They Have That on the Internets Now?
With a poof of smoke, a pale, heavyset teenager appeared in downtown Konoha. He was dressed all in black, including a too-small t-shirt with the logo of your favorite band. The orange traces on his face might have been mistaken for clan markings, if you didn't know that they were in fact Cheesey-Poof crumbs. He was holding a laptop.
"All right!" He shouted. "I'm in the story! Now I can kick some-"
Whereupon he was immediately taken down by a hail of weapons and ninjutsu.
Kakashi sighed, still holding the tora seal for the Grand Fireball technique.
"In the words of Jiraiya," he said, "If you want to do a 'self-insert', set up a webcam and a pr0n site; otherwise, nobody wants to see that crap."
His self-proclaimed 'Eternal Rival', though quivering in consternation at Kakashi's 'hip attitude', couldn't help but agree.
A.N.
Random two-fer.
107. The Direct Approach
Naruto sat in the empty hotel room, practicing the second stage of the Rasengan.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
"Stupid Ero-Sennin," he thought scornfully. "Must have forgotten his stupid key when he went out whoring."
But when he opened the hotel room door, he was surprised to find not the grey-haired Sannin, but a young man who looked suspiciously like an older version of his male teammate and a tall man with shark-like features. Both were attired in black robes, decorated with a pattern of stylized red clouds. It appeared to be a uniform of some sort.
"Uzumaki Naruto," the Sasuke look-alike said in a crisp, authoritative tone. "My name is Uchiha Itachi. Our organization, Akatsuki, has need of you. You will come with us."
Naruto began to protest, when suddenly, the large, blue-skinned man simply pulled out an enormous sword and cut off his legs.
"Glad to see you're finally taking some initiative, Kisame," Itachi praised his companion, now stooping to collect their shrieking 'package'.