THE PLACES BETWEEN THE STARS
Chapter 10 'I Got Nuttin' To Do, Mom!' or 'A Month On 'Endor'?'
DISCLAIMER: Hi, Edie again folks. OK Miss Street, just read what's on the vidfile screen on your PDO. That's like a cellphone on Terra. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that those came along much later. Anyway, just read from the screen on this thing OK?
First, we want to thank all the kind folks whose works and creations we have and are and soon will be using. We disclaim all rights and ownership of anything they have copyrighted and/or created. We especially want to thank anime's own Mr T, Haruka-San Takachiho for allowing us to use his Lovely Angels and Dirty Pair tales and for being gracious enough to allow us to name the Academy in his honour. That's where us cadets and trainees have to graduate from before we become tro-cons, what you'd call intergalactic cops, ma'am. Keep going, Miss Street.
Of course, it goes without saying that we are glad to reciprocate by allowing anyone to use our own creations and it'd be nice if whoever did so would give us a plug 'cause, after all, they are our brain children, right? Now we had just begun to select the Boss Lady Kei's half of the jury and first on the roster was St Commander Fritz von Dekker of the 'Emerald Queen' aka the Green Baron. This guy was really cool and a nice fellow as well. It was hard to believe that he was a direct descendant of Terra's infamous 20th Century German air killer Manfred von Richthofen, the Red Baron! Yeah, the same guy that shot down Mr Schultz's Snoopy in his Sopwith Camel, Miss Street. So here is Chapter 10.
After dinner was over, we all adjourned to the rec room to discuss our plans for this upcoming month which we would be spending right here on 'Endor'.
The Boss, of course, opted for a real football game to be played on a real and not simulated playing field. Miss Donovan suggested yet another party because it was a month or so before her and Yuyu's (Her AD 2140 counterpart) birthdays. The Boss's and Keisie's (Her AD 2140 counterpart) had come and gone at the beginning of the month for the former and in late November for the latter. Both had been nothing less than drunken binges!
Angie liked 'Duel Monster' duels but the guys wanted a series of all night poker sessions! The kids wanted to play on the holodecks but since Dynamo had yet to repair Johnny Berringer's 'changes' to them, Miss Donovan told them no. That was the little ones. The bigger kids were vidgame freaks and the re room was well stocked with arcade type games.
Rio and Flaysie were devastated when they found out that all of the shopping malls were way over on the other side of the planet and that the Boss Lady would not allow them to borrow any of our crafts for the jaunt! Cagalli consoled them and the other would be 'charge it' shoppers by suggesting they shop from the ship using the ' ' vidwebsite. That way they could buy all the junk they liked and pick it up at the Higurashi Mall in Furool (Foo-Lon) City when we returned there in another month or so. If we got back home by then that is, right?
Anyway they were all soon happily wasting away their vidpays on a bunch of junk they neither needed nor would probably ever use. Rio and Fllay were in for a sad awakening when they found out exactly how much Sub-Ensigns and Junior Sub-Ensigns were actually paid by the 3WA! And Soto Higurashi did not take IOU's either! Maybe their Auntie Angie or Auntie Marlene would bail them out when the time came huh?
Me? All I wanted to do was talk to my dear brother Tomoh and Daddy but we were well outta cell vidphone range of our world of 'Shimougou' or any of her many moons. However, I soon remembered the holovidnovels that Mr Wells (HG not Orson) had presented to me before he had returned to his own space and time. And if I was still bored, 'CC' had thousands of old and ancient Terra's books stored in his vast memory banks.
I started on one that looked very interesting entitled 'War of the Worlds'. Just the thing now that we were almost always fighting eh? I dawdled over the wordy narrative style of Mr Wells until I heard Angie send all the kids to bed at 2200 hours, that is 10 PM solar time. Yeah 2000 (8 PM) and 2100 (9 PM) are the kids' usual bedtimes but this had been a very special day so Miss Donovan had allowed them an extra hour or two tonight.
I vidplace marked ny holo vidnovel and sauntered over to the bar where 'Cat' and 'Kitten' (Rally and Mae the 'Gunsmth Cats' from Terran Chicago) were barmaiding tonight. I opted for a Sloe gin rickey but Rally had strict orders not to serve anyone under 18 solar years any 'hard' liquor and gin qualified as booze I soon found out to my dismay.
Oh well, a black and white milkshake with a few slices of pizza for good measure tasted just as good to me I decided. I was on my way to the lifts when-
"Jordan! Yeoman Jordan! Get your arse over here!" growled our fearless leader and I scooted over to see what I had done this time!
"Yes'm?" I saluted which as usual was a waste of time because I could count on the fingers of one hand the officers who returned salutes. Miss O'Halloran crooked a finger and I hurried over to her table which was covered with vid disks.
