, trying to enlighten me," Shinn looked up. "'If you're only fighting for the sake of your own righteousness or because it conveniently suits your purposes, then you're nothing but a destroyer…'"
"He's right, you know," Cagalli said. "Do you know why Athrun went back to ZAFT?"
Shinn shook his head.
"It's because he felt useless," Cagalli told him. "There are also times when we felt useless and we couldn't stand it, naturally because we knew we could fight. We had the ability. Why are we wasting time and just sitting around when we could've been of use?"
"We didn't know what to do- what to use all that power for," Shinn said with a small voice.
"But once we do know, we'll be able to make a difference," Cagalli placed a hand on Shinn's shoulder and was glad he didn't shrug it off. "You did, didn't you?"
"I guess…"
"It took me too long to understand, to tell you the truth. And in war and even during peaceful times, there are only questions to ask: what you want to do, what you can do and what you've got to do," Cagalli repeated her own words.
Under the midnight sky, Shinn grinned a little, "You know, it wasn't so bad talking to you, of all people after all."
"Do you still hate me?" Cagalli asked.
"No," Shinn shook his head. "But I don't like you either."
Cagalli chuckled, "Good night, Shinn."
"Yeah, you too, Athha,"
"You can call me Cagalli if you want," Cagalli offered.
"That's not going to happen in a long time…Athha."
Cagalli looked back and shrugged, smiling, "Fair enough."
I hope that Cagalli and Shinn's conversation wasn't very unrelated to the fic at all. I guess I wanted them to reconcile and experience closure. They might not be friends yet but at least they're not at each other's throats, right?
So, I hope you guys liked it.
Thanks for all the suggestions and I'm sure to make use of most of them, if not all. Please keep them coming.
Thanks for all the support as well. As always, please review!
P. S. I'm going to make Kent appear in the next chapter and if all goes well, maybe even the next few chapters.
Oh, and starting the fourth of January, my updates might get slower...it's almost time for school again!