Chapter 10: Feeling Love
Kaname remembered how much he had craved for his husband's attention, how desperate he had tried to be intimate with him, and how painful he had been refused. Seeing him in this condition must have touched the hunter's heart deeply, if he would like to take advantage of it for some closeness, he might get it now. Yet he was afraid Zero would have to tolerate discomfort and contempt to give him a moment. Five years had been more than enough, his husband needed a new start, and he needed a closure. He would only linger until being sure the hunter had regained his full memories and powers.
"You're free, Zero! Our union is finished. After tomorrow, you will never have to see me again."
"Kaname!"
Ichiru appeared at the open door, gazing at them with amazement. Seiren showed up from nowhere, extending an arm to stop him from walking in, however, chaotic view immediately enlightened him about what had just happened. Coldness embraced the whole place, burnt walls, ice dripping from window frames and broken furniture, blood stains everywhere. A familiar scent of blood still lingered in the air. Shizuka had vanished. Ichiru curved a bitter smile. That was it. That was the truth. After saying good bye to Kaname this early evening, he had got an urge to call Shizuka and convince her it was her best chance to kill Zero, though he had never really wanted to harm him. He might feel unfair, he might be jealous with his brother, he might hate him, but not that much, not to the point of wanting to kill him off. Agreeing to go check on Zero wasn't because he supported her plan, but out of worries for his brother's condition and wanted to know everything would be fine.
When their phone call finished, Ichiru realized he had just endangered his brother by inciting Shizuka to go to his home right now. He ran out as fast as he could, taking a cab to the Kiryuus house in a hope to save their situation, though wasn't sure how much he could do, just knowing he wouldn't let Zero die. When Ichiru arrived, Takuma was trying to calm a group of servants in the garden. It's obvious that something bad had occurred. He rushed hastily to the fifth floor and got more surprised seeing Kaname, their battle had already finished. Truth suddenly dawned in his mind. If the pureblood had come back by car as he was supposed to, he should arrive a few minutes before Ichiru at most. But in reality he had used another method to return much earlier, which meant he knew Shizuka was coming, and he was the one who had influenced Ichiru to make that phone call. Kaname had used him, that's why he took time to go shopping with him, to inform him there's only Takuma and Zero at home this evening. A few days before Kaname had purposely let him know which one stayed in which floor so that he could tell Shizuka exactly where Zero was.
"It's all well-done. Now I'm useless. Don't want to see me anymore?" Ichiru sneered.
"Seiren." Kaname said briefly. She understood his command and lowered her arm, giving way for the human.
Ichiru stepped in slowly. He had come with full of anxiety, being ready to try his best to stop Shizuka from killing his brother, yet he didn't have to do anything and his brother was still very safe and sound, why was he feeling totally exhausted? His heart lade with frustration, he had been played again, by another pureblood. Every time his hand was about to touch the happy dream, it suddenly broke as bubbles. Spotting his father's sword lying on the floor, he ran to pick it up, blood mixing with water dribbled down its point. Even after ten years, he still remembered the shape of the handle and its thorny blade. This sword finally could stab through the person who had killed its owner.
"I trusted you. I thought you were serious with me, but you just used me to lure her in!" He aimed it at the pureblood's heart "Asking me to leave her, arranging a place for me, spending time with me. It's all lies to serve your plan!"
Kaname grabbed his burnt fingers around the sharp, poisonous blade to prevent Ichiru from thrusting it in. His life would end soon, but not now, not this way, there's still one thing worrying him, he must see Zero regain his memories and powers first. "I do concern about you. Have I not kept my promises after you accepted to leave her?"
Ichiru squeezed the handle tightly, hurt yet irresolute to stab Kaname. He didn't know how much strength left in the pureblood or whether he could protect himself now. His face looked quite pale, all of blood seemed to have flowed out from those injuries on his chest. It touched Ichiru profoundly, just because of his brother, Kaname had done all those for his brother, who standing nearby, on the contrary, was freshly vigorous. Before Zero could shove the sword away, Ichiru let it go to embrace the pureblood in his brother's complete daze. "You wanted to save him from Shizuka, you wanted to steady his condition. Now they're done, let put everything behind, we'll start together, shall we?"
Kaname reached up as a gesture of caressing his soft, silver hair "Seiren!"
She appeared immediately in front of him, holding her hands out to catch the human who had magically fallen asleep.
"Take care of him. I'll see him tomorrow."
She nodded and left.
Zero remained unmoved right at his own place. Tonight all of his wishes had come true. Shizuka repaid her debt to his family. He met his long-lost brother after separating for ten years. And Kaname said he loved him. Love him, yet tomorrow the pureblood was going to see Ichiru, then disappeared from his sight forever.
"What did you promise to my brother?" He whispered. Kaname had got injured because of him, had conceded Shizuka's blood to stabilise his sanity, but pulling the pureblood into an embrace was his brother. Ichiru just did it naturally right in his very presence, while shame and hesitance had stopped himself from doing that earlier.
"A recommencement." Kaname said. He had talked to Yagari and Cross, who agreed to help Ichiru resume his study and get back to normal life. In addition, Zero would surely look after him when his memories returned. Being with Shizuka all those years must be tough, his loneliness, his yearning for love were clear in his expression, Ichiru deserved a new start, and be happy.
Are you leaving with him? The hunter thought in silence. Kaname had just stated his love for him, he shouldn't doubt it, however, he recalled the rumors from their servants and the day seeing Seiren bringing a tray of breakfast for two to her master's floor, now he could guess who that secret person was. After all Ichiru wouldn't be acting that way if Kaname didn't sow any hope in him. Though jealousy overwhelmed every bit of his being, he found no right to grieve for their break-up. He had asked for it by himself, he forced Kaname to return his mother's ring. For his decayed mind or for Shizuka's blood, all damages had been done. They hadn't talked yet, but would the pureblood still be willing to listen? Their marriage was like a ragged shirt… Not seeing each other ever again, this time Kaname had initiatively told him those words.
ZxK
A few hours later, all activities in their house were back to normal. Zero sat in his study for the rest of the night, a pair of titanium wedding bands was in front of him. They were the symbol of his late parents' happy marriage, and remains of his broken one. Without their long history which he had unfortunately forgotten, they had little values. Lying by themselves on his desk, they were like insentient, meaningless things. Zero couldn't remember how many times he had picked them up, gazing at them desperately, squeezing them in his palm, then putting them down in despair.
It had only been a week, yet it felt like an eternity passing over, each day was too long and tough, Zero gradually understood the other fours' sincerity, also collected bad rumors about Kaname which hindered him from getting to know the pureblood rationally and comprehending his love through his words and actions. He didn't know the truth, didn't know what Kaname had done or planning to do. But contrary to what he had read and heard in these seven days, which much lesser than his past self's knowledge, the pureblood who he was married to didn't expect to earn his gratitude or receive anything back while kept giving willingly, unconditionally. No matter how bad his behavior was, anytime he needed help, Kaname would appear.
Zero stood up, walking out of the room. He didn't want to wait any longer, they needed to talk, those rumors and problems between them needed to be cleared up. This ragged shirt, he would like to mend it properly, and he owed Kaname his thanks. Coincidentally, when he passed by the elevator, it spread open.
