Note: This story seems to alternate between rather plotty chapters, and ones that mostly consist of people talking. This chapter, and the one that will follow, are of the latter kind. We are nearly at the end of this story!
This was obviously a Loki Redemption arc, and I figure before that can really happen there are a few things he needs to deal with. I want to point out (as I believe I have mentioned in earlier chapters) that since Loki is the perspective character, we get his perspective on everything, and he is not an objective observer. He's insecure and believes the worst about other people's opinions of him, but he's not necessarily correct in his assumptions.
Thanks again to everyone who has been reading/reviewing/alerting/favouriting. You guys are terrific!
Chapter Ten
The sensation of weightlessness ended abruptly as Loki crumpled to the stone floor of a large, dimly-lit chamber. He had a nagging feeling he should know where he was, but it was hard to grasp a thought for more than a few seconds. His neck and chest hurt dreadfully, and he felt cold and so tired. Loki closed his eyes. Around him, there seemed to be a great deal of confusion: voices raised, feet hurrying, a sensation of being lifted, carried. He opened his eyes briefly and looked up into Thor's, which bewildered him-Why was Thor here?-but he lost the thought almost immediately. He had just closed his eyes again when he remembered-someone was in danger, he was supposed to be doing something -and jerked back to momentary full consciousness.
"Annie?" His own voice sounded small and very far away.
"She is safe," Thor's voice promised. Thor never lied.
Reassured, Loki let go.
~ oOoOoOo ~
Loki opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. Instead of the low, slanted ceiling of the box room and his picture of the four young men walking across a street, he saw high stone walls and a great arched window that looked out on a pale sky. He should probably know where he was, but once again, nothing immediately came to mind.
He didn't realize anyone else was there until someone took his hand. The hand in his was too warm to be Annie, and too small to be Mitchell or George. Logically, then, it must be Jane, which meant Jane was no longer angry at him. Annie must have explained everything. He felt a warm rush of gratitude toward her. He tried to turn toward Jane, to apologize for frightening her and ensure she was well. It hurt to move. Someone cradled his head and helped him.
Instead of Jane's brown eyes, he found himself looking into a pair of blue ones he'd thought he would never see again.
"Mother," he whispered, without thinking, then winced at the word he'd thrown away the right to use, and also at the tears it called up in her eyes. It hurt to speak, and besides, for once he had no idea what to say.
Frigga blinked rapidly and then said, in a tremulous voice, "You gave us quite a fright, son." Her use of that word made Loki's eyes fill in turn. "The healers tell me you had less blood inside you than out. A few more minutes' delay might have..." She took his other hand and Loki did not resist the urge to cling to hers. He suddenly remembered something and spoke urgently.
"I put you in danger. When I, when I brought Laufey here. I did not-I did not mean to-" There were so many things he had done that he had not meant to, not really, but this was the worst. It had not even occurred to him that if he sent Frost Giants into his father's chamber, they would also encounter his mother. She could have been killed. Frigga had defended herself capably, it was true, but that in no way absolved him.
"It's all right," she said kindly, but she was trying to free her hands from his. Loki realized this and let her go, hot with shame. However, instead of pulling away, Frigga let him hold one of her hands as she laid the other on his forehead, as though checking for fever. As though examining the state of his mind. Loki was reminded of yet another book from the school library, one containing a passage describing how every "good" mother tidies her children's minds as they sleep, so their pleasantest thoughts are set out ready for them when they wake. Loki had found himself wondering whether allowances would be made for a mother whose child's every thought was bitter and resentful.
"It is not all right," Loki argued, tears welling shamefully, too weak and sore to stop them or the words that spilled after. "I would not, not for anything, wish harm on you." That much was true: no matter how irrational he had been, and by the end that was irrational indeed, his mother was one person he had never hated, not even for a moment.
"I know," she soothed, stroking his hair as though reassuring both of them he was still there. "I know." Leaning forward, she kissed his brow as if he was a child again, and said softly, "Rest now. We will talk again later." And, as he involuntarily tightened his grip on her hand, "I will be here, my son. Rest."
