Disclaimer... These characters belong to JKR
A.N. Oh would you look at that. Aren't fast updates lovely? A long one too... Enjoy!
She went up to her dormitory, after that. Mary was curled up on her bed, sleeping, and Anna was sitting, back propped against her headboard. She was pouring over Jugson's list of names, frowning at the green checkmarks.
"Any theories?" Lily asked, relieved that her voice wasn't shaking. She took deep, even breaths.
Anna tapped her lips with the tip of her quill, gazing at the list.
"Maybe…" she said slowly, "it's a list of those they want out of the way"
Lily let out a short, sharp laugh. Everything about her felt sharp, these days. Her laugh was brittle, her smile a razor.
"That would make sense" Lily said, starting to pull her shoes off.
"I mean, there's a check next to Jemma's name. Maybe they're bumping off Muggleborns, one by one"
"My name has a checkmark"
"I know"
That was something Lily liked about Anna. No false reassurances, no overdone sympathy. She knew and she cared, and that was that.
"Well" Lily said, trying to change the subject, "are you going to the party tonight?"
"Yep"
"Sneaking Artemis up?"
Anna smirked and set the list down. "Of course"
"So" Lily wiggled her eyebrows, leering a bit, "have you won the betting pool yet?"
Anna blushed faintly, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"Maybe…"
"Ah" Lily smiled, "Well, if you haven't, there's still time. Another month, in fact"
Anna shook her head at Lily. "You're depraved"
"Yep" Lily said cheerfully, starting to go through her closet, "I am"
Lily carefully moved her wand over her hair. Tiny white rosebuds were blossoming out of the top and draping themselves over Lily's hair, until it looked like she wore a veil.
Across the dormitory, the other girls were in similar states of preparation. Camilla lay on her back in the middle of the dormitory, struggling to pull up a pair of tight jeans. Anna prodded the other girl with her toe from time to time. The other two were in the washroom.
"They. Just. Won't. Fit!" Camilla wailed, punctuating each word with a tug on the waistband.
"Try 'engorgio'" Lily suggested and set down her wand. Camilla's eyes widened in horror and she scrambled backwards until her back was pressed against the foot of her bed.
"No way. I heard Helen Monksfoot went up a size and she tried to 'engorgio' her dress robes and they grew so big they could fit a giant. These are my favourite jeans, Lily"
Lily rolled her eyes, sticking her hand out imperiously.
"Helen Monksfoot's crap at Charms. I'm the best in the year. Give them here"
Surrendering, Camilla peeled them off as Anna snickered in the background.
Camilla menaced the other girl with her wand.
"Put a frog in it, Rogers, or I'll 'engorgio' your waistline"
Lily ignored her two friends as she laid the jeans across the bed and waved her wand. They grew slightly, and Camilla snatched them up.
"Oh perfect" she said happily, as she managed to get the button done up, "thanks Lil"
"Anytime"
"The best part" Anna interjected, "is that the label stayed the same. You can still claim to be a size six"
Camilla rolled her eye, and sashayed out of the dormitory.
The dark haired witch hopped off her bed after Camilla left and sat beside Lily at the mirror.
"You alright?"
"I think so…"
"It's ok if you aren't" Anna continued, "I mean – not to be pessimistic or anything – but we did just discover that you might be on a hit list"
"Thanks" Lily said dryly. She leaned forward and smoothed pink lipstick over her mouth, frowning as it went too far. She wiped it away with a tissue.
"You should go get Artemis" Lily added.
"Right" Anna said briskly, wiping her hands on her skirt, "I'll see you down there, yeah?"
"Mm hm"
Lily watched herself in the mirror for a moment. She didn't really look like herself, and it was unsettling. Her normally clear green eyes were dark and muddy, shadows under them. Paleness had been replaced with a sallow complexion, and her lips looked dry and chapped, even with the lipstick.
Powder erased the shadows, and blush made her look a bit healthier. She looked at her reflection, feeling almost distrustful. The face in the mirror was not a friendly one. It was a sharp, hard girl, who looked wary and bitter. You're a Mudblood, she told herself, testing it out. No. She would never be that. Lily wasn't planning to let anyone else call her a Mudblood. Ever.
Lily sighed and put away the cosmetics. Most witches just used Beauty Potions or Glamour Charms, but it reminded her of being a child, watching her mother raptly as she put on her makeup for a night out with Lily's father. Sometimes her mum would let her wear a bit of lipstick, or mascara, smiling at Lily's happiness. It was a Muggle thing, and one she clung to fiercely, even though it was a vain, shallow tradition to keep.
Lily stood up and made her way downstairs.
