Chapter 37: Mr. Saturday Knight
Opening Credits
It seems today that all ya see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those good, old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely
Lucky there's a Family Guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh n' Cry
He's
a
Fam
-ily
Guy!
End
We join Peter appears at "Career Day" for Chris's class
"On the whole, I enjoy my job as a pharmacist. In fact, many of my customers are your mommies and daddies. Jimmy Hopkins, your mother had awful postpartum depression after you were born." Mort said as Jimmy Hopkins was shocked by that news.
"And Danielle, your father had bad, very bad hemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful. Oh, they were awful. They were like stinky little balloons. And I gave him some special ointment and he hurt so bad that he had to apply it in the car with his sock. Thank you." Mort said as he receives a better response. As the kids are impressed.
"Cool! I want to be a pharmacist!" Boy said with excitement.
"Oh, yeah!" Boy 2 said with equal excitement.
"Thank you, Mr. Goldman. And our final speaker is Mr. Peter Griffin." Teacher said now that she introduces Peter to the kids as Chris, Tyler and John Cheering for his father/guardian.
"Hey, kids! Hey, you know what I do? I work at a toy factory and you know what I do there?" Peter said
"I bet you're just one of those low-level assembly-line guys who stands there all day screwing heads on dolls." "Ooh, is it on straight? I don't know." "Boo!" Boy said as he mocks him.
"Why, you little snot-nosed..." Peter said as he about to kill the kid until the teacher stops him.
"Mr. Griffin! He plays kickball in the park after school. Get him there." Teacher said Whispering as peter plan to kick
Does anyone have any questions for Mr. Griffin? Teacher said aloud to the kids.
Yeah. Can we listen to the claims adjuster again? Boy said as they want the cool parents.
As the Class Cheering as the kids are not impressed with Peter's menial job at the toy factory.
Now we tune in on channel 5 with "Every day French with Pierre Escargot!" Featured Frank Jr, sitting in a bathtub filled with suds, wearing a rain coat and matching hat and swim fins on his feet. He would take a break from whatever he is doing (like playing an accordion or pretending to drive a car), say silly phrases in badly-pronounced French, and then translate them in English.
"Puis-je essayer sur bikini de votre soeur? May I try on your sister's bikini?" Frank Jr said as he laughs.
"Ma grand-mère vit dans une hutte de pickle. My grandmother lives in a pickle hut." Frank Jr said as he laughs.
"C'est trop de sauce pour un chiot chien. That's too much sauce for one puppy dog." Frank Jr said as he laughs.
"Ce gros homme est plier mon poney. That fat man is bending my pony." Frank Jr said as he laughs.
"Qui a brisé la pompe cornichon? Who broke the pickle pump?" Frank Jr said as he laughs. As we join to the channel 5 news.
"Welcome back to Quahog 5 News. And now, here's Ollie Williams with the "Blackie weather" Forecast. Ollie?" Tom Tucker said as we join Ollie Williams doing the weather.
"It gonna rain!" Ollie Williams said.
"Thanks. And finally, we go live to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa interviewing a guy from the upcoming Renaissance Faire." Tom Tucker said as zoom in on Trisha Takanawa interviewing a guy from the upcoming Renaissance Faire.
"Thanks, Tom. Sir, for those who aren't familiar with the tradition, can you tell us about the Renaissance Faire?" Tricia Takanawa asked a jester.
"Yea. But first, bride of Genghis, thou must explainest to me thy very peculiar electronic wand. Oooh!" Man said in midlevel speech. As we join Frank Jr and Stewie doing Mad libs.
All right, Frank Jr and Rupert, are you two ready to hear our Mad Lib? Stewie said as he Clears throat while he begins reading the mad lib.
"Cinderella had three wicked step-watermelons, who were very smelly to her. So, her fairy god toilet turned her pumpkin into a fanny and sent her off to the poop." Stewie said as he and Frank Jr are laughing at the mad lib.
"Oh, my! How ruthlessly absurd!" Frank Jr said as we zoom in on Lois as Peter comes in the house with John and Tyler.
"Peter, how was your big presentation at Chris' class?" Lois asked her husband.
"It was a huge waste of time." Peter said in disappointed tone.