~ oOoOoOo ~
When he woke again, the sky outside the great window was dark. Most of the pain and weariness were gone, and Loki was able to think clearly enough to recognize his surroundings as the healing rooms of Asgard. For a moment this did not strike him as unusual, but then he remembered: he had been banished. He was not supposed to be here. There was going to be trouble over this.
He tried to sit up and that brought some of the pain back, although not anything like the blinding agony he dimly remembered. As he moved he was aware of a stir in the air beside him, and Annie appeared in the chair by the bed.
"You're awake!" she exclaimed, looking overjoyed about it. Without waiting for him to reply, not that there was any intelligent response he could make to such a remark, she helped him shift position and arranged the pillows behind him.
Loki was delighted to see her, truly he was. He was particularly relieved to see her in such apparent good spirits, since that indicated both George and Mitchell were also in good health.
But he could not quite stop himself from glancing around the room in search of someone who was not there. Perhaps-perhaps he had dreamed-
Annie caught his eye and smiled in understanding. "Your mum was here for hours. The healer-"
"Eir," Loki supplied the name, trying not to laugh at the queen of Asgard being referred to as anyone's "mum."
"Yes, Eir, convinced her to go have something to eat, but she promised to send word if you woke up in the meantime. Someone's probably on their way to get her right now," Annie added, looking around the room at Eir's assistants.
"Oh," Loki murmured, overcome at the idea his mother still cared so much. To cover up, he cleared his throat and said quickly, "George and Mitchell-are they-?"
"Yes, they're fine. Mitchell came around really quickly, and they let George go hours ago. They've already been in to check on you twice, Thor and Sif brought them."
Thinking about Thor reminded Loki- "And Jane?"
Annie's expression darkened. "Yes. Jane. I've had a word with her." Loki gave her a questioning look. "Apparently there's so much magic here that she can see me all the time. Anyway, we spoke. She definitely wants to talk to you." Loki was just about to say he hoped Annie had not been too hard on the other woman when Annie suddenly looked serious. "And a man came and looked in on you, right after your mother left. He had an eyepatch and white hair, and the healers all kind of cleared out when he came in. Was… was that your father?"
Loki, his mouth suddenly dry, nodded. "What did he do?"
"He just stood right here and looked at you."
"Did he speak?" Loki asked painfully, although since Annie had not volunteered the information he knew the answer already.
"I don't think so. I went to the other side of the room-" Annie gestured, and Loki understood she had transported herself there, too quickly perhaps for Odin to feel the need to acknowledge her presence. "I wouldn't have been able to hear him, but I could see his face and I don't think he spoke. He didn't touch you or anything, he just… stood there."
"I see," Loki murmured. He tried not to imagine what Odin had been thinking, or what he intended to do, but his sense of foreboding increased. Still, Annie's description of George and Mitchell's activities indicated they were free to move about. She had mentioned Thor and Sif escorting them, but surely that indicated they were being treated as guests, since neither Thor nor Sif would be given an assignment normally carried out by regular guards. Either they were seen as a significant threat, in which case they would not be visiting an associate in the healing rooms, or, far likelier, Thor and Sif had claimed them as friends.
If Loki's conclusions were correct, the housemates were in no danger, which was a comforting thought. Odin was severe but not, under normal circumstances, ruthless, and it did not appear the innocent would be made to suffer. The fact Loki was left in the healing room rather than transported to some more secure place might indicate even he was not entirely unwelcome, although the idea of Odin standing over him, thinking unreadable thoughts, was unnerving.
Of course, given the condition he had been in when he arrived, Loki had to consider the possibility Odin simply realized he was no threat to anyone, at least not then. What might happen next was another matter entirely.
Uneasily, Loki now considered the question of how they had arrived. He asked Annie, "Has anyone spoken to you about our arrival? Were you asked what happened?"
Annie shook her head. "No." By her expression it was apparent this was the first time she had stopped to think how strange that was. The only explanation Loki could think of was that the Allfather wanted to question them personally, when Loki was able to answer for himself.
