WARNING MORE CRACK TO FOLLOW!
It's time for another list and a healthy dosage of Legion, because let's face it, it makes this list rock. Legion, and Garrus Vakarian of course.
A/N: I can't believe this has as many installments as it does. The last few have really been fan driven so keep them coming in.
Legion
*Life ends because it's too scared to continue in the presence of Garrus Vakarian. (From Nederbird.)
If Death is so afraid of Vakarian Garrus that it manifests itself into a physical form to just approach Vakarian Garrus, it is only logical that Life would cease to exist because it is too afraid to be in the presence of Vakarian Garrus. And Life rightfully should be, as Vakarian Garrus has culled the galaxy of species not fit to live in the same area of space as himself.
* Garrus Vakarian sleeps with everyone, at the same time, always. (From Nederbird, modified)
Legion had had a tough time figuring out this one. It spent days in conference with the larger collective to see how this was possible, having put the slamming of revolving doors on the back burner for the time being. After days of debating it was decided. If Vakarian Garrus could bend time and space he could be anywhere and everywhere at once, therefore making him omnipresent. It was also established that Vakarian Garrus could make organics orgasm with his mind, which made him omnipotent.
So, if Vakarian Garrus was omnipresent and omnipotent, sleeping, a common metaphor of organics for intercourse, with everyone at the same time always was possible.
Legion paused. It was also proven that Vakarian could calibrate a rifle so well it needed a cigarette afterwards. The needing of a cigarette was a sign that intercourse had taken place. And if Vakarian Garrus was sleeping with all the organics at the same time, as well as calibrating inorganics at the same time, wouldn't that mean that Legion needed a cigarette now?
*The number two cause of death in the universe is lung cancer. The number one cause of lung cancer is Garrus Vakarian. (From Nederbird)
Still undecided on whether or not Legion needed a cigarette, Legion came upon this thought. If every organic in the universe needed a cigarette constantly it would increase the likely hood of lung cancer for all species. That would make lung cancer the second cause of death in the universe. Its number one cause would be Vakarian Garrus, which was also the number one cause of death in the universe. No wonder Life and Death were afraid of Vakarian Garrus. He made Life really work at staying there and killed more people than Death.
A/N: Look what I found hiding in my fic folder? A short Legion Special!