In the interest of not completely sucking at Halloween; I've spent every free moment of the last two months making my costume (because as a woman I want to wear a costume and NOT look like a whore) and making props because my costume pretty much required I play the part. I was the Riddler and left little trophies all over, challenged people to answer the questions and puzzles, then gave each one a prize if they brought me the correct answer. It was fun as hell being an endlessly entertaining idiot for a day.

Also: I had to cut off two and a half feet of hair (total of 32 inches) to achieve the boy-cut that made the costume work: I donated it all to Wigs for Kids. Please consider doing so as well if you have 12 or so to spare. These kids really need your love so be generous, ok? Even if you don't have hair to donate you can send cash to help the cause.

The chapter is late for the above reason. Free time is limited; but I love Zach and Chris so don't worry about me continuing. The next chapter will arrive eventually come hell or high water.

Survival Value

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value." ~Arthur C. Clarke

"Apologist is a word," Martin whined. "Isn't it?" he asked Aviva. She nodded indulgently. "Ha. Yes it is."

Chris growled and stood up. "You're not really helping. Scrabble later, right now I need to-" Chris sighed and paused when his Creature Pod notified him of a message.

[Did you come up with anything yet? You've been gone for two hours!]

Chris was at a loss for a moment. He didn't remember being asked for any more contributions to the Unitgreen project, and didn't people usually stop talking when they were in the middle of a fight? Then he remembered Zach's last line and balked. Did Zach actually intend for Chris to help him come up with a better survival strategy than the one he was using now? Were they not fighting and Zach was just perpetually cranky?

[I'll do my best, but I need to think about it and I still need to help with the Kingfishers before I come over.] Chris answered.

"Sorry, bro," Martin began while his sibling typed. "We'll think of something."

Chris heard that only vaguely, because Zach answered right away. Somehow the man managed to communicate irritation even via text message.

[It had better be good, then, if you're making me wait until tomorrow. And you text too slow. Call me.]

Chris smiled. "Never mind."

"…are you texting Zach?" Koki asked.

"Yeah. We're good." Chris said simply. "Just let me know when you're ready to go to the Sanctuary."

Martin, Aviva, and Koki watched with curious expressions as Chris exited to continue his conversation outside. Whatever they said to each other after that was lost to him since he was listening to Zach's phone ring and waiting for him to pick up. It didn't take long.

Zach's tinny tenor whined at him just an instant after the second ring. "I suppose I should be grateful you at least have the ability to text in complete statements. I swear if you send me one message in shorthand or chat-speak or whatever it's called I am blocking you forever."

Chris laughed and leaned back against the Tortuga as he spoke. "Wow, we agree on something already."

"So what do you think would be a good survival strategy that doesn't involve the one talent of mine you told me not to develop?" Zach demanded.

Chris blinked. "What was that again?"

"Weapons," he replied blankly.

"Oh!" Chris winced. After all the things Zach had made and if he really put his mind to it..."Yeah. Don't do that," he stated.

"Well?" Zach demanded.

Chris massaged his right temple while his dominant hand continued to hold the phone. "You're already pretty good at choosing threatening colors and patterns after what you did to the Zachbots."

Zach scoffed. Something in the background sounded like welding or cutting metal, loud and sharp. "That was easy. Everyone is afraid of stinging things unless they're stupid. How would that help me? I am not going to dress like a bumblebee test your stupid idea."

Chris snorted. "Okay, but that's not what I meant. Hate to admit it but most animal survival strategies don't work in the human world without a lot of complicated factors involved… and since we're going to start getting you into more eco-friendly business anyway we can get a jump on your new public image!"

"I have face-men for the public stuff," Zach snapped.

Chris smiled. "So maybe just a public image. It'll be a huge gesture if you start actually going out and appearing yourself without leaving most of the work to your representatives. If people are going to make connections between Varmitech Industries, the new direction of the product lines, and a person – well… someone they aren't actually familiar with yet would be the perfect symbol. I think it's time for Zach Varmitech to appear in public."