Loki pushed a hand through his hair and made to get up. "I think I had better-"
Annie put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him firmly back. "Not until the healers have taken another look at you. And you speak to your mother. And we find you some clothes. I'm sure you'd look fine in a toga, but you're not going to wander the halls in nothing but a sheet."
Loki had opened his mouth to argue about everything except the sheet when a guard walked in. Looking intensely uncomfortable and apparently unsure how to address the disgraced former prince, he announced baldly,
"The Allfather commands your presence in the throne room."
Loki took a deep breath.
~ oOoOoOo ~
Loki strode down a corridor toward the throne room, the guard to his left and slightly behind him, Annie holding his right hand. The positioning was deliberate: Annie was on the wall side with Loki between her and anyone they might encounter, and the fact she held his dominant hand indicated he was not planning to cast magic at anyone.
This did not appear to reassure the guard, who was obviously uncomfortable at being alone in his task and seemed to think Loki might turn on him at any moment. Loki felt a certain amount of sympathy for the man, but was more concerned with ensuring he looked less weak and vulnerable than he still felt. His posture, head high and shoulders squared, indicated he was going to fight vampires rather than have an interview with the man he had always considered his father, and he was uncomfortable in the now-unfamiliar Asgardian garb he wore.
He had asked for his own clothes to be returned to him, but the shirt was beyond salvation and the healer apparently thought appearing before the Allfather in such foreign garb would be a provocation anyway. Loki was rather touched that Eir, who had been very kind to him when he was a child, seemed concerned about him still. However, the soft gray tunic and black trousers he wore were neither one thing nor the other: not Midgardian, not armor, and they magnified his own sense of being out of place.
The fact he was escorted by a palace guard, but only one, also confused the matter. It seemed to indicate he was not a guest, yet not considered a grave threat to the safety of the palace. No wonder those he encountered pretended not to see him: until the Allfather made his position clear it was unsafe to spit at him, and they certainly did not want to pretend to welcome him until they had to.
His mother had not reappeared, which Loki assumed meant she had been intercepted and sent to the throne room ahead of him. Loki took the dimmest possible view of his reception in Asgard, but he found himself unable to believe her expressions of affection had been insincere. His mother and Eir made two people who seemed genuinely glad to see him alive, and that was two people more than he had any right to hope for. Loki held onto the warmth that knowledge offered.
Loki was paying very little attention to where he walked-he could find the throne room in his sleep, after all-and so was startled when, suddenly, Thor was standing before him. The guard stopped in confusion, and Thor, with the crown prince's confident smile, announced,
"I will escort Loki the rest of the way."
The guard, perhaps aware Thor's attitude toward Loki was not as unyielding as it probably should be, looked doubtful.
"My orders are-" he began, and then stopped when Thor's expression darkened. Loki felt a painful twist of pity for the guard, since the man had no option here that did not involve angering someone far more powerful than he. Before he could speak up, Thor's face softened as he made the same realization.
"I understand that you have orders. But I would walk with my brother, into the company of our father. I will ensure there is no misunderstanding about your performance of your duty. You may go." Thor's voice was calm, but there was no doubt of its authority. The guard bowed his head and retreated. Thor turned to Loki with a smile. "You look much better, brother."
" 'I am well in body, though considerably rumpled up in spirit,' " Loki replied, which at least made Annie smile at him. Thor raised a hand and Loki instinctively tensed, not because he thought Thor was going to attack him, but simply because his brother's expressions of affection tended to hurt. Thor registered Loki's expression and, instead of a brotherly punch in the shoulder that in his current condition would probably knock him down, merely patted him.
"Come," Thor said simply. "It would not do to keep Father waiting."
In fact it appeared Loki was the one to be kept waiting, for when they arrived at the throne room, Sif and the Warriors were standing outside with Mitchell and George. Loki was so glad to see them he wanted to cry: George's injuries were entirely healed and Mitchell's expression was one of watchful interest instead of that horrible blank stare. Loki and Annie exchanged embraces with both of them, and then Sif stepped forward. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, she wrapped one arm around Loki's neck and the other around his ribcage, squeezed affectionately, and let him go. Loki was visited with the fleeting and ridiculous thought that perhaps it would have been a nice thing to have a sister.