"Zero! Where are you going?" Takuma called after him. His husband looked like in a hurry as he couldn't wait for the elevator and was about to take the staircase.
Zero turned around to say quickly "I want to see Kaname." The fifth floor had been ruined, Takuma would be staying with him until his own place was repaired. It's getting late and they hadn't talked since the battle, but everything could be put off, he just wanted to see his pureblood right now.
"Wait!" The noble grabbed his husband's wrist tightly to stop him from running down. "Aido has bandaged his wounds, they're deep and extended to his abdomen. Please let him have some rest!"
Takuma had stayed with Kaname when Aido was treating his injuries. The pureblood's healing power was greatly weakened, Aido had to give him a big dose of sedative to relieve pain, hopefully the anti-vampire poison would be neutralized fast so that his body would be able to cure itself. After treating the burns on his right hand, Aido checked his left hand, that's when he and Takuma realized his wedding band had been disappeared. They sensitively ignored it, but deep inside they knew Kaname hadn't taken it off at his free will. It's obvious that he still loved Zero very much. Something must have happened between him and the hunter after they left the floor.
He had probably been forced to return it…
Takuma couldn't guess why Zero wanted to see Kaname now, but afraid it wouldn't be a good thing. The pureblood was very weak, both physically and emotionally, in this moment. If he got more hurt, he might… it might… lead to some reckless action.
In fact, Takuma had been worried that Kaname wouldn't let Aido take care of his injuries, that's why he came along with him. But they didn't have to say anything, the pureblood accepted to receive treatment instantly, yet refused to drink from them. Without real blood, it would take longer for recovery, however, Takuma was relieved that at least Kaname wasn't planning to commit suicide.
Zero nodded, then turned around to walk back to his study. His second wife was right, he must be the last person who Kaname wanted to see now.
Many things had happened…
let him rest tonight…
He thought it's urgent because the pureblood said they would never met again after tomorrow, and Zero didn't want any more regrets. To think about it carefully, they still had 'tomorrow', they would sort things out tomorrow.
Takuma watched his husband picking up a pair of wedding bands, looking at them avidly as if they were the only thing existed in his mind. He could realize those titanium rings, Zero had really taken it back.
"It's a miracle that Kaname survived this battle. We couldn't tell you earlier, but we nobles cannot fight a pureblood, while Kaname is young, Hio was much stronger than him. Before we thought you two would co-operate to fight her. Unexpectedly, you lost your powers, but he didn't step back when the chance came. He could have died in her hands, but for you, he's willing to take that risk." Takuma found responsible to defend his best friend. He truly loved Zero, yet marrying him was a mistake as it had ruined his best friend's marriage, for years had he always felt guilty about it. The pureblood didn't give up and left as predicted, he lingered to devote his life to the hunter. Without their fours' interference, they must have reconciled with each other. Now Zero had taken his ring back, it's too harsh for Kaname. No matter what sin the pureblood had committed, he had done more than enough for compensation.
Zero put the rings into their box, precisely shutting its lid, and placing it in his drawer. They're invaluable, would forever be, because they're his late parents' remembrance. As for Kaname and himself, if they ever got back together, they would make more memories of their own. A thing could sponge on love to become special, but love shone by itself. After this ordeal, they would treasure their relationship better and keep things right.
"Even Kaname couldn't be sure he would win Hio, four of you were no match to her, yet you still participated in the battle. Wasn't it suicidal?" Zero left his desk to get close to the noble "Just because of me, you wanted to assist Kaname, despite that you might get killed in the end." Their eyes locked with ardency, the hunter finally turned away, his head shook lightly "I can't understand. What have I done to deserve your sacrifice? I definitely don't deserve it."
"You definitely do." Takuma smiled. It was so good to see his husband walking around healthily, and his thoughtful, perceptive nature came back. "But it's not about deserving or not. We're family, you would do the same if one of us had trouble."
Shiki said his past self would buy anything for him if knowing he liked it. Aido said he had promised to end his debauched life to be a good husband. Kain said he would within his ability help the others in need. Takuma said he would be willing to take risks for them as well. Somehow Zero felt happy that he was still considered a good person in their eyes. "Yes, we're family."
"Let's go to bed. We're gathering at nine o'clock in the morning. There's just a few hours left." Takuma ran his hand along the hunter's arm, unconsciously desiring for intimacy.
Minori had informed about their family meeting. Kain invited them this time, he had found out a way to undo the cursed charm on their husband, and it must be done when sun was rising brightly.
"I want a shower first." Zero said "Let's shower together."
Takuma grinned. Mating season was still at its peak, but he didn't expect to be making love after such an eventful day. He had planned to get himself off quickly in the bathroom before joining Zero in the bed, yet his husband was always solicitous.
ZxK
"I, Kaname Kuran, hereby declare that I am of sound and disposing mind to make this Last Will and Testament to express my wishes without undue influence or duress."
Sun was finally rising out there, yet light rays still gentle, it's going to be a beautiful day. All windows were open, the place was lightened softly. Kaname took his clothes off, then slowly undressed his wounds, avoiding getting bled again. Aido had made a thick bandage all over his torso to help the healing process, it was necessary earlier as he had been bleeding heavily, but not anymore, the rest of his time wouldn't be long enough for complete recovery, now he only needed to cover those wounds to move around without re-opening them.
"I am married to Zero Kiryuu, to whom hereinafter referred as my Husband."
His wardrobe had all brand-new shirts which were prepared by Seiren. In the last five years, she had carefully gotten everything ready for her master's need, knowing he had lost the sense of taking care of himself. In mating season a lot of his clothes were burnt instead of being laundered, because they were stained with pure blood, a result of his self-abuse to overcome sexual desire. Among those new shirts with quite pristine scent, there were two similar black ones hanging at the end of the row, which Kaname had just brought back from the penthouse the other night. One was his and one was Zero's. They had been bought to be worn on Valentine's day six years ago. Same color, same design, same size, the hunter loved such idea and suggested buying 'couple shirts' for that special day every year. However, those were their only ones as an ugly event happened and ruined their love before they could get another pair next year.
Although it had been a long time and they had been washed thoroughly, Kaname still smelt his husband's vague scent on one of them, he took it out, squeezing the fabric, bringing it close to his nose and inhaling a long breath. He so much wanted to wear it in his last day, to have that sweet scent embrace his body, but…
… but it couldn't get stained… He shouldn't dirty Zero's belongings with his blood.
Kaname reluctantly put it back, giving it a final longing touch, then pulling out his own one. Same color, same slim fit design. The hanger became vacant, leaning close to its neighbor.
"I do not have any children at the time of the signing of this Will."
Light had become bright, sun beams went through large windows to illuminate the whole room, it's getting warmer in this season. When spring was leaving, it's time for the bloom of Lily-of-the-Valley. There's a vase of those delicate lilies on his desk, dainty white bell-like flowers pervaded an elegant fragrance in the air. All curtains were up as Kaname still kept his husband's habit of opening the windows at night. Since vampire skin was very sensitive, and easily got burnt in the sun, when they were still together, the hunter would close all windows before those rays turned blazing and disturbed his pureblood's sleep.