"I hate this already." Zach fretted while he listened to Chris explain his thoughts and opinions, agreed that they made sense, and continued to hate it. "I'm not the guy that inspires confidence in a product! I'm the guy that memorizes obscure laws so that I don't have to pay my taxes in full every February!"

Chris hummed in thought. "And you sort of look like that guy, too. No offense…"

"Some taken," Zach drawled. "I am not going to start strutting around wearing brightly colored suits and kissing babies and stupid stuff like that. No way. I HIRE people for that!" Zach insisted desperately. "Hell, I'm hiring you for that!"

Chris clicked his tongue several times chidingly. "I'm not a face-man, I'm a consultant, remember? You're like a spoiled King. What's the point of hiring advisers if you don't, occasionally, listen to their advice? If you were really looking for yet another Yes-Man in your roster then you missed the mark by miles with me."

Zach muttered some things that Chris didn't understand exactly. It might not have been English, but either way it was muffled considerably by the noises in the background that suggested the Zachbots were constructing something pretty ardently. Eventually Zach converted back to a tone and language Chris was familiar with.

"I don't wanna'!" he whined urgently.

"I didn't think so," Chris grinned. "That's exactly why you should do it, though! Nobody will expect it! They probably think you're a huge whiny wimp that doesn't like crowds and cameras. Or just a socially awkward geek that never grew out of it."

Silence from the other side (from Zach at least) indicated the pale man struggled with his reply to this. Chris grinned and hummed little tunes in his head while he waited for the inevitable. He knew he was right. Also that Zach would sleep in a sealed chamber with an entirely uncontrolled rhinoceros before he would admit it.

"What would I have to do exactly?"

Chris did a little victory dance that would not have happened if anyone had been around to see it. "I'll come by after I help get the Kingfishers situated and we can talk about it, ok?"

"Fine," Zach snapped, then hung up.

"...doesn't he ever say 'goodbye'?" Chris muttered in irritation.

"I guess suggesting safety in numbers as an alternative to this is out of the question?" Zach prompted nervously as Chris rifled through what was in the jet's small but extremely well-organized wardrobe.

"You're smart, so you already know the answer to that one," Chris laughed, his voice muffled by the clothes.

Chris had arrived shortly after finishing up at the bird sanctuary and had declined dinner since the Kratts had been treated to an early supper while there, so Zach sat at his desk munching on Belgian waffles of the most sinful and decadent kind and wondering what, exactly, Chris intended to find in there that Zach didn't already wear.

Zach sighed. "Because unless you guys plan to attend my corporate events as either bodyguards or diversions that isn't a long-term solution," he drawled. "Next?"

"Okay, well there's a bunch of survival strategies we could try." Chris emerged for a moment holding yet another black/grey item and tossed it to the bed, where Zachbots hastily rushed to pick up and properly fold it. They had been trying to keep up with Chris's destructive method of searching their master's wardrobe for a while and had failed completely to contain the mess. "You're already pretty good at avoiding detection since you have those invisibility things; but again the point here is to be seen." Chris started walking around the room in circles and completely ignored Zach abandon his waffles to help the Zachbots fold before anything got too creased. "Something like the aposematic pattern you put on your Zachbots to incite a fear reaction; but in this case we want you to just look distinctive so you're easily recognized."

Chris paused to cross his arms and shake his head disapprovingly at the very monochromatic pile of dark clothes that Zach was now putting back on the shelves. "White would certainly be a drastic change."

"If you try to turn me into Colonel Sanders I will put a hit out on you," Zach hissed menacingly, clutching a black turtleneck that had been folded into a perfect square to his chest possessively. "You couldn't pay me to wear yellow either."

Chris laughed. "Come on, Zach. It's worth a try."

He reached out to touch Zach's uninjured shoulder, missed when Zach bent down to get a wayward pair of pants, and wound up with his hand temporarily stuck in a mat of tacky black hair. Both of them yelped and tried to free themselves, succeeding only when Chris's shock wore off and his climber's instincts abated enough to allow him to unclench his fingers. Chris grimaced at the sticky residue left on his fingers while Zach rushed to a mirror (read: the Zachbots rushed a mirror to him) and he fervently began to slick his hair back into place.