"See what sense ya can make outta this crapola in the mornin', kiddo. Get Ro and Gina (Lt Laren and Captain Phillips were our resident file clerk and adjutant officers respectively) to help ya. I want a complete record of that farce that 'Q' called a trial on your PDO as soon as ya can. Old Chuckie Boy (Territorial Sector Chief Garner) will need it when we get to Seto Kaibo. Take your time because I want it right this time, Yeoman! Dismissed!" barked 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' and off I double-timed as fast as I could go.
Would the Boss ever forget that teensy mistake that time when I mixed up her rank of Grand Imperial Marshall with Miss Donovan's rank of Fleet Commodore! It was an honest mistake and Miss Donovan had said not to worry about it. The Brigadier had agreed with her but as soon as old 'Eagle Eye' saw it, she screamed the ship down! And this from an officer who thought that a month or two later was plenty soon enough to do her daily reports! Guess Miss O'Halloran was getting more responsible as she climbed the ranks ladder huh?
I tapped on the portal to Captain Gina's 'office' on Level 8 which also housed the auxilliary bridge room beside it. Betcha you guys thought the only thing on that level was the holodecks huh? 'Ya learns summat new ever' day' to quote our security chief Jonathan Harlock.
"Please come in. It's open." called Ro Laren's sweet Bjorn voice and I hit the portal's release panel.
"Hiya Edie. Want some java?" asked a shirt-sleeved blonde Ro Laren. Apparently she'd borrowed one of Flaysie's wigs again because Ro had originally been a brunette or that's what the Brig had told me anyway.
"I accepted a mug of steaming mocha latte and glanced over to Gina Phillips's desk. All I could see was a huge pile of vid disks and other assorted junk that reached almost to the ceiling some 5 metres (15 feet) above my head!
"Where's the cap'n, Ro?" I asked innocently and the blonde Bjorn girl giggled.
"Hey Gina? We have company, ya know? C'mon outta your burrow willya?" shouted Ro and the huge pile suddenly crashed to the floor!
A bespectacled redhead emerged from the cloud and she was covered in dust, grit and grime. The captain stood up and brushed off her uniform slacks and shook her head free of cobwebs. She gratefully accepted the mug of minty Capuccino with a tot of brandy from my companion before she sat down on the floor beside us.
"Boss, you look like the devil's dinner, that you most certainly do!" chuckled Ro Laren merrily. I discreetly looked at the floor.
"Hullo Edie. Sorry about the mess but milady's method of record keeping leaves a lot to be desired. Yuck! I must look a fright!" replied the only 3WA officer who was ever promoted faster than our fearless leader who, of course, did the promoting!
I quickly explained my dilemma and the two of them were only too eager to help out. Anything was better than playing with the backlog of files which dated back to AD 2241! By the by, in case you've forgotten, it is currently AD 2255. It only took a moment or two to download/upload all of my notes on the trial into Ro and Gina's own PDO units.
Ro magically produced a bottle of 'El Presidente' which both gals assured me was nowhere near as potent as the stuff that the Brig and Miss Ella Hathaway had finished off in the former's flat that time which I'd like to forget! Nursemaiding drunks was not listed in the 3WA brochures either!
"Thanks guys but I'm only 15 and Miss Donovan-" I began.
"Ain't nowheres to be seen, is she now? What the higher ups dunno won't hurt 'em, Edie! Drink up!" said a halfway soused first lieutenant who had ditched her blonde wig, vest and tie and was in the process of shucking off her slacks!
"Ro! Keep something on for Christ's sake!" slurred a redhead who was now almost topless and already three sheets to the wind!
Don't our 3WA officers beat all, folks? Suddenly I too was feeling quite warm so off came my jacket, vest and tie. Boots soon followed them and I too was well on my way to being gloriously intoxicated! I felt queasy and sick to my tummy too! If this was what tying one on was like, I didn't like it one little bit! The door swished open and that was when we found out that Mr Mason and Mr Drake had been using the 'office' to store some legal briefs and other legal folders and stuff! Thank Kami that Miss Street was with them and as both were perfect gentlemen, she had preceded them into the room.
Della took one look at our sorry arsed trio and yelled for Perry and Paul to brew up some black java. Then she hit the portal release and sealed the door. Between Miss Street and Gina, Ro and me were hastily pushed into sweats. Both Miss Laren and Miss Jordan had upchucked all over their nice spiffy clean uniforms!
Gina staggered to the closet and changed into clean sweats herself. Her grimy uniform went down the laundry chute and just as we had finished becoming once again more or less decent, the guys returned with steaming urns of hot java and tons of baked goodies for us. It didn't seem that any of us ladies aboard the 'Angel 2' were on any kind of diets.
