I stare at my parents until I sit down on the recliner. This is extremely akward. What is my mother doing here? The whole point of me coming over here was to get away from her. Now I've got to deal with her anyway. It's not like I suddenly hate my mom and want nothing to do with her, but I just wanted her to take a couple days to think. I wanted her to realize that reputation isn't everything. I want her to see that other people's opinions don't matter. I can honestly say that I don't give a fuck about what people think about me. That's a much better feeling than worrying about what people say about me. I don't miss that feeling at all
"Santana," My Dad is the first one to break the silence "I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I was extremely worried, but not angry. I'm just glad to see that you're ok." I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding
"I'm so sorry, Daddy." I know he said he wasn't mad, but I do owe him an apology "I should of called you or Mom to let you know I was ok."
"Yes you should have, but you're safe and that's all that really matters." He says calmly before he hugs me tightly. Before Rachel, my Dad's arms had been the only place that made me feel safe "We need to talk. You know that, don't you?"
"Yes." I nod, taking my seat once again on the recliner. I wish I knew what my parents are thinking right now. This talk would be a lot easier if I knew what I was up against
"Your mother told me that you accidentally came out to her yesterday." I nod "She also said that you yelled at her about your uncle then ran out of the house."
"That's not exactly true." I say as calmly as I possibly can. As much as I'm hurt by what my mother's need for perfection, I'm not going to start yelling at my father. That wouldn't exactly be fair "I thought that she was going to hate me. I thought that she stopped talking to Uncle Carlos, because of his sexuality. I had no idea that it was due to him cheating on his boyfriend. If I had known that, it would of made coming out to her a lot easier."
"Why didn't you come out to me before? I never would of judged you, Mija. You're my daughter and I love you no matter what." I feel a small bit of guilt at what my Mother's telling me. I honestly thought she would of been disgusted with me
"It's not just that, Mami." I start to explain "What about the reputation you seem go care so much about? What would people think once they found out you raised a dyke?"
"Don't you dare call yourself that!" My mom shouts, jumping off the couch. This woman is just full of surprises, isn't she? "Do you understand me?"
"No." I answer honestly "I don't understand you, Mom. Aren't you the same woman who stood by a cash register at the grocery store, just waiting for everyone to leave, so they wouldn't have to see you use food stamps? And we only used them for like a year, when you and Dad were put of work! All because you were so afraid of what people would think!"
"Well, I-"
"Aren't you the woman who bought full size candy bars for halloween, just so you could tell the neighbors that you can afford it?"
"That was once-"
"You even paid for this huge Quinceañera, that I didn't even want, just to brag about how amazing your perfect little girl is."
"Enough!" My dad shouts before my mother and I can say another word "Santana, apologize to your mom."
"Why?! What exactly did I say that was untrue?" I don't know why my dad is defending my mom. They got divorced for the very reason that I'm arguing with her right now. She cares more about what others think of her than her family
"That isn't the point! You will not disrespect your mother like that!" Is he for real? You know what, fuck this! I don't even bother saying anything back. I just stand up and walk towards the door "Where are you going?"
"Just for a drive." I say, not even bothering to look back. I just hop in my car and drive
What the hell just happened? My mother getting angry I might of understood, but my dad? When he was out of work, which was only for a year I should point out, she would constantly yell at him to find work before our friends found out we were struggling. That's why he left her. She was worried about how she was going to afford to cater to her snobby friends, while my dad was worried about how they were going to put food on the table. By the time that he started working at the hospital, they were already getting divorced. So, you would think that he would be on my side, right? I guess not though
I keep driving until I get to the park. I get out of my car and sit on the nearest park bench. Maybe I should just chill for awhile. My parents will probably call me any minute now and make me go back. What do I do now? My dad was suppose to be my safe place. Knowing that he's on my mother's side, just makes me feel so alone. Why does it feel like everyone is abandoning me? Brittany cheated on me and left me for Motta, Puck isn't talking to me, my Mom is more worried about the town's opinions than me, and for some reason my Dad is siding with her
~beep~
I pick up my phone to see I've got a text
From Sam: Is taking off again really a good idea right now?
