Author's Note: Squalo isn't always so well behaved. And Lussu knows it~ Part two to the other drabble will be posted sometime... I just wanted to make this the tenth drabble! D;
If one went into the kitchen in the afternoon, one could find Lussuria with his elbows propped up on the kitchen island, a hand flipping the pages of some kind of catalogue, and another hand holding up a blueberry muffin to his mouth. And if one persisted in hanging about the kitchen long enough, Lussuria would always offer his help with a motherly, "Do you need something?"
Squalo went into the kitchen one afternoon, found Lussuria with his elbows propped up on the kitchen island, a hand flipping through the pages of some boring looking catalogue, and the other hand holding up a blueberry muffin to his mouth. And since he sulked around the kitchen long enough, Lussuria asked with his usual tone, "Do you need something, Squ?"
The only response Lussuria could see was Squalo's lips pulled into a grimace. "No, it's the damn kitchen. I can find shit myself, you know! Mind your own damn business!" he nearly yelled. The acid drip of venom in Squalo's tone of voice could have been enough to break Lussuria's poor heart a million times over, but Lussuria knew better than to believe Squalo actually hated him. He decided to humor his 'child'.
"Whatever you say, Squ-dear." Lussuria sang, adding a teasing lilt to the improvised pet name; he knew that nothing irked Squalo more than being treated like a child. The silver haired man mumbled curses under his breath and resumed his adventure around the kitchen. He opened up cabinets, pulled out drawers, and rummaged through their stock with an aggravation Lussuria knew would soon bring about trouble. But, as Squalo had said, he should mind his own business. Lussuria did just that, switching his position so that he stood with his back to the kitchen adventurer. "Voi, where are the damn forks?" And even though Squalo had muttered that to himself, Lussuria felt it was subtly directed at him.
After hopelessly going through all the drawers and cabinets the kitchen had to offer, Squalo gave up on his fruitless search for the silverware. "This is a kitchen, dammit! Where the hell is all the silverware!?" Now this question was directed towards Lussuria without restraint, if Squalo's voice rising in incredible increments didn't tell him that. Lussuria sighed in a melodramatic fashion and used his muffin hand to point towards the dishwasher. "They're in there, but don't--" Squalo's mind promptly shut off after hearing the location of the utensil he had been looking for a good ten minutes. "Voi, finally!" He shouted a little to eagerly as he stomped over to the humming machine. "Squalo, dear, don't--" Lussuria was about to warn Squalo of the impending doom if he opened the dishwasher, but his darling child did tell him to mind his own business.
So, he did just that.
Lussuria began humming to himself the clichéd funeral march in an all too happy tone (much like a sweet prelude of death for Squalo) and took a bite out of his muffin. He giggled mirthfully at Squalo's attempts to open the dishwasher, taking glee in the sharp tone Squalo used to ridicule the dishwasher. "Voi!! Open up!" Lussuria's nonsensical laughter was not helping at all.
"Open. The. Fuck. Up!" Squalo roared, pulling at the dishwasher door with so much force, he actually managed to reach the kitchen island with his back. Lussuria stood to the side of Squalo's performance, a gleam cast in his sunglasses that made him look more mischievous than usual. "I'm so glad Daddy Xanxus let me buy a new dishwasher!" he squealed, taking delight in Squalo's heated words at the machine. "Well, you'll have to buy a new one after I'm done with this fucking thing!" Squalo's jaw tightened considerably as he gave the dishwasher's door one last desperate tug, and-- this one did it.
A victorious grin adorned his face, but was soon drowned, literally, by the vigorous jets of water that knocked him against the kitchen island. "Brrghhh!!" was all Lussuria could hear from the flailing Squalo being beaten into the side of the kitchen island by the water jets. "He allotted me enough funds to add in hydro-jets for sparkle-shine cleaning!" Lussuria swooned in his own little world, slowly inching to the dishwasher. "Ah, but you broke the door. All you had to do was turn it off and undo the latch, darling~" he gently related in that motherly way, cutting off power to the dishwasher and saving Squalo from a premature death. "Hn," Squalo grunted, sopping wet with silver strands of hair sticking to the side of his face. "Voi, I knew that! Mind your... own... damn business..." he trailed off, realizing just why he had been pummeled to the floor by the water jets.
Lussuria's lips curved into a beyond amused smile and he laughed, sure to leave the condescending tone out of it. "Sh-shut up!" Squalo grimaced, promptly getting up and stomping out of the kitchen. Lussuria off handedly yawned, his laughter dying down. "And am I supposed to clean up this mess for you?" he crossed his arms and leered over the kitchen's bar at Squalo stomping his wet boots into the carpet. The Varia swordsman turned his dripping wet head to Lussuria and smirked, stomping extra hard into the carpet for effect as he left a muddy, soapy trail in his wake.
"Oh--! You naughty scoundrel!"