"Well, it couldn't have been that bad." Lois said as she thinks it not a big deal.
"It was terrible. Everyone else there had some big important job and was way more successful than me." Peter said as he begins to worry that he is stuck at a dead-end job within the company.
"Hey, come on, you have a great job." Brian said
"Yeah..." Frank Jr said while Stuttering.
"you're doing good." Stewie said as he adds a comment.
"Peter, if you're not satisfied, then be more assertive. Invite Mr. Weed over for dinner and show him what you have to offer the company." Lois said as she encourages him to invite his boss, Mr. Weed, to dinner.
"Yeah, I guess I could. I just hope it goes okay. We've had bad luck with dinner guests. Remember when Margot Kidder was here?" Peter said as we start the cutaway.
Cutaway
We see the Griffins having dinner with Margot Kidder.
"Oh, we loved you in the Superman movies. You were just wonderful!" Lois complimented as Margot suddenly starts screaming and throwing her chair. Then she flips the dinner table and crashed out through the window. She pulls her hair and runs away while screaming at the same time.
Cutaway Ends
Now we zoom in on Peter near a mirror practicing to talk with his boss.
"Mr. Weed, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over to my house for dinner Friday night. That wasn't so hard." Peter said as it reveals that he is in Mr. Weed's office.
"Well, what time?" Mr. Weed asked.
"Uh, I don't know. 7:30, 8:00?" Peter said.
"Fabulous! What shall I bring?" Mr. Weed said as we zoom in the Mallque/Griffin House with Peter was about to freak-out.
"Peter, calm down. Everything's gonna be fine." Lois said as she calms down peter.
I hope so. If I blow this, I'll have to go back to my old job at the Electric Company. Peter said as we start the cutaway 2.
Cutaway
We see Peter and a man in silhouettes as the man says "duh".
"Ot" Peter adds.
"DOT" both said in unison.
"Buh" the man says.
"Et" Peter adds on.
"BET" both said in unison.
"I knew that. Slow it down" Peter demanded.
"Puh"
"It"
"PIT"
"Come on pal! It's my first day!" Peter snaps.
"Fuh"
"At"
"FAT" the man spells out.
"Oh that's it buddies!" Peter beats up his coworker.
Cutaway Ends
As the Doorbell rings
"That must be him." Lois said.
"Oh God! I hope that thing doesn't happen where I get nervous and I can't control of the volume of my voice." Peter said as he opens the door to let Mr. Weed inside.
"Hello, Peter. How are you?" Mr. Weed said.
"FINE!" Peter said by Yelling.
"Please come in." Peter said Quietly.
"It's so nice to have you over, Mr. Weed." Lois said.
"Thank you, Mrs. Griffin. I understand that you have a beautiful family." Mr. Weed said.
"Yes, we do, but the children won't be joining us for dinner. It's almost their bedtime." Lois said.
Peter blows his whistle and his kids (Except Meg), John, Tyler and Frank Jr came down stairs and stand in line like there in the navy.
"State your names." Frank said as he command them.
One by one, they marched up stating their names.
"John!" John said.
"Tyler!" Tyler said.
"Persephone!" Persephone said.
"Chris!" Chris said.
"And I'm Lisle!" Stewie said until Frank Jr kicks Stewie's butt.
"Ow! I mean Stewie!" Stewie said as he rubs his butt in pain.
"And me, I'm Francisco George Mallque the second. But everyone calls me, Frank Jr!" Frank Jr said his name in an animaniecas way.
"Mr. Weed, the Griffin children would like to say goodnight to you." Lois said as the kids begin to dance.
Persephone, John, Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr Singing
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen ado.
John
Ado, ado, to you and you and you
Persephone, Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr
So long, farewell, Au revoir, Auf wiedersehen
Persephone
I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne (Spoken) Yes?
Peter Spoken
No...
Tyler, Chris, Stewie and Frank Jr Singing
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye.Tyler
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye.
Goodbyyyyyyyyye
Chris
I'm glad to go, but I cannot tell a lie.
Stewie
I flit, I float, I fleety flee I fly
Frank Jr
The sun has gone to bed and so must I-I...
Persephone, John, Tyler and Chris
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye. Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye
Brian, Frank, Peter, Lois, Meg and Mr. Weed
Goodbye
After the kids walked up stairs and out of sights.