I stare at the message, just trying to figure out what he means by that. Is he mad at me? Is he going to stop talking to me too? I don't think I could handle that right now
~beep~
From Sam: I'm not mad, San. I just don't want you to keep running from your problems
Fucking mind reading powers, I swear. I know he's got a point, but I don't know what else to do. Running away has always seemed easier than facing my problems. Ever since Britt cheated on me, I've learned that life is much easier when you don't have to deal with the serious stuff. It's not until I realized my feelings for Rachel that the serious stuff isn't always so scary. That doesn't mean I'm ready to face my parents. Not when I'm so confused about what's going on between them. I should probably let everyone know I'm ok though, plus I want to talk to Sam, so I pick up the phone and dial him first
"Hello." He answers on the first ring
"Do I always run when things get hard?" I had to ask. I know that I say running is easier, but it's not always better. If I keep running, I might lose my parents. Avoiding my problems isn't worth that
"Yes, you do." Thank you, Sam. He's suppose to be the supportive best friend right now! Why did I call him? "But, you're getting better at trying to stop running. I know that you think if you don't deal with the hard stuff, it'll go away on its own, but in reality it only makes it worst. You're starting to realize that, aren't you?"
"I'm just starting to realize what I could lose if I keep running." I whisper, a tear running down my face "Have you talked to Puck? I know he's super pissed at me, because of my running, but I really need you guys."
"I'm not mad, because you ran!" I smile when I hear Puck's voice in the background. I should of known that he would be at Sam's place "I'm mad, because I thought you were hurt, or even dead somewhere, and you didn't even call us to tell us you were ok!"
"I know." I sigh deeply "I know you were worried, and I'm so sorry that I didn't call, or even text. Just, please stop being mad at me. I don't think I could take you being angry with me anymore."
"You sound like such a girl." Puck teases, causing me to chuckle. This guy always knows how to make me feel better "I don't want to be mad at you anymore either. You have enough to deal with. You need me and I'm here, ok?"
"Ok."
"I'm here for you too, San."
I know you are, Sam.'' You would think that this would feel awkward, just because we never talk about the touchy, feely stuff, but it doesn't. It actually feels good. Please, don't ever tell Sam and Puck I said that
"Do you want to come over?" Sam asks "We're playing resident evil 6!" I'm almost tempted to go over, but I've still got to call Rachel. Plus, I have to be home soon to talk to my parents
"I can't tonight." I say, hoping they won't ask why. I don't want them to think that I'm blowing them off for Rachel
"Ok." Puck says, not asking any questions "We'll just play it with you tomorrow."
"Sounds good, I'll see you guys then."
"See you then." My best friends say simultaneously, before hanging up the phone. I immediately scroll to my contacts to Rachel's name, dialing her number as soon as I find it
"Keep calling." I jump when I hear Rachel's voice coming from behind me "She's not going to answer you, her phone is on silent."
"Damn, Rachel." I place my hand over my chest "You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here?"
"Well," She starts, taking a seat next to me "I've been waiting for your call, but it didn't come, so I was worried. I decided to go for a walk to calm my nerves, and I'm very glad I did, because now I know you're ok."
"I'm sorry I didn't text you." I apologize, reaching for her hand. My heart sinks a little when she pulls her hand away. I forgot, I can't hold her hand in public. I just shake my head at the thought before continuing "I just had a lot on my mind. My mom was at my father's house when I showed up. It kind of confused me a little bit. No, not a little bit, it confused me a lot."