"Watch what you're doing!" the pale man snapped viciously. "It isn't easy to get my hair to look like this, you know!"

"Why do you even keep it like that?" Chris complained while he wiped his hand on his shorts, only to get his hand nearly stuck to them. "It just makes your head look like even more of a big triangle than it already does."

"Because," Zach bit nastily while he ran his finger through said strands in quick and practiced movements, "once I hit thirteen it decided to be evil and intentionally defy the laws of gravity. Puberty was not kind to me," he mused. "At least I'd got rid of the braces by then, though."

"Really?" Chris snorted. "I thought you'd like having naturally evil hair."

"Not when I'm trying to look presentable and wheedle my way into a loan to start a business," he answered flatly. "Being evil and looking evil are two completely different things. The former helps enormously with business and the latter generally doesn't."

Chris pondered this while he washed his hands in the bathroom sink. Given the size of the jet it just meant he had to aim his voice around a doorway – there wasn't enough of an increase in distance to justify raising his voice. "How bad is it that you basically have to glue it?"

"You'd be amazed," the other drawled. He was finally finished fixing it and was now waiting his turn to use the sink.

"I want to see it," Chris concluded in precisely the same manner as a child that had been told not to put pennies in the light socket immediately doing so.

"No you don't," Zach stated flatly.

"Seriously. I do."

"No."

It was Chris's turn to whine now. "Why not!?"

"Because it looks weird," Zach complained. "And I hate it."

"Yeah," Chris smiled. "That's why I want to see it. It could be part of your new look."

Zach scoffed and tried to move around Chris to get to the sink, but Chris just blocked his way. Twice. Then he snatched Zach's wrists in a grip the waifish man wouldn't be able to escape if his life depended on it to prevent him from reaching the water. "Please?"

"I was serious about that hit," Zach squeaked while wrenching his hands back futilely. "I know people." He glanced back at his Zachbots and shouted, "Hey!" by means of asking why they weren't helping. It was only when they merely turned in his direction to await further orders that he remembered Chris was still designated as trusted, and therefore only annoying until actual harm was done. Zach sighed and wilted. "I don't need a new image and any public image can be easily bought with a little scandal and creative advertising. Besides, technically you'd just be reviving an old look."

"Zach, how can you expect anything in your life to change if you aren't willing to change?" Chris asked in his 'teacher' voice. "Physically looking different won't just change how other people see you; it'll change how you see yourself too. In your own mind, when you walk by a mirror and note the apparent differences every day, you'll start forming the mental association that you're a different person now. And that'll make it easier to actually be different."

"Let go," Zach whined, then lurched backward to rub his freed wrists, less because they actually hurt and more just to make Chris concerned about it. "You're not making any sense anyway. How is looking like I just rolled out of bed going to help me do less evil things?"

"Because," Chris said gently, "If you look different - no matter what that difference is exactly - people will subconsciously think of you as a new person even if logic disagrees."

"That's stupid and should not make the amount of sense that it does," Zach whined grudgingly.

"So is keeping up outwardly good appearances so that you can do evil things," Chris countered. "Now go wash the gel out, ok?"

Zach moved aside to let Chris out of the bathroom and did so, muttering profanely to himself the entire time.

Martin hummed contentedly while he sorted through his creature power discs. "Since Chris seems to have managed to get on Zach's good side, how long do you think it'll be until we get to have him over more often? He could come in handy during creature rescues."

Aviva, Martin, and Koki had been having this conversation since Chris had left and it was just getting more entertaining as they went along. Jimmy continued munching cookies and looking between them like he was watching a three-way tennis match, clearly enjoying himself. While Aviva and Koki talked they paced around like agitated cats assessing everything Zach had done while there, getting Aviva reacquainted with the status of all of their missions and what needed to be done, and periodically stopping to unfold yet-another-origami-blueprint. There was a pile of ruffled papers in the corner that Martin had weighted down with the huge black and red backup books in an attempt to make the creased paper lie flat again.

"What would Zach even do here?" Aviva demanded hotly, trying to figure out how the hell Zach had managed to turn four pages of Buzz-Bike instructions into interlocking triangular prisms without ripping anything. Out of curiosity she had scanned it for fingerprints and found this particular bit of geometric insanity covered in them, so it hadn't been done by a Zachbot either. Damn him. "We've got all our bases covered."

