Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.

-Aristotle

"Hermione," Severus said stepping into her room with the cordless phone in hand. "The phone is for you."

"Oh, really?" she said with a quirked brown as she pulled herself up off the floor and reached for the phone. "Who would be calling for me?"

"Mr. Leckerby," he explained as he handed the phone over and promptly exited the room.

Hermione pretended not to notice how he immediately became formal when one of her friends from the artist's commune was involved and she pressed the phone to her ear as she sunk back onto the floor. She wasn't feeling bad yet, but she was smart enough this time around to know that she wouldn't get much further into the evening before she started to get ill once more.

"Brandon!" she said cheerfully once she was settled. "How are you?"

"I'm well," he answered, his deep voice practically vibrating the phone in her hand. "We haven't seen you in a while, and all of us were getting worried."

"The first week was…" she said trying to find the right words. "Quite the adjustment period. I couldn't think much beyond that. I should have called you though. I'm sorry.'

"It's okay," he said dismissively. "Would you be up for dinner tonight? I could come pick you up, and we could all go to the bistro in town."

"Tonight isn't a good idea," she sighed. "I just got home from chemo, and I give it another thirty minutes before I start getting really sick, and tomorrow will be pretty bad too. But I could do dinner after my radiation treatment on Wednesday. I'll be tired, but the nausea should have passed by then."

"Wednesday sounds great," Brandon answered, but she could tell he was thinking about her symptoms rather than the food. "If it would be easier for you, we could bring dinner to you."

"I'm already going to be in town for my appointment, we might as well go out somewhere," Hermione said, forcing more cheer into her voice than was strictly necessary. "If you want I could talk to Severus about just staying at the house that night. As long as I had a ride to my appointment Thursday night I don't think it would be a problem."

"It would be nice to have you in the house again," he said, his voice becoming so soft it was hard to hear over the phone for a moment. "What time should I pick you up on Wednesday?"

"My appointment should be over around seven," she answered. "I'll meet you outside the hospital."

"Sounds great," he said, the smile returning to his voice. "See you then."

"Bye," she said softly before she clicked the phone off, turning to look at Severus who was standing in in the doorway once more. "Hey, you want a night off from babysitting duty?"

He reached out for the phone, coming to her this time instead of waiting for her to stand. He offered her a brief nod before exiting the room. It occurred to her that he might actually be angry that she had made a plan to leave without even mentioning it to him. Their relationship was so confusing as it was, so navigating what would or would not upset the other person was difficult. She pulled herself up off the floor with the intention of going to apologize to him, but was quickly deterred to the bathroom as the first wave of nausea hit her.

When the retching had stopped, and the toilet had ben flushed Severus joined her in the bathroom. He pressed a cool damp rag to the back of her neck and sat quietly with her on the floor while she tried to breathe through the rolling waves in her stomach.

"Maybe a cool bath would help," he suggested when she had slumped against the side of the tub after the worst of the sickness had passed.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask your opinion first," Hermione sighed, letting her eyes droop closed as she tried to focus through the way her mind was fogging as she grew hotter and hotter. "I didn't mean to seem ungrateful."

"I'm not upset with you," he said quietly as he reached up to first check her temperature, and then turn on the tap to start filling the tub with cool water. "I'm upset that I have been so stern that you don't think you can have your friends over here. The move wasn't to separate you from them, it was just to simplify your medical care."

"It's not like that," she explained, peeling her eyes open to meet his gaze once more. "I don't want them to come here. This place is separate. Apart. Somewhere I don't have to hide anything. This is our place."

"Your friends seem very open," Severus said, his features softening somewhat at her words. "You could probably tell them all of your secrets without fear of alienation."

"Only breaking the law," she said with a weak chuckle before closing her eyes again. "I don't know if I can stay awake for a bath. I'm so hot."

"That's because you have a fever," he said quietly as he turned off the tap. "So you definitely need the cool bath. Do you want me to give you a pepper up potion so you can stay awake for it?"

"Let's see how the cold water helps and go from there," she groaned as she pushed herself up off of the floor. "Do you have any more of that milk bath stuff you made?"

"I do," he said pulling a jar from beneath the sink and sprinkling some of the mixture into the water before stepping back. "I'll be out in the kitchen if you think you need the pepper up potion. Just call out for me."

Hermione nodded as he slipped out of the room. As soon as he had closed the door she set to work on the arduous task of removing her clothing. Mondays were rapidly becoming her least favorite day of the week. They were long, and hard, and left her feeling like death might be the better option. But she slugged on, pushing death from her mind, and slipping into the very cold water in hopes that the fever would pass and she would stop feeling as if her body were being cooked from the inside out.

