Roses Grow

by sharnii

Chapter 10: The Meeting

The big meeting was in full swing. I was seated on the overly crowded couch squashed between Touga and Wakaba, since they had both rushed to sit beside me. It was wonderful to see Wakaba again even if she was clutching my right hand tight enough to bruise it, and bouncing excitedly in place. It was rather uncomfortable being next to Touga, who kept edging ever closer. It made me nervous…and strangely hot.

My general edginess of the past week was multiplied by a factor of ten. I was focused on the stars outside the lounge's massive windows (although so many less than I could remember there being at Ohtori). For some reason the expansive glittering sky made me cringe. Every time I glanced toward the window I found myself looking away again. But I couldn't help my eyes drifting back, searching for something that simply wasn't there. A planet? A dueling arena? A sharp metallic rain, hurtling down forever? I shivered.

"Are you cold, Utena darling?" Wakaba clutched my poor hand even harder. "You're far too skinny. And you don't look well. Have you lost weight? You always used to eat so much; it took me forever to pack lunches big enough to satisfy you!" I flamed red and muttered something incoherent.

"Let me warm you up," purred Touga, smoothly sliding his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm not cold," I snapped, leaning away, directly into Wakaba's ready embrace.

"I'll warm you up!" insisted my friend, throwing her arms around me. She might be five years older now, and not quite as short but it was good to see some things didn't change. Even if it was kinda restricting to lose the use of your arms…

"But you're so small," Touga pointed out to her, "surely I have more body heat to offer." I flushed.

"I'm not cold," I grumbled as Wakaba squeezed tighter, "and ow, that sorta hurts. Would you lay off?" One of her arms was now dangerously close to my stab wound. I bit my lip and tried unsuccessfully to pull away. Wakaba must have used the past five years to work out…she was seriously strong.

There was snickering from someone. I was certain that if I dared to look up several pairs of eyes would be ogling the couch's occupants. How embarrassing. Drat, somehow my sweater had managed to creep up and Wakaba's hand was brushing over my bandages.

"Oh no! You're hurt!" she accused, immediately lifting my sweater even more to get a better look. Yanking it back down I glared at her, holding her hands away.

"It's nothing," I said. "Can you two give me some space for heaven's sake?"

"It doesn't look like nothing," said Touga, his eyes more steely than usual. Was that his hand brushing my side? I pushed it away without looking.

"That's a lot of bandage," agreed Wakaba. "What happened?" Her hand reached for mine again.

"Maybe she doesn't want to say what happened," put in Touga in his most snotty voice. "Maybe you should give the lady some space."

"Maybe you should sit somewhere else, and then there'd be plenty of space," retorted Wakaba. With a sigh I flopped back and closed my eyes, tuning out their bickering. This was normal at least - they'd never liked each other. Five years apparently hadn't changed that. With another sigh I opened my eyes again to look around the room.

Miki was chairing the meeting from one of the two armchairs, and Juri was seated in the other with folded arms and a steely gaze. She hadn't spoken to me since the ill-fated breakfast of the previous morning. I tried to catch her icy eyes, but they were fixed somewhere just over my head.

On the floor around the low table knelt Anthy, Keiko, and Nanami with an attendant Tsuwabuki. Saionji had dragged out a hardbacked chair from the kitchen and sat glaring at the floor. The atmosphere was buzzing with excited tension.

"Ahem," said Miki, waiting for my couch-mates to subside. "Back to the topic at hand." Making sure to meet everyone's eyes one by one, he summed up his earlier speech.

"As I was saying, that is why we've called you all together. Anthy-san has found Utena-san but the Chairman has found her too. We all remember that it was actually he who was behind the madness of the duels, that hurt us all so much." His lip trembled for a moment, and I knew that he was thinking of his twin. Straightening his shoulders he pushed bravely on.

"It's because of the er, shining example of Utena-san that we all have managed to graduate in these past five years. So we have to help her now."