In the last five years, Kaname closed them by himself.
In the last five years, Zero actually had stopped that habit, since he didn't need to get up early for school anymore, plus, his dissolute time had helped him to adapt to vampire biological clock.
Things had changed… things would keep changing…
This beautiful morning could be the beginning of the end…
Kaname pulled the windows and doors close one by one, conscientiously lowering their curtains until no more light could slip in, darkness once again returned to reign in the empty floor. There was one thing left he needed to do before going to their meeting…
… where his husband would regain his memories and powers,
… and their union officially eliminated.
The meaning of Lily of the Valley was Return of Happiness. Legend had it that they sprang from a lady's tears. Such fragile, graceful bloom, it's hard to believe they actually carried a fatal poison in every part, though deceitfully, their little flowers would aromatize a sweet taste to tea.
Thin smoke was whirling up from a cup of hot tea on his desk…
Falling in love with Zero, Kaname knew he would be the last Kuran, yet he had always craved for a happy family with lovely kids, lots of laughter and talk at home. When Zero was studying in America after their wedding, Kaname thought about adopting one or two babies from an orphanage, however, it's a serious issue which he would like to discuss with his husband in person. They might not do it right away, but some time in the future, if things ever turned stable. Unfortunately, when Zero came back, all dreams and plans collapsed.
I relinquish my power of selecting and approving the person, from the list of nominees which shall be submitted by the Council of Elders, who will success my position as the Vampire Leader to my Husband.
Because sun would rise again tomorrow, life would go on… he had tried hard to prepare for his husband in the future where he was no longer around. His demise would break their peace treaty and initiate a struggle for a successor. Although Zero would be more powerful than any of them, Kaname wanted him to hold solid arguments to spread his influence in choosing the next vampire leader and continuing their peaceful co-existence.
On their wedding night, Zero had shared with him his two deep concerns. One of them was to maintain their peace treaty between two kinds, the other was to bring Ichiru back. The hunter even considered these things more important than his own life. Peaceful co-existence was also his parents' ideal. He wanted to complete it, wanted to make up to his brother for what he had taken away from him since both of them were still in their mother's womb. With their hands clasping together, Kaname had whispered into his ear "Your goals are my goals, your wishes are my wishes. I'll help you fulfill them."
Green liquor shaking in the porcelain hollow, spreading a gently sweet-smelling scent…
It was the last cup from the pot of poisonous tea with Lily of the Valley…
He calmly finished it off and put the empty cup down…
It's all…
… for Zero.
Ichiru was now staying in one of the guest rooms in their new building. Last night he fell into sleep after finding out his old lover, the woman who he had lived with for ten years, was killed. Last thing he remembered was holding the man who had promised him a new life. He had betrayed and was betrayed. Shizuka kept him as a pet in her custody, Kaname used him as a piece in his chess match.
In a dim, quiet room, he gradually woke up, knitting his brows a little and opening his amethyst eyes. It wasn't the familiar room where Kaname had detained him before, but standing at the closed door was a familiar figure.
Ichiru felt really tired, somehow wanting to get back to sleep and never having to wake up again. Wrong, he had been wrong as always. Going with Shizuka was wrong, leaving her was another wrong thing. All he wanted was a place for himself, and a person who gave him the feeling of being welcome, appreciated and loved. While it's so easy for many people, it wasn't his own home where he had been born, wasn't the woman who he had tried to please in ten years, even not the one who he thought had been through enough pain and agony to understand the value of love. It's not that they're heartless, they just didn't have a heart for him.
"What are you doing here? Your beloved husband has been saved. What else do you want from me?" His voice was totally tired and frustrating.
"I do care for you." Kaname said softly. The human sounded indifferent, yet he could hear bitter in between his words. He never wanted to play with anyone's feeling, let alone the feeling of his only love's twin brother.
"You've broken my heart." Ichiru screamed. The pureblood's gentle words unexpectedly had an opposite effect to him, his amethyst eyes flared up with anger. He wanted to accept that he was a loser, he had failed in approaching another pureblood's heart and was again used as a means for their benefits, but this truth was too cruel and painful. He met Shizuka when she had just lost her lover, he wiped her tears off and tried his best to comfort her. Yet she never loved him back. He met Kaname when his brother had abandoned him for years, he held him tight in his arms and promised to treasure him forever. Yet the pureblood took advantage of his feeling to achieve his goal. Squeezing his forehead with thin fingers, Ichiru managed to shut his eyes close. Shizuka and Kaname might use love as a great reason to explain what they did. But why had to hurt him? Did they forget he was also a living creature with a mind and a heart? That he also had dreams and hopes, that he would feel sad as well?
"Why didn't you just tell me the truth? If it's for Zero, I would have been willing to help." He spoke slowly and understood each of his words. It wouldn't be easy to betray Shizuka, whom he had wanted to be with for the rest of his life. But if he had to choose between her and his twin brother, Ichiru felt that he could never be able to ignore him. Though they hadn't met for ten years, the link between them remained strong, he couldn't stop yearning to get back, to be close to his brother again, he was just unsure how possible it was.
"I'm sure you would, if Zero asked for your help by himself." Kaname leaned on the door with arms folded, pleased to know he was right that Ichiru still cared about his older brother "But it was me. If I told you from the beginning that I would help you settle down and restart your life after you helped me draw Shizuka in my trap, would you trust me?"
Ichiru opened his eyes to gaze at him. Yes, he had forgotten their stands when they first met. Kaname was his brother-in-law while he was with Shizuka - their worst enemy. There's no way he would trust him, there's no way he would feel safe to help him defeat her.
"This plan wasn't only for Zero, but also for you." The pureblood continued "To let you make a choice if there were other choices. To let you see if you could leave her and look for happiness again."
What Ichiru felt for Shizuka finally became clear. After leaving home and betraying his own kind, he believed she was the only one on this world who needed him, even though just as a servant or a toy. He had seen her worst days and worked hard in a hope that one day those feelings would be for him. He loved her because he admired how she had loved her lover, it's ultimately the way he wanted to be loved. When meeting Kaname, Ichiru found a greater love. He was touched by this pureblood's faithfulness and devotion, which grew his desire to get closer to him and have him belong to his.
Ichiru found himself standing in front of Kaname, hands reaching out to hold the other's one. This soft, warm skin… suddenly he realized the ring was gone. A delight swept past his mind, hope was revived and got stronger. This plan wasn't only for his brother, but also for all of them, giving them a chance to look at their own situations and creating options for their future. If Kaname was another option to encourage him to think about his relationship with Shizuka, then he could be another option for the pureblood as well. "Will you consider me a choice? Will we try to look for happiness again?"
"That isn't what I meant." Those words were hurtful, though they had never started, they had actually just met each other for the first time a week before. It couldn't be love, it was like a lifebuoy for a drowning person, it was a chance. Kaname hadn't considered any chances since his husband abandoned him. Everyone knew there were many fish in the sea. If opening his heart again, he could find another person and another happiness, yet he only wanted the happiness with Zero. Stubborn… silly… or blind, one picked their own choice and went along with it. On the night his husband refused to forgive him, he had made his choice. "I can't live without your brother."
