Ahahaha... um... hey? -sofa thrown at her-
OH GOD, I'M SO SORRY I ABANDONED THIS FOR SO LONG, BUT IT'S GETTING HARDER TO COME UP WITH IDEAS AND AKSAJSDNSDJ SORRYYYYY, JUST NEVER RELY ON ME EVER, OKAY? No, honestly, I really am sorry. I didn't mean to leave for such a large amount of time.
You've probably forgotten about this fic anyway, it's been that long ^^;;
This has a Christmas-ish theme, even though it's the 20th of January now :|
And I'm sorry it's so terrible and weird and un-funny...
What've you all been up to while we've been separated? *^*
Oh yeah, and do you have any new year's resolutions?
I've had my birthday in October [I'm 14 now], been to Blackpool, went into 3rd year at school, got some LEGENDARY stuff for Christmas, and done a lot of other stuff that I can't actually remember u_u;;
OH YES, BY THE WAY, I KNOW I SAID MY GOAL WAS TO GET TO 10 CHAPTERS, BUT EVEN THOUGH THIS HAS NOW BEEN ACHIEVED, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THIS FIC IS OVER. IN FACT, FAR FROM IT. I GOT A LAPTOP FOR CHRISTMAS, SO NOW I CAN WORK ON FICS WHENEVER I SO DESIRE, LIKE AT 1 AM ON A SCHOOL NIGHT WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED MY MATHS HOMEWORK 8D

[Cat, look at this. This is a chapter. Now you must upload another chapter to your fic, or you shall feel the true wrath of Mutton. And Salmon, go upload a fic XDD]

It was when he was wandering down the hall to his room that he saw it. A gathering of green leaves tied with a red ribbon hanging forlornly from the ceiling.

"Mistletoe." L stared up at the plant with curiosity. He knew about the tradition mistletoe carried. If two people (or perhaps more than two, though he wasn't sure how three people could kiss simultaneously. That was actually a rather amusing image) were caught under it, they were required to kiss.

Now he began to wonder who had hung this parasitic plant in the first place. The person that first came to mind was Misa, with her love for romantic gestures and cliché love stories. Knowing her, she probably bought mistletoes by the dozen, to increase her chances of being caught under one with Light. Her obsession with that boy was unhealthy…

L shook his head and continued down the hallway, but only to come face-to face with 17 mistletoes (L was good at speed-counting) all hanging together in a large cluster. He promptly ignored them, deciding he would have a word with Misa later about her inappropriate plant-hanging. What if someone in the taskforce was allergic to mistletoe? Yes, okay, it was a fairly uncommon allergy, but not impossible! Did Misa bother to check with everyone before she hung these possibly fatal plants? No. No, she did not. Aizawa could be developing a very uncomfortable rash that very second, and it would all be her fault.

He took a step forward to hear a rather disconcerting crunch. Looking down, he discovered a gingerbread man with a now-smudged icing smile and a disembodied leg. Seriously, a gingerbread man? Who would leave such a delicious treat lying on the floor, just asking to be stood on? He stared with a hint of melancholy at the biscuit's ruined smile and amputated leg. He had done that to it. L had just committed assault, yet the gingerbread man continued to attempt a smile. He admired it for that. Slowly, he bent down and picked it and its leg off the ground.

"I apologise… but it's better this way. I'll make it quick." He sighed and consumed the biscuit in three bites. The five second rule didn't apply here, the hall floors were perfectly clean. Well, he hoped they were. L didn't want diarrhoea on Christmas. That would be really depressing… oh god, what had he done?

He raised himself from his crouching position and lifted his gaze to find… another gingerbread man. He looked up even more, and there it was. A whole fucking trail of gingerbread men leading down the hallway. A whole fucking trail. Did anyone care about health and safety anymore (he was going to forget the whole eating-a-biscuit-randomly-lying-on-the-floor thing ever happened. If he got some sort of illness, he would just blame it on the bugs going round at this time of year. Or better yet, Matsuda)?

L noticed how happy they all looked. They all had perfect icing smiles, each one of them… he had to save these men before someone else made the same mistake he did. He had already made one sacrifice, he didn't want to ruin the non-existent lives of countless gingerbread families everywhere. Hurriedly, he shuffled down the hall and began to pick up gingerbread men, trying to balance them around his hands without making the icing on them melt and smudge. He wished he had a container, but there was no time to run to the kitchen and get one. Time was not on his side.

"I'll get you all to safety, do not panic." L whispered determinedly to the inanimate objects.

-timeskiplololyouweren'texpectingthatwereyou?-

L arrived at the door of the supply closet with an armful of sticky gingerbread men and sprigs of mistletoe in his messy black hair. He had had a few casualties on the way – a few men had not made it, and he may have had to eat a couple to keep his energy levels up - but he had to continue for the safety of the greater majority of men. Anyway, this was where the trail had ended. But this whole time, he hadn't really been thinking about where this trail might lead to. This supply closet might have a wormhole to another universe inside it, and he was going to blindly walk into it without a second thought. He should probably just ignore this mysterious room and take the gingerbread men to Watari. But oh, curiosity plagued him, and he couldn't keep walking.

He kicked the door open with his foot, but he was not prepared for someone to grab him and pull him right into the depths of the closet. The door shut behind him, and he was plunged into darkness.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOI-MMMPH" L couldn't continue his sentence, as someone had just locked their lips onto his and began passionately kissing him. Overcome by shock, he dropkicked the offender and jumped skilfully backwards. He couldn't search for a light switch, as his arms were still full of rescued men.

A dimmer light was slowly turned on by someone, and L was in a forest. A forest of mistletoe. The stuff was everywhere, on the ceiling, on the walls, hanging from shelves. There was not a surface that was not covered in the plant, and it was utterly terrifying.

Even more terrifying, however, was the man in a Santa-themed lingerie set and laced high heeled boots standing in a seductive pose before him.

"I've been a very naughty boy this year, L…"

Oh dear god, he had to get out of here.

"L-Light-kun. What an… unexpected turn of events, finding you in here, with this… rather worrying display… well, I'd better be going, I have a lot of men to attend to…"

It didn't sound so wrong in his head as it did out loud.

"Baby, there's only one man for you. And you're looking right at him~"

With that, Light pounced forwards and wrapped his arms around the disturbed detective. "What a coincidence, we seem to have been caught under some mistletoe. Well, I guess it can't be helped, traditions are traditions…" L was aware of another set of lips on his again, and then a warm tongue trailing teasingly across his lower lip. A slower version of "Santa Baby" began playing on a stereo set to a timer in the background, and L realised that this was probably a form of sexual assault.

There was only one resolve now. L had left his trusty taser in his room, so instead Light received a swift knee to the balls and a muttering of "Good luck with your sexuality crisis, Light-kun" before L made a hasty departure, using his elbow to push the door handle down and get him and his gingerbread companions out of the sexually charged atmosphere.

L drank a lot of eggnog that night.