It was packed with students, out of their school uniforms. Most of them were wearing Muggle clothes, and Lily smiled a bit at the sight of the colourful jumpers. Sirius, standing behind a table piled high with bottles of pumpkin juice and butterbeer, waved, and Lily moved through the crowd till she stood in front of his table. Sirius somehow managed to procure all manner of alcohol for house parties. Normally, she'd try to shut him down, or at least demand he stop serving third years, but for tonight, she let it be.
"What can I get you, Evans?" he asked her cheerfully, leaning in a bit, "I've got pumpkin juice or Butterbeer, or we've got some harder stuff behind the counter"
She grinned at his surreptitious manner.
"Could I have a gin and tonic please?"
Sirius bowed dramatically. "Coming right up"
Drink in hand; Lily wandered into the throng of students, keeping the cup close to her chest so it wouldn't spill. She took a sip, the dry gin and the bitter aftertaste of the tonic making her shudder slightly.
Anna was standing close to Artemis, introducing her around an admiring circle of students. Lily beamed at the proud look on Anna's face. It was nice that they were so happy.
Someone had put on a record by The Bowtruckles and a group of rather giddy looking second years were jumping up and down, pumpkin juice sloshing.
The lights were dimmed, red fabric pulled over them so it felt like they were in a giant red tent. The effect was rather nice, Lily admitted, plunking down in an armchair, a little ways away from the main bit of the party. A giggling Marlene teetered up in high heels and leaned her weight on the arm rest of Lily's chair. She was clutching a toxically blue drink in one hand.
"What's that?" Lily asked, leaning forward a bit to inspect it.
"Sex in the driveway" Marlene responded, pronouncing each word with delight, "It's a Muggle drink"
"Er- Marlene, it's Sex on the beach" Lily told her.
"This is a variation. S'why it's blue"
"Charming. It looks poisonous"
Marlene took a sip and winced.
"Not fatally so"
Lily looked away from Marlene and her vibrant drink. In another corner, Potter and a few fourth years were engaged in what appeared to be a drinking game.
"Are they playing drunk Telephone?" she asked Marlene. The group was crowded in a circle, whispering into each others' ears.
"I don't think so" Marlene squinted at them, "I think they're playing Paranoia"
Lily raised an eyebrow, setting her drink down on the low walnut table beside her and Marlene sighed at her look of confusion.
"You really don't get out enough"
"I do too!" Lily replied indignantly, gesturing to her drink, "look, I'm drinking alcohol!"
"Lily, you're sixteen. No one's going to take it amiss if you have a drink now and then"
Lily flapped her hands, nodding to Potter's drinking circle.
"I'm underage. Anyways, what are they doing?"
"The person on your right whispers a question in your ear, like 'who do you fancy?' and you have to reply out loud. If someone else wants to know what the question is, they have to drink in order to get it"
Lily took a drink.
"Right" she said, "let's go play"
"What, really? You're going to go drink with Potter?"
She shrugged and tucked her hair behind her ear. It was warm in the common room, the result of tightly packed bodies, and the music had been turned up. She spotted Camilla twirling around without a partner.
"You said it yourself, I don't get out enough. This'll be me – being – irresponsible. Rebellious. Cool"
Lily straightened her shoulders and stood up. Marlene, incredulous, half toppled off the arm of the chair before following Lily.
"Well, yes, but it doesn't mean you should get drunk with your sworn enemy"
Lily scoffed. "He's not my sworn enemy. He's just – the main one"
"Oh good" Marlene muttered as Lily sat down beside a tipsy fourth year, "he's just your main enemy, how reassuring"
"Hello ladies" Potter said, toasting them with his goblet of pumpkin juice. There were a line of Firewhiskey shots along the table they were grouped around, and Lily eyed them with some trepidation. She quite liked Firewhiskey, but she was more of a sipper. She didn't do shots.
"Paranoia?" Marlene asked, settling herself down. She hooked her shoes off her feet, and edged in between Oliver Sand, who smiled at her.
"Yep"
Lily didn't cave until Potter met her eyes evenly from across the circle, smiled, and said, "Lily"
She picked up a shot. The golden brown liquid sloshed, and she held her breath, and gulped. Fire, racing through her veins, making her reckless in seconds.
"What was the question?" she asked loudly, and the fourth year next to James smirked a bit.
"I asked him who had the best legs in the year"
Lily just about threw the heavy shot glass at him, but refrained.
A few rounds later, Anna wandered by, Artemis in tow.
"Paranoia?" Artemis asked.
"Yeah" Marlene said, tugging Anna down beside her. Marlene was a fairly nosy person, so she was a few shots down.
"Er, two weeks ago" Anna said in response to Oliver Sand's question.
James took a shot.
"He asked when I won the betting pool. You were so close James. Missed by a day, was it?"
