Picking on…Spiderleg

Thanks to Birchsong for the suggestion!

Wow, 53 reviews! Never thought that this would be so popular. And, as always, keep telling me who I should write about, even though the next two installments are set (will be Crowfeather and Daisy so keep checking back).


Please forgive typos (have no time to check and I really wanted to get this up to not keep you all waiting any longer…)

Ramblings about how Spiderleg is a pointless and rather random character because he's basically a clone of his dad, and, of course, why he mated with Daisy…

Okay, wow, Spiderleg, to me, is the epitome of the virtually useless character. Because about all he's ever done is mate with Daisy, which is just WRONG! I mean, come on, we've seen Spiderleg since the beginning of the second series, back when he was still Spiderpaw and I still liked him because he was kind of adorably cute (like all other apprentices). What has he done since then? Pretty much morphed into another Dustpelt, but a much dumber version. He's like Dustpelt version -5.0. And, yes, that is a negative sign.

Granted, I actually like Dustpelt. I find him to be hysterically funny because he's actually got the nerve to stand up to Mr. I'm-so-perfect-and-awesome-and-totally-not-Mary-Sue-despite-what-you-all-are-probably-thinking-by-this-point-in-the-series-and-am-the-bestest-cat-EVER, and I really do believe that he mated with Ferncloud just to keep the real ThunderClan blood alive (even though he epically failed at this because Spiderleg mated with freaking Daisy (randomly) and Birchfall fell for Whitewing (to produce next prophecy kit YEA!)). But Spiderleg, Spiderleg is a whole different story.

Yes, he's got his father's tendency to question Mr. why-doesn't-anybody-like-me-anymore-when-I'm-clearly-the-bestest-cat-ever-and-made-this-series, and, yes, he's got his father's biting attitude (something he didn't have as an apprentice, by the way, what is up with that personality change?) and I was really starting to think that he was going to be the next Dustpelt when he finally gets picked off because Ms. Hunter decides that she's growing tired of having himquestion Mr. I'm-the-greatest-thing-since-sliced-bread-(whatever-that-is-…) and needs a dumber cat to do so just to make Mr. Look-at-me-aren't-I-wonderful look better.

And then he had to go and mate with Daisy. He just had to go and mate with freaking Daisy. Talk about a random, epically pointless plot line. DaisyXSpider? What is up with that? That doesn't make any freaking sense? Ms. Hunter, what were you thinking (if you actually were) when you decided to have Spiderleg be Daisy's mate? Because that made absolutely no sense and pretty much came out of leftfield.

Here is my epically awesome version of Spiderleg's courtship of Daisy:

Spiderleg: *stammers awkwardly* Daisy, you don't understand, I have feelings for you that I just can't understand. I-I-I think I love you.

Daisy: *swoons* Oh, Spiderleg, I always dreamed of the day you'd say that to me! I mean, I didn't know your name until yesterday, and Smoky and my kits pretty much just left the nursery but, hey, I knew the moment I learned your name yesterday that I wanted to be with you…

Spiderleg: *interjects excitedly* Oh, Daisy! If you only knew how strong the feels I have for you are! I knew the moment I saw you, 'cause I fell in love with your fat creamy body, how you actually have some meat on your bones, my fat little kitty-pet princess. *aside, scathingly indignant* Wait 'til Daddy find out 'bout this one. I can't wait to see the look on his face!

—A few weeks later—

Daisy: *very excitedly, bordering on joyously* Spiderleg! I'm going to have your kits! Isn't that wunderful my wittle, hunky Spiderleg.

Spiderleg: *loud slightly sorrowful though mainly angry yowl* NOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be! All of this was a joke! A BIG JOKE! Now nobody will want me *goes into corner to sulk*

Wouldn't it have been epically hilarious if Ms. Hunter had actually included this courtship in the book instead of one day just adding it (randomly) to the book? I mean, come on, it would've been hilarious! Even though it would've been hilarious, I really can't understand what in the world was going on their collective heads when they added this pairing to the story. SpiderXDaisy? When Spiderleg could've probably had so many better cats in ThunderClan (and, hey, since he's ThunderClan, any other Clan as well… 'Cause, you know, they don't got to follow no Warrior Code 'cause they're too freaking awesome!)? Really? DAISY?

What I hated most about this whole thing was that Spiderleg pretty much refused to be a father and pretty much denied that anything had ever happened between him and Daisy even though there was pretty ample prove that something had happened. The proof is called Rosekit and Toadkit. And, yet, he still tries to deny it. Wow, Spiderleg is a total idiot. Oh, and poor Rosekit and Toadkit, they are going to be so messed up when they get older…

Now, Ms. Hunter, I understand that somebody had to be a bad parent, that it couldn't be all roses and sunshine and buttercups in the wonderful, amazing and totally not Mary Sue ThunderClan. I understand that Spiderleg is pretty much showing that Mr. I'm-such-a-good-parent-as-well-as-a-leader-YEA-ME is just so much more amazing than we had ever though (because good parents are totally underappreciated in these stories). I understand that, in a way, it foreshadows the CrowXLeaf kit debacle 'cause it's all about unwanted kits and such. But Spiderleg and Daisy? Spiderleg, the son of Dustpelt (who's got that noble (though slightly evil) plan to restore ThunderClan to its noble roots and absolutely hates kittypets), and Daisy? Spiderleg, who sneers at anybody who breaks the Warrior code and at kittypets with Daisy? I can't be the only one who didn't see this coming until it was (randomly) announced one (random) day.

Seriously, there was potential for Spiderleg. He could've mated with another pure ThunderClan cat and kept his father's tradition alive so one day there could be an epically awesome showdown between pure ThunderClan cats and those annoying half-Clan and half-kittypet cats that have pretty much taken over ThunderClan since Mr. I-think-I-might-be-a-g-d became leader. Now wouldn't that be cooler than having a SpiderXDaisy pairing? Now that would've been EPIC! I can almost picture it now (and Dustpelt becomes Duststar and finally ThunderClan can be THUNDERCLAN and not KittypetClan again…). Too bad he had to get with Daisy and make the personality-less Rosekit and the really annoying Toadkit. So sad…

So, to sum this all up, Spiderleg is pretty much a clone of his father, except that he had to (randomly) go mate with Daisy to make all Warriors readers inwardly groan (and those who real fans go slam their head up against the nearest hard object repeatedly in an attempt to forget that that (randomly) happened).

Okay, that one was pretty difficult to write seeing as how we rarely see Spiderleg. But it was fun because it's kind of a precursor to the "Picking on…Daisy" edition that is coming soon. Oh, and I still have no clue of why he got with Daisy. Don't ask me.

Oh, and I'm sorry if this one isn't as funny as usual. IDK, it just was a lot more difficult to write. Hope you all enjoyed it though and that it wasn't anticlimactic for you.

Until the next installment, and hoping you keep giving me advice and keep reviewing (because a happy writer who gets many reviews keeps writing…).

~Moore12~