Life Is So Unfair
SM owns the Twilight meadow; I'm just a lamb happily grazing…
Thanks DollyBigMomma for turning these around so quickly. You are a star.
Chapter 10 – Suffering the Silence
EDWARD
I waited for days for her to respond to my email, but she never did. My heart broke all over again. I kept checking every hour, but there was nothing. I could not believe that she would ignore me. At the very least, I expected some sort of reaction, maybe anger even, or a knock on my door. Nothing, nada.
She didn't talk to me outside of class, and in class, she never said a word to me unless was it about Literature. Her assignments were good, no, in fact, they were excellent, but I made sure to not go high when marking her. I hated denying her the marks she rightfully deserved, but I did not want her thinking I was showing bias. She didn't look at me when I was looking at her which, by the way, was a lot.
She was good, I'd give her that, or she was just a fucking good actress. Maybe she was holding her shit together for three hours each week only and the rest of the time she was a raving lunatic like me.
She still didn't respond to my email.
I was in hell. Although Bella didn't wear any more short or revealing dresses, she still dressed in such a way that I was constantly hard, agonizingly so. I finally got a chance to try and get her to speak with me, but she walked away once again, leaving me stunned. My mouth was open with the shock of her rejection. Now I knew what she must have felt like when I had rejected her at my apartment. What had I done? Would she ever forgive me, ever trust me again?
In my office, I locked the door and made myself a coffee, strong and hot. Sitting on the sofa, I went over the whole mess, right from the first time I had set eyes on her at McCaffrey's. I saw every single second of our short time together. I even gasped when I remembered touching her hand for the first time. The feel of her skin on mine, god, I was such a fool.
My job and her education were just so important. I could not be untrue to myself. I suppose a lot of it had to do with my upbringing. I was taught the difference between right and wrong at an early age. I knew that my profession meant that Bella and I could not be together, but god, how I wanted her, needed her even, how I loved every single little thing about her.
I was spending the holiday weekend at my parent's. I knew it was only a few streets away from my own place, but I really could do with the company. Emmett was coming home and Jasper was trying to get at least two days leave. We would be able to spend some time together, maybe even go out and get wasted. I could do with getting wasted, maybe then I would be able to forget all about Bella Swan.
Dinner was the usual crazy affair when all three of us boys were home. I knew my mom loved having us all here and I saw the tears in her eyes as we teased and laughed our way through the day.
In my old room a day or so later, I logged on to my email in the vain hope she would have sent me a message. She hadn't of course. I wondered why I even bothered looking anymore.
A knock at my room door as I was logging off startled me a little.
"Come in, I'm decent."
"So, what are you up to in here, Edward?" Emmett asked as he walked in casually and sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Just checking my emails."
"Anything from Bella?"
"No, of course not."
"Did she ever respond to the email you sent weeks ago when you shouldn't have? You know; the one when you asked her round for a 'talk and food' that night?"
"Jazz told you about that, huh?"
"He did, even I'm not that stupid, Edward. What'll you do if someone on the faculty finds it?"
"They won't, I changed my log-in details and passwords. Anyway, I haven't done anything since. Not even subject-related. She doesn't talk to me unless it's about Literature."
"You look like shit by the way. Do you sleep at all?"
"Not really, I never believed it would be this hard. I miss her terribly and we never even really got to know each other. How can that be?"
"It's what love does to you, idiot. God, you've got a lot to learn, Edward, even if it isn't with Bella."
"It can't be Bella, and even if it could, she isn't interested anymore. She avoids me like the plague. Before the holiday, I bumped into her and asked her to talk to me for a few minutes. She wouldn't, she can't even bear to be in the same room as me."
"And you think that's because she isn't interested? God, you really are thick for a college professor. She can't be near you because she still wants you, you fucking idiot. Did you not tell me she kissed you? Well, I'm guessing she's scared you'll reject her again."
"Really? You think she still wants me? "
"Yes, now come on, let's go play some pool. She won't be there making you all googly-eyed and stuff will she?"
"Nah, she's back in Forks for the holidays visiting her dad."
As we all walked out to my car, I felt lighter, happier than I had in weeks. I really was stupid. She was avoiding me because she still liked me, not because she hated me. Fancy me not knowing that. I had been feeling rather sorry for myself, though, so I suppose it was okay.
Pool was good and the place was packed as there was a tournament tonight. Even though it was a holiday weekend, the number of students still present meant the stakes were high.
I noticed two girls from orientation day that I had directed to the business unit. I now knew they also shared a house with Bella and Angela. I stuck close to my brothers as they both licked their lips whilst looking and smiling at me.
"I think you're being eyed up, brother," Jasper said nodding toward the two girls.
"I know, and whatever you do, do not leave me alone with either of them. They scare me to death. They also share a house with Bella and I don't want them telling any untruths within her earshot."
"They both look a little...how can I say this and be polite… rough?"
"Exactly, Jazz, not even you wants to go there. Rumors at school are rife about those two and believe me, they aren't good. I was going to talk to Bella and Angela about sharing with them, but as you know, that hasn't happened yet."
All three of us got through to the semifinals. I would play Emmett and Jazz would play a student who looked familiar, but I didn't know why.
I ended up winning. I actually kept my nerve and won the whole thing. I pocketed two hundred dollars in prize money and bought the drinks for the rest of the night.
All three of us were a little worse for wear when an even drunker Lauren and Jessica made their way toward us.
"Hello, Mr. Cullen," Lauren practically purred in a slurred drunken way.
"Ladies, should you not be going home? I think you've both had quite enough to drink."
A series of giggles followed before Jessica looked at me with an evil gleam in her eyes. "We're trying to avoid our house, seeing as our roomies are due back today, and one of them, princess Bella, well, I overheard her saying that she's bringing her boyfriend back to stay. We really don't need to be in the house to hear all that, if you know what I mean." They both burst into fits of giggles again.
Her words sank in to my slowed, alcohol-ridden brain. Emmett and Jasper caught me before I fell over at Jessica's revelation. I stumbled toward the men's room with both my brothers at my sides.
"Did I hear her right? Did she say Bella was bringing a fucking boyfriend back with her?"
"Edward, she's drunk. I wouldn't believe anything she says. Bella's not like that, you told me so," Jasper added.
"How the fuck would you or I know that, huh? I know nothing about her other than the fact that I love her and I can't have her. Fuck, where the hell did a boyfriend come from? Jesus, guys, I can't stand by and watch her with someone else; it'll kill me. Either that or I'll kill him, whoever the fuck he is."
"Look, we can't do anything about it tonight, so let's just go home and forget about it for now. Come on, Jazz, bring him out and let's go," Emmett said sounding pissed off that our good night had been spoiled.
Back in my old room, I contemplated sending her another email. Jasper must have read my mind because he walked in just as I started to type.
"Edward, don't do it. What's the point? You said yourself that you can't be with her, so why spoil her chances with someone else?"
"I love her, Jazz, and I want it to be me. I meant what I said about not being able to deal with seeing her with someone else. What do I do? I love her and I miss her so fucking much." I broke down then and my brother looked almost embarrassed as he tried to console me. I was drunk and crying over a woman that didn't appear to want me, even though I loved her.
God, I was pathetic.
I know it's short, but hey its good and if you drop me a line maybe I'll let you have another later on. What do you think to that?