Forbidden Love

I almost died when he said that. There was no way I could do any of this, without him being near me in any sense. But he was right; if Sobel had his way, then we'd never have a chance at anything with each other.

"Don't..."

"Don't what?"

"Don't say that...it's not fair..."

"I know, but it's the truth..."

I sighed, trying not to be upset in front of him, not knowing if it was working.

"I have to go..."

As I went to move past him, he moved in front of me, effectively stopping me from going in. He did it with the other side too.

"Look, Cally wait...I didn't mean to hurt you... I couldn't care less about what Sobel will do if he sees us together, it's you I want to please..."

"And you think this makes me happy? Roy it doesn't make me in the least happy. It's just I know you've worked so hard for this and I don't want it to go to waste because of me!"

We both stood and stared at each other in total silence. Roy looked angry, I was on the brink of tears. So it stunned me when he apologized and pulled me into a warm hug, telling me everything would be okay and we'd find a way to get through this.

But, I was just fighting with myself. My heart said I could wait and we'd sort it out and my brain said stop kidding yourself. So I did. And it destroyed me.

After we'd moved to camp Mackall, we were moving out to New York, to a troop ship. During our time at Mackall, Easy company had been on almost constant training manoeuvres, the last of which Chicken shit screwed up and got almost everyone killed. The guys were not happy about that, to say the least.

I'd made my decision to talk to Roy, before we got to New York, and so I found him sat with Joey, Joe, Popeye and Shifty, waiting in front of the train.

"Well now, the army must have put him in charge for a reason." I heard sweet little Shifty say.

"Yeah, cause the army wouldn't make a mistake would they Shift?" Joe stung back.

"Joe, leave him alone."

"Or what?" He asked, not realizing it was me.

"Or so help me God I will break your skinny neck, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit." I growled back, all to aware of the monumental task ahead of me.

"Oh geeze sorry Cal, I didn't realize...are you okay?"

I nodded, "I um, just need to talk to Cobb."

I saw him frown at Joey, then pick up his bag, throwing it on one of the trucks before he followed me to a quiet spot.

"Cal..."

"I can't do this! I can't do any of it! It's too hard, there's no way I can go on the way we are..."

He frowned, looking around for Sobel, "What do you mean?"

"I can't see you any more." I said bluntly, tears now pricking my eyes. "I don't know how you feel, but I've never felt better when I'm around you-"

"So why can't you see me any more?" he questioned hoarsely.

"Because I can't be around you! Sobel will not let me be near you! If I so much as glance at you he takes my pass or makes up an infraction, and sends me on Currahee or on a 10 mile fucking march."

Now I didn't see the tough guy any more. He wasn't Roy Cobb, well not the one I knew. He looked utterly distraught, and I began to blame myself, wanting to take it all back.

"It's not that I don't care, before you jump to conclusions, I haven't led you on. This is for our own good. And think about it, if the gate gets fixed, we'll all be going home at the end of this and we'll never see each other again."

"You could stay."

"I can't stay. I have a family at home, a mum, a dad, a brother and a grandfather. I won't see them ever again and my family are my world, I can't abandon them."

There was a pause in the conversation, one that was full of tension and hurt and feelings of guilt.

"So, this is it?" he sniffed, letting a couple of tears fall. That's what got me.

"Roy don't you dare cry! I don't want this any more than you do and I never intended to hurt you, it's just what is best..."

He nodded, understanding me, but not agreeing.

"Would you mind if I said I'd wait?" he mumbled, looking at his feet so I wouldn't see the other tears. Now it was my turn to cry.

"No...I wouldn't mind, I'd love for you to wait..." I told him, wiping away the droplets of water on his face. We hugged, then parted for what seemed like the last time we;d ever see each other.

I didn't speak to anyone during the whole train ride to New York. There was just Shifty, who really understood that I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to sit by me and hand me a tissue every now and then.

And even on the ship, I didn't speak to anyone. I didn't really eat anything either, which is what I often did when I was in distress about something. Most of the boys just thought I was still hung up on the Sobel thing, and in a way I was. But this was tearing me apart. George couldn't make me laugh, Joey couldn't get me to talk, and Malarkey couldn't get me to sing in the morning like I did at Toccoa. And I'd bump into Roy a lot, with the ship being so cramped, especially with all the soldiers on it, we were packed in like sardines, so we were bound to bump into each other at some point.

He'd just smile at me, although we both knew it was hollow. There were so many times that I just wanted to pull him to me, tell him I was sorry for being an idiot, tell him I didn't give a damn what Sobel did, that we would work it out.

I spent most of the time sleeping, so I wouldn't have to bump in to him and feel the guilt.

"Sweetie, you're going to have to get up at some point!" Canada called up to me one day.

"Go fuck yourself." I groaned into my pillow.

"Please Cally?"

"NO!"

And then suddenly, from below, I heard, "I'm a Jew."

I look down and who do I see, but Bill and Joe, squaring up to each other. We all knew where this would be headed, so I jumped off my bunk, ready to get in the middle of the two.

"Congratulations, now get your nose outta my face." Bill hissed at lanky Joe Liebgott.

Just as Joe was about to throw a punch I dived in between them.

"THE HELL YOU WILL JOE!" Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough and Joe managed to sock me in the face, knocking me on the floor. I ended up on my hands and knees, wondering how the floor had gotten so close and why blood was dripping out of my face.

"Goddammit! You're like a pair of little bitches!" I yelled, standing up, blood still pouring out of my nose. "Bill, shut up and sit the fuck down. Joe, back the fuck off and stop being so fucking sensitive. I catch you two fighting again, I will report you for assaulting a superior officer. Am I clear?"