"Isn't it weird that Christopher Palmer didn't like that film?" Frank Spoken a reference.
Meanwhile at dinner table with everyone eating, The occasion proceeds surprisingly well.
"Mmm! Who would think a woman with such beauty would have the culinary skills of Emeril Lagasse?" Mr. Weed said as he comments both Frank and Peter wives on their looks and cooking skills.
"Oh, well thank you." Lois thank Mr. Weed for the comment.
"Bam!" Meg said while she and Lois made a joke while Laughing.
"Peter, don't you have something to say to Mr. Weed?" Lois asked peter about something.
"Oh, yeah. Mr. Weed, Me and Frank don't care what the guys at work say." Peter said as he comments on his boss.
"We never thought you were an effeminate weirdo." Frank continued the sentence that peter left off.
"So, what kind of a name is "Weed"?" Brian asked Mr. Weed about his last name.
"They gave it to my grandfather on Ellis Island. Our real name was "Bermudagrass." Frank, Peter, being here with your wonderful families, your beautiful home and your funny talking dog, well, I'm impressed. In fact, starting Monday, I would like to promote you two to Head of Toy Development." Mr. Weed said as he explains the history of his last name and he is quite impressed with Frank and Peter's home, family and "funny talking dog." When he mentions that he will promote Peter to head of toy development.
Holy crap! Ah, thanks, Mr. Weed! You won't be sorry." Frank said as the shock of the news causes Brian to start choking on a dinner roll.
"Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me here." Peter said try to stop Brian to mess up this moment.
"Peter, Brian's choking! Do the Heimlich maneuver quick!" Lois said as Peter and Lois try to get it out with the Heimlich maneuver, it ejects out of Brian's mouth and into Mr. Weed's mouth.
Mr. Weed was Choking on the dinner roll that came out of Brain mouth. It causing him so much pain by choke on it until he dies.
"He's dead." Brian said as he checks his pluses to confirm the truth.
As Frank, Meg, Peter and Lois gasp in shocked, Margot Kidder Screaming herself in by Kitchen door.
"I forgot my purse." Margot Kidder said as she continued Screaming as she escapes threw the dining room window.
"All right, let's not panic. Nobody even knows about this yet." Frank said Suddenly, someone pounds on the front door.
"Police! Random dead-body search! somebody said as he announces that the police are conducting a random dead body search.
"Oh, my God, Lois! Stall them!" Peter said while he and Frank panics as they drag Mr. weed's body, they attempt to flush it down the toilet with a plunger.
"Peter, Frank, what are you two doing?" Lois asked on what they are doing
"Just stall them, Mom!" Frank said as he tries to plunger Mr. weed's body down the toilet, while Peter tried to flush him down. As Lois and Meg open the door to reveal Death!
"Got ya! It's just me, Death. I'm here for the body." Death said while Laughing as he enters and admits that he was just joking about the police search.
"Frank, Dad, it's okay. It's just Death." Meg said as she shouts form them to calm down.
"Thank God!" Peter said as he and Frank drag the body to give it to death, where Death's Dog arrives with Death with the intention of claiming Brian, who temporarily choked on a dinner roll.
"Hey, did someone choke on a roll in here?" Death's Dog said as he asked about Brian dying.
"Oh, no, no, no. I spit it up." Brian said as he explains to him that he is okay as Death's dog leaves.
Meanwhile at channel 5 news with Tom Tucker.
"Recapping our top story. Doreen, I lost your phone number. We met at the Sky Lounge last night. Please call me. In other news, toy industrialist Jonathan Weed was found dead in the home of an employee who claims Weed choked on a dinner roll. No charges will be filed against the employee but the dinner roll has been taken into custody." Tom Tucker said as it shows the diner roller mug shots.
At Mr. Weed's funeral with Somber instrumental music playing in the background everyone who work in the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory was crying for loss of their boss
"I'd do her. Do her. Wouldn't do her. Who hasn't done her? Do her. Lose the pigtails and we'll talk. Do her, do her." Stewie said as he points at babies who he fucks until Frank Jr Slaps him.
And now, the last men to see Jonathan Weed alive has offered to say a few words. Priest said as he introduces Frank and Peter.