"No we don't," Jimmy said suddenly. It was the first time he'd spoken because he didn't want to interrupt the petty bickering; it was better than playing video games sometimes.

"What do you mean, Jimmy?" Koki asked. "We've got the Bros for field work, research and ideas. Aviva and I handle inventing and maintenance and planning. You're our pilot, navigator and teleporter operator and, let's face it, you're pretty much our den mother and keep us all fed."

"And caffeinated," Jimmy added proudly.

"Which we do appreciate a lot," Aviva said gratefully.

"You are welcome," he saluted.

Koki smiled and shook her head at that. "So what's Varmitech supposed to contribute to the team?" She growled and held up what looked like a paper ball made of joined triangles. "Okay; I don't even know what this is..."

"It's a Icosidodecahedron," Aviva grumbled, reluctantly impressed. "Well… he'd expand our group's language roster. Right now we've just got English, Spanish, the Latin that Chris can translate, and whatever I can manage to translate with software. Zach can speak German. He learned it for business purposes, though I think that particular client has moved on. I think he's got a weird obsession with languages, really... it sort of stems naturally from an obsession with coding. It's basically all translating in a way."

"I did not know that," Koki professed reluctantly in the manner of one who had to admit their history tutor might actually know some damned history. She winced when a tiny ripping noise came from the paper she was trying to unravel and slowly put it down under Aviva's burning Look. "I'll just, uh, try a different one. So what good would Varmitech be, Jimmy?"

"Please; backup disc-maker, he could help with repairing stuff, he plays video games better than any of you, the Zachbots really help with the chore level-"

"What could he do that none of us could, Jimmy?" Koki demanded testily.

"Apparently he can pull Chris out of a downward spiral," Martin mused morosely. "Even I can't do that sometimes. Especially when I'm the one he's mad at."

Aviva sat back and gave up on her paper puzzle for the moment. "How did he do that, anyway?"

Martin laughed. "Chris just likes him. People get along for strange reasons. Traits that seem obnoxious to some people are endearing to others. Like how Jimmy's scared to death of Aviva when she yells in Spanish and I just think it's hilarious."

Jimmy pouted, "When she yells at you or me!?"

"Anyone in general, really," Martin admitted.

"Usted es muy afortunado que eres lindo," Aviva said with a resigned sigh.*

Martin smiled. "Thanks, 'Iva."

Aviva smiled and winked at him. "No tienes idea lo que estoy diciendo."** Martin walked over and hugged her affectionately. She laughed and hugged him in return. "Me comeré tu cerebro mientras estás dormido."***

"Right back at ya'," the older Kratt said contentedly.

Koki, who had been using the translator on her Creature Pod, covered her face with both hands and giggled helplessly.

"That is awesome!" Chris laughed uproariously the instant Zach, hair unconstrained by the shackles of overly expensive hair products, came within his line of sight.

"I hate you," the tech mogul hissed venomously. Everything about him aside from his actual hair was precisely the same, but it was still enough to make him look insane on cosmic levels and he knew it.

Chris stood up and walked over. "You have the hair of an Abyssinian Guinea Pig!"

Zach simply crossed his arms and scoffed. "Since I'm not sure what that is I will choose to be offended by that statement."

"You shouldn't be! Somehow this actually suits you; It's definitely mad scientist hair! And the scars totally sell the look." Chris started to circle him to get the full panoramic view while Zach did that angry-cringe-away-from-unwanted-attention thing in a way that almost made it look like a slow and deliberate panic dance. "I mean you've always had that eerie pale-skinned brunette thing going on, but now it's got a brilliant-but-unhinged appeal. So... pretty accurate."

"Yeah, that's why I gel it down, "Zach complained loudly. "When I don't I look insane. Are you done gawking at me now?" Anxious to get back to the bathroom and fix the natural spikes and whorls into something less turbulent, Zach turned and started to move only to have his arm grabbed. He groaned and looked back.

