A/N: Happy Reading!Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten
Daddy's Issues
Father of mine
Tell me where have you been?
You know I just closed by eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of Mines- Everclear

After I ran away from the café I went walking around the city just looking at mums and daughters, daughters and fathers and just families in general. I'd never felt so lonely in my entire life. I'd forgotten how it felt to be in a city. How it could sallow you up in anonymity, and how that can sometimes feel like the best thing in the world. You weren't an individual just one of many organisms. It's always such a normal day, when ever the bomb drops on me . As chaotic as my life has been I should be used to this kind of thing.

I think when I saw my dad at that café my whole nervous system shut down, it wasn't that I forgot my dad existed, I had just prepared myself mentally long ago that I would never see him again. Oh but I wanted to. I had always secretly hoped that by taking ballet classes in Hampton there was a chance I'd run into him, of course in my head he was the one who was caught off guard by me and I calmly and coolly berated him and reduced him into rubble., but him seeing me first, and him being emotional and remorseful, well that threw me off completely. Bad things have good timing. I want to ask him why now, after eleven years of not giving a fuck why give one now?

I hadn't even known I splinched myself until I got home, and when I saw the wound it hurt like bloody hell. Pain is an odd thing; all that time I was walking around wounded but it didn't hurt until I saw it. Kind of like seeing my dad again. George was right I should have never gone to my house again, though I probably wouldn't have if Scratchy hadn't of done that interview with my mum. At any rate it's too late wishing I hadn't opened that can of worms, I've already did it and now I've got to live with it.

My father has aged not badly, but he has aged. Then again I must look older to him now. I'd forgotten how much my eyes look like his or how we both have long fingers and long necks. I don't know if I want him back in my life, what he just leaves again?

"Angelina." Charlie says and I jump. 'Could you pass the bread, are you ok I was calling your name for like five minutes."

"Oh sorry." I pass him the bread. Its another Sunday family dinner at the Burrow, and for the first time I feel claustrophobic. Everyone here comes from happy normal homes, but I'm the odd girl out. They've all been being especially nice to me because of what my mum said in that interview, and then George just had to tell them about the photo album. I know they all think my mum's mental, they're just too polite to say it.

"Angelina are you sure everything is all right?" Molly asks.

"Yes." I say with a fake smile plaster on my face. "Just feeling tired with school almost being here." I say.

Molly nods but she doesn't look like she believes me. George looks at me too and I know he doesn't believe me, but why would after the way I reacted to seeing my dad. I haven't told anyone beside George about running into my dad, I'm just not ready to, they already feel bad for me about my mum, I can't imagine how they'd react if they found out about my dad. I can't take any more sympathetic looks. I remember people doing that to George when he got out of rehab and how he hated it.

The last thing I want to be around is a happy family. Their togetherness makes me feel alone. Especially when they tell old stories. It makes me feel like I don't know George as well as I think I do. I'm relived when we finally go home.

"So what are you going to do about your dad?" George asks.

"I don't know."

"You're not changing your mind you are you?"

"I said I don't know." I kick off my shoes and take out my earrings.

"Come on Angie talk to me." George says from where he's sitting on the be bed.

"I want to see him, no I need to see him. I pictured running into my father so many times in my mind. I thought of all the things I'd say to him and I didn't, I just ran like a bloody fool."

"Look what happened when you went back home Angie, it wasn't what you thought"

"I know, but I need answers and closure of some kind, I'm never going to get that from my mum, he's the only person I can get it from, he owes me at least that much."

"I don't like this."

Ugh he can be so bloody relentless sometimes.

"Look can't we leave this for another night."

"There never is another night or a good time."

"George please." I say.

"You're not yourself Angie."

There's a lump in my throat. He's right I have changed, I feel I'm shutting down. The one thing that scared me the most about falling in love and getting married was letting someone else have that much control of your emotions. I love George and if he ever left me it would probably destroy me. What my father did to me almost destroyed me but I fought and survived. When Fred died that almost destroyed me too, and not being able to play Quidditch professionally anymore, and Montague. When I went through all of those things George was with me, I don't know how I could have made it through if it weren't for him.