"Good afternoon, everyone. As you know, we of the Christian faith believe that Jesus is not really dead but that he must let the world think that he is dead until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him." Frank said as he humming ominous music while his eulogy at Mr. Weed's funeral drifts into the opening of the television series The Incredible Hulk.
"Anyway, right before he died, Mr. Weed promoted me to Head of Toy Development, and I've brought along my attorney who confirms that this constitutes a verbal contract. Isn't that right, Saul?" Peter said as he shows a hand puppet.
"Yes, sir. Verbal contract." "Thank you." Peter and Peter's hand talking to each other.
Meanwhile at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, everyone has arrived to listen to Mr. Weed's lawyer.
"Glad to see you all found your way over from the cemetery. I'm Leonard Hale, Mr. Weed's lawyer. We found this tape among Mr. Weed's personal effects, with instructions that it be screened immediately after his funeral. Enjoy." Leonard Hale said as he plays Weed's videotaped will which reveal Mr. weed making breakfast in his underwear.
"Good morning. Camera time." Cameraman said as he films Mr. Weed.
"Turn it off. I don't have my face on yet. I'm ugly." Mr. Weed said as he try to cover his face.
"You want to tell us a little something about what you're making there." Cameraman asked Mr. Weed about what he is cook.
"I will tell you. Just a couple of eggs with the peppers left over from last night." Mr. Weed Snickering as Frank Jr said 'nasty in the background.
"Okay, playtime is over. Turn it off, monkey. Okay?" Mr. Weed said as the video paused by Leonard Hale pause the video as he Clearing throat while Fast-forwarding the tape to the Video will while Frank Jr vomited on the floor.
"Hello, friends. If you're watching this, I am dead and I bet you're pretty bummed. But I have good news. The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory shall be torn down to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute." Mr. Weed said as the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is to be demolished to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute.
"What?" Peter asked in question is to what the hell.
"What, What in the butt?" Frank said as to the shocking news of his job is turning into a parking lot.
"The demolition will begin in... Now." Mr. Weed said as promised, the building is immediately razed and all workers are fired as they Screaming in terror while getting out of the destroy building.
As we join Peter and Frank, as they experience difficulties in finding new careers for Themselves. Now we join Peter is trying to get his counselor to help at the Job placement.
"Okay, we've got your typing test here and all the pertinent data about your ... uh ... background and, um, skills, and..." Counselor said as he explains while stuttering about Peter's Pertinent date.
"And?" Peter asked him about his Pertinent date.
"You, know, I got to be honest with you. I only have another week and a half here and I have completely checked out." Counselor said as he didn't do his checking on Peter's Pertinent date.
"Oh." Peter said in a disappointed tone.
"Yeah." Counselor said.
"Well, what should I do?" Peter asked him on what to do.
Um… Counselor said while Sighs pensively.
"Chef?" Counselor said in response while peter stares at him with a blank look.
Now we join him and Frank looking at the newspaper for job ads as Peter and Frank circle one of them. Now we join Frank at a men's Restroom as a bustboy.
"Oh, sorry, we're out of towels. Let me get that for you, sir." Frank said as he tries to Blowing the Man's hands clean until he passes out, the man then cleans his hand with Frank's red vest as he leaves.
Now we join Peter pass on pamphlets to the passenger of Quahog airlines.
"What? I'm supposed to pay $2 for stickers 'cause this guy can't hear? Come on!" Man complains like a bitch.
"Hey, I might be deaf but I have feelings! Oh. I mean...what?" Peter said as he breaks his deaf guy routing.
As we join Lois, Meg, Persephone, Briand, Frank Jr, Stewie, John and Tyler on a drive around town at night.
"Has Frank and Dad found permanent jobs yet? Meg and Persephone asked Lois.
"Meg, Persephone, Frank and your father's going through a bit of a career transition. They'd just sampling a few things, searching for something that fits him just right." Lois said as everyone in the car Gasping at what they saw.
"Clearly it's not that tube top." Brian said as they see peter is tries to become a cheap hooker with Frank dress as a cold stone pimp.
"Hey! Looking for a good time, sweet cheeks?" Peter asked Lois for a good time.
Oh, my God! Meg said while Stewie and Frank Jr just stared at them in shocked.
