As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.
10. INTRUDERS
Weeks passed as we travelled through the forests and rough terrain. Benjamin never asked about Bella again and for that I was thankful. Memories of her never left my consciousness and her voice continued to speak, but I had been successful in keeping the gloom at bay. Benjamin's distractions were the primary explanation for the improvement in my moods.
I focused all my energy on the hunt for Victoria. I welcomed the diversions and the company of my new friend who had thankfully attempted to adopt my vegetarian lifestyle. His desire for companionship overshadowed his urge to feed.
Blech.
I looked up from my kill to see Benjamin hugging a whitetail deer, drinking deeply but with a look of revulsion on his face. He caught my gaze and let the animal drop to his feet.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
"Don't be. I know this is not the ideal situation for you. You don't have to –" He raised his hand to cut me off.
"I enjoy your company and I respect your lifestyle. As long as I travel with you, I will try my best. Besides, I can't imagine you would want to wait for me while I hunt in town."
But next time, let's find some bears.
He was right. The need to hunt was the furthest thought from my mind. The need to sustain myself was a low priority, but one I had to acknowledge when the ache in my throat became unbearable. The only drive that pushed me forward was the desire to find Victoria.
"Thank you," I murmured.
He nodded and returned to his kill.
The route we followed had taken us south into Colorado. Victoria's patterns were erratic and often difficult to follow. Her path crisscrossed the American plains as though she sensed that she was being pursued. No matter, we persisted. The longer we were on her trail, the more desperate I became to find her. The bloodlust was so intense that it completely overwhelmed me.
At times, I wondered what would happen when I did finally catch up with her. I knew that I would kill her, but the fear came not from the battle, but from the aftermath. Once my mission was complete, what was there left for me? I would no longer have a purpose. I would no longer have something to look forward to. The desolation would once again overtake me and I would suffer through my existence, through eternity. The only glimmer of hope that I found was the thought that Bella would not live forever. Of course I did not wish her dead, quite the opposite. I longed for her to have a long and happy life, filled with love and laughter. But I could not live in a world where she did not exist and knew that the day she left this life, I would soon join her.
Of course, I knew that I could never truly join her. Heaven was reserved for angels such as Bella, not the damned. In all honesty, I did not fear hell either. The separation I endured from my true love was hell enough.
Although, Carlisle would argue passionately against me, I believed that my soul was already lost, and when I died, I would merely cease to exist. That is – if I could die. Perhaps I would always exist, despite my efforts to dispatch with myself.
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing in my pocket. I pulled the small silver phone to my ear. "Hello?" I answered.
"Edward," the familiar voice on the other end spoke.
"Hello, Alice."
"Edward, how are you?" she asked.
"Do you really need to ask me that, Alice?" I teased, my tone somewhat irritated.
"Ok, you're right," she laughed. "It's good to hear your voice. We've missed you."
"How is everyone?" I asked. I thought back to the day I left my family. Their disappointment and sadness followed me.
"Carlisle has settled into his position at the hospital here in Ithaca and is enjoying teaching at Cornell. Jasper is studying philosophy."
"What about Emmett and Rosalie?"
She hesitated.
"What, Alice?" I prodded.
She took a deep breath. I could sense her unease. "They left."
"What? What do you mean they left?" I demanded, vehemence oozing from my voice as I thought of my egocentric sister.
"It's not like that, Edward. Remember, they were away in Africa shortly before..." she stopped herself before carelessly mentioning her name.
She continued, "They decided to continue their travels. They're somewhere in Europe right now."
"How could they leave? Isn't it difficult enough for Carlisle and Esme with my absence?" I continued to hold back my rage, but small fissures were beginning to form in my calm façade as I silently hated my sister for her selfishness.
"Edward, it was too difficult for them to stay. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but it hasn't been the same since you left. Carlisle rarely smiles and incessantly questions himself. Esme mopes around the house like she's lost her best friend. It's not been pleasant."
