PROPINQUITY
CHAPTER TEN

"I had a daughter."

Kate's eyebrows shot up at his words. A daughter? Had? She thought back to all the articles she'd read about him, both before and after he was a client. Even the file Black Pawn had provided her made no mention of a daughter.

Had?

Her mind whirled with questions, but she stayed silent, simply squeezed his hand in encouragement.

Castle gave her a tight-lipped smile, then continued, his eyes on the coffee table in front of them. "Before I got famous, when I only had a couple mediocre titles to my name, I got a girl pregnant. We'd only seen each other a handful of times, we were far from exclusive. But I wanted to do the right thing, so we got married. The marriage was fine, the pregnancy went well, everything was okay. When Alexis was born, my whole world changed. Here was this tiny human, who could do nothing for herself, and Meredith and I were completely responsible for keeping her alive. She was perfect. Small, but some babies are small, right? We didn't know."

Kate gave him an encouraging smile when his voice wavered, and shifted next to him, a supportive hand landing between his shoulder blades. "What happened?" she prodded after a long moment of silence.

Castle shook his head, his gaze straight ahead. "Something just wasn't right. She wouldn't grow. After a few months we took her to the doctor, they did a bunch of tests, found out her red and white blood cell counts were low. She didn't have leukemia, so they did even more tests, found a problem with her pancreas and bone marrow."

He finally looked at her, and she saw the hurt in his eyes, the unshed tears shimmering. She rubbed her hand across his shoulders, gave him a nod.

"Long story short," Castle continued, a hand finding her knee and squeezing, "she needed a bone marrow transplant. Neither of us was a match, my mom wasn't a match, Meredith's parents were gone…" He sniffled, wiped the fallen tears from his cheeks. "I know what it's like for those families I visit. What it's like to sit around and wait, not know whether your child will live or die. The worst feeling in the world is watching your baby die because you can't do a damn thing to save her."

He broke down, then, and Kate drew herself to him, her arms around his shoulders as he leaned forward. She brushed her fingers through his hair as he cried, and she felt her own tears fall, unhindered down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she whispered into his hair, between comforting kisses. "God, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine."

Castle's sobs eventually stopped and he sat up, wipes his cheeks, and took a deep, shuddering breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean to break down like that."

"Don't apologize, Rick." She was about to ask about Meredith, what happened to their marriage, when he stood.

"I should get going," he said, wiping his palms on his pants. He bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his hand against her back. "Thanks for listening."

"Rick-"

"I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Kate could only sit as he grabbed his coat and left. The door closed with a quiet click, and she just stared at it, dumbfounded.

He didn't talk to her later.

She expected him to call, but as the afternoon ticked into evening and her phone remained silent, she called him, but it went straight to voicemail.

It wasn't until the next morning, as she was cleaning up from breakfast, that she heard her phone ping with a text.

Can you come over?

She replied without any hesitation. Of course. When?

Now?

She was out the door within minutes, tugging her arms through a sweatshirt as she stepped into the elevator. She couldn't imagine what Castle had gone through; the struggles she and her mom had had when her dad was in rehab paled in comparison. But that had mostly been in the press, questioning her dad's record, his integrity. Losing a child? It was unfathomable.

Half an hour later she was knocking on his door, and she gave him a sad smile when he opened it. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he looked tired, the circles beneath his eyes betraying the smile he gave her.

"Hey," he said, his voice rough. "Thanks for coming over."

She reached out for his hand, her thumb tracing his knuckles. "Of course. You okay?" She let him lead her towards the living room, where she saw the half-empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, but no glass. She turned to see him watching her, his expression unreadable. "Did you sleep at all?"

Castle shook his head. "Not really. Dozed off a few times, but every time I closed my eyes I was back in that hospital room with Alexis."

"Rick," she breathed, cupping the back of his neck. "What can I do?"

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice cracking as his eyes filled with tears. "Just...can you stay awhile? The silence gets to me."