"But you've already lost him." Ichiru snapped, suddenly found pain flashing past the pureblood's claret eyes, his voice softened with regret, slipping out of his lips as gently as a plea "I don't ask you to leave him right now, you want to help him get recovered, don't you? I want to stay with him too… I don't ask you to love me either, I will wait as long as you need… Just don't refuse me… You don't need to say anything…" His arms wrapped around the pureblood, chin resting on the other's shoulder "If Zero loved you, I would never do that. I would leave instead of competing with him for anything, but…"
"Zero said you love him more than he loves you." Kaname whispered. It would be a lie if saying he wasn't touched by those sincere words, but all he could do was to thank Ichiru for his good intentions, since he only had one heart, and that heart only held one person. Thoughtfully letting the human press his body on himself, Kaname didn't push him away to avoid worsening his feeling. With his current condition, this physical contact didn't irritate him anymore, except the idea of it being unrightful. However, Ichiru was being too emotional to worry about it. "You were born weak because you had let him consume your powers without fighting back or trying to do it in return. When both of you still lived together, you never fought with him over toys or food, never fought with him for your parents' love or attention. You might think it was unfair, you didn't want to suffer it all your life, but you never wanted to destroy him."
Ichiru tightened his arms as old memories struck his mind. He thought his brother must have hated him very much. It was all his fault, he destroyed their family, turned them into orphans, separated them from each other, got him lost his humanity. He didn't know how to apologize properly or what he could do for compensation, but his brother still thought kindly about him and tried to defend his action. This bloody sin, he had already been forgiven.
"Zero wants you back." Kaname wished the hunter could treat him as generously as his brother, yet he had no right to complain how harsh Zero was, his betrayal had changed both of their lives, changed the hunter's point of view in love. To many people, love was important, but love wasn't life. It's impossible to promise a love through life and death because there were many other interests in life. Shizuka kept on living after losing her boyfriend as she still had an indulgence in powers and standings. Ichiru had a will to look for a new chance as he hadn't experienced true love and he had a brother to care for. Zero couldn't promise his life with anyone exclusively as he's now married to many wives and had responsibilities to all of them…
I bequeath the whole of my estate, property and effects, whether movable or immovable, wheresoever situated and whatsoever nature to my Husband.
… But to some other people, love was even more important than life… Future had crumpled the day Zero caught him sleeping with another man, on that sinful night Kaname wanted to die, yet the hunter passed out and he realized one thing of his filthy body was still useful to his husband - his pure blood. He decided to prolong his lonely days. That torturous period of time had finally been over, he hoped his death would fix what had broken in Zero's heart, convince him to believe in his compunction and from that, restore his faith in love.
It all depended on how one shaped a chance into a future. Kaname couldn't return the human's intentions, but not wanting him to get more disappointed. That passion, that earnestness, he just knew a girl who deserved to receive them and gave them back to Ichiru in return. "Do you remember Maria? She can't forget the time you took care of her when she was in Shizuka's captivity. She told Zero she likes you and has been waiting for you since."
Another chance? Maria was an innocent girl who hadn't seen much of this world, her heart was simple. Ichiru loosened his embrace, he kind of understood what she felt for him at that time, however, she was too young. He thought she needed sympathy, someone to comfort her, someone she could rely on when being confined. He didn't expect her to remember him after being free. It had been three years, he had obliviously let her wait for him. It's awful waiting for someone, especially when that person hadn't promised to come back…
The human straightened up, both hands hanging by his sides, he pulled a step backward, slowly looking up to hold their eyes together. They had made eye to eye contacts a few times and all the times he only saw loneliness and despair in those beautiful claret pools. If only the pureblood gave him a chance to bring a lot of love to fill in his depths and make them shine. Ichiru didn't have that power because he wasn't the right one. Kaname had sown an idea of looking for happiness with someone else into his mind, given him courage to leave Shizuka, and now brought him to Maria, who appeared to be weak and inexperienced, yet she was actually very attentive and tolerant. If never heard about her again, he might not think about her again. But he just heard her waiting for him, he's feeling flattered and honored.
When they were still kids, Zero wished to find an everlasting love one day and build a happy family as their parents did. Not so profound and thoughtful as his twin brother, Ichiru couldn't comprehend it thoroughly, however, happiness must be something like being together with their better half and having kids running around in the yard. Mother's ring would belong to him, and he would give it to the person he truly loved…
Ten years ago, Ichiru left home. Zero gave that ring to Kaname…
But it's not on the pureblood's finger anymore…
"Where's my ring?"
His question wasn't quite intelligible, yet Kaname quickly understood which ring he was talking about. His left thumb gently touched the paler trace on his fourth finger of the same hand, which curving down to his palm "You can get it back from Zero."
"Have you broken up with him?" Confusion, uncertainty poured in the human's heart. A few minutes ago, he clung to Kaname as if the pureblood was the only meaning of his life. Now he seemed to incline to Maria, the nice girl who he had stayed with a couple of months and understood pretty well, who suitable for his new, normal life and could accomplish his dream. Yet he didn't want to leave Kaname in sorrow. The pureblood was the very first man he had ever been that physically close. He hadn't thought about things further than an embrace, however, what important was he cherished his heart and wanted to make him happy. From the stand of wanting a chance to be with Kaname without having his love, Ichiru unconsciously moved to the stand of wanting to grant him a better life.
"We won't. I'm going to become one with him." The pureblood smiled, sadly yet contentedly "Don't worry about me. That's my wish. This is where I want to be. You should go meet your girl! Please remember you're not alone. Zero loves you, Maria is waiting for you, chairman Cross, Yagari-sensei care for you too."
Although Ichiru didn't understand all of those words, his whole being felt completely refreshed and energetic. Perhaps it's not that people turned their back on him, but he's turning his back on them. Time couldn't be reverted, yet a new chance is starting…
"Thank you, Kaname!"
I appoint Takuma Ichijou as Executor of my Will. I hereby give and grant my Executor all powers and authority as are required or allowed in law, and especially that of assumption, to assist my Husband, if it is also his wish, in fulfilling my Will; and to improve or to sell all or any assets of my estate as will be in the best interest of my Husband.
…
ZxK
Verdant grass hugged around large flat-smoothed pebbles creating a pathway snaking through the splendid garden, radiant rays brightened everything in the vision, reflecting glitteringly on the surface of the pond. Violet petals of water-orchids stayed deadly still among rounded leaves. No wind.
Zero considerately slanted the umbrella in his hand toward his youngest wife, making sure Shiki wouldn't get burnt walking in the open around this time. It's pretty weird that they're gathering at such a time in the morning, Kain said the ritual to undo Sho Souen's evil charm must be taken place when sun was bright.
No wind. Heat mercilessly rubbed on their sensitive skin, perspiration started wetting clothes. Last night Zero slept with Takuma, but he left his own room very early to check on Shiki, who had fallen into a faint after getting free from Shizuka. Luckily, his noble only got some bruises and scratches which had already been healed.
