By the time Dr. Aurelius and I had finished our conversation, the rain Greasy Sae had superstitiously predicted was falling hard against the house. I could see the warm drops of water as they painted my windows and began to puddle up in the street outside. It was a downpour but the roar of the deluge did little to deter me from my thoughts of Peeta.
Was Dr. Aurelius right? Could he make me feel safe again? Provide me with the sliver of hope I needed to live? The questions spun around and around in my head and I realized that the only way I could answer them was to talk to Peeta alone.
Propelled by Dr. Aurelius' advice, I jumped from my place in the office and ran down the hall to the coat closet. While grabbing a pair of wool socks and my hunting boots, I heard Greasy Sae's thunderous steps come in from the kitchen.
"Katniss? Is that you?" She asked before laying her eyes on me.
I looked at her like a frightened animal. For some reason, I didn't want her to know about my call to Dr. Aurelius and my need to see Peeta. She didn't need to feel as if she had won our morning argument on top of everything else. I stood there clutching my boots, as she looked me up and down, trying to determine what I was up to.
"You alright?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said calmly, trying to avoid her gaze. I sat down on the floor and began to pull on my shoes before I heard her speak again.
"Listen, Katniss. I'm sorry about earlier. I just couldn't…" She paused and I looked up to see her clutching her hand to her head.
Of the few people I knew here in 12, Greasy Sae had always cared for me, treated me as if I were her own flesh and blood. And when we returned together, she alone had kept me alive. She was the closet thing I had to family now and I felt a pang of guilt rise in my heart. Her only want was for me to be happy, to be healthy again and I had lashed out at her for it.
I stood up wordlessly and raised a comforting hand to her shoulder.
"I know. And I'm sorry too. I let my temper get the best of me," I said solemnly, trying to convey my regret. She nodded to me empathetically.
"…and I broke a dish." I said, smiling softly.
The pained look she held moments earlier disappeared. Her eyes rolls back in her head and a grin broke out over her face.
"Yeah, that was fun to clean up." She said sarcastically.
I smirked and patted her on the back, promising I would throw something shatterproof next time.
"You goin' someplace?" She asked as she watched me reach for my hunting jacket. I paused. Despite our apologies, I still felt unsure if I should tell her my plans but given the rain outside and her respectful tone, I obliged.
"I thought I might go over to Peeta's. See what he's up to." I said nonchalantly. Greasy Sae stood composed. My actions did nothing to affect her.
"Well you won't find him at home, I'm afraid. He went to town this mornin' and I don't think he has come back." She said.
"Well I'll just meet him in town then." I said. I stood up and began to pull on my jacket.
"You're going to walk to town? In this weather?" Greasy Sae asked. The bombarding rain tumbled outside but I was not to be deterred.
"It's not like I haven't walked through the rain before Sae." I said stubbornly. I zipped up the front of my coat and walked towards the front door, Sae trailing behind me.
"I know but I just got a bad feelin' about this one." She said.
I rolled my eyes.
"You and your superstitions." I said and opened the front door. I was just about to run out when Sae caught my hand. Fear was playing across her face and I could tell that she was absolutely serious.
"Katniss, just stay here. Peeta will be back soon anyway." She said softly.
"You don't know that. Besides, I have to see him today." I said, determined to leave the house.
She paused, trying to think up an argument but eventually she let go of my hand.
"Well, if you must. Just be careful, okay?" She said quietly.
I touched her cheek affectionately and smiled at her.
"I always am." I said before running out into the heavy storm.
Greasy Sae was right. The storm was a bad one. Trees moved violently in the wind and dangerously heavy waterfalls began to form along the hillsides. The rain was so heavy that I could barely see where I was going. It didn't matter though. The path from the Victor's Village to town was a journey that I knew well.
Heavy droplets of spring rain slapped at my face and soaked me to the bone but I kept walking, desperate to see Peeta. My feet sloshed around in puddles and I could feel my boots and socks becoming caked with mud and coal dust. I was growing tired and the heaviness in my body started to pull doubts from my mind.
"Maybe I should turn back," I thought. "Peeta will be home soon anyway."
Standing in the rain, halfway between the village and town, I mulled over my options when I heard it, the pained and familiar shrieks that tormented me in my sleep. As the screams grew louder against the pouring rain, only one name could come to my mind.
Prim.
I held my breath in my throat. Was this real? It couldn't be. Prim was dead, lost in the fire bombings in the Capitol. Yes, I was hallucinating. It's not real, I told myself. Not real, like the jabberjays in the Quell. It was just the rain.
But the childlike screams continued, louder and louder until their raw quality pulled me from my turmoil. This was real. I jerked my head and followed the sound, trying to find the source of their agony.
"Where are you!?" I screamed, running in sloppy circles in the rain.
Desperate, I cried out the only thing I knew.
"Prim! Where are you!?" I shrieked.
The weighted mud against my boots caused me to fall hard against the ground. While the rough and heavy screams of a young girl continued, I desperately tried to fight off Prim's ghost in my head. It was then, lying weak against the soaked grass, that I caught sight of something. A shade of purple amongst the green earth. A wildflower.
Suddenly, a thought blitzed through my mind like a bolt of lightening. It was real. The screams did not belong to Prim.
They belonged to Lara.
