Hi again!

Ok, it's messy and might be a little controversial but it's about Dean's mind running wild, and a mind running wild is not exactly logical, right?

I hope you'll enjoy it, I kinda like this chapter, at least more than the last one :))

not betad YET, but I already have a beta, who already corrected the first chapter so please be patient she'll do a great job! thank you again for your work deansamcas!

this chapter is for you! :)))

So Cas is leaving. Big deal. Except it's not. At least not for Dean. Yeah he might gotten used to that little bastard in the last two years, but Dean is not in love with Cas, thank you very much. Nope. Not at all.

And the reason Dean is driving to Cas's place right now? It has nothing to do with fear or any kind of desperate emotion-bullshit. The guy's just leaving, and Dean wants to say good bye. Wants to wish him good luck, and all that. Okay Cas might not be leaving in the next two months or so but you know. One can't be careful enough, so better do it now.

And if he's speeding a little? Then it's just because it's pretty late and he wants to get to Cas's place before the guys bedtime. Which is probably not for another two or three hours, considering that Cas is like an owl, and it's not even midnight right now, which means pretty early in Casese. Yepp it's a language. With dictionary. And grammar. Dean's been learning it for the last two years. And Sam might know Cas longer then Dean, but Dean likes to think, that he can understand it better. He is fucking fluent in it.

So Dean ignores the red light and the next one right after it. He has no idea what he is going to say to Cas, besides asking him about this job in Brazil, hug him farewell and go back home. Or visit a bar between, find some hot chick or guy and forget about Cas, just like Cas is going to forget about Dean in FUCKING Brazil. He is going to find some nice, hot Brazilian guy with bronze skin and all deep-brown eyes and marry him (at least it won't be that dickhead Balthazar – seriously Cas could do so much better than that, and Dean's happy that it's finally OVER, and NOT because he has feelings for Cas), adopt some puppy-eyed Brazilian kid or two, send a post-card to Sam once a year, or photos, and not even ask about Dean. Because Dean doesn't matter. And Dean is fine with it.

But if Cas thinks, that Dean's going to give a shit he is so very wrong. Dean will be the bigger man.

So what if Sam's words stung a little?

"So, Cas is leaving. In August. He got that job in Brazil, and he is moving there. He got a two years contract, but it might… Dean? Where are you going? Dean?"

Sam of course wasn't finished, but Dean was. He stood up so quickly that his chair actually went flying through the kitchen, grabbed his jacket and keys and started driving. To Cas's place. To say adios. In June.

And then Sam can finally shut up about Dean being whipped, and Dean can wipe that fucking all-knowing smile off his stupid T-Rex of a little brother's face.

Yeah, Dean figured it out. He can picture it already. Cas will open the door, invite Dean in, with some stupidly adorable confusion on his stupid-stupid handsome face, but yeah, he'll friggin INVITE Dean in despite of the late hour, because Cas never just lets somebody in, he INVITES them in, with his damn stupid half-smile, while saying some shit like 'please, enter' or 'please, come in' and Dean will fucking ENTER his studio and sit down, ask Cas about Brazil, who'll answer while offering a beer because he's just this perfect host, always considerate and inviting. Then they'll talk and laugh, and after an hour or two Cas'll start yawning secretly because he doesn't want to be rude and tell Dean that he has to leave, but Dean will see it nonetheless and get up, hug the stupid bastard, and then leave.

And nope, those are definitely not tears in the corner of his eyes. Or maybe they are, but it's just the from the wind blowing through the open window.
Dean wipes them off with one angry move of his hand, then grabs the steering wheel again with so much force, that it hurts.
So Cas is leaving. Everybody is leaving Dean behind, no biggie, right? Why should Cas stay? He got the job of his dreams. For God's sake the guy is going on and on about this job for eight months now. He can't shut up about it, and Dean's had enough. Balthazar had enough, or so he said, and broke up with Cas, who got so drunk after the breakup, that Dean had to literally take him home, in a piggy-style ride, while Cas was whining about his own incapability for keeping the ones he holds dear with him. Dean hated it. As much as he hated the fact Cas being with that pretentious asshole of a British psych-student, he hated to see Cas like this. Broken. And drunk out of his ass, and rambling on about his own failures in life and love how he was being incapable of loving ANYBODY enough to keep them around or how if he did, it just happened to be one sided. So yeah, one more reason, Dean couldn't stand Balthazar. Okay, Cas might not be in this lovey-dovey losing mind-in-a-pink-haze kind of love with Balthazar, but Dean knew, he cared about the bastard. Loved him even.

And the next day Dean might have punched the "assbutt" – by Cas – in the face, and told him what an idiot he was for letting Cas go, and the only thing that amoeba-hearted – yeah, Dean KNOWS, that those things don't have a heart, so he thinks, the simile IS accurate – Brit could do was giving Dean a shrug, and gave Dean a hart glare, while saying something about how sorry he was for Dean.
Dean couldn't even come up with a witty retort, before the guy just got up and left.

It happened six months ago, and Dean still can't shake off the feeling, that Balthazar wanted to say something significant with that 'I feel very sorry for you, Dean…', but shrugs it off- again.

So Dean is going to let Cas go, but in the meantime he'll also assure him, that he'll always have Dean. And it's ok for Cas to forget about Dean, as soon he doesn't need Dean anymore. And after that, Dean also can forget about Cas.

If he can. Right now, nearing to his destination, Dean's not so sure about it anymore. Yeah, he came here with a plan. Hug Cas good bye, go to a bar, fuck some hot piece of ass then forget about Cas. Or maybe forget about him later, but the point is, to forget about him eventually.

Dean is looking at Cas's window, which is a tell tale about Cas still being awake, as all the lights are on in his studio. And he is not so sure anymore, but he is determined to go through with it. So he gets out of the impala, takes two step at the time, and soon he's panting in front of Cas's door. There is no need for knocking, as the door is flying open, revealing a panda-eyed Cas in sweatpants and bare-chested.

Every plan Dean made up in his mind packs up and leaves that hopeless mess Dean calls his brain. On better days.
So Dean finds himself staring at Cas, who in return stares back, and Dean is never going to figure out how it happened, but like some fucking Hallmark heroine, Dean finds himself crushing Cas' mouth with a velocity, that the movement between him standing outside and stepping in Cas's studio isn't even registered in his mind. And he is pretty sure it's not him whispering those embarrassing words into Cas's mouth along the line of 'don't leave' and 'stay' and 'please'.

But it must be him, because Cas is just nodding, then presses himself so close to Dean that Dean gets the feeling that the guy is actually trying to crawl under his skin, but it's okay with him, because like this he can keep Cas around for good.
Nice entreé Winchester. Very nice. And he can't wrap his mind around what and why it took him so long to get here. The way Cas is kissing him? The sensation of his skin under Dean's palms? Priceless.
And the last two years seem to be such a waste right now, that Dean's looking back from a place, he knows he belongs to.

The next morning while preparing breakfast, Dean finds the Brazil contract in the trash can, and looks up at Cas with awe, who shrugs and smiles happily.
And with that, Dean is finished with his freak-out session. He bids a short good bye to a little part of his manliness called bachelor, strides up to Cas's side, and kisses him for dear life.

Yepp, he still has enough manliness for more than one lifetime, he decides.

yeah-yeah I know some desperate don't leave me sex would have been nice but it just didn't felt right so sue me :))
you'll get enough sex later, pervs! :)))

anyhow, please tell me what you think!