When passing by the pond, Zero glanced at the side of the beautiful pureblood who was standing quietly with closed eyes. Kaname must have sensed his presence, but chose not to join them. No wind. No shade. Sun heedlessly burnt his whole body with baking rays. He's wearing a black shirt, a few buttons being undone, as if purposely trying to catch as much sun as possible. Purebloods had a better endurance, however, sun was an enemy to all vampires, it not only reduced their powers' effect and stopped their healing, but with enough sun, they could even be burnt to death.
Kaname was currently not at his best condition…
An uneasiness arose in the hunter's heart. A part of him wanted to yank the pureblood into his umbrella and shout at him for such a silly carelessness, another part kept him on his way, pretending what Kaname did wasn't his business. He had spent a whole night thinking about their relationship, his unreasonable attitude and the pureblood's generosity. He planned to give them another chance. He intended to treat him nicely the next time they met…
But…
This early morning, from his balcony, he had seen Kaname walking toward the new building, where his brother was staying. It was normally the best phase of a vampire sleep at that time. All of them had just had a rough day, their nine o'clock meeting today was supposed to be the very first thing they did after getting out of bed, and each of them would have to try hard to make it on time, yet Kaname started his day by going straight to Ichiru, as if he couldn't wait until their meeting finished. Kaname had told Seiren he would see him today, however, the hunter didn't think he would give that meeting a higher priority over theirs.
As silent as a breeze, Zero had followed him to appear in the guest floor, facing a quiet, soft-lighted corridor. In that sudden instant, he realized he didn't want to find their room and break in to surprise two of them in the very act. Kaname's new man being his little brother made a good reason why he shouldn't do it. He couldn't imagine how three of them, with their complicated relationships, would react in such an awkward situation. He couldn't tear them apart, nor give them his blessings. Eventually, he just left for Shiki's floor and stayed with him until it's time to meet the others.
Takuma and Aido were sitting at opposite sides in their family meeting room, both greeted the couple with a warm smile when they walked in. They asked for each other's condition, not as a courtesy but truly from their deep concern. There were two empty chairs left.
"Zero…" Takuma mumbled. He and Aido had been worried since seeing Kaname at the pond and failing to invite him to go inside with them. The pureblood had stood there for a while before they came. Though rarely exposed to sun, all vampires remembered exactly how painful that experience was. Lower levels would get blood circulation problem and trouble with breathing almost immediately. Higher levels relied on their healing power to endure the disturbance of their body functions, but it could be compared with getting themselves on fire non-stop once the healing got weak. Takuma supposed Kaname was using the sun to damage his body more severely to the point it stopped healing itself. Wasn't it cruel? Even if death was his ultimate goal, why did he have to choose such an excruciating method?
Before Takuma explained his deduction and asked Zero to stop the pureblood's suicidal intent, Kain appeared in a dark blue shirt, and bewildered all of them with his looks. Kaname was behind him, silently stopping his steps at the threshold. Dry lips, bleary eyes, sunburnt complexion, both of them looked like they had stayed outside for a long time, usual gorgeousness totally disappeared on exhausted faces. Smell of sun from their bodies drifted in the room, sneakily bringing a presage of separation along with it.
"What happened to your skin?" Aido's voice turned hoarse. Sometimes knowing too much wasn't a bliss, as in this moment he wished what he's thinking was wrong. Sun had just risen high for two hours, powerful vampires like them should have no problem staying in the open in such a short time, unless their healing power had been ruined…
"Where did you come back from?" Zero asked the orange-haired noble, who had called for this meeting, then showed up in a sickly manner. It seemed Kaname wasn't the only one who needed to settle something before coming here. What he couldn't understand was why they hurt themselves by not covering properly in the sun. As to vampires, getting sunburnt could never be an accident. They must have done it for a purpose.
"My parents' house." Kain answered "I wanted to discuss a few things with my father."
"Is everything alright?" Zero was worried. He heard that the noble usually went to visit them every Saturday. Today was already Friday, what emergency had happened that he couldn't wait a little more, but had to go back right now?
"All done." Kain nodded, his voice was too low "Don't worry."
"If there's any problem to you or your family, please tell us. We'll deal with it together." Takuma said, though he had a feeling that it was something directly affecting all of them.
"I know."
Aido carefully observed the two sunburnt vampires, and decided to ask his cousin straightforwardly "Kain, you said you knew how to cure Zero?"
"Yes. I met Ruka two days ago. She confessed to having asked Sho Souen to erase Zero's memories." Kain walked in to take a seat beside the others. He's feeling worse, and afraid of not being able to stand much longer. "She wanted me back." He murmured, then turned to his husband "But she only asked Sho to erase your memories. She didn't know the charm would kill you."
Zero could see his clear defense of her, and nodded to assure him he wasn't going to oppose it. "Is there anyone else involved?"
"Yuuki Cross helped them to call you out." Kain answered. By that, they would be able to guess who their husband's secret lover could be, but it wasn't time for it now.
"Who else? There's at least one more person." Kaname wrapped his arms around himself, leaning his side on the door frame, managing to exhale a heavy sigh. After walking up to their meeting room, he had started having difficulty with breathing. The empty chair left was supposed to be his, but… sitting with them now would provoke a harder feeling. Though they avoided saying it out loud, all of them knew his calm, serene mask was hiding a deep embarrassment and agony under. Though they treated him with respect, all of them knew their husband had paid no attention to him for years since catching him having sex with another man. Thank to the hunter's kindness, he could keep a part of reputation by remaining to be his first wife, instead of getting divorced.
"That's all. Just three of them." Kain replied. It was what Ruka had told him, and he trusted her.
"It's not true. Three of them wouldn't have enough guts to go against me." Kaname elaborated. No nobles would want to collide with a pureblood, unless they were supported or ordered by another one. "We have known what Sho cast on Zero wasn't a normal memory loss charm, but it meant to take his life. If Ruka wasn't lying, her mind must have been interfered in." Longing claret eyes unconsciously floated to his husband, then couldn't help lingering on the handsome profile, quietly savoring each of his gorgeous features, from his straight bridge of nose, his perfect oval chin, some silver hair locks covering a few strokes of his tattoo to those tapering fingers laying indifferently on the table. If only he could be touched by those fingers one more time… just one more time before everything ended.
In the last minute, one usually wished to stay with the person they loved most…
but he had taken his hand back when the hunter held it yesterday…
Zero… Zero…
Do you know it hurt so much when you kissed me…
then pushed me out…
you told me to be careful before the fight…
then forced me to break up…
You said sorry to me…
then at the pond, you ignored me…
In a selfish moment, he had wished his husband would extend the shade of his umbrella to him, wishing Zero to show a little solicitude, wishing to see something left for him in his heart, but…
…Perhaps it's for the best.
He had failed to bring the hunter happiness, he shouldn't cause any sorrow. If his husband didn't care, he wouldn't feel so sad over his death. He would quickly move on and be happy again. Today their destinies finally parted. This challenge was going to demonstrate the other fours' love and strengthen their bond. Without him as the fifth wheel, they would make a cozy home together.
"Please remember the real enemy is someone behind them." His weak tone made them sound like last words.