"Lara!" I screamed. I shot up from my place on the ground and began running around in despair.
Where was she?
I knew I was getting closer to her when the yells from her body became louder against the pounding storm. But something else sounded in my ears, a powerful and roaring rush of water unlike the rain. What was that?
I tried to place the sound but came up with nothing until I remembered the waterfalls of mud I had seen earlier. Ferocious rivers of muddy water tore through the tree line and spattered across the ground. The image of their destructive nature caused a memory to surface in my mind.
Before my father's death, there was a storm like this. The rain caused the clay rock to slide down the mountainsides, creating a destructive and violent river. It had forced its way to District 12's valley and my father had gone to help rescue those who had been caught in its path. He had called it a mudslide and I knew that if Lara had been caught in one, it would be a miracle if she made it out alive.
I followed the two sounds, Lara's screams and the powerful surge of water until I saw her, trapped in the middle of the mudslide.
Her blonde hair was muddied with debris and twigs and her form was barely recognizable against the rain. I looked more closely. The girl with the wildflowers was gripping a dead tree trunk that had fallen on its side. She was staying strong.
Thinking quickly, I ran down to the surge and called her name.
"Lara!" I shouted.
With all of her strength she turned her head and recognized me against the bank.
"Miss Katniss! Help me!" She shrieked.
"Just hold on okay?" I screamed back at her.
I turned back towards the forest, trying to find something to help her. I needed a rope or something strong to pull her out. Searching along the ground, I came to a large tree trunk that was covered in thick and sturdy vines.
Without a knife to cut them, I bit my teeth into their stems and ripped them from their place. Gathering as many as I could carry, I ran back to the river. Lara's screams were quiet now and I began to worry until I saw her, still clinging tightly to the fallen tree. The mud was thicker and had slowed down some making the act of pulling her to safety even harder.
I tied the vines as quickly and as strongly as I could muster before heading back down to the bank where Lara was trapped. Her eyes caught the makeshift rope I held in my hand and I tried to yell out to her.
"Lara! I need you to listen to me!" I shouted against the rain and river.
"I am going to throw the end of this to you. You need to tie it around your waist and then crawl along the tree until you get to the end. Alright?" I instructed.
I could see her nod in response. Without hesitation, I tied my end of the vine to a tree, double-knotting it against the trunk. I turned my attention back to Lara. Trusting the accuracy of my shooting arm, I tossed her the vine.
She grabbed it with one hand and somehow managed to bind it around her. I held tightly to the vine, worried that my knots would snap and Lara would be lost. But somehow, she made it to the edge of the tree trunk and looked to me for further instructions.
"You did perfectly Lara!" I shouted while trying to keep her calm.
"Now, I need you to climb on top of the trunk and jump to the ground. I'll catch you, okay?" I said.
The edge of the tree trunk was about two and a half feet away from where I stood with the other end of the vine. Lara looked at me in disbelief.
"I can't! I'll fall!" She shouted. Even with the rain and mud, I could see the tears clouding in her eyes.
"No you won't! I promise! Please…just trust me!" I yelled. I was desperate to get her across and my heart was pounding wildly against my chest. I couldn't lose her. She was too much like Prim. To see her fall and disappear into the muddy water would kill me.
Lara looked at me one last time, trying to decide what to do. Her eyes held the same fear I saw in the animals of the forest but there was something else too, a gleam of determination. Without another word, she pulled herself up against the log, balancing her tiny body before standing up completely.
The girl with the wildflowers looked at the muddy and destructive river below her. There was nothing I could do to help her now. This was her decision.
Lara took in a breath and bent her knees in preparation for her jump. Through the rain, I saw her leap into the air and over the pounding river. I clenched my body and felt the crash of her body against mine.
She was safe.
My arms ran around her shivering and soaked form. Tears of joy fell from my face and I ran my hands through her muddied hair. I tried to look for any critical injuries but the mud caked against her skin prevented me from looking any further.
"It's okay. You're okay." I cried, hoping she could hear me.
I turned her over to look at her face but when I did, I saw Prim.
Prim? No.
It couldn't be. It was Lara but the face was Prim's. The haunting eyes stared lifelessly into the distance and the tiny braids she always wore were sputtered with blood. I was hallucinating. My stress and memories converged to battle against reality.
I pulled away from the girl's form unsure which reality I should trust. Is this the way Peeta felt when he had an episode?
My limbs began shake and I couldn't stop my fingers from trembling. I clawed myself, trying to scratch my way to reality but it was no use. Breathing became a struggle and the air from my lungs felt tight against my chest. I choked and spattered, suffocating from shock. My body fell to the ground next to the form beside me.
Not real.
Real.
What could I believe? They were Prim's eyes. Not Lara's.
The rain pounded against me and the screams of young girls flooded my ears. Sure that I was dying, I laid my head against the earth and felt tiny raindrops hit the back of my open mouth.
"Miss Katniss!" Someone screamed. I couldn't tell.
"Help." I weakly gasped. But it was no use, I could feel the pull of the earth shift and suffocation overtake my body.
As I felt the darkness close in and my vision blur, a large gray mass fell over me. Something warm brushed my cheek like a ray of golden sunshine. Then, as I finally succumbed to unconsciousness, the sound of a word echoed against my ear.
"Always."