"Do you have a lab coat?" Chris asked with a wide grin.

"You're going to make me wear it, aren't you?" he whined.

"Yes," the younger Kratt confirmed. He placed his hands on Zach's back and pushed him purposefully toward the area where Zach kept his tools in the control room, assuming that's where the coat would be. "I've got to see how this looks with a lab coat, and maybe one or two of your gadgets."

Zach growled and dug his heels into the floor. It didn't stop him from moving forward but resisting, even futilely, made him feel better. When he had issued the challenge to Chris he thought he'd come up with something like hidden weapons to keep on himself - Zach had certainly devised all sorts of things to make him a walking booby-trap for muggers if he couldn't have any Zachbots at the time. Not once had he considered a childish makeover session would be in the program. "Do you play manic dress-up with all your friends or am I just special?" Zach demanded caustically.

"Usually the Creature Power Suits would cover that so, yes I do. I don't think nature would look very good on you though, so we'll have to come up with something else. Something..." Chris paused while he tried to come up with an appropriate association, then settled on his memory of the meteor shower. "Something spacey."

"Spacey?" Zach inquired flatly. Once they reached the right area Chris stopped pushing Zach with a suddenness that made the taller man fall forward with a startled yelp into the arms of a luckily placed Zachbot. Once back on his feet he glared and Chris held his hands up in apology.

"Yeah! More cosmonaut and less zoologist," Chris elaborated. "I mean, Aviva is great in the lab, but she's always prepared for the possibility of field work - at any moment she could wind up outside in a swamp or jungle or desert and dresses pretty casually for that reason. Since you don't have to go out and do field work as often, and even when you do you have the Zachbots and there's no real reason to change your wardrobe, you don't need to worry about the functionality of your clothes unless it's a special situation. For the most part you should dress for lab work; so why not just wear the coat all the time unless you need to put on a suit for an important meeting or something?"

"Oh..." Zach considered this. It sort of sounded like a good idea. If you didn't count how much he did actually go outside collecting animals, which he wasn't going to be doing much at all anymore, the only real change that would cause was getting used to wearing his lab attire when he didn't strictly need to. He sighed and walked to his supply closet and pulled out a tightly sealed bag with several clean coats sealed within to keep the smell of motor oil off them. He put one on and held his arms out to either side, facing Chris. "There," he drawled. "Happy?"

Chris crossed his arms and considered it, then walked over and undid the buttons so the coat was hanging open. "Reading glasses?" he suggested.

"If I put those on I'll only be able to focus up to twenty inches in front of my face," Zach said by way of refusal.

"Yeah, and it'll probably take away from the somewhat deranged look I'm aiming for..." Chris mused.

Offended, Zach snapped and pointed at Chris angrily. "Hey! You-" and found himself aiming his finger off to the side as Chris seemed to get an idea and lunged for a nearby counter.

"Where is it?" he asked urgently.

"-have the attention span of a ferret!" Zach improvised testily. "And stop touching everything! Where is what!?"

"That headgear with the green screen shaped like a triangle," Chris explained. "What's that thing called?"

"I wasn't aware you'd ever even set eyes on my field visor," Zach said suspiciously. I lost it when-"

"When you stole the Hippopotamus disc," Chris said. "I found it later when I went back for more research right around where you got stuck in that tree. It looked like it'd been trampled, though."

"Oh. Well, I have a new one; but not here."

"So call for it - tell your Zachbots to send it here with the Teleporter you designed," Chris suggested.

Zach cursed Chris's cleverness and memory while he did so since he was so done with playing dress-up, and the requested item landed safely on the bed in the next room. Chris ran to retrieve it after the familiar crackle of energy alerted him to the transport. Once he returned he nearly put it on Zach's head himself, but the pale man recoiled and snatched it to put it on without assistance.

"Okay, what else?" Zach sighed.

Chris smiled as he looked Zach up and down and the thin man hoped he wasn't flushing at the blatant approval in that look. The new visor was basically the same thing as the old; a metal head band with a screen and a remote connection to his network that also scanned when needed. This model, however, was simply a headband that projected a holographic screen that was nearly transparent except to the wearer. The screen was still triangular and green but the new projection didn't hide his face and it allowed for much greater versatility in what he could view and how the visor could actually function. Zach had no idea what he was even thinking making the cumbersome thing he'd taken out in Africa; it had obscured his vision in the same way one can't really see through a laptop screen.