I winced at the thought of the pain I had inflicted on my family. I could picture my mother's heartbreak and my father's disappointment. My face fell as I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me.
"I'm sorry," I managed to whisper.
"Edward, please don't. We know that this has been hardest on you and we understand. You need to be alone now. Although, I can see that you haven't been completely alone."
"No, I've found a – a friend." I glanced at Benjamin who was looking at me with a slight smile on his face.
"It's good that you're not alone."
"Yes," I agreed. "So, tell me, what have you been up to? Are you attending classes as well?"
"Actually, no. I've been diving into a little project of my own." Her tone was one of hesitant excitement.
"Do tell."
"Well, I've been looking into my own personal history. Thanks to – um – recent information about my creation, I have been looking into my family." She carefully skirted the mention of Bella or the way she had obtained this information from James.
"I was able to track down the asylum where I was committed. I located my birth certificate and my grave. My birth name was Mary Alice Brandon. Curious, the date on the asylum admission and the date on the tombstone were the same. Of course, I still don't know who changed me or why, but I did find that I had a sister named Cynthia and a niece still living in Biloxi."
"Do you intend to contact her?" I asked.
"I may travel down to take a peek, but I will keep my distance. What would I say? Hey, I'm your long lost aunt. No, I didn't die, what would make you think that? And yes, I've had extensive plastic surgery. Don't I look great for my age?" Her silvery laugh filled the phone as she mused at her own joke.
I couldn't help but chuckle myself.
She sounded pleased, "It's good to hear you laugh again, Edward."
I smiled to myself, something that had become increasingly frequent thanks to my new friend. Benjamin looked on with curiosity.
"Alice, please give my love to everyone. Ensure Esme and Carlisle that I am fine."
"I will…and Edward?"
"Yes?"
"Please hurry home. I know that you want to catch Victoria and I hope that you do, but please don't stay away too long."
"I can't make any promises, Alice."
She sighed in disappointment. "Ok, big brother. Please keep in touch."
"I will. Goodbye, Alice."
"Goodbye, Edward." I snapped the phone shut and returned it to my pocket.
Benjamin looked past me, his face pensive. "It's good that you have a family that cares so much for you."
I nodded in agreement. It was nice to hear my sister's voice, but the reminder of how I was destroying my family was difficult to bear. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I looked up to meet Benjamin's awaiting gaze.
"Shall we continue?" he asked.
I nodded and rose to my feet. "Let's go," I said as I waved my hand forward.
We continued to follow Victoria's scent. We had travelled so many miles that the terrain was starting to look the same. Each tree blended into the next. Each passing day became such a blur that they ran together, indistinguishable from one another. The sickly sweet scent had filled my nostrils for so long that I was afraid I was beginning to become desensitized to it.
I breathed deep, compelling my mind to focus. The landscape blurred under our feet as we propelled forward.
Do you hear that? It sounds like someone's coming.
Look over there. We can come at them from behind.
The thoughts invaded my mind, breaking my concentration. I could detect the faint odor of another vampire, or two. A light breeze caressed my face. I turned to face my attacker and my arm thrust forward, grasping his neck. His eyes bulged in surprise.
What? How?
Confusion filled his thoughts as he tried to determine how I could sense him creeping up behind me. Benjamin cried out as another vampire pinned him to the ground.
"What do you want?" I growled, my eyes fierce.
"We were – just – you are in our territory," the vampire stammered. The other kept Benjamin restrained, but glared aggressively in my direction. I tightened my grip on his neck.
"We're just passing through," I snarled through gritted teeth. "Let him up," I demanded, glowering at the other vampire.
"Let him go, Gerald," the vampire ordered.
Benjamin scrambled to his feet as the crouching vampire released his grip. I gradually loosened my grasp on the neck of my attacker, but my body remained in a rigid, defensive stance.
"Do you attack every vampire that comes through this area?" I asked, malice dripping from my tongue. My eyes narrowed, searching his thoughts for any hint of deception.
"Only the ones we can catch. We have to defend our territory. We generally don't see many in this area, but first it was a red-head and now you two."