Kate toed off her shoes. "Of course." She led him towards his bedroom, intending to lead him to the shower; as they passed through his office she noticed the picture on his desk, of an infant with a shock of bright red hair, fast asleep on the chest of a man she recognized as a younger version of the one standing next to her. She froze and picked it up. He must have recently put it out, as she hadn't seen it before, not in the dozens of times she'd been in there. "Is this her?" she asked, picking it up.

Castle dropped her hand and stuffed his into the pockets of his sweatpants. "Yeah." His voice cracked. "She's just a couple weeks old there, before we even suspected anything was wrong." He took the picture from her and caressed the glass, a tender smile on his face. "She was perfect, Kate. She'd be crying, and I'd pick her up, hold her to my chest, and she'd just fall asleep. I could almost hold her in one hand when she was born, she was so small."

Kate propped her chin on his shoulder. "She was beautiful, Rick." Her hand came up to rub his back, and she felt his muscles start to relax under her touch. "Tell me about her."

And he did, from the cooing sounds she'd make when he rubbed her belly, to the way she squirmed when she was swaddled, how she had so much hair he'd make a mohawk every time he gave her a bath. Kate kept her arms around him the whole time, squeezing his shoulder or dusting a kiss along his neck when his voice would crack.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked when he finally fell silent, and at his nod, she cleared her throat. "What happened with your wife? Meredith?"

Castle let out a throaty chuckle and put the picture of Alexis back on the desk. "Neither of us handled it well," he admitted, turning to perch on the edge of his desk, facing Kate. "I turned to writing to help me grieve. I could solve the character's problems, give them the happy ending that I lost. Meredith, she…" He sighed. "She buried herself in her work, but after a few weeks I found out that wasn't all the burying that was helping her cope." He crossed his arms. "It was only a matter of time before things would have ended, but the last straw was when I caught her fucking her director."

"Jesus Christ."

"Yeah, that's what she was screaming when I walked in." Castle shook his head. "I threw her out, and she was on a flight to LA the next morning. I drew up divorce papers that afternoon and we haven't spoken since." He shrugged and reached his hand out, pulled Kate closer to him. "Writing alone didn't help, though. So I figured if fucking around helped Meredith move on, maybe it would work for me too. And the 'free spirit bachelor' image seemed to sell books, so I just rolled with it."

Kate looped her arms around his neck. "And now? How's that working out for you?"

Another shrug. "It's been fine. More than fine, really. But now…" He sighed, his hands landing on her hips. "I haven't told anyone about Alexis in years, not since Gina and I were together."

"Why'd you tell me?"

"Because I trust you." His fingers slipped under the waistband of her pants, but he wasn't tugging them down; they were just resting on her skin. "I wasn't lying when I said I like you. But you've earned my trust, my respect." He tugged her between his legs. "When I said I didn't want to publicly visit the hospital, you honored that. That means a lot to me, Kate."

Kate couldn't stop her smile; when she was hired, she just wanted to improve his public image, fulfill her contract, and move on. But two months into the three month contract, she wasn't sure she could walk away from Castle when it was all done. She slid her fingers through the fine hairs at his nape, and leaned down to meet his lips in a soft kiss. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered, her eyes boring into his. "I promise you, I won't tell anyone."

"What the hell is this?"

Kate woke with a start to the newspaper being thrown on the nightstand. She yawned as she sat up; she'd spent the whole day and night with Castle, just lounging around the loft, reading, having sex, they'd even watched a movie. And it had been absolute heaven.

But as she took in the fire in his eyes, the set line of his jaw, she knew something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

And as soon as she saw the paper, open to Page Six, she knew.

Author's Family Tragedy Revealed.

A glance through the article told her more than enough. Someone had told the reporter about Alexis. Rick had kept it completely out of public knowledge, only publicly admitting that his divorce was messy, and now it was there.

"Rick…"

"How'd they find out?" he snapped, standing at the end of the bed, his arms crossed.

Kate shook her head. "I have no idea." When she looked up at him and saw him glaring at her, his eyebrows raised, her jaw dropped. "You can't possibly think I did this?"

