Am very sorry for not updating sooner, I've been busy with work and I haven't had the time to write and rationalize how to go about this fic, though I've been imagining this chapter for the longest time. This chappie is a hard one because its basically a normal day after the storm type…or is it? Yui and Hotohori are so cute no? I just wish they really became a canon couple… -__-
Another reason why I have been in FFdotnet hiatus was…uhm, well…I was addicted to surfing and I have been spending all my weekends practicing. It's really addicting, especially when you have cute surfer boys teaching you how to ride. -^_^- The good thing, though, is that I'm inspired to write a chappie on all my other fics. That's right! I'm also updating Just Play the Melody and The Blue Flower. I already put up updates on The Pretend Boyfriend over the weekend.
Anyway, thanks for leaving your adorable reviews. I had a grand time reading your reviews over and over again. Ehehe. Am so glad you like how this story's developing.
Fallenmad: Yes! Yui will definitely give Hotohori the cold shoulder more…soon.
XxLadyYuixX: Haha, didn't know Taka had it in himself to act…preppy. o_O And yes, Hotohori was somewhat retreating to dear Miaka again. But then, maybe he just missed her. ^_~ Thanks for constantly reading and leaving a review!
NiennaOronar: I totally agree with you, though you have to remember that everything in this fic is in Yui's perspective. She might have overlooked something. ^_~
Khryztinne: Are you a YuiNak fan as well? Hotohori will pay BIG time—just have to organize the sequences.
Leah_lover: Thanks for visiting again! I thought you didn't like the other chappies so you're not leaving any comments. Ahaha, anyway that's paranoia in me talking. Yes, Nakago will come in, maybe in one or two more chapters.
Mariescott: Thanks for the loving the story, though I haven't been able to update for the longest time! I hope you like this chapter as well.
X-Sanos-X: Wow, I have no idea it Taka was hitting on Yui though. Must have made a slight mistake somewhere ^_^ but your comment sure gave me ideas. I'm sorry Chap2 had to be a bit technical, couldn't visualize the scene without doing so. And yes, Aki and Aya are from Ceres! ^_^
Disclaimer: FY is not mine, if it were, Yui and Hotohori would have became a canon couple and thousands would have been writing about them now. Heehee.
Chapter 10: You Mean Nothing to Me
By Slavedriver2008
Yesterday was a play, a separate reality, a dream. In that span of time, I met someone, fell in love, gave myself wholeheartedly, entertained the thought of belonging. I was engulfed. Today was different. There were no delusions, no possibilities, no what-ifs. There was only the world I live in, the roles I play, the people around me. There was no imagination, no dreams, no hope, no laughter. There was only knowledge, facts, experience, grief.
There was no Sai. There was only Hotohori.
I got up from bed and went straight to the bathroom. Feigning the cold autumn morning, I opened the shower and let the freezing water consume me. It had been a long night. Right after the three left my apartment, I had spent the wee hours thinking of the previous month and every interaction Sai and I had.
Sai, I mean Hotohori, remembered everything. Does he know who I was when he first saw me? Was he pretending to not recognize me at all? Why? Was it for revenge? Was he nice to me because he wanted to hurt me? Thousands of questions erupted in my head and I wanted to rid of them. It was useless questioning things, the bottomline was that he was gone—and he won't be back.
If ever he did come back, it'll be different. I can't look at him the way I used to. I can't want him. I can't desire him. I can't love him. Period.
My body was trembling from the cold but I wanted to feel numb. If Miaka hadn't come, he would have stayed for the night and I would have awaken in his arms, gazing at his beautiful hazel eyes. If Miaka had not arrived last night, we would still be in the dream. And he would still be Sai. My Sai.
The doorbell rang as I was getting dressed. Who the hell would that be? My clock said it was around eight in the morning. Who would visit me this early? Miaka passed out last night and she wasn't the early worm type. The doorbell rang again and I lazily walked toward the door, opening it very slowly, my mind still tired and sleepy from thinking too much the previous night.
A warm familiar smile greeted me and I blinked. "Boshin? I thought you're in Kyoto?" The boy nodded warmly and raised his hand. He was carrying loads of brown packages, the fresh smell of newly-cooked meal filled my senses.