"What's confusing about it?" Rachel ask, tilting her head to the side. I want to tell her everything, but I don't know how. It's not that I don't trust her, its that it's such a long story that I'm not really sure how to explain it anymore
"I can't talk about it here." I say, looking around at all the people who decide to stare at us. Is this what being with Rachel will actually be like? I can't hold her hand, we have strangers staring, and she won't even look me directly in the eye
"Cometomyplacetonight." Rachel rushes out in one breath, but I understood everything she said. Is she serious? Is she insane? She wants me to go to her place, where she lives with her fiance? Where they share a bed? "Finn is working late again, he won't even be home until the morning, please." She pouts
"Rachel, as much as I would love to have some time alone with you, I've got to go home to talk to my parents. They're waiting for me right now." My heart aches at the look of disappointment on Rachel's face, but I don't have a choice. I need to talk to my parents before they start to worry even more
""I understand." She whispers, looking around the park before taking my hand when nobody is looking. This is nice, just holding her hand like this, but I do wish we didn't have to hide it "Can you come by after you speak with them?" I sigh heavily, running my fingers through my hair
"I don't know, Rachel. Do you really want me to go back to the place you share with Finn?" By the look on Rachel's face, I know that she gets my point. I'm not pushing her to leave Finn now, although nothing would make me happier, I'm just saying that being at 'Their home' is something I'm sure I won't be able to handle
"I just don't want to be alone tonight." Is that why she wants me there? Because Finn is working all night again? I love Rachel, but I won't be her second choice "I just want to be with you tonight." She adds quickly, squeezing my hand, as if she knew what I was thinking. That puts my mind at ease for now, but Finn will always be a problem until she calls off the engagement
"If I could meet you anywhere else, I would." This sucks! Rachel and I aren't even officially a thing yet, but we've sure as hell have problems like a normal couple. You know what, that's not true. Normal couples don't have to worry about where they can have alone time, because neither of our places are an option "I want to be alone with you too. We'll just need to find a way to make that happen."
"Ok." She whispers, kissing my cheek quickly so nobody would see "Should I let you get back to your parents?"
"Yup." I say, standing up from the bench "I just need to talk to them, without running this time. I'm just too tired of running."
"I'm proud of you." For some reason, knowing Rachel is proud of me brings butterflies to my stomach. What is this girl doing to me?
After Rachel and I said our goodbyes, and whispered 'I love yous', I got in my car and drove straight to my Dad's place. I know it won't be easy, but I meant what I said before. I'm not running away anymore. I love my parents too much to risk my relationship with them, just beacause I'm afraid. Which is why I'm currently sitting on my Dad's couch, waiting for one of them to say something, because I don't know what to say
"I love you very much, Santana." My mom says, grabbing me by the hand. I know she does. I've never doubted my Mom's love, I just doubted it would be enough for her to give up her reputation "I also want you to know, I'm willing to try to not care so much about what other people think of me. It's already cost me too much." She whispers that last part, looking at my Dad
"I love you too, Mami." I say, wrapping my arms around her. I don't let her know that I heard her or that she was looking at my Dad. Sometimes I forget that she didn't want the divorce, because I always blamed her for it in the first place. I guess I haven't been exactly fair to her
"I want you to come home," My mom says as we pull apart "but I won't force you. If you want to stay with your father, that's alright with me."
"I want to go home with you, Mom." I know my mom is serious about trying, but she can't do that alone. She needs me. When I decided I didn't care about my reputation, it was kind of hard at first. As much as you hate to admit it, you still listen to people's opinions of you. She'll get over it eventually, but not alone. If she's doing this for me, then I'm going to try to do this for her "But, I want to spend more time over here as well. Seeing Dad just made me realize the little time I've spent with him in the last month."
"I would love that, Mija." My dad smiles, wrapping his arms around me. Why does it seem like this talk is going easier than expected? Wasn't I expecting a disaster?
"I do have a question though." My mom says "Do I really care about people's opinions that much? Are they really that important to me?"
"Mom, you're not talking to your own brother, because you don't want people to think you approve of his infidelity." I didn't say or to be mean. I said it, because she asked and she needs to know the truth "I know that he misses you."
"Maybe I should call him," I hope she means that. I hope that they fix their relationship, because I love my Uncle Carlos. I don't like cheating anymore than my mom, but considering I'm in love with an engaged woman, I can't be a hypocrite. I miss him and want to see him "but that is a problem for another day. Right now though, I need to apologize. Sannie, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that you weren't the most important thing in my life. I love you more than anything else in the world. Nothing matters more than you do, understand?" My mom ask, tears running down her cheeks. I nod my head, hugging my mom one more time
"I love you, Mami." I smile when I feel my dad hug me from the back, so now I'm sandwiched between my parents "I love you, Papi."
"I know, Mija." He kisses my shoulder "I love you too." This is exactly why my friends told me to stop running. Things with my parents might not be perfect, but you got to start somewhere, right? Maybe, with time of course, they can meet Rachel. With a lot of time