I found out later that it is almost impossible to gain weight in deep space. Honest Injun! Cadet's honour, man! I'll kiss the Galactic Law book on it, so help me, folks! I know it sounds baka nuts but it's the truth, that it most surely is and we are the proof in the pudding!
Good thing that the Boss had told me to 'take my time' on that trial report because none of us were in any position to do any yeoman work tonight! That is with the exception of Captain Regina Phillips! That gal was resilient and none the worse for wear despite the fact that she had drunk as much booze as Ro and I had! Mama always said that Daddy had a 'wooden leg' when it came to liquor and now I realized what that term really meant!
The next morning I awakened at dawn (Not by choice!) to Rio DelCroix's bellowing rendition of 'Ringo' coming from our shared bathroom! Unlike yours truly, darling Rio had enjoyed a good 8 or 9 hours of sleep! So naturally she was bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, revved up to max and ready to go! I had a hangover and in all likelihood so did Ro Laren and Mr Drake who had tried to outdrink Regina Phillips last night! Gina had polished off more booze in an hour than I could have stomached in an entire month!
Guess she'd been taking lessons from our esteemed Fearless Leader huh? Nobody could outdrink that Angel but that didn't stop any of the wanna-be's from trying, that it most certainly did not! I pulled the pillows over my head and buried my face in my bunk to drown out Rio's din but nothing was working today. As I started to turn over for another try, there was a tap on my portal. I glanced at the wall chromo- 0900 already? That's 9 in the morning in case you haven't figured out how to decipher our military time system yet folks.
"Yeah? Who's there? Waht d'ya want man?" I called out and my voice sounded a bit slurred.
"It is I. Perry, Perry Mason. I have something to make you feel better, Miss Jordan. If you were sleeping, I apologize. I can come back later if-" replied Mr Mason and no other voice could have ever cheered me up like his did especially with that promise to make me feel better! I hit the portal release panel and the doors swished aside with a slight shooshing sound.
"Here we go. This is, according to Mr Steigel ('Cowboy' Spike) a 'prairie oyster' and although it stinks to high heaven and I wouldn't offer it to a dog, he swears it'll make you as right as rain, my dear. Here." said my knight in a grey Terran business suit. I grabbed the foul smelling concoction from his hand and downed it in a single unladylike gulp! I swear I turned as green as the Boss's emerald orbs although Mr Mason said I had gone as pale as a yuyu, a ghost!
"Oh no! Please excuse me, sir!" I said and, with a hand covering my mouth, I bolted for the bathroom. I got there just in time to upchuck everything I'd eaten or drunk since yesterday's breakfast! However, a glance in the mirror told me that I was much less pale than I'd been a moment before. I splashed cold water on my face and activated the face dryer. We don't use towels a lot on our starships. I flushed the commode, washed and dried my hands and walking with a slight tilt to the right, I returned to the sitting room of my luxurious suite.
Mr Mason, bless his heart, had repped up some strong black java for us (For me really!) and he had also repped up quite an assortment of breakfast pastry treats. Cherry Danishes are my absolute favourites and I had soon pigged out on three of them much to the Terran attorney's amusement. He grinned and waved away my apologies.
"Please don't feel bad, Miss Jordan (Hadn't I asked him to call me Edie but then again, hadn't he asked us to call him Perry?). Paul (Drake) and Miss Laren are a bit under the weather this morning as well. I just can't imagine Paul agreeing to an I can drink more than you can bet with the captain (Gina Phillips). Can't imagine what came over him, Miss J- I mean Edie." explained Mr Mason.
"Oh dear! I do hope someone gave them 'prairie oysters', Mr Ma- I mean Perry." I replied and I was starting to feel a bit like my old self again. I can remember a time when I would have been embarrassed to entertain an older man in my rooms while I was still in jammies and kimono but those days are long since past.
"Someone did, Edie. Mr Zero (Zach) did for Paul and Della (Street. She was Perry's yeoman or gal Friday or assistant or whatever they were called back in 20th Century Terra!) did for the young lieutenant (Ro Laren). The captain had no need of any such assistances of course. Oh right. I was asked to tell you that someone named 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' has called a 'conflab' in her ready room office for the crew cadre staff (Including me of course!) at ten hundred hours, an hour from now or just about anyway since it's already a quarter past nine o'clock. She did say that it was not about and I quote, 'those damned trial reports', unquote. What it's all about I haven't a clue, Edie. Does it make any sense to you?" asked a perplexed Perry Mason and I nodded.