Aido got a chill running down his spine, sensing a disaster was forming "Did Ruka tell you how to undo that charm?"
"Yes." It came the hardest part, Kain turned to his husband with a serious attitude "I've promised that she will be safe after telling me the remedy."
Forgive her? Ruka had committed a crime which Zero had all rights to lay a charge against her. Yet, as a person, he could be sympathy with how she felt. She still loved Kain, and from the bottom of the said noble's heart, what they had shared could never be completely wiped off. Since becoming his fourth wife, Zero believed it was the first time Kain had asked for a favour. "I absolve her from this guilt."
"Thank you." Kain was grateful, his look moved to the pureblood, waiting…
Kaname squeezed his biceps so tightly that his knuckles turned white, lips quivering, teeth clenching together trying to suppress the tears dewing on the brims of his eyes. Why was he the only one who couldn't get another chance? Zero intrinsically owned a kind heart, especially to those who he loved or felt in debt with. When judging their fault, he always tried to think about it in their point of view, tried to understand why they committed such thing, tried to defense their act, because no matter what they had done, he just couldn't hurt them back…
Ichiru was forgiven, though he had chosen to leave his parents, who had sacrificed their own lives in an effort to save them, leave his brother, who had just been turned, to go with their family's mortal enemy, love her and serve her.
Ruka was forgiven though she had almost killed him, and wouldn't regret it much if he really died.
But… Zero had refused to forgive him…
"His words are supreme." The pureblood murmured. He hadn't opposed any of his husband's decisions. As a matter of fact, his opinion wouldn't matter as he wouldn't be there when they could sit down to judge Ruka and the others. Here was already his end.
"Promise me, Kaname! If I die one day, you must stay strong and keep on living. Because your heart will be where I'm still alive."
"My heart forever belongs to you, but please don't ask me to live such a lonely life. If one day… one of us has to die, let it be me."
Kain nodded. With their promises, he could rest assured that his ex-fiancée would be safe. Now everything had been done, he was ready. "Zero has to eat the heart of someone who truly loves him to free up his sealed memories and powers."
"Nonsense." Zero hissed.
The rest stayed silent. In proportion to human biology, heart was an important organ, yet it was only made of flesh as the others were. It's invaluable to its own holder, but no better than a piece of meat if not doing its special function. However, they were another kind of creature, who drank blood as an essential food. The heart was their source of powers, held their deepest feelings and linked directly to their mind to control actions and emotions. It made sense in its abnormal way that a heart was needed to unseal oblivious memories and awake blocked powers.
"If her mind has been interfered in, how can we trust what she said?" Takuma muttered.
"I found the same remedy in Sho Souen's mind." Kaname said "His recent memories were manipulated, but further ones remained intact. He has learned this charm, how to cast it, how to reverse it since he was 15."
It might be strange that the pureblood could be powerful enough to read someone's mind faraway in this season, however, the Kurans were believed to be stronger than other lines. Plus, in such a moment they needed a reassurance, not an analysis. If this remedy was confirmed by Kaname, they had no doubt.
Ironically, what to cure their beloved husband wasn't rare or unattainable, it's right there, in hand, available… just…
too savage…
No wind outside. The room suddenly turned suffocating. That wasn't what they were expecting.
Yesterday…
… thought life was getting better.
"If not because of me, Ruka wouldn't have done it." Kain lowered his head, ashamed to face the others "It's my responsibility to fix it. Please use my heart."
"No, you can't be responsible for another one's action. I will never accept it." Zero snorted. Honestly, he had hoped, he had been waiting anxiously, impatiently since Kain said there's a way to undo the charm. Waking up and not recognizing himself, he thought finally could pretend that morning and these harsh days were the worst nightmare. He's going to wake up again, and remember who exactly he was, know his own feelings, his deepest regrets, his most passionate desires… know what he wanted… know where he stood… Past was over, but everyone needed their past to understand their present. He's willing to pay anything for it, anything by himself. Unfortunately, it required a sacrifice of his lover.
Zero would rather live his last month in ignorance…
"It should be mine." Aido uttered "I'm no doctor if I let my beloved die in front of my eyes."
"You've just said it, Aido!" Takuma cut him short "You're a doctor, not medicine. Zero still needs you by his side for many times. I fit in this case more than you."
"Zero needs your wisdom and charisma. You dare leave him?" Aido snarled.
"Who are you to argue with me? Remember I got married to him before you. When I talk, you can only listen." Takuma raised his voice. "My words are your order."
"Please calm down!" Shiki stood up "If one of us has to sacrifice, it should be the useless. All of you are capable, I'm the only who hasn't contributed anything to our family. Having me or not makes no difference."
"Shut up!" Zero shouted at them angrily "What are you talking about? How can you belittle your own life like that? Let's finish here. Don't ever tell me about it again." He shoved the chair off, walking rapidly toward the entrance, where Kaname was standing. A quick look exchange revealed his watery eyes. He struggled, but finally surrendered to intense emotion, tears traced down, wetting his desperate face, long silver lashes fluttered, amethyst pools bathed in distress.
It's fabulous to see how love could encourage people to overcome challenges and fears for the one they loved. Four of them had put their lives at risk to fight Shizuka because he needed her blood, they're now willing to give their own hearts to cure him. What had he given them to deserve it? They even couldn't have him fully for themselves.
"I don't want to lose any of them." He whispered in desperation.
Life was so unfair…
Their volunteering touched his heart fervidly, and now he was crying…
for their love…
their devotion…
his unworthiness…
his shame…
crying for them in front of the person who he had put into disfavor for years…
crying in front of him…
though those hot tears drowning his face, there was no single drop for him…
Kaname gave Zero a soft smile, his look was deeply affectionate and gentle as encouraging his husband to believe in those fours and be embraced by love. What happened in that sinful night had shut the hunter's heart off, he started indulging in countless relationships which began at sunset and finished when sun rose up again. Although he had now ended those depraved days to settle down with four wives, he didn't appreciate their sincerity appropriately, he didn't trust them enough to think their feelings would survive great obstacles.
So thischancewas to let him comprehend how much he meant to them and how much he was loved. Kaname had stayed silent for such revelation. If his husband was going to live for an eternity, he wanted him to spend it in happiness. He wanted him to be in love again, though this time it wouldn't be him who Zero fell in love with. Nevertheless, what he felt wasn't important anymore, all his dreams, his hopes, his cravings… would soon follow him to pass into nothingness. Heart suddenly throbbed with pain. The poison which he had taken earlier was causing its malfunction.
Kain looked worn-out, though sunburnt complexion cleverly hid the paleness on his face. All of them had stood up since Zero flew in rage and wanted to get out. Attention poured to the two men facing each other at the threshold. It's probably the first time since their separation they had held the other's eyes on themselves that long. Aido shuddered, as much as he knew, Kaname was going to offer his heart to Zero. Takuma also shared the same thought with him, Shiki, Kain soon reckoned what's going on. Without a word, they were unanimous in protesting the pureblood to sacrifice more for their marriage.
"No, Kaname!" Takuma sputtered "It's my turn. You've already done too much for us."