"Good morning, Yui! I brought breakfast! Should we eat it here?" he said in one breathing and I can only nod in response. I backed away from the door and opened it for him. He hastily went inside and his childishness made me smile. I was about to close the door when a hand stopped me. My eyes widened when I found out who it was.
"Do you mind?" Hotohori cleared his throat, eyebrows raised.
"YOU! What are you doing here?" I asked and he smirked. My body trembled and my heart palpitated, the way it usually does when I see him and we're inches away from each other. Just when I wanted to rid him from my thoughts.
"Why, for breakfast of course," he said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. "Don't overreact Hongo, I was here last night and the afternoon before that." He smirked and I banged the door open.
"FINE! Suit yourself." I turned away from him and walked toward the kitchen. Boshin was looking at me weirdly and his stares jumped to his brother when the latter appeared on the table. Hotohori sat directly across me and openly stared but I looked away from him.
Probably realizing the tension, Boshin started to unpack the breakfast he brought. "I got us pancakes, waffles, and of course pork buns. I also bought egg tarts and burgers and fries and bacon and eggs and oh, I also got yakisoba and ramen," he narrated and my mouth opened.
"You brought all that?!" I asked with disbelief. "We can't eat everything for breakfast…" I said, trying to not hurt his feelings.
"Well…I don't know what you usually eat for breakfast so I pulled in everything I can think of!" he said and I gave a wry smile. "As for the rest, well, we can eat it later." Later? My brows creased. What does he mean later? "So, what are you having, Yui-chan?"
I smiled warmly at him. Boshin does not deserve my wrath against his brother. Hotohori earned it. "Pancakes would be nice." His eyes shined and he immediately took the package inside the paper bag.
"I knew it! You're definitely the type who eats pancakes for breakfast," he muttered and I looked at him quizzically. "I guess you have to settle for the waffle, brother." He gave another package for Sai, I mean Hotohori, and the latter smirked. "You two are really cute, you almost eat the same things," Boshin teased. My cheeks burned but I rolled my eyes and looked away.
"Thank you for bringing me breakfast." I smiled at Boshin and he blushed.
"You're making me blush, Yui! It was actually onii-chan's idea." Hotohori cleared his throat and I frowned. "Well, not directly, he just said breakfast outside would be nice and I immediately thought of eating with you. And since I've never been to your apartment, I thought it would be perfect to pay a visit," he explained and I nodded. He's definitely the talkative one. Unfortunately, he's stuck with the aloof pathetic brother. "Sorry, I talk too much. I just don't want to be misunderstood!"
I laughed and Boshin blushed harder. My eyes met Hotohori and he was frowning, loneliness was evident in his eyes. I looked away from him, trying to focus my attention on my free breakfast.
"Itadakimasu!" I dug into the meal and started to eat. The two ate as well and I still tried to avoid Hotohori's gaze. His name sounded weird in my tongue but I had to get used to calling him by his seishi name. I had to get used to the fact that he's definitely not up for grabs. Somehow, calling him Hotohori brings back that fact. I had to remember, an easy feat considering that I am proudly cerebral.
We took the meal awkwardly. Sometimes Boshin would engage us in a conversation but we, Hotohori and I, don't want to walk—literally. Poor Boshin, he was trying so hard. After some unsuccessful tries, the boy eventually gave up and we ate in total silence. Something brushed through my toes and I immediately looked up. I met Hotohori's gaze and his lips curved to a smile. Heat spread through my face and I pushed my legs under my chair, the farthest I could to move it away from him. Hotohori smirked.
I looked at him sharply, warning him not to flirt with me. I guess he misunderstood what my stares meant. I felt his toes travel up my leg. The light touches created goosebumps in my skin. I tried not to moan or show him I was enjoying his gestures. But I somehow liked the intimacy between us. Oh no. I'm not supposed to enjoy it, and Boshin's at the table too for Seiryuu's sake! I gasped when his toes circled my knees.
"Is there something wrong, Yui?" Hotohori asked innocently and I wanted to slap him. My face was hot, heck, my whole body was burning. He gave me a knowing smile and I shook my head violently.
"You look all red, Yui. Is there something wrong with the pancakes?" Boshin asked, worried.