"Peter, Frank, get in the car!" Lois shouted at them
"Okay, but it will cost you." Frank said in a black pimp tone.
"What do you want? A Cleveland Steamer?" Peter asked Lois on what she wants on sex.
"I said get in the car! What's a Cleveland Steamer?" Lois said until she asked about the Cleveland Steamer.
"It means that he'll..." Brian explain about it until Frank stops them.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Be cool, be cool. Yes, you go to Maple Street, and then take a left, and then you go..." Frank said as he fakes districting them to Maple street until the cops left.
"Okay, so you want to party or what?" Peter said as both Lois and Meg get piss off.
"Get in this Fucking car right now!" Meg shouted at them to get in the car now as the came inside the car as they drive home with Stewie looking at Peter then to Persephone.
"It's eerie, isn't it? Like looking into the future." Stewie said as he explains to Persephone about her choice in the future until John slaps him on the head while Frank Jr bitch slaps him knocked out.
As we join them arriving at the Mallque/Griffin house with Chris watching the match game.
"Forgetful Freddy was so forgetful..." Gene Rayburn said the sentence.
"How forgetful was he?" All asked him.
"He was so forgetful, whenever he tried to remember someone's name he drew a "blank." Gene Rayburn said as Chris turns off the TV as everyone enter the house.
"Oh, God! This is all my fault. If I hadn't pushed you so hard to invite Mr. Weed to dinner he'd still be alive and you'd still have your job." Lois said of the event that lead both Peter and Frank of losing their jobs.
"Don't worry, Lois. We'll get through this. We just have to scrimp a little, that's all. You know, sell some stuff we don't really need. This'll bring in a couple of bucks." Peter said as he rips off Lois's blouse.
"Peter, please, listen to me. When we got married, you always talked about your one dream job. Remember? And you put that dream aside in order to provide for this family." Lois said as he puts back her blouse while telling Peter and Frank about to get their dreams back to provide for the family as they lead them at the couch.
"Yeah?" Peter and Frank said in agreement.
"Well, We've saved some money from teaching piano, and I say this is the perfect time for you to pursue that dream." Meg said
"Really?" Frank said.
"Yes!" Lois said.
"You know, since money's getting tight, I was gonna suggest that we eat the kids. You know, jokingly at first, but then I was gonna gauge your reaction and if you were cool with it, we would go from there!" Peter said.
"but this is a much better idea. We're going to do it, Meg. we're going to realize Pop's dream! Me and Pops going to be a Renaissance Faire jousters!" Frank said in triumph.
"Oh, Frank!" Meg said as she hugs him.
As Margot Kidder Screaming as she closed the door.
Now we join Frank and Peter arriving at the Ye Olde Renaissance faire.
"Oh, this is so exciting! My little jouster's first day." Here's your lunches. Lois said.
"Thanks, Mom." Frank said his thanks to Lois.
"Oh, egg salad?" Peter said as he and Frank groan at their lunches.
"Have a good time." Lois said as she opens their doors to let them out.
"We'll try." Frank said as they got out of the car as we see them walking aroung until they spotted Mort Goldman.
"Hey, Mort." Peter saying hello to his new Jewish friend until he freaky him out of surprised.
"Oh, God! Don't hurt me! Oh, hi, Peter and Frank." Mort said hello to them.
"Hey, you gonna be a jouster, too?" Peter asked Mort about joust training.
"Yes. I'm trying to overcome my fear of swords 'cause a man in a pirate suit stabbed me in the ear when I was 5, and then again when I was 30. What about you? Same?" Mort said as he explains his reason and then asked them about their reason about joust training.
"Not really. It kinda all goes back to when My and Pops were 18. they were going through that rebellious phase, and hanging out with a bad crowd." Frank said as he explains his father and Peter teen years as it shows them being with a bad hippy crowd.
"Here, Jake and Peter. Try one of these." The hippy Girl said as she gives them small pills.
"What is it?" Peter asked while Jake looks at the pills with interest.
"It's a cheeseburger." The hippy Girl said as all Kids Were Laughing at her joke.