"Yes ma'am." they gulped. Thankfully Shifty was on hand again, to hand me a tissue for my nose. He was like my personal tissue box.

"Just stop, okay? You're friends, good friends, you shouldn't be fighting each other, you should be laughing and joking. I had two friends who got in a fight one morning before a patrol and then one didn't come back. His friend was devastated and he never got to say sorry. So stop..."

I told them the best way I knew. And then I thought about how much of a hypocrite I sounded and started to think. And I didn't stop thinking until late that night, when I thought everyone was asleep. I began to sniffle, thinking about my friends at home, the ones who didn't come back that day and then thinking about how I'd feel if that had been my last conversation with Roy.

"Hey...Cally are you okay?" Malarkey whispered to me, climbing up to sit with me. I shook my head.

"I'm an idiot. I let Roy go, because I was worried about the consequences and I don't care about them any more, because I miss him. But I couldn't be near him and not be allowed to so much as look at him, it was killing me...so what do I do? I've hurt both of us and if I can't forgive myself, he won't forgive me..." I sniffled even more, bloodied snot dripping down my nose from the earlier incident. That earlier incident had also left me with a bruised lip.

"I think you should talk to him. I think he went on deck a few minutes ago and you know what Sobel's like when he's asleep. I think it's safe." he whispered to me again. Malarkey was such a good friend, one of the most understanding actually. I knew his advice was sound. (that and if someone else had told me to talk to him, I would have said no).

I found that Malarkey was right. As soon as I came up on deck, he was standing there, looking lonely, staring out to sea. I took a deep breath and stepped forward, into the moonlight.

He looked around to see who was behind him and his mouth dropped a little in surprise to see that it was me.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see or talk to right now..."

"Actually, you're the only person that I want to see and talk to."

"But..after all this..."

"All of this doesn't matter any more...but anyway, it's not my call it's yours...did you want something?" he sighed, leaning on the railing and looking back out to sea. I went and stood next to him, building up the courage to tell him the truth.

"Yeah.. I did..I'm looking for someone, he's tall about 5"8, kinda broad chested, beautiful blue eyes, the kind of bloke that women would die to find...you seen him anywhere?"

He shook his head, not understanding me. I chuckled a little and then shook my head.

"Ah well, that's a shame, 'cause when we left for New York, he said he'd wait for me. Guess I 'll just keep looking huh?"

"You're an idiot..why didn't you just say you wanted me?"

"Because I'm an idiot?" he inclined his head, as if to say 'well...yeah' and I smiled nervously.

"I missed you Cally..." he told me, looking right into my eyes with a sadness inside them.

"I know, I'm so sorry...if you don't want to forgive me, then that's fine-"

"Why wouldn't I forgive you?" he frowned.

"You aren't serious..are you?" he rolled his eyes at me. I rolled my eyes back at him, and took the butterfly clip out of my hair to sort it out and put it back. My mum always said I looked like Stella Bonesera from CSI-New York. But then again, so did everyone else. I shook it out and it went to it's usual, curly state.

"Leave it like that..."

"Why?"

"I like it."

"But it's poofing every where."

"Not my problem."

I frowned and shook my head.

"Well... anyway, I was looking for you..."

He nodded, a faint smile on his lips, that, for the first time in a long time, looked genuine.

"Well you found me... I mean, I did say I'd wait."

"Are you still waiting?" I asked, terrified inside that he'd say no.

"That depends on what you were looking for me for."

The entire contents of my abdomen dropped like a brick in water. I didn't know what he meant and that made me even more nervous, so I began to fidget.

"Uh...are you..okay?" he asked looking a little puzzled as he watched me jig from one foot to another.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just get fidgety when I'm nervous."

"Why are you nervous?" he questioned, putting his arms on my shoulders to stop me hopping about. So unexpected was the action, I went bright red and mewled. Now he looked at me with a smile, raising an eye brow.

"What was that?" he teased.

"It was nothing if you know what's good for you Roy Cobb." I told him sticking my tongue out at him. The cool breeze on the tip of my tongue, suddenly turned hot and..well wet, as Roy cupped my face with one hand and brought me close with the other. I had waited forever for this moment, and so had Roy. It was the first time in forever, that we'd actually been alone together, in this way, and I'd just about forgotten what being held so close, by someone I loved so much, really felt like. I didn't get love like this back home with him. It wasn't love at all. What it was was rough sex, that really wasn't very good at all. And when that was over, it was like being trapped in a block of ice, the place was so damn cold, in every aspect of the word.

This was different, so different. And wonderful. We had a spark and if we were allowed, we'd make a fire and it would be everything we ever wanted. We'd get through this. I knew we would.

We broke, both of us panting heavily, licking our lips. And then he smiled. A full on smile, something, like I said before, hadn't been seen in a long while. Smiling too, I scratched the top of my head, wondering what or if I should say next.

"Are we still not going to see each other?" he asked slowly and quietly a few moments later.

"You know, I don't care what Sobel says. We only get one chance."

"I count this as the 3rd..."

"Well...oh yeah... 3rd times the charm huh?"

He nodded, pulling me closer into him. I put my arms round him and we just stood there, happy in our own little world, until we went back below decks, to sleep. We kissed each other before we went our separate ways, making sure we'd see each other in the morning.

"How'd it go?" I heard Malarkey whisper to me, getting off his bunk as I came past.

"You were right, so we're seeing each other again."

Grinned at me, "That's great!"

"I wouldn't have spoken to him if it wasn't for you."

"I should get a medal." he joked as I hugged him.

"Thanks Lark."