"Just give me time." I say.

George presses his lips together but doesn't say anything.

I sit on his lap. "Please."

"I'll try Angie."

"Don't try do." I say.

"I'll do Angie."

My aunt's owl is tapping at out kitchen window Monday morning. I let her in take her letter and give her some treats and pet her head.

"Isn't that your aunt's owl?" George ask shuffling into the kitchen his hair still rumpled from sleep. He takes the orange juice and drinks straight from the container. I don't even yell at him to get a glass this morning

"It's a letter from my dad." I say sitting down at the table to read it.

Dear Angelina,

I'm sorry for the way I acted when I saw you the other day at the cafe. I didn't expect to see you! I didn't know I'd get so emotional, but you must understand that I've been trying to find you for quite some time now. know I cannot make up for all of the pain that I have caused you, I know this is very sudden and I'll understand if you never respond, I would like a second chance to be in your life. I don't expect an answer from you straight away, take all the taking time you need, but please if you find in your heart to give me a second change owl me back and we can have lunch and talk about things.

Very much sorry,

Your Father.

"What does it say?" George asks.

"He wants a second chance."

"I thought you never wanted to see him again."

"I was really angry when I said that."

"Good, you should be after everything he's done to you. Don't give him a second chance he doesn't deserve it."

"I want to see him, but how do I know if I can trust him, and I'm still so angry at him."

"If you don't see him, I don't think you should feel bad about it."

"I told you I need to see him. I'm going to tell him everything I've been keeping inside for eleven years. I want him to know how it feels to lie awake at night wondering why his love went away. I want to know how he could sleep at night knowing what he did to me. I want him to know what you did for me, how you helped me."

"I know, I know, but I'm still allowed to not like it." George says. "I never got to see the good side of him Angie, all he is to me is a bloke that caused you a lot of pain. I can't help it if I want to protect you."

I start on breakfast because I'm so full of emotion and energy and it has to go somewhere. I feel shaky and anxious like there isn't enough air in the room for the both of us.

"Can we please just drop this for now, I told you I really don't want to talk about it."

"Fine." George says and stalks out of the kitchen. I let the breath I've been holding out. Great now we're fighting just what I need. I can feel George's anger as I walk into the room. He's getting dress in quick sharp movements. Snapping his clothes and yanking on them.

He's so over-protective when it comes to family and friends, he loves so intensely it scares me sometimes, I feel inadequate because I seem to be unable to feel things as deeply as he does. I'm a woman it should come easily for me, but it doesn't. Everything George feels seems to be to the fullest and in Technicolor. I wish I could see the world the way he does sometimes. He and Fred have always been so full of life, I think that's why people were so drawn to them, but sometimes living with someone with so much intensity is overwhelming.

"I'm going." He says giving me a quick peck on the cheek. He's angry but not completely pissed off yet.

"George when you get silent because you're thinking about Fred, or you're feeling the pain of not being a twin anymore, and you don't talk, I get it, I get that sometimes you just need space, can't you do that for me?"

"Ok." He says.

I give him a long kiss to make up for the one he gave me.

"You know I could be late to work." He arches one eyebrow.

"Down boy, you can't be late to work an neither can I."

I go to work writing letters to my father in my head and not liking how any of them are sounding. Work keeps my mind distracted for awhile. I read through my roster of first year students and go over my first term lesson plans.

Kinnon and Neville stop by my class and we go to Stan's for lunch. His hut is much nicer than the staff room it feels more homey. The house elves cook for Stan, they're quite mad about him, he's got a way with magical creatures. I never find it hard talking to Stan, Neville or Kinnon about my family, they've all come from screwed up homes themselves.

Stan told us his father used to beat him.

"Don't know wot made 'em so mean, but 'ee had a temper, hit 'cho for any little thing."