"You worried us," she said simply, and then, without looking around, added, "Fandral, do not gape like a fish." Fandral closed his mouth, but he and Volstagg continued to look at Loki with the same expression the guard had worn. Loki could not blame them. Hogun looked as grim and indifferent as ever, and Loki found himself grateful for that.
"Thor," he said quietly, "may I have a moment, privately, with my friends?" As the words left his mouth Loki realized they were tactless, but Sif simply walked away, gesturing to the Warriors to follow. Looking even more puzzled, since Sif and Loki were not exactly comrades of old, the Warriors obeyed. Loki hoped he would be able to thank her later.
Thor gave Loki a glance of misgiving, to which Loki responded with an innocent smile. The smile, for obvious reasons, did little to reassure Thor, but he followed Sif down the corridor. As soon as the others were out of whispered earshot, Loki said urgently,
"It is possible the Allfather will ask us how we came to be here. You know nothing, is that understood?"
"That's exactly what I do know," George replied, "nothing." Mitchell nodded, and George went on, "The last thing I remember clearly is being dragged out of the car."
Loki fought down the desire to find his stakes and kill Herrick again, and turned to Annie, who shrugged.
"I saw the sky get bright and I closed my eyes," she admitted.
"Good," Loki said. "That is all any of you need say."
"What's the matter?" Mitchell asked.
"The matter is, I do not know how we got here, but someone may get into terrible trouble over it." The others looked puzzled. "I've been banished, remember?"
Annie looked troubled. "But you'd have died-surely you don't mean your father would just leave you to be killed?"
"That is what banishment means. I was left to make my own way on your realm, and what happens to me now is of no concern to Asgard. Actually, it is more stringent than 'of no concern.' By bringing me here, someone has defied the express orders of the Allfather."
"But it wasn't you," George protested. "You just said you don't know how we got here. Can't you just tell him-?"
"You want to protect whoever rescued us-you," Mitchell interrupted, looking with understanding at Loki.
Loki nodded. "It's very likely someone, Heimdall for instance, simply wanted to rescue Jane, and perhaps you three as well. We were all so close together he could not have avoided picking me up as well, not with the Bifrost anyway. I don't know if the Bifrost has been repaired, although I would have thought it would take much longer, or if some other method was used. The point is, if the Allfather is in a severe mood he may not let my presence stand as an acceptable consequence of a desirable rescue. I think it best not to bring anyone else into this if I can avoid it."
Mitchell looked worried. "What do you think he'll do, if he thinks it was you?"
Loki shrugged, trying for nonchalance. "Perhaps nothing." The looks on the faces of his housemates told him they did not believe him any more than he did, but they allowed the conversation to end.
And just in time, too: moments after the housemates rejoined Thor and his companions, the doors to the throne room opened. Thor looked at Loki with a smile that was meant to be confident and encouraging. Loki hoped his own expression of calm was more convincing than his brother's.
As they entered the throne room, Loki was conscious of his friends looking around in astonishment. Well they might: the chamber was larger than the school where Loki worked. It could accommodate the entire population of the palace, and it appeared all were present.
Loki had expected that: the king would want the entire court to be witness to this. He had thought all those hateful eyes on him would be intimidating, but in fact he did not even notice them. His attention was riveted on the focal point of the room: the golden throne where sat the figure who had dominated his entire life, whose approval or mere attention he had always sought, the focus of all his mixed emotions of love and respect and longing and anger.
And fear.
Always, fear.
Odin Allfather.
As Thor led the way Odin rose, in a command to approach the throne. Sif and the Warriors had disappeared into the crowd but Loki did not notice. Heart pounding, he followed a step behind his brother, and as he drew closer to the steps leading up to the dais his eyes were cast down. He could not help but think of the last time he had looked into Odin's face, his own alight with madness and desperation and hope. He knew, he knew, that what he had done was wrong, that Odin had no choice but to reject his actions, to reject him. There was no defiance in him, nor wish to justify himself. He was indeed reaping what he had sown. But his heart still broke at the outcome.