"Can't I?" He started to pace. "I told you about her the day before yesterday. This is not a coincidence." He sighed and came to a standstill, turning to face her again. "I told you that in confidence. You said you wouldn't tell anyone, and two days later it's in the fucking newspaper!"

"Rick, I never-"

"I don't believe you," he interrupted, his voice getting louder with every word. "I trusted you, Kate."

Kate scrambled out of bed and to him, but when she grabbed his arm, he shook her off and turned away. "Rick, please, you have to believe me. I would never do this," she insisted, pleading. Her heart broke for him; however the reporter had gotten the story, it wasn't from either of them, but he was too mad to see it.

Castle spun around and fixed his glare on her. "I don't have to believe you. Kate. I don't have to do anything." He let out a low grumble when she reached for him again, and he took a step back, grabbed her pants off the floor. "Get out."

Kate caught her pants when he flung them at her, but she just stared at him, frozen in place, as he stalked out of the bedroom. After a few moments she slid her pants on and followed him to the kitchen, where he was reaching for a bottle of whiskey. She tried to grab it out of his hand, but he tugged it away. "I had nothing to do with it, Rick. Please, can we talk about this?"

Castle just glared at her, his jaw set, face hard. "Just get the fuck out of my house."

She hesitated, sweatshirt in one hand and phone in the other, but when he just turned from her, shoulders slumped in defeat, she sighed and shut the door behind her. What the fuck just happened?

She dialed as she waited for the elevator, and when the phone picked up, she didn't even hesitate. "Lanie, it's me. We have a problem."

"Kate?" Lanie mumbled through the phone. "You know what time it is?"

Kate glanced at her phone; oh, it wasn't even 6. Well. Too damn bad. "Get to my place as soon as you can."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, but I need to fix it." She was home in less than twenty minutes, the cab she'd caught making good time in the light early morning traffic. She managed a quick shower before Lanie arrived, and she opened the door to her best friend and business partner while running a towel through her hair. "We have a problem," she said in lieu of a greeting.

Lanie's eyebrows shot up. "I figured. Please tell me you already started the coffee."

Kate punched the coffee pot's power button. "There. It's been started. Normally I'd say that what I'm about to tell you stays between us, but it's already out there."

"What?"

"Castle had a daughter."

Lanie's mouth dropped and she sank onto a bar stool. "What? When? Had?"

"Yep." Kate slid onto a stool across from her. "Had. She died in infancy. It's actually why he got divorced. Long story short, his daughter needed a bone marrow transplant, she couldn't get one, she died, he and his wife split."

"Jesus, that's awful." Lanie was silent while Kate poured them both coffee. "I can't imagine."

Kate shook her head. "Me neither. But that's not why you're here. He told me the story in confidence. He's never shared it publicly, he's kept it out of his official biography, everything. All the public knows is that he was divorced once and it was a bad one. And I wouldn't even be telling you if I didn't feel like I had to."

"And I'm going to guess that something happened to make you feel the need to tell me," Lanie finished with a nod. "What happened?"

"Someone leaked it." Kate gripped her coffee mug, knuckles white as she just stared into the dark liquid. She didn't even want to drink it, had made it almost out of habit. "It showed up in the paper this morning, and he thinks it was me. He thinks I talked."

"Shit."

"Exactly." She handed Lanie the paper that had been waiting at her doorstep when she got home, opened to Page Six. "You know the reporter, right? Think I can get in to see her?"

Lanie raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, but I don't know that you'll get anything. You know how they are about their sources." She let out a low whistle as she skimmed the article. "Damn, Kate. Is this all true?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah. You don't know how much I wish it wasn't." She groaned and leaned against the counter, her head in her hands. "Shit, Lanie. I need to fix this."

"No, we need to. And we will."

A/N: The disease I referred to is called Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome, a sometimes-fatal sometimes-not disease. Thanks to Callie for providing the disease and beta services, any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Thank you!