"What do you want to do afterwards?" I asked Boshin, changing the topic. Hotohori slid down my calves and focused his attention on my ankle. I cursed in my head, trying to stop myself from giggling. My ankle was the most ticklish part of my body, and how the hell did he know that?
"What do you suggest we do today, Yui? I don't want to go home yet. Your place is so cozy." Boshin finished his serving of bacon and eggs and turned to me.
I pushed Hotohori's foot away and he made a sound. Boshin turned to him. "How about a movie?" I said and the younger prince turned to me, smiling.
"Yes! What movie are we watching?" He stood up, eager.
"Anything you want. The DVDs are in my room." Boshin looked awry. "Yes, you can enter my room. You'll see it once you get in, right side, whole shelf." Boshin smiled sheepishly.
"Thanks, Yui!" he hurriedly left the table and I turned to Hotohori when I heard the door of my room closed.
"What the hell are you doing?" I breathed out. I stood up and started to clean the table, trying to act as normal as possible. "Can we act civil in front of your brother, please?" I turned toward the sink and threw the empty bags in the trash bin. I was surprised when Hotohori pulled my arm and embraced me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and I thought the whole world stopped for awhile. My chest beat loudly. He moved his fingers along my hair and planted a kiss at the top of my head. My face felt hot.
"What for?" I asked softly. He gently touched my face and I met his gaze. His warm thumb brushed through my cheeks in the softest manner I can remember. He was looking at me with loneliness, and he moved his eyes along every part of my face. Hotohori smiled bitterly. My heart palpitated.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered, looking straight into my eyes. "…I can't be the same person I used to be…I can't be the man you wanted…"
My eyes felt watery. My body trembled. "What do you mean?" Hotohori kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he was already intently looking at me. When he didn't respond, I knew I have my answer. He was saying goodbye. He was telling me he can't interact with me the way we usually do. He was trying to push me away without hurting me. But damn, it hurts so much.
He can't love me.
I closed my eyes and moved away from his embrace. His eyes followed me as I walked toward the other end of the table, my back still on him. I bit my lip and tried to stop my tears from falling, successfully. I sighed then turned to him. "That's great," Hotohori looked at me questioningly. "I don't have to pretend or push myself to like you," I lied, to my amazement, my voice didn't tremble.
Hotohori's brows creased. "What?"
"We can be civil now," I said slowly and he was hanging on every word. "I don't have to force myself to like you because you're royalty. I...don't have to use you anymore..." I said and a familiar scene returned to my memories. The most heartbreaking memory I would rather not go back to. "…to forget Nakago."
I looked straight and I saw hurt flashed through his eyes. Then, just as quickly as it emanated, anger replaced it, then nothingness. His face became unreadable, like when we first met. He smirked. "I see. So it was a game for you, was it?" I looked away. I had to eventually lie right? "You are the least person I know who would treat me differently because of who I am," he said, his voice edgy. He walked toward me until our faces were inches apart. I can smell him. "And Nakago," he whispered, not as a question. "What am I to you, Yui? What was I to you?"
I swallowed hard and met the coldness of his stares. "Nothing. You mean nothing to me. Just like it was before."
Hotohori left my gaze and angrily punched the wall beside him. I looked away, tears flowing through my cheeks like rain. He didn't notice as he left the kitchen in hurried heavy footsteps, not once turning back. The main door banged and when silence came back, I let out the frustrations, anger, bitterness, that have been kept for so long in my chest. I sat on the floor and cried, without a care if anyone heard me. It was so painful. I wanted to kill myself for lying. I wanted to kill myself again.
I wanted to take back what I said but I knew it would not make me feel better. He still loved Miaka and he can't leave her behind. He waited for her, even in this life he was hers. Where do I stand then? Nowhere. I belonged nowhere. I belonged to nobody. Just like before. It felt sad…being unwanted.
Arms wrapped around me and I leaned down at the owner, my mind clouded with sadness and pain and guilt. "Yui…" Boshin's voice comforted me somehow but instead of calming down, everything came out of me like wildfire.
And I was burned by the emotions that were beyond my control.
"I love him…I love him…Damn, I'm in love with him…"
A/N: I don't want to write this chapter but I knew I had to eventually do. I feel so sad with this piece… -___- Please please review…