Thor stopped at the appropriate respectful distance from the dais and lowered himself to one knee, right fist pressed over his heart in a gesture of fealty, looking up at his father-king with respect and confidence.
Loki came to a halt a pace behind his brother, swayed slightly on his feet, and then let himself fall to both knees, eyes fixed on the floor. His posture indicated pure submission, which he was quite sure the court would not believe. However, despite the fact that, in his own disturbed mind, he had been loyal to Odin right up to the end, Loki could not bring himself to echo Thor's posture. It would appear the vilest hypocrisy. Loki no longer cared how the court viewed him, but he did not wish the Allfather to make any mistake about his state of mind, to believe him insolent. It was not that he thought a show of meekness would save him, if Odin had finally lost patience. He simply did not want, if it was still within his power to hurt the king at all, to do so.
He was vaguely aware of whispers among the onlookers, a feeling of astonishment rippling through the crowd, and knew they had expected something else, some show of defiance. In fact, a show was exactly what most of them had expected, one that ended with Loki dragged cursing from the throne room. This, he thought bitterly, must be a grave disappointment to the court. They had dreamed for years of a humbled Loki, but now they had him they obviously did not know what to do with him.
The whisperers fell silent as Odin struck the floor with his staff. Loki tried not to flinch at the sound, resisted the urge to close his eyes.
"Loki," the king began, and the lack of any patronymic at all was nearly worse than if he had been called "Laufeyson" before the entire court. "How do you explain your presence here, in Asgard, when you know yourself to be unwelcome?"
Well. As the humans would say, there was to be no beating about the bush. Loki could see a tremor run through Thor as his brother restrained the instinct to speak. Loki loved him for the impulse as he raised his eyes just enough to view the hem of Odin's robe and replied, in the steadiest voice he could manage,
"I apologize, my king. It was… unintentional."
"Explain yourself," Odin commanded, in a terrible voice.
Once again, Loki resisted the urge to close his eyes. "We-my companions and I-were in grave danger. I tried to remove us to safety and, in error, brought us to Asgard instead of Vanaheim." He chose a realm at random, since he honestly did not know whether he was banned from travel to any of the other worlds and could plead ignorance of any crime there.
He was fully aware of the irony of his current quandary: if he told the truth and, crucially, was believed, it would be difficult for Odin to hold him responsible for his presence here. But the truth was the last thing he could speak at the moment. Of course, the truth was unlikely to be believed anyway, at least not from his mouth.
"'In error'?" Odin repeated. Loki tried not to flinch at the skepticism in his tone. Plainly, the Allfather believed Loki had returned on purpose and was hoping to somehow regain favour. Plainly, the Allfather believed his disowned son to be stupid as well as vicious. Loki realized his best course, if he wanted to shield whoever had rescued him, was to play along with that belief, but he could not bring himself to do so. If Odin chose to believe Loki had no regard for him at all, that was out of Loki's hands, but he could not encourage the idea.
"I was frightened," Loki said, which was not true: the little he could remember of his emotional state at the time included a sort of crazy amusement at being finished off by little Jane, and a savage determination to kill as many vampires as possible before he died. He actually didn't remember much fear. This being of no possible interest to the Allfather or the court, Loki stuck to what he considered believable. More honestly, he added, "I was not thinking very clearly." This was as close as he could bring himself to pleading injury before the court.
"'Frightened,'" Odin said, musingly. Loki felt himself begin to tremble: Odin thundering in rage was terrifying enough, but Odin quiet and unreadable was infinitely worse. Loki knew this would end badly, but waiting for the blow to fall was still agonizing.