"You're mum didn't do anything?" Neville asks.

Naw, she got hit too, tried makin 'er leave but she won't, says she loves em."

I will never understand people who stay with someone who treats them badly. I stayed with George when he did drugs, because I knew that's not who he really was, but from what Stan's told us about his father he's always been a bastard, and my mum was never tolerant of my dad being magical, squib or no, but he stayed.

"My dad was a verbally abusive misogynist who drank too much, but he also died a war hero so what can I say?" Kinnon told us when we talked about our dysfunctional childhoods. Taffy's interview with my mum is what broke the ice on the subject of bad childhoods. Here in Stan's hut no one here judges us or give us pitying looks, or that look that says "Oh No wonder why you're so fucked up" The four of us can laugh about it, trade war stories, and show off scars.

"I want to go and see my father, but George doesn't want me to, he's afraid I'm going to get hurt."

"One day maybe you won't be able to talk to him and you'll regret it." Neville says. "My mum and dad didn't plan on getting tortured into insanity, even still I can never carry on a normal conversation with them again."

"I was still mad at my dad when he died." Kinnon says. "He kept trying to tell me he wasn't perfect but I didn't want to hear it.."

"Oi wish my dad would reach out me, or my mum would leave me dad but that ain't going to 'appen not saying do it, just fink about is all."

"All I've been doing is thinking about it." I say morosely.

"Take your time that way you can make the best decision." Kinnon says.

"Yeah you waited eleven years, now it's your father's turn to wait." Neville says.

I go back to my classroom and start writing a letter to my father, one turns another and another till the floor is litter with parchment balls. I hurl a pad of parchment across my office, and Kinnon ducks just in time.

"I was just going to ask for some spell-o tape, but I see now is not a good time."

"Sorry, can't get this damn letter to come our right."

"Writer's block?"

"I just don't know what to say to him, it shouldn't be like this he's my father but the two of us are nothing more than strangers."

"Don't worry so much about what you write, just have him meet you somewhere and just say it, if he really wants to be back in your life he should be able to take a few truths."

'You think so?"

"A parents love just doesn't go away." Kinnon says.

"You don't know my mother." I say. "Her love is like a switch she can just turn off."

"I'm sorry about her, but at least your father reaching out to you."

"I know George doesn't want me to see him, but I have to go."

"Follow your gut it usually tells you the right thing to do, remember when you played Quidditch and sometimes you gut was the only thing you had to go on."

I well remember that feeling. There was always that split second where you didn't have time to be logical you had to act on what your gut was telling you.

"You're right, and more importantly I'm right." I say. "I'm going to see him."

"That's good on you." Kinnon Says.

The sound of someone clearing their throat makes me look towards the doorway.

George is standing in the doorway looking like a thunder cloud.

Kinnon looks from me to George. "Well I think I'd better go. He excuses himself and beats a hasty retreat.

"What was that all about?" George asks.

"What?"

"You talking to him about your dad."

"It's not anything George, it's not like I'm excluding you it's just easier talking to him.

"Do you fancy him?"

"What are you five?, how could you even ask me that?" I look up at him stunned. "I also talk to Neville and Stan think I fancy them too?"

"So you can talk to three strangers, but you can't talk to your husband."

" Neville isn't a stranger, and I didn't plan on talking to them about my father it just came up one day."

"Why can you tell them but not me?" George asks. "You tell me everything or at least you used to."

"I just don't want to get into how fucked up my family is because then you'll see how fucked up I am."

"Yeah because I'm the paragon of normalcy." He says and I manage a small laugh.

"I just don't want to see that look on your face."

"What look?"

"That pitying look, that poor-Angelina -with -her- nutty-mum -and-her-not-there- daddy look."

"I don't pity you Angie I think your awesome to have come from that and be who you are."

"I'm going to see my dad, there are things I need to say to him and I want to hear him say. I'm going to meet him tomorrow, the sooner the better I don't want to put this off."

"I know you need to do this so I won't give you a hard time, but I still don't like it."