Hermione woke in the night, and her fever still hadn't broken. She was half delirious from it but she still managed to drag her ailing body out of bed. She first went for her wand, but found her energy stores too depleted to cast any sort of cooling charm. So she decided that the next best course of action was to press a towel full of ice to the back of her neck rather than waking Severus at nearly three in the morning to cast the spells for her.

She was no familiar enough with the house to feel comfortable moving about in the dark, so she did not flip on any lights as she made her way out of the room. She had to cross the living room to get to the kitchen, and she saw that the moonlight was bleeding in through the curtains creating a fair amount of light for her. She also saw that Severus had fallen asleep on the couch where he had apparently been reading.

Her feet carried her over to him on their own accord, and she found herself staring down at his prone form. He must have felt overly warm as well, as he had unbuttoned his jacket and his oxford shirt leaving his chest and abdomen exposed. She found herself staring at his sculpted muscles, and where they were torn by scars. His abs looked like they would be hard to the touch, but she found that her fingers itched to trace the scars there. She realized she was treading in dangerous water, and likely out of her mind with fever so she backed away from him and continued on her way to the kitchen.

She pulled the dish towel off of where it hung on the handle to the stove door and tip toed over to the refrigerator. She could be quiet walking, and gathering what she needed, but there was no way to be quiet about cracking ice trays. After the first crack she heard a stirring in the living room, but she hoped it was just the sound of him rolling over in his sleep, and she continued to work.

She cracked the tray once more, and then began depositing all of the ice in the pouch she had created with the kitchen towel. She filled it to the brim and tied it shut before depositing the ice tray in the sink. She knew she should refill it, but she didn't want to add the sound of running pipes and officially wake Severus up. She pressed the ice to the back of her neck and let out a tiny sigh of relief as the coolness began to seep into her skin. It didn't clear the fever entirely, but it made her feel cool enough to try lying down in bed once more.

Her heart nearly erupted out of her chest when she turned to head back and found Severus awake, and standing in the doorway that lead into the living room. She noted that he had buttoned his shirt up, but did not say anything. He was quiet as he approached her, and still seemed somewhat dead on his feet as he reached out to touch the back of his hand to her forehead. It felt cold when pressed against the heat of her skin, and she was loath to admit she wanted him to touch her more if only to ease the heat.

"You need a fever reducer," he said in a husky sleep filled voice. "And cooling spells. Why didn't you cast them?"

"My magic isn't working," she answered quietly when he drew his wand.

He remained silent as he first summoned a potion vial and placed it in her hand, and then began casting cooling charms on her. Instantly it felt like her muscles turned to liquid when the heat began to recede from her body.

"Your energy stores are depleted," he said reassuringly. "Your magic will return when your energy does."

"You'd think it wouldn't bother me to be without magic," she whispered. "I mean I was a muggle from a decade of my life, but it feels very strange to me."

"It shall pass," he assured her as he stepped to the side and indicated she should head back to her bedroom. "You should wait to take the fever reducer until you are lying down. It has a mild sedative in it, and I would prefer you not pass out on the kitchen floor."

"I'm sorry I woke you," Hermione apologized as she started walking away.

"I shouldn't have fallen asleep on the couch to begin with," he shrugged. "I'll thank you for it in the morning when I do not have a kink in my neck."

Without further ado he headed off to his own bedroom and Hermione was on her own again. She decided to keep the ice, since her chest was always burning the night after chemo, and returned to her bed. She settled amongst the pillows and quickly drank the potion Severus had given her before pacing the ice on her chest and relaxing. She scoffed a bit at the idea that the sedative was mild when she immediately felt herself drifting to sleep once more.

It seemed she had just closed her eyes when she found herself in what had to be a dream world. She could say for sure if it was a nightmare or not. The walls were tattered, and though it looked different somehow she knew instinctually that she was in the shrieking shack. She was not alone however. Standing in front of her was Severus Snape, but he was not a Severus Snape she had encountered in this lifetime.

He was wearing a billowing set of robes, but they seemed to be more blue than black, and there was embroidery along the collar. His white shirt was just visible underneath it, but her attention was focused on the fact that they hung open revealing a chiseled chest. There was a sprinkling of chest hair, and she had a much better view of the scars that cut across his abs this time. There was something enticing about the way he stood there before her, proud of his body and not at all upset with her looking at it. He had one had extended out to her and he kept calling out to her.

"Come to me," he said over and over again in an ethereal voice that seemed to be full of hunger.

He did not say anything inappropriate, but there was something about the way that he spoke to her that seemed to drip with eroticism. Nothing else happened in the dream. He just stood there calling out to her, making her hungry for something she hadn't been hungry for in a long time.