"Frightened, and bleeding to death," another voice spoke up, and now Loki did close his eyes for a second. When he opened them and turned his head, Mitchell, also kneeling, was looking directly at the Allfather with no sign of fear. It occurred to Loki that perhaps his friend did not quite understand they were no longer in a nominal kingdom reigned over by a gracious old lady whose powers were hemmed in by custom and constitution. There was no "prime minister" who was compelled to stand in Parliament and explain himself to rowdy members of the opposition, nor a mechanism for replacing these rulers should the people become disenchanted. This means of government had struck Loki as inefficient yet vastly entertaining, and it bore no resemblance to how things were done in Asgard. He mentally begged Mitchell to stop before he said something that really angered the Allfather.
At the moment, Odin betrayed no sign of annoyance as he looked down at Mitchell. "Explain yourself," he repeated, but his voice was calm.
As was Mitchell's. "I have a certain... expertise... in matters of this nature," Mitchell said quietly. "I spoke to the healers about Loki's injury. They agree he was so near death when he arrived that he could not possibly have thought clearly enough to form a plan. He might have wanted to take us to this Vanawhatever, but in practice he would certainly have followed the path most familiar to him, without even realizing it. The dying often want to go home."
Odin, thankfully, did not ask how Mitchell had become such an expert on the mental state of the dying. Mitchell held the king's gaze for just long enough to emphasize his own lack of fear, and then respectfully lowered his eyes. Loki could not help but admire the gesture, which implied honour freely given rather than coerced.
"And how do you come to be acquainted with this man?" Odin asked, without looking in Loki's direction. "Do you work sorcery together?"
"No, your majesty," Mitchell replied, using the Midgardian honorific, which served to emphasize the impression of respect given on his own terms. The honours were all to Mitchell so far. "Loki lives with us, in our home in Bris- on Midgard."
"He compelled you to shelter him?" Odin prompted, apparently unable to conceive of anyone taking Loki in for any other reason. "Did he threaten you?"
This accusation proved too much for George and Annie, who replied, "No!" and "Of course not!" in chorus. Odin turned his attention to them, and Annie explained,
"He fell into the garden behind our house. I found him there. I thought he might be injured, but he seemed to be mostly... frightened and disoriented, the way I was right after I died. He needed help, so I brought him into the house."
It occurred to Loki that, not very long ago, he would have been angered-insulted, even-by Annie's words. Denied the friendship of others, he would have violently resented their pity. More recently, however, he had come to understand the difference between pity and compassion.
"And you permitted him to remain? Why?" Odin asked. The housemates looked at each other as if they had never really thought about it. Finally, George answered:
"Because... because he needed us, in the same way the three of us need each other. He belongs. He's... ours." Mitchell and Annie nodded their agreement. Loki thought he could be imprisoned for the rest of his life, if the Allfather wished it, and the memory of that little speech would sustain him.
"I see," the Allfather said quietly. He still did not look at Loki, which might mean nothing since he so seldom did. In the same natural tone, Odin went on, "And how did you come to be here?"
If the housemates had been planning to lie, the natural rhythm of the question probably would have caught them out. In fact, Loki realized, it might have been better if he had not prompted the others, since they genuinely knew nothing. Of course, he had not known that until he asked. Mitchell remained unruffled but both George and Annie looked uneasy.
"I'm sorry, your majesty," Mitchell said calmly, "but I don't remember anything."
"Me neither," George agreed.
"I just remember a vampire lunging at me and then-whoosh," Annie contributed. "I think I closed my eyes."
"Understandable," Odin said, still gently, and now alarm bells began to ring in Loki's mind. "Such an experience must have been overwhelming. Perhaps Heimdall can shed some light on what occurred."
Heimdall almost never left his observatory, and there was a stir among the onlookers as the golden figure strode forward. Loki tried not to let his expression show that he knew he had lost: his makeshift plan to protect whoever transported him-probably Heimdall himself-had hinged on Heimdall not becoming involved. The Guardian of Asgard would never lie to his king.
Heimdall came to a halt slightly ahead of Loki and to his right, made his courtesy to Odin, and waited for a question.
To Loki's surprise, Odin did not begin with the question of the group's actual arrival. Instead, he asked,
"Did you see, Heimdall, what occurred on Midgard, to Loki and his companions?"