"Uh, shouldn't our first priority be our own safety?" Keiko looked nervous to be speaking up, but determined nonetheless. "The assistant chairman…he's very dangerous. Who knows what he's capable of? What he wants to do to all of us?"

"Really, Sonoda-kun." Touga sounded amused. "I'm sure the chairman has better things to do with his time." His thigh shifted closer to mine. I shifted closer to the bouncing Wakaba.

"That's right!" snapped Nanami, glaring at her ex-minion. "Why would he have any interest in an insect like you?"

"Yeah!" agreed Tsuwabuki. He might be older, but he still seemed to be Nanami's yes-man. I thought that was somehow sad. Hadn't he wanted to grow up? Growing up meant changing old habits, bad habits…a metamorphosis that gave you wings and demanded you fly somewhere.

Keiko flushed and looked down. I could see her hands shaking with anger as they wrapped around her teacup. It made me feel worried to see things like that. I was sure I never used to notice the details. What did it mean that I noticed everything now? Reflexively I glanced over toward Anthy, to find her already watching me. She smiled gently and I tried a tentative smile back.

"That's enough." Juri's voice was cold. "We're not here to squabble like children. We're adults now. Adults in the real world."

"And isn't it such a great place?" Saionji dripped sarcasm, surprising me with his bitterness. I saw in the others' faces that they were startled too. He ranted on.

"I'm sure we're all very thankful to Tenjou as the magical prince who was victorious in the last duel. Pity that the last duel remains some great mystery that nobody's allowed to talk about in any detail."

"That's true," said Nanami, turning her head to glare up at me. "We spent years looking for you, and when you finally pop up nobody gets to know where you've been! It's ridiculous. Just like everything about you always was."

I tensed. It was shocking to hear even Nanami admit she'd been searching for me. My last memory of her involved her stalking off the games field in a huff after she finished insulting me. Yet she had looked for me…

"I'd like to know too," admitted Wakaba in a small voice. She'd stopped bouncing. "Can't you tell us, Utena?" Her eyes went all huge and beseeching. I felt a stab of guilt. Shifting in place, I tried to avoid the question.

"I don't really remember it all that well…"

"Really?" Juri's strong voice cut through the room toward me. "Is that really true?" Oh so now she decided to talk to me. I shrugged, feeling myself grow red.

"If that's true," continued Juri, "then why do you get so upset every time we ask you?"

"Touché," purred Touga. I felt myself begin to grow angry.

"It's not important," I snapped. "It's not relevant."

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said," bit out Saionji. "Which is saying something. Whatever happens, wherever you've been, it changes everything. It changes what we do now."

"Or don't do," added Keiko nervously.

"Tell us!" insisted Nanami, ignoring Keiko, "tell us now!"

"Tell us!" echoed Tsuwabuki, in a most annoying fashion.

"Please, Utena." Wakaba squeezed my hand.

"It's time you tell us," agreed Touga, taking my other hand smoothly. I snapped.

"Stop it!" I pulled away from them both, leaping to my feet and rounding on them. "I can't tell you, alright?! I can't stand to think about it!"

"Why?!" Juri leapt to her feet too. "Tell us why!"

Wildly I looked to Anthy for help. But she just sat there silently, avoiding my eyes. With a shock I realized that she wouldn't help me now…perhaps she wanted to know the answer too badly? Or did she have another motive? Feeling confused and defeated, I lowered my head.

"Stop it," I repeated in a strained voice. My hands were clenched and shaking at my sides. Everyone except Anthy stared at me with varying expressions of determination, curiosity and pity. Their eyes burned me. I couldn't look.

"Utena." Juri's voice was unexpectedly quiet as she took my arm. Somehow she'd crossed the room to stand in front of me. "Utena, you must tell us. It's the only way we can win. And…maybe it will help."

"It can't help," I said in low despairing tones. "I don't think anything can help." Her hand on my arm bothered me, but I didn't have the energy to shrug it off. The anger had been an instant flame that burned me out and left me wanting. Juri gently tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at her. Her intense eyes were surprisingly kind.