"Stop squabbling about it! Let me finish explaining the remedy!" Kain said before any of them could argue with Takuma "To prepare his heart, the sacrifice must poison himself with Lily of the Valley, then use sun to cease his healing, so that the toxic won't be eliminated and can follow blood to imbrue his heart." His head spun, he reached out to snatch the edge of the table, however, his grip was too weak to be able to keep his balance. "It must be used before the sacrifice became unconscious."
"Kain!" Aido shouted.
Zero turned around quickly to catch his fourth wife in time, and tightened him in his protective arms. Without their knowledge, the noble had prepared himself for this sacrifice, it was too late to change anything now. "That's why you couldn't wait until tomorrow to see your family. You wanted to pay them your last visit before… before… coming here." Zero mumbled, pressing the other's head on his shoulder "Akatsuki, if you love your parents that much, how could you leave them alone? How do you think they can deal with this loss?"
"I regret that I have to leave them… I've even more regret for leaving you…" Kain raised his feeble fingers to caress the hunter's face "Not enough… We haven't had enough time as I wished… But… this is something I need to do."
Resting his cheek lightly on the noble's head, feeling soft hair sticking on wet skin, Zero realized tears had never stopped falling down on his face. It wasn't what they had expected when they met, wasn't what he had imagined when coming back home without his memories. Kain had sacrificed once for Ruka, Ruka didn't deserve it. Now he's giving away his life for him, and he… he was definitely unworthy. "Stay with me, Akatsuki! We'll find a way to detoxify your poison." Zero looked out to the others "Then we will live together as long as fate allows us. I need all of you, all of you by my side."
"My healing has stopped working. I can't be recovered anymore." Kain guided his husband to face him "Even if you don't take my heart, I'll die in a few days. Could you not satisfy my last wish?"
Lily of the Valley's toxic was fatal to humans. It wasn't to high-class vampires as their immune system was stronger and they were able to heal themselves faster. However, healing power didn't work in the sun. Kain had stayed outside for hours, the toxic had damaged his system to the extent it couldn't heal itself anymore. He didn't expect to survive, he had turned his heart into a cure for his husband.
Zero stayed still, holding the noble in his trembling arms, feeling totally worthless, powerless, and hopeless. He wasn't scared of death, he would rather be the sacrifice, he was willing to do anything for his beloved family. Yet his parents had died for him, his mentor lost an eye, and now Kain was giving him his heart. They all tried to protect him, however, he had never considered their feelings when deciding something. Yagari and Cross had been disappointed and embarrassed by his personal life. Kain had never been his number one. Memory wasn't necessary to conclude it. Since the first day coming back home, his mind had always been occupied with thoughts of the pureblood who had betrayed him. Although staying with them, sleeping with them, his heart was wandering somewhere else, dreaming of someone else. Even before stepping in this room, before hearing the remedy, he was only thinking about the meeting between Kaname and his brother, and not bothering what might be going on in the others' minds.
He had married five people. Shamefully, he didn't give each of them an equal share as they deserved to have.
"Pure blood can heal everything." A low, yet clear, unwavering voice came.
Zero looked up to the person who had just kindled a hope "Kaname, please save him! Please give him your blood!"
"I can't." The pureblood sadly rejected his husband's request. It's bittersweet to hear the man he loved asking him to save his other wife. He had wished for it, had tried to convince the hunter to open his heart for new chances… but why in this moment… a feeling of loss shamelessly swept along his whole being. For years had he seen his husband being sweet to the others on purpose, just to let him know how agonizing it was to witness the one he loved with someone else. One being ignored, one holding another, none of them was truly happy. But from the way Zero holding Kain now, from his pleading look, it's obvious that he was finally falling in love again.
And it's only his husband's desires that mattered, whatever Zero needed, he would get it for him… whatever Zero wanted, he would satisfy him… "My blood has that toxic too."
In the utmost misery, nobody had a clear mind to figure out something wasn't right. Kaname hadn't said a word while four of them were fighting to be the sacrifice. It wasn't how he would usually act. Yet he stood aside, staying out of the touching scene and letting them spontaneously express their true feelings, letting them understand each other deeper and become closer. They forgot he had also learned the remedy from Sho's mind. Just now Takuma got it why he had accepted to receive treatment for his wounds, Aido got it why he had endured the sun for hours before their meeting.
"If you have my heart, you will be equal to a pureblood." Kaname said gently "Don't be hesitant! It's the only way to save Kain."
Wasn't it an invitation? Zero stared at him in daze. Why didn't he feel honored, but trapped? It meant his right of rejection had been taken away, he must choose one of them, he was being forced to do a thing which he could never forgive himself. How could they ask him to do such a cruel thing with such a calm attitude? No, never in his whole life, he wanted to move in the others' arrangements.
Lowering Kain and loosing his embrace, he rose on his feet…
Letting Aido take the place to support his cousin…
He walked out, resolutely, rapidly, without a word to any of them.
ZxK
Zero wanted to leave, but all of a sudden, realized the person who he would like to avoid at most was himself. No matter where he was, it wouldn't change the fact that he was a worthless loser with no memories, no past. The other day, Kaname had assured chairman Cross and Yagari sensei that he was going to get recovered soon. If he got there now, he would only bring worry and sorrow to them. Sarcastically, you were nothing if you couldn't remember who you were. His wives had a great intention of saving his life, yet he felt they had lost their regard to him, as if they didn't think he could judge the situation properly or make a right decision, so they just arranged this remedy on their own, not bothering to discuss with him first.
All servants in their residence were sleeping soundly under a charm of Aido's. Everything was absolutely quiet on his way back to the top floor. Sun had never been a problem to him, yet it was a serious danger to Kaname when he managed to follow. The distance between the extra building to their main house became so faraway in his current condition, he almost fell down in the garden, but tried to keep walking as fast as he could, because if he collapsed, he wouldn't be able to get up, and it wouldn't take much time until sun burnt him into crystals. Those wounds which Shizuka had raked were right on his heart, now writhing in piercing pain. He pressed a hand on them by instinct, but it only worsened his suffering, a moan leaked out of dry, chapped lips, he dropped the hand, and gathered all his last strength to teeter toward their house.
Zero sensed a frail pureblood aura behind him. He had thought it was because of his injuries from the fight last night, but truth was more than that. Beside those injuries, Kaname was poisoned, his healing ability was completely extinguished. A lover's heart poisoned by Lily of the Valley was the only cure. How tragic! Zero couldn't imagine how one felt and thought while destroying himself to save the other. To love someone more than their own life, he had finally learned its meaning.
Yet he wasn't going to accept…
"Go out, Kaname! Leave me alone!"
The pureblood had once again stepped in the place where he was banned to enter. All same furniture was at their original positions as the time they were still together. A nostalgic feeling wriggled in his senses, he unconsciously rubbed some fingers on the antique mahogany wall table "Kain has passed out, the rest are crying." They had no choice, but went ahead as things had already been settled. The noble's heart couldn't be used anymore. If Zero insisted in not accepting his sacrifice, Kain would die in a few days, then he himself would also die next month. "Please think about the others. The persons who got married to you trust their lives in your hands. Happy or miserable, their future depends on your decision. You've been looking for Ichiru for ten years. Now he's back, and needs your support, your guide to keep on the right track. Beside them, you still have responsibilities to the association, the peace treaty, the safety of this world. Many destinies rely on you, Zero! You can't give up!"
