Never have I had, a rational mind and

Never have I been, rational inside

My good, my heart and my head

That's the way they've always been

Never gonna change, who I am

Just cause you'll never understand

Never gonna apologize

For being so intense

How the hell would that make any sense?

-They Told Me by Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside

DAMON

I grabbed a bag and started blindly tossing random shit inside. Fiji, here I come. Screw Mystic fucking Falls. I don't even know why I stayed so long in the first place. Tucking a flask in the side pocket, I slipped on a pair of aviators and slammed the door. I'm so fucking excited for those tiny-ass bottles of vodka.

I smiled beguilingly at the woman behind the United Airlines desk. "One ticket to Fiji, please."

She raised an eyebrow and typed something into the computer. "I'm sorry, sir, but all the flights today are booked. The earliest flight I can get you on is…Friday."

I inhaled, as my fingers curled into fists at my side. Today was Tuesday. I leaned forward, widening my eyes slightly. "I don't think you understand…" I glanced at her nametag. "Alison. I need a flight today."

She blinked, slightly mesmerized. "Let me see what I can do," she said, tapping away. Ha. And I didn't even compel her. "Okay, you're all set for the 6.30 flight," she said. "You have one stop in San Francisco with a 2-hour layover."

"Am I in first class?"

"No…"

I smiled with as much charm as I could muster. "Is there anything you could do about that?"

"Uh…let me see…if I rearrange…" She printed out my ticket and handed to me. First class. Excellent. "Gate 15A. Security is over there."

Pfft. Like I'm going to go through security.

After I compelled my way through, I settled into a seat at the gate with a copy of GQ and a cup of black coffee.

Okay, I spiked it a little. I made a face as I took a sip. Even my fortified version was nearly intolerable. Did airports have a rule against drinkable coffee?

A leggy blonde dropped into the seat next to me, smiling flirtatiously.

"Seat's taken, honey," I said without thinking. She looked taken aback, as if no one had ever turned her down before. Which, considering her…ah, assets, was probably true. But there's a first time for everything.

"By who?" she asked, fluttering her lashes coquettishly.

I flipped open my magazine and scanned the pages unhurriedly. "Not you," I said without bothering to look up. She huffed as she picked up her bag and strutted away. Elena would never -

Don't even go there, you pathetic bastard. Goddamn it. I should've taken that distraction when I had the chance. On second thought…

"Hey, you," I called to the blonde's retreating back. She turned reluctantly, still miffed. I patted the seat next to me invitingly.

ELENA

I stood in front of what remained of my house. Tears were rolling silently down my cheeks. I was amazed there was any fluid at all left inside my body. It felt like all I had done for the past two years was cry. Memories were glittering harshly in my mind, and facing them was like trying to stare straight into the sun. I hadn't forgotten any of it, but it seemed like they had intensified, radiating with the backlash of repressed emotions. It felt incredibly pathetic, but also completely necessary.

"Poor you," a voice drawled. I turned around slowly to see Rebekah standing there, looking as if it bored her to even look at me. "I see you've decided to turn your humanity back on," she said. "Pity. I heard you were much more fun without it."

I wiped my eyes and pushed myself back to my feet. "Go away."

"Ouch, that hurt. You know, you should really work on your comebacks."

"I'm not in the mood for this, Rebekah," I said. "I-"

"Oh, I know," she interrupted. "Your newly restored humanity means you're back on your moral high horse and you're moping about all the idiotic stunts you pulled back when you didn't care."

"How could I do that?" I asked myself out loud. "What I did to those people…April…I just, I can't –" And Damon. What I did to Damon. For the first time, I wished I could be compelled, just to forget the look in his eyes when I told him I 'loved' him.

But at the same time, I deserve it. I deserve to know what I did and deal with the consequences.

"Do I look like your diary?" Rebekah cut in. "Because –"

It was my turn to interrupt. "Nope," I said, staring ahead. "I burned that. Along with everything else."

Rebekah was uncharacteristically silent. "Don't try to tell me to pull myself together," I said. "I'm well aware my life is a disaster."

"I wasn't going to," she said. I shot her a confused look, and she sighed. "Look, Elena. I'm not totally heartless. Jeremy was your only family, and…" Rebekah hesitated. "And I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," I said after a pause. She nodded. "So…what are you doing here?" I asked after a beat.

"I was looking for you, actually."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Why?"

"Something happened at Jeremy's funeral you need to know about."

She quickly explained the priest's suspicious death. I inhaled. Think. "Okay. I need to talk to Damon.

Rebekah rolled her eyes. "Did you not just hear me? We need to get the little redheaded brat under control. Your reunion with your boyfriend can wait."

"Damon's the only one who can handle her," I snapped. Although it was true I was dying to talk to him and apologize. "Where is he?"

"He WHAT?"

Caroline backed away nervously, twisting her hands. "I'm sorry, Elena. He didn't tell any of us, he just left."

"But…but most of his stuff is still here!" I argued. My eyes trailed to his open closet. His favorite leather jacket was missing, along with his passport and the silver flask that usually stood on his dresser. Fuck. I kicked the bedpost in frustration, leaving a dent. "How long ago did he leave?" I asked, pacing impatiently and flicking my hair out my face. Caroline opened her mouth, but I cut her off. "You know, I'm just going to go to the airport. I'm assuming he's about to hop on a some flight since he took his passport."

"You could just wait until he gets back!" Caroline called after me as I brushed by. I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of having it come true, but I had a nasty feeling he wasn't planning on coming back at all. I couldn't even blame him for it after the way I'd treated him. The only thing I could do was try to catch him before he left for good.