"You don't know that. Besides, you've always been the champion of the truth. You always spoke it even when it hurt those you spoke to, or hurt yourself. You hate lies, remember?" Her other hand moved to my shoulder. "So be true to yourself. Tell us the truth now, all that you remember of it."

The room was silent and staring. To my horror I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I was Tenjou Utena, the girl who wanted to be a prince with strength and nobility as my sword and shield. I did not cry, especially in front of a crowd of my old schoolmates. Uncharacteristically I longed to flee. I had never run from anyone or anything in my princely career, but I had to run now. Tensing under Juri's light touch, I prepared to pull away and race for the door. Juri's eyes narrowed as she watched me, the same way they had during our duels.

"No!" Correctly guessing my intention she grabbed my upper arms. She actually shook me hard, just like she had so long ago. "You don't get to run! You don't get to run away from all the pain we've had to go through, wondering what happened to you. Straighten up, and tell us what you know!" I slumped in her hold and she angrily shoved me away, back down onto the couch between Wakaba and Touga. Looming over me, she crossed her arms.

"God, what's wrong with you?! You've lost all your spine!"

No-one said a word. I choked on a sob as the first admission tore its way out of me.

"Akio-san was there." Silence met this. Wasn't anybody surprised? I stumbled on.

"Akio was my…prince, the one who drew me out of my coffin when I was a little girl. Y'know, when my parents died." Saionji made a strange noise in the back of his throat.

"He looked so handsome in his white suit," I remembered, as a strange longing rose in my heart. "I was happy to see him, but it was…bad too." I stared down at my fretful hands twisting in my lap. "I felt like something was wrong."

"Of course it was." Nanami was scornful. "I tried to tell you!"

"Did you?" I looked up, and whatever she saw in my eyes made her own rebound away. "Did any of you?" I asked. So many guilty faces now, and nobody meeting my eyes but Anthy alone. She gazed up at me with eyes brimming with tears. She was biting her lip. Dragging my eyes from hers, I struggled miserably on.

"He was Ends of the World all along." My voice was bitter. "I never even guessed it until then. I was such an idiot." My hands and my heart clenched painfully. "Himemiya vanished and when I looked for her she was lying on the stairs, looking like she was broken." My voice cracked. "I tried to ask Akio-san about it but he called me his pr…princess. He said we could live together in the castle in the sky, happily ever after."

"Really?" Touga's voice was faintly suspicious. "That's what he said?"

I went on as though he hadn't spoken. If I stopped now I'd never be able to start again. "H..he pulled the sword out of my chest…"

Gasps all around.

"And I turned into a princess. Suddenly I was dressed just like Himemiya, but in a pink bridal gown. He wanted to make me forget I was a prince." I looked at Anthy and suddenly forgot where I was, as I found answering anguish in her eyes.

"I kept looking for you, but you wouldn't look at me. You were sitting on that awful couch like you were d…dead. Akio-san said I should forget you, that I wasn't a pr…prince, since I'd even betrayed Kanae-san to be with him."

I'd never admitted that betrayal to myself before. Feeling sick I flushed with shame.

A strangled exclamation, I couldn't tell from who. I still couldn't tear my eyes away from Anthy's. We were gazing at each other like we were drowning. My voice became more and more husky.

"Then you were lying there in his l…lap, and he was stroking your hair, and your eyes were…oh God, so empty. I looked for you but you wouldn't look up at me. You weren't even really there!" Anthy's hands flew to her cheeks and unlike then, she was looking at me now. Peering right into me, into what was left of my heart.

My voice was hoarse. "He bent over you, and all these…s…swords just exploded out of you!" My voice shook with the horror of the moment. "He said it was because you were a w…witch, that it was your punishment which you deserved. He said that you, that you, he said y…you liked it."

"She did," purred that deep familiar voice. With a strangled cry I finally tore my eyes from Anthy's. I couldn't believe it. Akio stood framed in the doorway, looming over us all with a smug smile. Like at the teahouse, it was completely unexpected. Utter chaos erupted.

TBC in Chapter 11: Weapons