Author notes:...no comment. R&R
Bellatrix Lestrange was just plain crazy. Everyone knew that. It was obvious from the way she hung on the Dark Lord's words as if they were his test…hem as if they actually meant something.
When Voldemort was looking for a valet, Bellatrix was the first to apply. Being able to dress and, somewhat more importantly, undress Voldemort was her dream come true.
Unfortunately, Severus got the job. Bellatrix was not going to stand for it. She just had to see Voldemort naked, if it was the last thing she did.
She was pacing up and down her house fuming. Suddenly one of her house elves popped into the room.
"Milady, I have a cunning plan," the house elf exclaimed.
"What is it Baldrick?" Bellatrix snapped.
"Why don't you seduce the valet, just before the Dark Lord comes out of his bath, and hide in the wardrobe in order to peep." Baldrick explained
"No, that won't work. Wait, I have a cunning plan. I will seduce Severus, just before the Dark Lord comes out of his bath, and hide in the wardrobe in order to peep." Bellatrix exclaimed
The next morning, Bellatrix Lestrange stormed into Voldemort's bedroom.
"Severus! I can't hold this in any longer, I want you. I want you to take me right here!" Bellatrix demanded lustily.
"Bellatrix, get out now, before the Dark Lord sees you," Snape demanded.
"But Severus, I love you," Bellatrix lied, pinning Severus against the wooden wardrobe door.
"Bellatrix I…" Severus began before the bathroom door burst open to reveal Voldemort standing there, completely naked. Bellatrix was ecstatic.
"BELLA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CHAMBER OF SECRETS?" Voldemort bellowed.
"My lord I…"
"SEVERUS, GET AWAY FROM MY PRISONER OF AZKABAN!" Voldemort continued.
"My lord, put your Deathly Hallows in my Goblet of Fire, and run your hands over my Philosopher's stone!" Bellatrix exclaimed.
"If the Half-blood Prince would kindly leave, we'll make love like we just destroyed the Order of the Phoenix," Voldemort actually smiled, lustily, and threw Bellatrix to the bed, tearing her clothes off her lithe body.
Severus edged out of the room slowly whilst the two lovers did the horizontal tango. He never wanted to be a Death Eater again.