Something in his tone made Loki suddenly realize that Odin knew, had known all along. The questioning was a charade and a test, and he had failed, again, and made a fool of himself, again. The entire purpose of this gathering was to allow the court to see his humiliation. He struggled to give no sign as Heimdall spoke.
"I did, my king. Your son Thor had asked me to watch over Jane Foster, and I have also observed Loki's activities on Midgard." Heimdall paused, until a nod from Odin bade him continue. "Jane Foster visited Loki at his abode, and left in the company of his two friends. They were accosted by a group of supernatural creatures, and taken prisoner."
"You did not intervene?" Thor spoke for the first time. He was understandably outraged, even though plainly Heimdall had saved Jane after all.
"It is not my place to intervene," Heimdall replied tranquilly. Loki remembered Jotunheim, the sound of Fandral, over Volstagg's shoulder, trying to breathe despite the holes in his chest, the shouts of approaching Jotun, and the sky above them resolutely gray and dark as the Bifrost stayed closed. Heimdall had to be called upon, and he did not always answer.
Now, however, he answered at least the question implied by the Allfather's silence:
"She was not in immediate danger, and I wished to see how Loki would respond." After a pause, he clarified, "I confess I was curious to see how long it would take him to decide to save himself."
Up until that moment, Loki had actually thought there was no aspersion that could be cast upon him he would consider unjust. Usurper, traitor, homicide-all these were true. But he had never, not once in his long career of accompanying his brother in one battle after another, in one folly after another, abandoned his companions. Never. He had turned, it was true, but not in mid-battle, not when Thor or anyone else depended upon him. Even that last battle on Jotunheim, with Fandral badly injured and Thor so blinded by his desire to kill as many Frost Giants as possible that he hardly even bothered to cover his friends' retreat-his blow with Mjolnir, cracking open the ground under their feet, had very nearly killed them... Even then, when he had begun to know the worst and his mind was troubled, Loki had killed the Jotun attacking Fandral. He had joined Sif and Hogun's efforts to cover Volstagg's retreat carrying the injured Warrior. Even knowing what utter disaster this would lead to, and despite his own share in the blame, he had not abandoned Thor or his companions.
And after this, after doing the best he could to show loyalty to companions who disregarded or actively disliked him, Heimdall expected him to forsake his friends?
Expected, and confidently awaited, Loki realized. And now the entire court was assembled to hear the story of his final treachery. Well, let them wait. For once, they would hear nothing to entertain them.
With difficulty, Loki swallowed his resentment, remained silent and impassive as Odin bade Heimdall continue.
"You expected him to do so?" Odin inquired.
"There seemed little alternative," was Heimdall's surprising reply. "He had no time to formulate a plan, no companion save for that harmless little ghost, very little magic at his command, and a large force of supernatural creatures to fight. I have seen men face similar odds. None of them lived to tell about it."
"And yet you stayed," Odin suddenly addressed Loki, who was so startled he looked up. "Why, when the situation was hopeless?"
Loki was prepared to be taken to task for his crimes, to be punished for them, to be held responsible for his return to Asgard though it was not of his doing. But to be mocked before a roomful of enemies was too much. Loki was aware that in his precarious position he could not afford to lose his temper. He did so anyway.
"What would you have had me do?" he demanded, a note in his voice that would be familiar to many at court, but one he had never, ever used before when addressing the Allfather. Aware he could do little but make things worse for himself, he still heard his own voice snarling, "They would have killed George, who is my friend, and Jane, for whom I was responsible, and either enslaved or killed Mitchell-also my friend. Was I supposed to fold my hands, and say it was a shame, and do nothing?"
"And what did you accomplish?" Odin asked, and Loki heard the tone of a father used to being disappointed by his child. The tone would once have driven Loki to silence.
Now he shrugged, a gesture of scorn aimed mostly at himself. "Very little, I suppose. They will need to find a new leader, and perhaps they are no longer convinced of the ease of their own victory, should they decide to try their hands at ruling over the humans. In terms of my own efforts at rescue, of course I failed. There was little chance of any other outcome. That was no reason not to make the effort."