"Of course, now Dad know it wasn't a cheeseburger but at that time, they were ready to believe anything. He and pops didn't know what the hell was going on. they wandered around for hours and somehow ended up at the Renaissance Faire." Frank said in a narrator tone as it shows Jake and Peter in some psychic visons that you see in Austin power movies until they were on top of a roof while attempting to fly in flashback.
"we can fly!" Jake said as he and peter fell down while screaming.
"Oh, my God!" Black Knight said as he races toward them to save them.
"As My dad and Pops Screaming for their deaths, they were saved by the one and only Black Knight of the Quahog Renaissance Faire." Frank said.
"A word of advice-the path to knighthood is paved with strength and nobility, not LSD and sideburns." Black Knight said as he gives them advice about being good people.
"And from that moment on, they knew someday that they wanted to be knights like him." Frank explain as the flashback was over.
"Oh, mercy! I was once addicted to antihistamines. I took so many I thought I was Mr. Peanut." Mort said as he explains his problems with drugs.
"Ah, that's a great story, too." Peter said in happiness.
As we join them at joust training with their couch yelling at them.
"You all think you got what it takes to be jousters! If you're gonna joust, you got to want it! Let me hear your war cry!" Coach said as he got mort first.
"EHHHH, UHHH…." As Mort Feeble cry.
"Is that the best you got, you pile of crap?" Coach asked him.
"Yes. From an early age, my parents discouraged loud noises!" Mort said as he explains his feeble cry.
"You know what you are? You're a candy-ass maggot!" Coach said as he insults Mort while frank and peter chucked at him.
"You find something funny, maggot?" Couch asked Frank about his laughter.
"Sir, no, sir!" Frank shouted his response.
"You love the Middle Ages, don't you?" Coach:
Sir, yes, sir! Frank shouted his response.
"The concept of a geocentric universe gets you sexually excited, doesn't it?" Coach asked Frank about his sexuality
"Sir, yes, sir!" Frank shouted his response.
"You want to make 16th century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch, don't you?" Coach asked Frank about making 16th century mathematician Johannes Kepler your bitch.
"Sir, yes, sir!" Frank shouted his response.
"Welcome, apprentices." Black Knight said as he arrives with his hot bitch.
"It's him." Peter exclaimed as he got to see his hero in person again.
"Look alive, ladies. Allow me to introduce the best of the best the Black Knight himself! And this is his trophy wench, Maid Madeleine!" Coach said as he introduces the black knight and his hot trophy wench, Maid Madeleine. While Maid Madeleine reveal her awesome boobaged as every knight in training dicks were Dinging in each suit of armor until we reach Mort which his dick didn't do.
"Ding." Mort said as he notices that he did do the ding so he fakes it.
Meanwhile at the bathroom we see the black knight shaving his helmet.
"Excuse me, Mr. Black Knight?" Peter asked the black knight a question.
"I'm busy." Black Knight said as he continued to shave.
"Oh, well, I just wanted to thank you. I don't know if you remember, but when I was a kid you helped me get my life back on the right path." Peter said explain their first meeting until the black knight cuts himself.
"Damn it. Look, I'm busy, all right?" Black Knight said as he tells peter that he is busy.
"Okay. I'll come back later." Peter said as he leaves in panic.
"Damn rookies." Black Knight said as Mort comes in feel nerves.
"Are all the other men out of the shower yet?" Mort said as he holds a bar of soup.
Meanwhile we join our heroes at home eating breakfast.
As Stewie see Persephone in his cereal box fort.
"Hey, you, porker. Yes, I'm calling you a porker and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm protected by my impenetrable cereal-box fort." Stewie said to Persephone while Laughing looking towards to Brian.
"Hey, you, drunkie. Yes, that's right, I'm calling you drunkie and there's nothing you can do about it because I'm... "Stewie said until Brian slams cereal box fort, shocking Stewie.
"The toast is ready." Lois said as she notices toast done from the toaster.
"I'll get it, Lois. There you go." Peter said as he used his lance to butter her toast and give it to her.
"Mr. Griffin, maybe you shouldn't bring your lance to the table." Tyler said in worried.
"Tyler, if I'm gonna get good enough to impress the Black Knight, my lance must be with me at all times. You guys are gonna be so proud when you see me out on that field. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go practice." Peter said as his lance mange to get threw Persephone as she Screams.