"Perry, 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' is our own Fearless Leader whom you know as Grand Supreme Marshall (She'd been promoted last month and had yet to add the rankings to her uniforms) Keirran (Kei) O'Halloran. She was your client, sir. Anyway, we will, in all likelihood, be stuck here on 'Endor' for another month at least. It'll take that long for Engineering to reprogram the ship. You see Johnny Berringer had monkeyed around with our holodecks' controls which is how most of the jury, the judge and some of the witnesses got aboard. That's how you, Della and Paul got here as well, Perry, only we sent for you because the Boss wanted the 'best damned lawyer guy in the cosmos that ever lived' and the Brigadier (Marlene Angel) had been watching your old TV shows and movies on the vidscreens. In the end, the Boss said you were the goods and here you are.
"While we're stuck here, we'll need some diversions. I imagine this meeting is to decide what everyone wants to do. In most mundane crap like this, Perry, this is a very democratic ship with everyone having a vote. For serious matters though, what the Boss says, goes with no deviations and no exceptions. I'm sure football and golf will be on the agenda along with pool, billiards, video games, 'Duel Cards', parties and Kami (God) knows what else. Please tell Miss Donovan (The admiral, commodore or whatever Yuri was this month) that I'll meet them in the ready room at 0950 hours, that's ten to ten, Perry. By the way, are you, Della and Paul invited too? (He nodded). It's up on Surface Level 9 just across the hall from our bridge. That's the big double room that looks like a disaster area. I hate to give you the bum's rush, Perry but I have to get ready. See ya later." I said and I almost added 'Don't let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out' (Hang around the Angels long enough and you'll be as foul-mouthed as the Boss folks!) but I bit my tongue before I did! I did, I am not proud to admit, shove him out the portal and seal the portals behind him!
At a quarter to ten I took the lift up to Level 8 and the yeomans' office that was being shared by Ro, Gina, Perry, Della, Paul and me. Rio had taken the kids somewhere to play hide and seek while the meeting was in session but she hadn't been invited anyway. She was with Cagalli Athna and Flaysie Allster and they weren't invited either. Gina was in the dining hall downstairs and had promised she'd be at the ready room before ten. Ro was as ready as she'd ever be in a grey 3WA tank top and cutoff dungarees and sneakers without socks.
Della was resplendent in a red pantsuit with a violet turtleneck and short 'Chukka' boots. Paul wore a sport shirt, chinos and loafers. Refusing to go 'native' as he called it, Perry was wearing a sombre blue/grey pinstriped suit and black Oxfords. His tie, however, was a deep red wine in colour. I was wearing a black flightsuit and boots. With the exception of Della and Perry, all of us were armed.
Della refused a weapon. Instead she produced a small aeresol spray can of something called 'mace' which she claimed was all the protection she needed. Perry refused to go armed and said that justice and the law were his weapons! Paul had kept his snub-nosed .38 calibre revolver but he had also accepted a Mark XII ion cannon from the Brigadier and he was trying to twirl it around his finger the way we'd seen the old Western gunslingers do on the vidscreens!
"Paul! For heaven's sake, act your age! Stop playing cowboy before someone gets hurt. That thing might go off!" admonished his Boss, Perry Mason. Paul Drake chuckled.
"This playtoy? C'mon now, Perry. What harm can this little popgun possibly do?" chortled the Terran private eye.
Instead of replying to him, Ro Laren drew her own Mark XII from the back of her cutoffs' waistband andf calmly blasted a gaping hole in the Kelvinite bulkhead wall rhat was a full three metres in diametre! Della fainted. Perry remarked that he had never seen anything like that before. Paul said a few choice very bad words! Had Granny Rockabelle heard him, he sure as shootin' would have had his mouth washed out with her lye soap! Paul glanced at his new wristchromo.
"Hope this meeting doesn't take too long, Perry. I have a golf tee-off time of eveven thirty sharp to play golf with the king!" he remarked and Perry nodded absently while Della took out her compact and looked bored. I found out later that the 'King' of golf had been Arnold Palmer from upstate Pennsylvania on Terra way back in the 20th and 21st Centuries! Of course Paul was not going to play with the real golfer, just a simulated replica created on the holodeck.
"You're playing with a repped up Arnie Palmer not himself, Paul. 'CC' can reset the 'Arch' on the holodeck for you whenever you like. On our holodecks, you can never ever be late." giggled Ro. I gave that young lady a few choice words of my own about that ion cannon stunt she'd just pulled! OK yeah she's a first or second looey and I'm just a lowly ensign but darn it all, someone could have been hurt!
At ten to ten precisely we entered the 'war room'. Stay tuned for further developments, guys and ladies.
END of Chapter 10. Chapter 11 will be called 'Endorian Escapades' or 'Mr Mason Makes A Suggestion' and as soon as the Boss Man KZ and our Story Teller Guy get it written up, your own roving reporter gal Edie Jordan will be back with the next part of our little ongoing saga. Until then cats and chicks- Keep watchin' the skies!- like Zelda, Maxwell and Bird are always tekllin' us-
Love ya all- Edie & your own friendship team.