"Despite being outnumbered, and mortally wounded?" Odin persisted.
"There is no need to point out what folly it was," Loki snapped, goaded by the hopelessness of his situation. "I knew it was folly. That was no reason not to make the effort."
Heimdall looked down at Loki, kneeling beside him, and back up at the king.
"I do not normally intervene, Allfather, but you can see why, under such circumstances, it was impossible that I should simply leave him to die."
For a moment, Loki did not understand what he had just heard. His own expression was probably foolishly blank as he looked disbelievingly up at Heimdall. The Guardian continued to look at Odin.
"I ask pardon for my disobedience, Allfather, but to do other than what I did seemed to me unjust." He paused, then added judiciously, "I assumed there was no harm in gathering these others at the same time I rescued Loki, but if it caused offense I ask pardon for that as well."
"Pardon is granted, Heimdall. You may return to your duties," Odin said quietly. Heimdall inclined his head and withdrew. As Loki, still unbalanced by surprise, watched him go, he realized his was not the only stunned expression in the room. Apparently he had been wrong about the purpose of this audience before the court.
He was recalled to the present by the sound of Odin's voice.
"Since there is nothing that can be said against your conduct in this matter, the only question left, Loki, is why you lied about how you came here. You must have suspected Heimdall's responsibility, and you knew you did nothing to defy me. What was the meaning of these falsehoods?"
Now that the truth had become inconvenient, Loki realized he had no alternative but to resort to it.
"I knew myself to be banished," he faltered. "I have no right to be here. I thought... I thought Heimdall, or someone, was trying to save the others and had brought me too. I was afraid he would be... I felt I owed him…" He found himself unable to continue.
Odin, for the first time in more years than Loki could remember, seemed to know what was in his mind.
"You were afraid I would punish whoever saved you, and so you lied to take the responsibility on yourself," Odin said wearily. Loki's only response was a stiff little nod. Since it was apparent Odin had known everything from the beginning, there was little he could say.
Odin looked at him, his expression strangely wistful.
"You told better lies when you were a child, Loki. When I asked how you came to be in the healing rooms once again, and you did not want to tell me you had been hurt by your brother, your stories could really be quite creative. I used to look forward to hearing them. I always got the truth out of Thor afterward, he was never a liar. I used to praise him for his honesty, and for his remorse, since he was always very sorry he had hurt you. It occurs to me now that it might have shown more genuine remorse if he had actually stopped doing so, but I did not think of that at the time. And so Thor learned he could do almost anything and get away with it, and you... you have progressed from lying to shield those who hurt you, to lying to protect those who help you. I wish I could honestly ask why you would believe that is necessary."
"I'm... sorry," Loki said helplessly. He wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for, but the feeling of being at fault had not gone away.
For the space of a heartbeat, he thought Odin winced. The Allfather sounded wearier than ever as he said,
"I was so proud of your loyalty to Thor. Proud of him for commanding your loyalty, I should say. That is how we refer to it on Asgard," Odin addressed the housemates, or perhaps just Mitchell, in an aside. "We speak with approval of those who 'command' loyalty, as though it is not freely given. And when that which is freely given is abused, and then retracted-that, we call 'treason.'"
"It's much the same on Midgard," Mitchell remarked.
"I have been far from wise, but it is some comfort to know I have not been alone," Odin told Mitchell, his tone strangely confiding. Loki was unable to look at the Allfather anymore and cast his eyes back down to the marble floor, where the pattern of colours and veins in the stone began to shimmer and twist before him. Odin's voice went on, "I tried once to tell you, Loki, of your origins and my intentions toward you. I was unable to express myself clearly, and you were unable to listen. I am myself again, and you will listen without interruption. Is that understood?"
"Yes, Allfather," Loki whispered. Apparently he was still to be spared nothing. The knowledge was tempered at least by awareness the king was not sparing himself, either.
Odin sighed, and began again to speak.
TBC