Hope filled me at the mention of Victoria. "Tell me about the red-headed vampire. When did you see her? Which way was she going? Did you speak to her?"
"Hold on now, one question at a time. First of all, why are you asking?" He gazed at me with a mixture of curiosity and contempt.
"It's a long story," I replied.
"Well, I believe it's only fair that we have an exchange of information. If you tell me your story and give me a good reason why I should answer your questions –" A growl rumbled in my chest and he took a hesitant step backward.
"Hey, calm down. Look, my name is Albert and this is Gerald," he gestured to the other vampire. "We don't harbor any ill will against you; we just don't like others coming on our land. It looks like you've been traveling for a while. Why not come back to our place and you can clean up. Then we can have a nice chat and you can be on your way."
I didn't trust these strange vampires, but I sensed his thoughts were sincere. I needed to get that information.
"Fine," I replied, waving at Benjamin to come to my side. I continued to concentrate, hoping that their thoughts would give me the information I wanted without the need for us to follow them, but their minds were clouded with curiosity and confusion.
Albert waved us forward and we cautiously followed him and his companion several hundred meters until we approached a clearing in the trees. Nestled in the deep green forest was a small log cabin. Moss crept up the thick wooden walls, threatening to engulf the small house. I had to admit that it blended in quite well with the surroundings, making it a perfect hideaway.
They stepped through the doorway, ushering us in. The room was dimly lit by the light of a small oil lantern. Books were strewn across a dilapidated couch and the stale stench of mold and rotting wood crept into my nostrils. I grimaced at the foul odor.
Looking us over, Albert crossed the room to open a small chest of drawers. He pulled out several garments and tossed them to me. "You look like you could use these," he said.
I passed the clothing from one hand to the other, examining them. He directed me to a small bathroom. "Why don't you get yourself cleaned up."
I glanced at Benjamin warily and he smiled, throwing his hand in the air to wave me on. My mind remained focused on the thoughts of the two strange vampires as I entered the small room and closed the door behind me. Trust was not something that came easily and I needed to remain vigilant.
Crossing the room, I laid the clothing down on a small table and stepped over to the sink. Gripping the porcelain, I looked at my reflection in the dingy mirror. I barely recognized myself. My face remained drawn in sorrow, my eyes empty. I lowered my head and took a deep breath.
Bella's face smiled at me from behind my eyelids. I shook the image from my head and took inventory of my appearance. My clothing was showing signs of extreme wear. Miles and miles of running through the rough terrain had taken its toll on my wardrobe. The seams were beginning to pull apart and deep green smudges dotted the once clean fabric. I hadn't taken the time to think about how haggard my appearance might be. Alice would be ashamed.
I pulled back the shower curtain that surrounded the iron tub and turned on the water. The faucet sputtered and the ancient pipes groaned. Crisp, clean water began flowing freely from the showerhead. Removing my clothing, I let it fall in a heap on the floor and stepped into the welcoming shower.
The warm water washed over me. Closing my eyes, I allowed my mind to drift. I could see her face, my beautiful Bella. What was she doing now? Did she feel the same despair with my absence as I felt with hers? The image smiled at me, beckoning me to come to her. I imagined myself walking toward the welcoming vision. Her arms were open, waiting. I reached out for her, but the distance between us only increased.
Does that make you sad? she asked.
She continued to smile and wait patiently. I began to run, but could not force myself any closer to her. Agony gripped me as I sank to the floor of the shower. My arms wrapped around my legs as I rocked helplessly.
I can never reach her. I can never be with her again, I thought to myself. The realization that I could never go back overwhelmed me. I gripped my pathetic frame more tightly and a silent moan built in my chest.
Her eyes glistened with tears. Where are you? I miss you.
The desire to turn around and run back to her was irresistible, but like my vision, I would not be able to reach her. I had been the one to push her away. I could not blame her if she hated me. I made a promise never to return and I intended to keep it. If I did go back to her, I didn't know if I could manage the rejection that would await me. She had loved me, of that I was certain, and that would have to be enough to sustain me.