"Is that it?"

Chris nodded. "It's definitely a good look for you."

Zach quelled his elation at that praise on the grounds that nobody was ever right unless he agreed with them. He snapped his fingers and the Zachbots brought over his full-length mirror. After taking a few moments to peruse his reflection he scowled, then palmed his face with a reluctantly accepting sigh. "Congratulations, Chris. You've made me look like an evil pharmacist."

While Chris laughed Zach whined inwardly over how unfair it was that the idiot had a point. This was actually a pretty good look for him... maybe he'd just had to grow into it. The hair alone had certainly earned him a lot of scorn and torment when he was a kid. He didn't think even Aviva had ever seen it because he knew better by the time he met her to let a girl see him in too natural a state.

"Come on, let's go see everyone before it gets dark. Jimmy's taking off in the morning and we need to decide how to keep in contact and when if I'm still working for you," Chris said.

Zach made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. "You just want to see what the rest of your little buddy group thinks of this."

"Yup. And I'm already going to have to bribe you to go like that, huh?" Chris prompted knowingly.

"No."

Chris blinked. "Really?"

"I haven't given you the new suit yet. I'll go with you like this if you wear the Creature Power suit I made to see what Aviva thinks of that, too," Zach offered. "Deal?"

"She's not going to like that," Chris mused.

"Well I don't like this, but I'm still going because you seem to know what you're doing. There's no point in hiring a Consultant if I don't listen; you said it." Zach turned and, to his surprise, the way he usually turned on his heel made the open coat flay out behind him momentarily in a pseudo-villainous cape-like way.

Yup - evil pharmacist chic, that was him. Damn it. He looked to Chris to see if he had any comments on that, but had to turn away again because Chris was looking at him with smug approval; and Zach couldn't tell if it was Donita's type of 'I'm a brilliant designer and you should love me for it' approval or just appreciating how Zach looked, period.

"But if you turn out to be wrong you're fired," Zach snapped and stormed out.

Chris just shook his head and followed.

Koki laughed so hard she had to put her hand out to balance on her station. This failed to keep her up after she ran out of breath, however, and she wound up kneeling on the floor anyway.

"Are you done?" Zach asked blithely after she had to pause to take some air in.

She looked up at him to apologize, snorted and started laughing again. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Absolutely nothing," Zach bit nastily. He was sort of glad the first thing she mentioned hadn't been his face - the Zachbots had recommended he let the scratches air out so he'd not been wearing the bandages since that afternoon. The skin around the marks was red and angry, and the scratches themselves were a very stark and obvious sickly wine-red on white. Zach thought it looked terrible, especially since they were currently covered in an ointment that hadn't absorbed yet and gave the entire area an odd sheen.

Chris walked in soon after, having been occupied putting his Buzz-Bike away. "Koki, that's mean," he complained.

"I'm sorry," she said while wiping the tears out of her eyes. "It just surprised me. I didn't even know human hair could do that! Just-" She stopped and stood abruptly after seeing Chris.

"Clearly it can," Zach drawled. "Where's Aviva? If I have Chris sign a contract without her reading it first I'll never hear the end of it."

"What in the name of-" she started on Chris's suit, then shook her head. "What contract?!"

Chris smiled and shrugged. "Zach needs some help. He asked me."

"You agreed to work for Varmitech," she stated weakly.

"Yes," Chris verified.

Koki palmed her face and took a few deep breaths. "Okay, I'll get her on one condition; you have to tell Jimmy to turn on the security cameras first because I want to see this explosion but don't want to actually be here when it happens."

*Usted es muy afortunado que eres lindo. = You are very lucky you're cute.

**No tienes idea lo que estoy diciendo. = You have no idea what I'm saying.

***Me comeré tu cerebro mientras estás dormido. = I eat your brain while you're asleep.

If someone reading speaks Spanish and these are wrong please correct me, ok?