"I've missed you," Serena whispered as she stared at the brunette standing in her bedroom door, her voice floating across the silent room and curling around Blair like a familiar blanket, yet one that made her feel afraid.

"I've missed you too," Blair breathed, because in the couple of days she had been at the hospital with Nate she had forgotten how beautiful Serena was, how perfect and heartbreaking. Blair took a cautious step towards the bed where Serena's was sitting, laptop perched on her lap and her unruly blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun. She had missed the comfort she felt when she was with her girlfriend, the feelings Serena gave her that Nate could not.

Serena scooted the laptop off her and stood up, putting her arms out over her head and stretching her long, tired limbs. Blair watched Serena's silky pajama top rise from her hips and reveal a small sliver of a washboard stomach. Blair's own stomach clenched.

"How's Nate?" Serena asked as she glided forward, reaching Blair and putting a hand on her cheek. "Is he doing okay?"

"He's doing great. Should be out in a day or two."

Blair followed Serena back to her bed, awkward and hesitant because she wasn't sure how to be around Serena anymore. Serena sat down, crossing her legs, and Blair sat down next to her. She didn't want anything to be noticeably different, and she leaned and brushed her lips against Serena's cheek, as a way of showing her that she hadn't forgotten what they were. She really wanted to tell Serena about the kiss with Nate. Serena would probably take it fine, would forgive her and move on and then they could live happily forever after.

Or maybe not.

Serena smiled after Blair kissed her cheek, uncrossing her legs and turning her body so she was facing Blair. She cupped Blair's face in her hand and kissed her softly on the lips, breathing out quietly as she felt Blair's fingers tangle in her hair. Serena broke away slightly and brushed her nose against Blair's. "I love you."

"And you know I love you." Blair smiled, taking a deep breath as she did; she couldn't keep secrets, not from someone like Serena.

Serena kissed her once more and then broke away, returning to her cross-legged position and pulling the laptop onto her lap.

"I have to tell you something." Blair blurted.

Serena glanced over, aware that Blair's tone did not indicate something exciting. "What?"

"When I was at the hospital… when… I was with Nate… I…I…" How could she do this? Serena had done nothing wrong to her. Why had she had to kiss Nate?

Serena's mouth began to set in a firm, straight line. "You did what?"

"I kissed him," Blair breathed, scrambling for an explanation. "It was just a little kiss. It didn't mean anything, S, I swear."

Serena stared in front of her for a moment, not moving or saying anything. "Why?" She whispered.

"I don't know. I really don't. I thought I loved him again, but then when I saw you I realized I didn't and that you're the only one I wanna be with and I have no feelings for him at all and I don't know what made me think I did and I'm really, really sorry."

"You can't just fall in love with Nate every time you see him, Blair," Serena replied angrily, getting up and walking to the dresser on the other side of the room. She placed her hands on it and stood there, looking away from her bed and away from Blair and what she had done.

Blair stood up and came behind Serena, putting her arms around Serena's waist and holding her there so she couldn't move. She kissed her ear and squeezed her, hard, pulling the blonde's lean body into her own. "I promise. It meant nothing. We didn't have sex or anything. We just-"

"You think just because you didn't have sex with him means it doesn't hurt?" Serena hissed, wishing she could turn around and look in Blair's eyes but also relieved that she couldn't.

"No, Serena, I just… I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care what you meant. Let me go. This is over."

Tears sprang immediately to Blair's eyes when she heard those words, and she stepped back and watched as Serena spun to face her.

"No, please, I didn't-I'm just… I thought that I loved Nate and maybe for a second I did, but not as much as I love you."

"That's bullshit, Blair. I'm not going to live my life hoping each day that you'll choose me over Nate. When you and I got together, I completely shed all my feelings for Dan. You were the only one I cared about. I would never go running back to my ex like a scared little whore."

Blair knew Serena's anger was making her malicious, and she hated it.

"I'm really confused, about this. About us. Serena, I swear, I never meant to-"

"You're confused?" Serena's voice was incredulous. "What the hell does that mean? I'm confused too, yet do you see me running around and kissing my ex-boyfriend, spending more time than I do with you because I "thought for a second" that I loved him again? That's shit." Serena turned and sat down on her bed, putting her face in her hands.

"Serena-"

Serena glanced up at Blair, her eyes watery. "Stop fucking talking to me. I'm as confused as you are. Falling in love with your best friend? Anybody would be confused in that situation. And the fact that we're both girls? Fuck, that makes it even more confusing. I'm not saying that it's not hard, Blair. I understand, people want people, even when they're together with someone else. Nate and I slept together, and he cheated on you. This better not be some type of goddamn revenge Blair. Because with all the shit you put me through after you found out about that, I think you've had your fair share of payback."

"You think I'd do something like this for revenge?" Blair asked, walking to Serena and kneeling on the bed next to her, gripping her upper arms tightly until the blonde looked in her eyes.

"Yes."

"Get a grip," Blair snapped. "I'm not that pathetic. It was an accident. I forgive you when you make mistakes, Serena, please forgive me, this one time."

"I always forgive you!" Serena replied, her voice rising. "Through all the crap you give me, I'm always the one who comes back for you! Every single damn time!

"One more." Blair brushed her lips across Serena's, cheek, across her forward and then down her face and across her neck. "One more time, baby, please."

"Blair-"

"We belong together, Serena."

"There's a hell of a lot of guys out there that wouldn't give me the shit you do," Serena retorted.

Blair bit lightly at Serena's neck, the pleading disappearing and the convincing coming to take its place. "Nobody else can make you feel this good."

"Blair," Serena said sharply, giving the brunette a warning.

"It's true, Serena," Blair protested quietly, one of her hands brushing against Serena's thigh and then coming up to circle her waist. "I'm you guilty pleasure, and you're mine, and no matter how much bullshit we go through we always end up back with each other. We fucking need to be together Serena, and us breaking up will only waste time."

Serena looked down at Blair's deep, chocolate eyes, at the way they both knew that the words were true. She loved Blair too much to let her go like this.

"I love you Serena. I promise. Forever."

Serena inhaled sharply at the words, because she believed them and loved them, but also because they cut her inside and left her open and vulnerable and wounded.

"I love Nate, too," Blair whispered cautiously against Serena's neck. "I just don't know how yet. But I do know that I love you more. Always have, and always will."

Serena shouldn't have been content with that. It wasn't enough.

Blair nipped lovingly at her neck and Serena groaned, her hand unconsciously falling down to grasp Blair by the hair.

"Okay."

Sorry this is like the worst chapter EVER in history. I just really wanted to put something out here. If you guys have any requests or mind-blowing suggestions on what I could do with this story, do tell. I'd love to know, and I'm kind of running out of ideas.
If not, I could always write the hot and aggressive sex scene that comes after Serena and Blair make up. Hoorahhh!
Love you! -Desiree