"Oh, my God, Dad! My earring! Dad, stop!" Persephone said as she Screams being drag by her father lance
As we join Frank, Peter and Mort getting lunch.
"Yeah, three mutton joints, please." Peter said as he asked Mutton Jeff.
"Thou wishes to feast on the appendage of a humble ovine." Mutton Jeff asked them about the mutton joints.
"Listen, you freak. We don't all watch Frasier, okay? Now, give me Three mutton joints." Frank said as Mutton Jeff gave them the three mutton joints as they leave as this "Mutton Jeff" food stall is a reference to the comic strip Mutt and Jeff.
"Thank you." Mort said as he thanks the man.
As Romantic instrumental music playing in the background, Frank and Peter flirts with the Knight's wench by seductively waving things in front of his face, including his mutton, it is a reference to a similar scene in the Woody Allen film Love and Death.
"'Tis a glorious afternoon. Wouldst thou not agree?" Madeleine said as she, the Black Knight's girlfriend flirts with Frank and Peter.
"Yea, kind shrew. I before thee except after C." Frank said
"Wouldst thou take a gander underneath my frock?" Madeleine said
"Uh...uh, Sure. whatever floats your boat. There you go. Peter said as he shoves a goose under her frock while Frank gave her his number and shove it under boobies.
"call me, Jeez, frickin' perverts." Frank said to mort as he was hoping for a three way with his wife and Madeleine. That's when the Black Knight comes in all angry.
"Madeleine, go wait in the Hyundai! What were you doing with my girl?" Black Knight asked on what the hell they were doing to Maid Madeleine.
"Jeez, she walks over here and asks me to put a bird in her panties! I'm here going, "What the hell?" Peter said as he explains what happened until he and frank shove into the table.
"God! Peter, Frank, play dead! Curl up in an ass ball or something! "Mort said in panic.
"We can't cause we stuck dude!" Frank said in panic tone.
What's the problem, BK? Peter asked the black knight.
"I don't like both of you, I don't like your faces, and I don't like you two hanging around my girl! I don't ever want to see you two here again!" Black Knight said as he bullies them.
"Oh. So, okay, we can see each other outside the Faire, right? I'm just trying to understand the rules." Peter exclaims in fear.
"If I see you two again, I'll kill you both." Black Knight said as he bullies him into leaving the Fair.
"Okay, that's much clearer." Frank said as the black knight leaves while mort resurfaces out of the table.
"Oh, God! I think I just miscarried!" Mort said as frank look at him.
"You're a dude mort?" Frank said as we zoom in back at the house seeing Frank and Peter throwing away their armors.
"Frank, Peter, what are you two doing? I spent hours soldering that costume for the two of you." Lois said
"We don't need it anymore, Mom. we quit the team." Frank said
"Quit the team? But you can't quit jousting. The big meet is today, and I thought you were..." Lois said as she tried to not let them quit.
"Did you just say "big meet?" Peter said as lois said something funny.
"Oh, my God! I did." Lois said all three of them Both Are Laughing.
"We almost missed that one." Lois said.
"I know. That was a close one." Frank said.
"But I'm being serious here, Guys. We were all set to come see you two joust today. You two were so excited to be on the same field as the Black Knight". Lois said.
"We're gonna be watching it from the stands, Mom, because the Black Knight is just a big jerk! Just like that guy who fixed our vacuum." Peter said as we set a cutaway.
(Cutaway 3)
We see Peter at a repair shop.
"There you go. All fixed. It turns out a half-eaten meatball was clogging up the intake" the repairman said.
"Oh, well did you save it?" Peter said.
"Uh no" the man answered.
"You bastard!" Peter cursed.
(Cutaway 3 Ends)
As we join the family at the Renaissance Faire jousting meet with Peter and Frank remains inconsolable despite his family's encouragement but decides to watch the joust from the stands.
"Well, it's an exciting day here for all at the Renaissance Faire jousting meet. Wouldn't you say, Tom?" Diane Simmons said as she gives out comments about the Renaissance Faire jousting meet.
"Diane, I'd say it was perfect day if you weren't reminding us all of our grandmas' cleavage. Now, let's go live to the field where Black Knight is preparing to challenge his next opponent." Tom Tucker said as he insults Diane's awesome Boobaged.