"I know, but this isn't about you George it's about me."

I'm meeting my father at the café of our first ill fated meeting. I've come late because I know my father will come early. Coming late give the advantage, and I spy on him as I come into the café. He sits like I do, I'd never notice that before. His legs bounce up and down as he looks around from me. I take my time walking up to him, and my heart beats faster and faster. I take a deep breath. "He's more scared of you." I say under my breath.

"Hello." I say when I'm right beside him.

"Angelina! Hello darling."

He tries to hug me but I step back out of his reach.

"Right, too soon." He says and we both sit down.

"You look beautiful.' He says staring at me. "I want you to know how sorry I am for what I did to you and I know nothing can-

"You're right nothing can make up for it." I say.

"I'm not making an excuse, but what your grandparents did messed me up for a really long time, but I got help to deal with it and I'm trying to do the right thing."

"Why?, why did you give me like a dog, do you have any ideal what I've been through since you've gone?" I ask. The waiter who just came up to our table steps hurriedly away. "Do you know how many nights I spent crying over you?"

"I know, but all I can say is I'm sorry and try and be for you here now." He says. "I wish I could take all back and watch you grow up, I wish it more than anything Angelina."

It feels weird to hear him call my name. All of this still feels like some kind of dream.

"How did you find me?"

"I started looking for you when all those things started happening the bridge being attacked, the freak "hurricane", and those awful murders, I knew it was more than the Prime Minister was telling us, I had wanted to see you for so long, but was afraid it was too late, then I got scared that I'd never see you again and I had to find you."

"So how did you?"

"I swallowed my pride and went to see my parents, I was shocked at how very little they knew about you."

"Let me fill you in. The first man I ever loved died, and I'm married to his identical twin, I wasn't sober when I lost my virginity, during the war I was tortured and almost raped"

My father face is a mixture of sadness, horror and regret. "Angelina I-

"I could have used you then." I scream at him and don't care who's looking. I meant to keep cool and stay in control. I didn't want him to know his absent upset me as much as it does. "I needed you so many times and where the hell were you!"

"I know Angelina and I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry, but I'm trying to make up for it now."

"And so what I should just stop being angry?"

"No you have every right to be."

"Stop being so damn nice you're making this hard."

My father laughs. I made my father laugh and told him I was drunk when I lost my virginity in the same day, this is too strange.

"I've changed a lot since you saw me last. I don't hate myself anymore, and I don't hate my parents anymore."

"I don't hate you, I just don't like you."

My father looks as if he's been slapped then slowly smiles. "You always shot from the hip."

"What?"

"Nothing I just meant that you're still brutally honest."

I don't know how to respond to that so I just shrug.

The waiter comes back to our table and we both order soup and a sandwich.

"Do have any inkling of what you not being around did to me, is still doing to me?"

"No."

"Did you really think you were doing the right thing by giving me away, I mean how could you think that was the right thing to do to a little girl?"

"My whole way of thinking was wrong back then, I wasted so many damn years being stupid and afraid ,I could have lost you forever."

We eat in silence but keep sneaking glances at each other, and then we sit in awkward silence.

"Well you haven't lost me yet, I'm not saying I'm forgetting or forgiving you, but I would like to see you again." I say finally

"That's wonderful." My father says. "I'll see you on your own terms and we can take this as slow as you want to."

"I hope you mean that." I say.

"I do." He pays for our lunch and we get up to leave. My father goes to hug me but I step back out of his reach.

"I Forgot too soon." He says and I nod.

I go home feeling not happy but not sad either. I didn't go like I had it planned out in my head, but that was a good thing.

George is waiting for me when I get home.

"How did it go?"

"Better than expected." I say.

"So he's back in your life just like that?"

"No, not just like that, but he is my father George."

"Sorry Angie I'm trying, but he's still the bad guy to me."

"Well try harder."

"I will for you I will."

George hugs me and I hope both he and my father will keep their word to me, but I know better than anyone that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.