DAMON

"So then I was like, no you're the prettiest, and then she was like no you are, and then I was like…" I was seriously regretting my decision of calling her back. I had endured about twenty minutes of nonsensical babble about sororities and beauty pageants. Jesus. I have no idea why I do this to myself. I unscrewed the top of my flask and took a sip, letting the alcohol wash through my veins. I was very nearly drunk, though it seemed no amount of vodka-induced haze could block out the blonde's annoying words.

"You're not even listening," she pouted. She'd told me her name, but I'd forgotten it almost immediately. Fuck it. I'm just going to wing it.

"Brandi," I guessed, taking a shot in the dark. It seemed an appropriately ditzy name. "I promise you I'm listening," I assured her, lying my ass off. I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but I have zero fucks to give about her kitten named Princess Sparkles.

She frowned, puzzled. "Who's Brandi?"

Damn. "Ah…I meant…could you be a dear and go buy us some brandy?"

She sighed melodramatically. "But we're boarding soon!"

"Go. Buy. Alcohol," I repeated, layering my voice with compulsion.

"Okay," she agreed brightly, getting up. I slumped back in my seat in relief. If I have to hear one more anecdote about Princess Sparkles, I'm going cut my fucking ear off, van Gogh style.

I wonder what Elena's doing. I wonder if she even noticed I left. Probably not. I wonder if –

"Damon!" I turned to see Elena running towards me.

"Elena," I breathed, her name like honey on my lips. She barreled straight into me, pressing her face into the lapels of my jacket. My arms wrapped around her as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

She lifted her face to meet my eyes. "I'm sorry," she babbled. "Damon, I'm so, so sorry, just please don't leave, please, I love you -"

I crushed my lips against hers. She kissed back hungrily. My hands were tangled in her long hair, pulling her as close as I could. She tasted like peppermint. I couldn't get enough of her. I never could. God, it felt good. It felt like running around on a summer day with the sun shining in a perfect blue sky. It felt like the first taste of blood when you're so fucking hungry it's the only thing you can think about. It felt like-

"They didn't have brandy, but I got us tequila!" My eyes snapped open. The blonde was standing in front of me, waving two bottles gaily. Elena was nowhere to be seen. I sat up slowly. Brandi or whatever the fuck her name is squinted at me through layers of heavy black mascara. "Are you okay?"

I rubbed hand over my face, trying not to choke the overpowering scent of perfume that was definitely not jasmine. "Not even close."

ELENA

I arrived at the airport and rushed up to a random desk. "Have you seen Damon Salvatore?" I demanded breathlessly.

The man looked at me oddly. "Excuse me?"

I slammed my palms on the desk. "Damon Salvatore," I repeated. "Have you seen him?"

"Miss, we can't give out information about individual passengers," he informed me. "Now, unless there's something else I can help you with, you're going to have to leave."

I snarled, my fangs pushing at my gums. I forced myself to calm down. "Please check," I compelled him.

He obediently typed in the name on his monitor as I tapped the counter impatiently. "It looks like he bought a ticket for tonight's flight to Fiji," he read.

"When does that leave?"

"It's boarding…now."

I peered around the desk to see the screen to check the gate number. "Thanks," I said before dashing off. A security officer tried to stop me at security. "Miss, can I see your ticket?" he asked warily as he took in my frazzled appearance.

"Um, I don't, uh, exactly have one, but –"

"I'm sorry, but you can't be in this area without a ticket," he said firmly, steering me away.

My last thread of patience broke. I grabbed his wrist, breaking his hold. He stopped in surprise, letting out a small squeak of pain. "You better fucking let me go right now or I will smash the bones in your wrist into four hundred pieces." Eyes wide, he nodded, and I made my escape before some other dumbass tried to stop me.

It seems my old humanity hasn't returned in full quite yet. Maybe it never will. Maybe this is the real me. I was strangely okay with it.

I ran full speed into the terminal, searching the gates desperately. Spotting Gate 15A, I sprinted towards it only to find empty seats and abandoned fast food bags. I could barely swallow. FLIGHT 234952 TO SUVA, FIJI: BOARDED blinked at me across the screen in orange. Without thinking, I ran through the hallway that led to the airplane. With any luck, it hadn't taken off yet.

Oh wait, I never have any luck.

I descended the small set of steps frantically, spotting the plane sitting on the runway. I hopped up the steps and burst straight into the aircraft. The flight attendant looked completely taken aback. "Miss? Are you supposed to be on this flight?" she asked, confused. "We're about to take off!" I ignored her, craning my neck. Damon was sitting in a huge, comfortable chair in the fourth row of first class, staring morosely out the window as a busty blonde chattered in his ear.

"Damon," I breathed.

He glanced up disinterestedly, then did a double take. "Elena?" He was staring at me as if I was an apparition. I quickly crossed the few feet that separated us. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes roaming over me like he'd never seen me before.

"I'm sorry, Damon," I said, my voice cracking. "I –"

"Uh, hello?" The blonde currently parked between myself and Damon waved a manicured hand. "Who are you?"

"Shut up," Damon and I said simultaneously. He quickly climbed over her and joined me in the aisle, cupping my face in his hands. "It's you," he whispered.

"It's me," I agreed, tears welling up in my eyes again. Damn it Elena, stop crying, I chastised myself. His thumb gently stroked away the fallen tears. We stared at each other, neither of us moving.

"I'm going to have to insist you leave," the flight attendant said, hovering anxiously.

Damon grinned at me. "What do you say to coming to Fiji with me?" he asked.

I laughed through my tears at the ridiculousness of it all. "As tempting as that sounds, there's real life to get back to. Syrena…and the priest…"

"Screw real life," he murmured, finally pulling me in for a kiss that was less than chaste and most likely completely inappropriate for the rest of the plane's passengers.

I'm so sorry for the delay! And I know this chapter has basically no plot and it's a massive piece of fluff, but at least there's some Delena. Please continue to read and review, I really appreciate your responses x