As Suspenseful instrumental music playing as the black knight challenged a fellow knight and the knight lost as the people were Cheering.
While the Monks Were Chanting "Rock and Roll, Part 2"
Hey. How're you two doing there, big guys? You two holding up all right? You two want a soda? Hmm? Screw it. I tried. Stewie said as Frank Jr gives him a pat on the back for trying.
"The Black Knight's next challenger will be Sir Mort Goldman." Tom Tucker said as Mort get on his horse as he rides forth at the Black Knight.
"Oh, God! I forfeit!" Mort said Grunting as he chickens out of the joust.
"That's it, folks. It looks like the Black Knight is out of challengers and is once again undefeated." Tom Tucker said as Unsurprisingly, the Black Knight defeats all challengers, inspiring Mort to flee in terror before their horses near each other. As the black Knight notices something.
Hey, what's your fat ass doing here? Black Knight said as he asks Bruce.
"He's my only means of conveyance. But I guess I do spoil him." Bruce said as he spoils his donkey to being fat.
"Clearly you do. And what are you two doing here, Mallque and Griffin? I thought I told you two never to show your faces here again!" Black Knight said as he notices Peter and Frank in the stands.
"We're just watching, all right? We don't want any trouble." Peter said
"You've got trouble if you don't beat it." Black Knight said as he begins berating them
"Listen, buddy..." Frank said but was interrupted by Bk
"I said get lost!" Black Knight said as Frank and Peter began to leave.
"Where's are they going?" Meg said in sadness.
"Frank, Dad!" Chris exclaimed.
"Let him go, kids." Lois said as she knows that this isn't over as she notices Frank's Left fist glowed gold.
"You see that, kids? Those two are nothing but fizzles!" Black Knight said
"Nobody calls us fizzles and gets away with it!" Frank said Suddenly determined to defeat the Black Knight, Frank and Peter challenges him. As Heroic instrumental music plays in the background.
"Except that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran off. He got away with it. But most people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it. Well, actually, that guy who got away with it was the only one who ever called me a fizzle. After today only half the people who ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it." Peter said on top of his horse.
"It appears a new challenger has entered the field. The crowd has fallen deathly ill-silent. Sorry." Tom Tucker said as black Knight and the gold knight were at the stations.
As Suspenseful instrumental music playing in the background as they charged each other while Peter was riding behind Frank.
"Oh, my God! We're gonna die!" Peter said as he life flash before his eye again. Until Tom tucker gets a note form a vaila.
"To the owner of a yellow Hyundai, your car is being towed." Tom Tucker said something that distracted the black Knight.
"What?" Black Knight said as Certain doom is averted when the Black Knight is distracted by an announcement that his Hyundai is being towed. While Frank strike the finishing blow to knock out the black knight.
"We won!" Peter said as the people Cheering for them. As he and Frank unhorses the Black knight and wins the competition.
"OH, Frank, Peter, that was amazing. You two were so brave." Lois said as she and meg ran toward them as they hug and kiss them.
"Nice going, Frank and Dad." Chris, Frank Jr, John and Tyler said congratulates them.
"Boy! That was lucky about the car, huh?" Peter said as it reveals Hyundai is being towed by a vengeful Mort.
"Take that, you bastard! Nobody makes a fool out of Mort Goldman and his super friends!" Mort said as he drives away.
"Spectacular performance, maggot! How would you like to come on the road with us as our lead jouster?" Coach said
"Thanks, but no thanks, Coach. We've lived my dream. And besides, our life is here with our family." Frank said as they refuse an offer to join the Ren Fair as their new champion jouster
As the family leaves for home, Tyler and John begin to question something.
But what's Frank and Mr. Griffin gonna do for a job? John and Tyler asked Lois.
"It'll be okay, Guys. Remember that episode of The Honeymooners when Ralph lost his job but at the end of the show he didn't get it back?" Meg says the ending of this episode reminds her of the episode of The Honeymooners in which Ralph lost his job and did not get it back by the end of the episode.
"What was up with that? That bugged the crap out of me." Frank Jr said as the chapter fades to black as medieval version of closing theme music is playing the end credits.
Chapter ends
I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for cutaways, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts, PM ideas. Also Doc x me if you want to help with scenes for next chapter because I need the ideas.