Hello? Hello?

C-can you hear me?

I can be your China doll

If you like to see me fall.

Boy, you're so dope,

Your love is deadly.

Tell me life is beautiful,

They all think I have it all.

I'm nothing without you.

Without You by Lana Del Rey

Chapter Ten- Without You

July 23rd, 2007

Valerie had not taken the separation well, not at all.

Most nights she'd drink herself into a drunken stupor, having to be carried back to her room by Ben. Even though she went out she never brought anyone back, and eventually she stopped going out, preferring to drink in the comfort of her room.

Sam had tried to help her but Valerie wouldn't have it, she was convinced that she didn't have a problem, that she was okay.

It was one of those nights, were the nightmares became too much for her to handle so she drunk until she collapsed into a deep sleep. She was sitting alone in her room, a bottle of whiskey in her hand as she stared out the window.

Valerie wondered if Happy had reacted in much the same way as she had. Or had he forgotten about her as soon as she was gone, buried himself in sweet butts to keep himself satisfied.

Guys had made passes at her but she shot them all down, preferring to come home alone and hit the bottle even harder. Valerie was lonely, but she didn't want any of those inexperienced boys at the bar who would grope at her, she wanted Happy and no one else. No one could compare to him. And no one would have to.

"Need anything?" Asked Sam, coming into the room

"More alcohol" said Valerie, even though she knew that Sam wouldn't bring her any

"Valerie, you need help, this isn't healthy" said Sam

"I'm fine" she assured her, though she herself doubted that statement

"You're tearing yourself apart over some guy" said Sam

"Happy isn't just 'some guy', and I said I'm fine" said Valerie, slumping down to lean against the bed

"If this is fine then I don't want to see bad" said Sam before closing the door

Sam did that most nights, tried to convince Valerie to talk to someone, convince her that she needed help.

Valerie knew that she wasn't fine, knew that she was far from okay. She was just far too stubborn to ever accept help from someone else. And she hated talking about things.

Michael had suggested counseling after he'd found out what she'd been through, but she refused. She wasn't going to talk to someone about her feelings when she was far too confused by them, she didn't know what she was feeling.

Valerie didn't want to end up like her father, being consumed by his own grief and loneliness. She didn't want to die before she actually did. But she'd relied on alcohol to soothe her ever since she'd first left Tacoma, she was having a hard time trying to change that.

She soon fell into what she wanted to be a dreamless sleep but it wasn't.

Valerie was standing in the middle of a clearing, a soft wind was blowing and the sky was blue and cloudless. She looked to see Happy standing on the side, leaning up against the tree. And as much as she tried to go to him something kept her rooted on the spot, unable to move.

She looked over to see Kozik standing on the opposite side, and again she was unable to move. She just flicked her eyes between them, unsure of which on she should be going to.

"Your choice" said a voice she recognized as Antonio's, "Choose which one to save"

"No" she whispered, "Please don't hurt them"

"Make the decision" he said, "Who do you love more?"

Valerie looked to Kozik before turning her head towards Happy and nodding, she had chosen.

"No" she screamed as Antonio put a gun to Kozik's head, "Please...don't...no"

She let out a scream as a shot rang through the clearing, looking over to see Koz's dead and lifeless body.

Valerie was shaken awake, looking up to see Sam standing over her, a worried expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" asked Sam, "You were screaming"

"I'm fine" she said, sitting up but avoiding Sam's eyes, "Just a nightmare"

"You are not okay" said Sam, "You were screaming bloody murder, woke up Sophie"

"I'm okay" Valerie assured her, "I just need a drink"

"No" Sam said firmly, "Where's your phone?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm calling Happy" said Sam while she rummaged through Valerie's bag, "You need to go back to Tacoma"

"No" she yelled, jumping out of the bed, "If I go back then innocent people will get hurt"

"Then you need to pick yourself up, get out of this hole you've dug yourself into" said Sam, "Because if you don't clean up your act, you can't stay here"

Sam gave her one last pitiful look before walking out the door, leaving Valerie alone with her thoughts, a scary thing indeed.

Valerie soon found herself falling back asleep, plagued by images of Kozik's dead body, knowing that it was her fault. Tears flowed down her cheeks, crying until she could cry no more. She hated being here, and wanted nothing more than to go home, but that wasn't an option.

Valerie was awoken by her stomach, running to the bathroom and vomiting the contents of her stomach into the toilet. The downside of getting drunk, the hangover.

She kept vomiting until she thought that she was finished, she hadn't been eating much so there wasn't a lot in her stomach to throw up anyway. Her leg's were wobbly as she got up, using the shower door to help her stand.

Suddenly Valerie's head started spinning before everything went black, the last thing she remembered was the sound of shattering glass and the feel of the cold tiles against hey cheek.

Sam and Ben had heard the shatter of glass and rushed into the bathroom, finding Valerie laying unconscious, half in the shower with broken pieces of glass all around her.

"Call 911" Sam told Ben, moving to cradle Valerie's head, "Oh Valerie, what have you done?"

"An ambulance is on it's way" said Ben, sitting down next to his wife to asses the damage, "Her pulse is weak but it's there, only one of the cuts look deep enough for stitches. Was she drinking?"

"Last night she was" she told him, "Will she be okay?"

"If she gets to the hospital in time" he said

The ambulance arrived soon after, the paramedics loading an unconscious Valerie into the back, Sam climbing in after her. The hospital was close so it didn't take long to get there.

"Where are you taking her?" Sam asked as they took her away

"The doctor's are checking her out" said one of the nurses, "Stay in the waiting room, I'll call you when you can see her"

Sam sat down in one of the chairs, her head in her hands, waiting for word on her friends condition.

Valerie woke up in a hospital bed for the second time this month, blinking her eyes from the bright light.

"Oh thank God" said Sam, standing up and moving to Valerie's side, "Doctor" she called out

"Where am I?" She asked groggily

"You're in the hospital" said Sam

Before either could say anymore a doctor walked into the room, "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible" Valerie said, "What happened?"

"You fainted, fell into a glass shower door" said the doctor, "You were suffering from dehydration and exhaustion, you need to rest and eat"

"Is that all?" Sam asked, "She needs to sleep"

"Not yet, you had very high blood alcohol levels" he said, "Your blood test revealed another thing, you are pregnant"

"What?" Asked Valerie, sitting up

"Is the baby okay?" Asked Sam

"An ultrasound will reveal more, I'll organize it" he said before walking out of the room

"Valerie" said Sam, turning to her, "Who's the father?"

'They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now'

Edna St Vincent Millay

Please review, I would love for you to tell me who you think the father is, I want to see how many of you get it right.