Bella crossed her arms and pouted. You know what? I'll just wait here…But I'm not saying goodbye.
I stood, twisting the knob to turn off the water. Droplets beaded on my cold skin and dripped from my bronze hair. I imagined the trickles of water down my face to be the tears that I could not shed. I stood helpless for a moment before reaching for a towel.
Anxious to escape the torture of my loneliness, I quickly dried myself and dressed in the clothing that had been given to me. Surprisingly, the clothing fit quite well, although the pants were a tad short. The ensemble was simple, a white button-down shirt and dark blue jeans. I tossed the worn clothing into the trash bin and listened intently before exiting.
"So, what's the deal with him," I heard Gerald ask.
"He's been through a lot. I'm helping him track the vampire who threatened his – um – his mate," Benjamin explained.
"The red-head?" he asked.
At that moment, I opened the door and all eyes turned to face me. I crossed the room and held out my hand. Albert took it and I thanked him warmly for his hospitality. He motioned for me to sit and I took a seat in a wooden chair at the small table in what I guessed would be the kitchen area of the house.
"Benjamin here tells me that you're tracking someone."
I nodded.
"Care to explain why?" he asked. My solemn eyes looked to Benjamin, pleading. I could not bear to tell the story once again, it was far too painful.
Benjamin interjected, "It hurts him too much to talk about it. Basically, the female threatened someone he loved and we are tracking her down as a protective measure."
They looked to me, seeing my agony, and I nodded in agreement.
"Well then," Albert began, "We saw the red-head, I guess the one you're looking for, come through this area about a week or so ago. We didn't catch up with her. She sensed that we were in pursuit and she ran out of here like a bat out of hell. We didn't chase her since it was obvious that she had no intention of staying in the area."
"Which way did she go?" I asked.
"She was travelling south, pretty much in the direction you two were headed."
The wheels turned in my head as I took in this new information. It was disappointing that they had not spoken with her. If only I knew where she was going and why, I would stand a better chance of catching her.
My fingers drummed impatiently on the table as I waited for Benjamin to exit the bathroom. I appreciated the generosity of Gerald and Albert, but was anxious to continue the chase. With a week's worth of distance separating us, every second put us further and further behind in our pursuit. I could only hope that she took her time.
I rose as the small door opened. Benjamin could see the restlessness on my face and nodded. He looked to Albert, "Thank you for your kindness. I think we should be on our way."
Gerald huffed, but Albert waved him off. "You're more than welcome. We wish you a speedy journey and hope that you are successful in your efforts." He smiled at us genially as we exited the small cabin.
"We have to hurry," I shouted to Benjamin as I began running, an edge of panic in my tone. "We have a lot of time to make up if we want to catch up with her."
His sprint matched my own. We were once again flashing through the forest at lightning speed. The new urgency forced my legs to move faster than they ever had before and I could sense Benjamin beginning to fall behind.
"Come on, keep up," I yelled. Fatigue was not the problem. I had always been fastest and the new determination that gripped me only propelled me forward at an even more rapid pace.
I imagined Bella in front of me. I was running toward her. I pushed my legs harder, but did not close the distance. She was the unattainable goal, but it was my love for her that forced me to push on. The unavoidable desire to keep her safe thrust me forward with immense force.
Wait, stop! You're too fast. I can't keep up.
Benjamin's thoughts were screaming at me, but they were barely a whisper. I was so intently focused on the goal that I did not notice when he fell behind. I crossed rivers and mountains, not stopping for a moment to look back. My instincts took over and drove me forward. I forgot everything else but her.
Dawn was beginning to break over the horizon and I slowed my pace, the scent of humans cautioning me. My concentration shattered and I turned to see my friend, but he was not there. Waiting, I searched the tree line, looking for any sign of his arrival. Guilt gripped me as I realized that I had left him behind. Just as I left Bella and deserted my family, I had done the same to my friend. I hung my head in shame. I am a monster.