((Another continuity chapter, devoid of flesh. So sorry.))

Chapter 9

I Vowed That Nothing But Death Would Separate Me From You. Nothing. So Go Ahead; Reject Me. Break My Heart All You Want, But Don't Tell Me To Go Away. Because No Matter How Broken, My Heart Still Beats-And So Long As My Heart Beats, I Am Still Yours.

Summer Hols. She comes over after two or three weeks of indecision, after he owls her and asks her very bluntly if she's avoiding him because of their argument. He told her the truth. He just wants his best friend back, don't make a meal of it. Please. The Summer is unbearable without you.

She's very nervous, always watching him for any hint that he loved her still. He grew very good at hiding it, grew very good at pretending he wasn't interested in anything beyond their deep emotional connection.

And even though he wanted so much more of her, even though he wanted so desperately to be her lover, he needed her to be his friend. He needed as much of her as she was willing to give him.

This chapter is most of sixth year. Her interactions with James and her and her friends, school, this numbing haze that is creeping into the edges of his consciousness.

He still plays Quidditch. He refuses to play starting Seeker, preferring the one practice per week of the Reserve Seeker. James wouldn't give it to him, anyway. Not that he'd ever tell Lily that.

He tries his best to separate himself from her, but it's in vain. He convinces himself that he doesn't need or want a connection to anyone else, to avoid the fact that he couldn't connect to the only one he wanted to.

He's forgotten how to look at anyone else, he's too tuned to her. He can't even find women attractive anymore. He can register that they're pretty, intellectually, but it doesn't affect him at all. Even when he wants it to.

He meets a few girls, he's polite and not pushy and he lets them talk about themselves as much as they want. They require minimal prodding, and he honestly couldn't care less what they had to say. Unless they're talking about Lily, of course. He meets a few of Lily's roommates, a few other girls, they're nice enough to him. But they're never going to be important to him. He's never going to see them clearly.

Someone named Bertram Aubrey is mentioned in HBP, James and Sirius inflated her head to twice its normal size.

Severus meets her, takes her to Hogsmeade. Doesn't feel a thing except discomfort. He doesn't want to be here with her, and he doesn't want her to think he does. He's polite, but blunt. She says, "I had fun, we should do that again some time."

He meets her hopeful eyes with an apologetic shake, "We won't."

He invents a few spells to pass the time, uses them on people he doesn't particularly enjoy. Levicorpus (an upward flick. The countercurse is liberacorpus. He has to create this spell earlier. Fourth or Fifth year?), a hex that caused toenails to grow alarmingly fast, a jinx that glued the tongue to the roof of the mouth. Muffliato. It filled the ears of anyone nearby with an unidentifiable buzzing, so that lengthy conversations could be held in class without being overheard.

He's in Herbology conquering gnarled Snargaluff stumps with Remus and Peter, since Lily and James and Sirius had formed another team. They treat him casually, which he is thankful for. He does his business in a quick and efficient manner, writes his report and leaves.

He helps Pomona Sprout-who is their young, dumpy new Herbology teacher-pick fluxweed a time or two, pockets some of it. You have to pick it at the full moon for it to work, and it's incredibly expensive to grow. Once dried properly, it could store for ten years or more before losing its efficacy.

It wasn't used in many potions, but it couldn't hurt to start stocking up on rare potion ingredients.

Before I left to pick fluxweed that night, I stopped James outside the Great Hall. "Potter, I'm going to be picking fluxweed behind greenhouse number 4."

"Why are you telling me? I don't really care, Snape, I've got a lot on my mind and-" he looked irritated about something.

"Fluxweed is only harvested at the full moon; do you understand? I'm telling you to keep a careful eye on your friends tonight, Potter. I'll be out in the grounds, if any of your friends should want to play with me..."

Potter's eyes widened, and he gaped stupidly for a moment, but recovered, "I don't know what you're talking about, you must be mistaken."

"I'm not mistaken. Just keep your friends away from me tonight. I won't ask again. I'll have a wand on me, and I won't be shooting stunners."

Potter shrugs. "Whatever, Snape. I don't know what you're on about, but you'd better not go around spreading rumors about anything." He kept his face impressively neutral.

"Rumors? I've known since third year: Have you heard any rumors yet? But if you don't keep him locked up tonight, the only rumor that'll be spoken of tomorrow is how on earth four Hogwarts students died outside greenhouse number 4. Any other night of the month, I wouldn't care. He's relatively harmless. But he's not harmless tonight. So keep a close watch on him, and don't go wandering anywhere you're not supposed to be. Lily would be sad if anything happened to you."

Potter glared for a frosty moment, and then turned on his heel and stomped away.

Later, I heard howling in the distance. Relax, Remus. You have friends, and they're with you. I just hope you don't get out...Lily would not be pleased if you all died tonight. She cares for all of you, and I care for her.

Fluxweed is one of the ingredients in Polyjuice Potion, which he brews next chapter.

A 7th-year Slytherin named Urquhart bothers him a lot, he isn't sure why. So he tests his new spells on him. Silently, he never catches him at it but he knows anyway.

Golpalott's Laws, first second and third. Ridiculously easy, as mentioned in canon.

He brews tons upon tons of Euphoria, adding just a sprig of peppermint to counteract the occasional side effects of excessive singing and nose-tweaking. He drinks it like coffee, it takes an hour to brew. Makes it on Sundays, drinks it all week. Just to get through the day. Sunshine yellow potion. Rolls out of bed, drinks down a flask. It keeps him from losing any efficiency.

Efficiency. That's what it boils down to; not fixing anything, because there's nothing to fix. There's only managing the effects, doing whatever he can to deal with the fallout of his fixation.