She woke with a jolt, the bright sunlight of early spring shinning in her window. She found that she was covered in sweat but her fever seemed to have broken. Her night shirt was soaked through where the ice had melted in the middle of her chest and she wished she could cast a drying spell on it. Instead she shook her head, trying to clear it of the strange fever dream that had plagued her through the night, and she drug herself out of bed. A shower was definitely in order.

Hermione wasn't exactly feeling spritely after her radiation treatment on Wednesday evening, but the muscle spasms hadn't really started up again just yet, and the heat had faded away when the fever had broken. So even though she was incredibly tired she managed to push a real smile onto her face when Brandon met her outside of the hospital. He was driving the Prius that was covered in all sorts of paintings and doodles from all of the different artists on the commune that had driven it.

"So where are we going for dinner?" she asked as she slid into the passenger seat.

"We will be dinning at the fine establishment of Casa de Artist," he said with a chuckle as he pulled away from the curb. "Chefs Sierra and Micah are already hard at work."

"I take it we will be having smoothies for dinner?" Hermione laughed.

"Nope," he said popping the p. "Sierra broke the blender, so no smoothies for anyone until we get a new one."

"Oh this should be interesting" she said, sinking more fully into her seat as they whipped through the streets that separated the hospital and the house.

She was surprised to smell the distinct aroma of steak in the air and she couldn't help but offer Brandon a beaming smile. The vegetarians were making her a steak! A steak sounded absolutely perfect right about now, so she pushed her tired body to move into the kitchen just a little bit faster. They had even put out a table cloth to cover the paint stained table. She felt bad that she hadn't even called them during the first week of treatment, and here they were being so nice to her anyway.

"Do you need help with the salad," she asked while Brandon began pouring glasses of wine for everyone.

"No you just sit tight," Micah smile at her as he started plating his grilled treats, one steak and three large mushrooms. "Dinner is just about ready."

Hermione followed instructions and took a seat at the table. In the blink of an eye she had a plate of food in front of her, a glass of wine in her hand, and her friends all around her. She felt radiantly happy even if it did feel like someone was missing. The others began to eat immediately so she excitedly began to cut up her steak.

"Mmm, you make a mean steak Micah," she groaned after the first bite.

"You can learn just about anything from a book," he shrugged, and a little piece of her fell in love with him for saying that.

When dinner had gone, and the delicate conversation about how her treatments were going had passed Hermione found herself seated on the porch swing as if she had never left. Sierra and Micah were sitting out in the grass tossing a ball of clay back and forth and only listening with half an ear to the conversation that she and Brandon were having. He was asking about how she was handling all of the changes, and she was doing her best not to lie about it.

"Now that it's been a few weeks I can almost pretend the scars are normal," she said quietly. "But every once in a while I catch sight of them in the mirror when I am changing and it scares me. They don't bother me nearly as much as the tattoos for the radiation therapy though."

She thought about telling him how Severus had made her feel better about the tattoos, but that memory felt a little too private to share. She also kept to herself that she had basically forgotten about the scars on her chest and abdomen that day simply because Severus had not acknowledged their existence.

"You can always have them removed later," he said quietly as he pulled her into a gentle hug.

It was nice to feel his strong arms wrapped around her, and she felt soothed when he kissed her forehead like her mother used to. She noticed that seemed to grab Sierra's attention in particular but the other girl did not say anything about it.

"If I make it," Hermione said quietly. "I won't have my new set of scans until next week, so I don't have much of an idea of if this is even working. Other than making me sick I don't know if it's doing anything."

"Have faith," he said quiet, giving her a gentle squeeze once more, but not releasing his hold on her. "I've been praying for you every night."

Hermione decided not to point out that she wasn't the praying type. Instead she just enjoyed the falling night in the company of her friends. Brandon gently rocked the swing, and she found herself drifting into a half asleep state of contentment at his side.

Hermione woke the next morning in the bed of the room that had been hers, though it had no signs of personality in it now. She assumed someone must have carried her to bed, and removed her shoes to boot. The sun seemed high outside her window and she wondered what time it was. She needed the loo, but even from her supine position she could feel the muscle spasms. She knew she would only hurt herself if she tried to walk to the bathroom right now, and suddenly she regretted staying in town instead of out in the country. What good did her enchanted coin do right now? It wasn't like she could summon Severus out of the wheat fields and into this house to help her to the bathroom without drawing unnecessary attention.

So instead she lay there until she heard the front door creak open. She called out to whoever it was and was happy to discover it was Sierra who had come inside. It was the least embarrassing person to ask for help walking to the bathroom. Sierra seemed perfectly content helping her, and didn't ask questions about why her legs were twitching so much for which she was grateful.