Right, one couldn't live solely for himself, they must be responsible to the people who came to love them, who dependent on them, but… "What about…" The hunter ghosted a strained smile "… thinking about yourself?" To live for larger purposes… he wasn't such a noble soul, he didn't believe this world needed him that much. If he should keep living, how about his sacrifice? Did that person deserve to be dead? "What about your own dreams? Your own wishes? Your own goals?"
Dreams? Kaname used to have dreams as everyone else, he dreamed about a family with his hunter, dreamed about an everlasting happiness, waking up with him by his side and sharing a good-night kiss before falling asleep. In the last five years, lonely dozes couldn't bring those sweet dreams back to him, but frequently rushed the memory of that sinful night to startle him in the middle of quietness. When opening his eyes in panic, he realized he was alone…
Wishes? His wishes were unfortunately as impossible as his dreams. He wished to see love in his husband's look, he wished to be forgiven. Among numerous powers he possessed, if only he could trade all for the ability of converting time, to correct that night, to be faithful to the one he loved. Zero didn't believe it was a mistake, because he had seen it with his own eyes, seen his desire, his pleasure, his satisfaction… seen him squirming lustfully under another man. Such a scene stated more than all of what he had ever said, and put an end to their passionate romance.
Goals? There was only one goal left. After that night, it was all he lived for. "I want to be useful to you."
Pure blood scent subtly floated in the air, as delicious as usual. Zero felt his throat getting dry. He had just drunk a lot from Shizuka, but strangely, it couldn't be compared with what he's smelling now. Was it because this blood was from the person he loved? The other day his E craziness broke out, Kaname came to feed him. Right in this room, he had devoured the pureblood until utterly satiate, then cast him out with no mercy. He got mad for the other's arousal, he didn't want to be used as a tool to satisfy his sexual desire. One thing he wasn't sure at that time was Kaname honestly loved him. Want to be useful to me? They had separated for five years, somehow it's wrong to keep the feeling that strong. Zero grimaced, unintentionally took a look around his room. He had seen this room clearly not in the first time coming here, not the second time, or the third… He remembered it clearly from a weird dream…
"I had a dream." He turned around to look at his first wife, the man he got to know since 13 and became his true love, who turned his life into a new period "In my dream, you were kneeling in front of me..." Fate seemed to be teasing them as their current positions happened to be exactly where they had been on that night four years before "… pleading for my forgiveness, but I said…" It was the first day sleeping at home after losing his memories. He hadn't seen this place carefully yet, but able to set it perfectly in that dream, so he knew it wasn't just a dream, it's actually a piece of his lost memories. Takuma later confirmed he had really said those words. "I would only forgive you after your death."
The pureblood dropped on his knees, stupefied that Zero remembered it. He thought his husband was cold to him because of the influence of those rumors, it turned out his betrayal was still loitering in the hunter's mind, though everything else had been forgotten, including his own name. That's why Zero couldn't stand his attempts to get close,that explained his disgusting look when seeing his arousal.
"Could you… please… keep your promise?" Kaname closed his eyes to hide the shame loading within.
No, Zero didn't intend to hurt him more than he had already done. That piece of memory was like a stinging thorn in his heart. Even erasing everything, the charm couldn't erase it. Probably because it was engraved too deeply, probably he had never meant to forgive him "I can't promise it. Kaname… have you ever thought it was just a way to tell you I would never forgive you?" It's cruel… but it might be the truth. If the pureblood was trading his own life for his forgiveness, then what should he do? Zero had forgotten his past, his personality. There were many things which his past-self had done and he now found unacceptable. Greedy, selfish, narrow-minded… What if those characteristics came back when memories returned? What if he just couldn't forgive him? "We might have been deeply in love. There might be a good reason for you to love me. But we… after that incident… have separated. Our love was abandoned since, I didn't understand why you remained by my side, taking care of me… Was it your redemption? Are you trying to redeem your sin?" His voice was soft. There was no hatred in this moment, he only wanted to make things clear and not to put two of them in another regretful situation. "I'm afraid I'm just a bigoted guy and can never overlook what you did. So please stop caring for me. You're a pureblood, that poison can't really kill you. You can drink my blood to heal yourself. I don't mind even if you drain me dry, I don't want to end my life as an E. Saving Kain, maintaining our peace treaty, all rely on you."
Sun was reaching its zenith. No wind. The dying pureblood melted in tears, bony fingers hastily covering distorted face when bitter sobs uncontrollably leaked out. Pain rushed through his body, throat seemed to be strangled, breath was cut, and when pain successfully took over him, blood came out with a cough…
Dark crimson…
Blood was poisoned…
Blood… as captivating as ever…
Blood… dyed all vision red…
"Kaname…" Zero didn't imagine the pureblood would react that much after hearing his words. Are you regretting for having sacrificed a lot for me? He calmly walked closer, and knelt down, offering his neck. He couldn't grant what Kaname wanted, it's just fair to return him what he had given. "It isn't late yet. Here, bite me!"
"I… have understood." The pureblood's voice was almost inaudible. Shaking, bloody fingers reached up, trying to touch the handsome face he so much longed for, but shamefully stopped in the middle. No, he couldn't soil his husband with such a dirty hand. He… didn't have a right to touch him. Another outburst rising stifled his respiration, hands pressing on throat desperately, he turned his head away, blood being vomited out, staining his own clothes, soaking the beige carpet.
He couldn't swoon as Kain did. He had to stay conscious and suffer until the toxic completely destroyed his body and took his life away. However, with strong blood, the pain would be reduced, and his healing ability would gradually be recovered.
"Bite me!" Zero yelled, squeezing his shoulders.
Kaname gently pushed him out…
Can never overlook what I did…
Will never forgive me…
Zero…
Are they your most cruel words?
I actually knew it…
…from the very beginning.
Yet I boldly hoped it was just a minute of anger. With time you would be softened and acknowledge my sincere repentance.
All of what I have done…
You asked if it was redemption…
But if there is no love…
… why should I try so hard to earn your forgiveness?
And if there is love…
… then even though you will never forgive me…
The buttons were fumbled open. His shirt was pulled apart, revealing the wet, reddened bandage. When a careless yank took it off, blood immediately streamed out in response.
"Noooo!" The hunter grabbed his hand "I told you I won't forgive you. I'll never forgive you. Can you hear me clearly?"
But the pureblood's other hand had already reached through torn flesh to seize his own heart.
"I understood… Even if I'm dead, I won't be forgiven." Fresh tears fell down ashen cheeks. The sacred heart beat weakly in his cold, bloody palm. When Zero's grip became loose, Kaname grabbed his husband's hand back and stretched it out to pass his barely-alive heart to him "This heart has been purely yours. It deserves a better place than my filthy body. I have nothing to ask you for a favor, but for the love we once shared, please save the only pure piece of me!"
Posted: 11 September 2011