"What time is it?" she asked when Sierra was helping her out onto the front porch to sit on the swing.

"It's almost two," she said as she joined Hermione on the swing. "You slept for a long time, but no one wanted to disturb you. Do you feel any better today?"

"I don't feel as tired today," Hermione shrugged, unable to say she felt better, but not wanting to expand on her ailments.

"Is this treatment making you better?" Sierra asked very quietly. "Or is it making you worse?"

"Sometimes I feel like it's making me worse," she admitted. "But the surgery eradicated a lot of the cancer, and I have to believe the chemo is killing the rest of it. Otherwise I don't think I'll be able to go in for more treatments."

"I don't know how to be brave like you," Sierra whispered. "Seeing you like this, looking so broken, it really scares me. I don't want to touch you for fear of breaking you."

"Sometimes I just pretend to be brave," Hermione shrugged, her mind wander to other times she had been afraid for her life. "Fake it until you make it and all that."

"I'll have to try that," she giggled. "For now I should go though, it looks like Micah wants a word."

Hermione followed her line of sight and saw that Micah was walking up the path, and did seem to have his sights set on her. Sierra disappeared into the house leaving Hermione waiting on her own. She couldn't explain it, but she sensed she was about to get a lecture and she wasn't looking forward to it. Micah offered her a beaming smile as he took up residence on the swing beside her.

"So here's the thing," he said somberly as he started to swing them gently. "You're really sick, and I shouldn't be chiding you but I think I have to. Because I don't think you quite realize what you seem to be doing."

Hermione just stared at him. She was completely bemused, and had no idea what to make of what he was saying. So she waited for him to explain.

"Brandon is completely over the moon for you," he went on quietly. "And I don't think you see that. Because you don't see that, I don't think you realize you are inadvertently encouraging it."

"What?" she said honestly confused.

"Tell me you see the secret smiles he gives you," he explained. "Or the way he goes out of his way to touch you. I mean honestly, he kissed your forehead last night. Ask yourself Hermione, when is the last time a man who was not your father and you were not dating kissed you on the forehead?"

"What should I do?" she asked meekly when she realized he was right. "I didn't mean to lead him on in anyway. I'm not exactly at a point in my life where I am looking to start a relationship. I mean, I don't have any guarantee of being alive next week, why would I engage in something like that?"

"Just try to keep some space between you too," he shrugged. "Brandon is smart, he should figure it out pretty quickly, but if he doesn't, if he makes a bolder move, you're going to have to say something to him Hermione."

Sierra had helped with the distance thing and intervened in giving Hermione a ride to her next treatment. Hermione saw the way Brandon looked a bit hurt but she hadn't reacted in an effort to create distance. She just focused her mind on the upcoming treatment, and looked straight ahead as Sierra drove them away from the house.

Hermione hated to admit it, but she wasn't sure she could go back to the house for a while. Perhaps conversations over the phone would have to do for now. She couldn't help but wonder at what the right answer was as she stared up at the white machine that was currently pumping radiation into her abdomen. She wondered how to deal with Brandon, and if she should distance herself from Sierra and Micah as well in order to spare his more tender feels, but most of all she found herself wondering about Severus.

She had been speaking earnestly when she said that she wasn't at a point in her life where seeking a relationship was an option. But she couldn't deny that the strange fever dream about Severus had clung to her. What did Severus think of her as? Was she a burden to him? Was she a friend? Was she something more? She didn't really know, and she certainly didn't have the intestinal fortitude to just come out an ask him but she found she really wanted the answer.

Her skin felt particularly tender when she left her appointment, but she tried not to think about how uncomfortable it was to have the cotton of her shirt rubbing against her irritated flesh. Severus was waiting patiently for her in the reception area as if he had been there the entire time, and she couldn't stop herself from offering him a beaming smile. Her thoughts seemed to wander from her when she tried to remember why she was so happy to see him but the feeling was still there.

"Um…" she said, her face flushing as she searched for the right word.

"Hello," he said with a brief half smile.

"Yes, that's the one!" she chirped as he stood. "Hello."

"I see the fog has settled," he said without inflection before offering her his elbow. "The spasming does not seem as bad as last time however."

She took his arm with a smile, and allowed him to lead her out of the hospital into his waiting truck. Hermione was very tired. Her body was tired, but more than that her mind was tired. Climbing into bed and sleeping for an entire week didn't seem at all unreasonable when she contemplated it within the cabin of the truck. Severus seemed entirely focused on the road, but Hermione got the impression that he was paying more attention to her than he would like her to realize.