Artemis, who'd been informed of the bet fairly early on in her and Anna's relationship, just grinned at the annoyed looking James.
"Potter entered the pool?" Lily asked. She'd taken two shots, and was feeling faintly giddy.
"Yep" Anna told her, off-hand, "he nearly won too"
Something that Lily couldn't identify curled around her heart, like a wire cage. It shot down her veins, so different from the pure burn of the Firewhiskey. It was bitter and cold and rank. She swallowed, throat tight, and gulped her gin and tonic.
Potter watched her. He didn't look smug, more – confused. Like he was trying to figure out what her response meant, what she was thinking.
Sod him, Lily thought, slightly blearily. Her head was spinning, her chest felt tight, and there was an ache in the back of her throat that Lily associated with the threat of tears.
Why the fuck what she on the verge of crying? Because Potter had screwed an Auror? She was drunk, and being absurd. Lily set her drink down, more heavily than she meant to, and stood.
"I'm – just going to go get some food" she murmured, and left without looking at anyone.
Lily was stumbling, James noticed. She hadn't really had that much to drink. The look on her face when Anna talked about the bet had been odd. She'd looked almost sick to her stomach. If James didn't know better, he'd say she was jealous. But that was impossible. Lily Evans had no reason to be jealous. No reason at all…
The Auror, a pretty, eighteen year old trainee, had meant nothing, really. The contingent of Aurors at the school must've thought protecting Hogwarts would be a good work experience, because half the group was trainees.
James hadn't wanted anything like what Anna and Artemis had, hadn't wanted anything approaching a relationship. It was a laugh. But looking at Lily's expression, James didn't feel much like laughing anymore.
She looked betrayed. Like he'd disappointed him somehow. James shook it off, sipping his pumpkin juice. It was time to stop letting Lily Evans have any sort of claim over him. She despised him, clearly, and trying to live up to whatever twisted expectations she had for him wasn't healthy.
He was through. Done. Months ago, James had wondered how many times Lily Evans could walk away from him and still leave him with hope. He'd thought he was reaching his limits. Now he knew, and he was done for good.
James erased the frown, replacing it with a smile. There was a fourth year girl named Melinda Stewart practically in his lap, and he grinned down at her, resolving to enjoy tonight, and not let Lily Evans and her disappointed face haunt him anymore.
Lily leaned against the cool porcelain of the sink. The cold, hard material was comforting against her hot skin. Her face felt tight and red, like she'd been crying, even though she hadn't shed a tear. She was bewildered by her body's response.
Really, who was she to be upset? Was she supposed to be upset that Potter had moved on? That he wasn't fixated on her anymore? Was she the vain, egotistical sort of girl that enjoyed turning down blokes?
It was too late, and Lily was too drunk for such questions. She watched herself in the mirror again, almost distrustful of her reflection. It was a strange sensation to look at yourself and not recognize the face staring back at you. She blamed it on the Firewhiskey, and looked away, cursing under her breath as she heard footsteps.
It was Mary, and she entered the washroom tentatively.
"Lily?" she asked, laying a hand on the redhead's shoulder, "you alright?"
Lily nodded distractedly, trying to smile.
"Er – Anna told me what happened"
"Nothing happened" Lily snapped and turned away.
"Lily… I'm not trying to pry, but if you want to talk-"
"No" Lily said sharply, "No, sorry, Mary. It's fine, nothing happened. Sorry for snapping"
"S'alright" Mary murmured, patting Lily's shoulder in a soothing manner.
"I'm – just – I'm going to go to bed" Lily said, heading for the door.
Mary let her go, hand falling to her side.
James looked up from the giggling Melinda Stewart as Sirius sat down beside him, regarding him sternly.
"Give me a second" he said distractedly to the girl, and she planted a damp, lipsticky kiss on his cheek before wandering off into the crowd. James scrubbed at his skin with the sleeve of his shirt, frowning at the red mark.
"What're you doing, Prongs?" Sirius asked.
"Having fun. Enjoying myself. The night is young, and I'm not drunk enough"
Sirius reached over and removed the tumbler of Firewhiskey from his loose grip. James protested weakly, but ceased when Sirius put the glass far out of reach. His friend looked uncharacteristically grave.
"What're you doing?" Sirius asked again, sighing. James pulled his knees up to his chin, leaning back against the cool stone wall behind him. The room was over warm, and he wanted to open a window. He couldn't quite bring himself to move. Besides, it was raining outside, a warm spring rain that would feel like tears on his hot skin.
"I'm – moving on"
Sirius raised a sceptical eyebrow, staring at James rather doubtfully. James didn't exactly blame him. It was quite the change he'd undergone in the past half hour. He'd gone from 'Lily Evans is perfection incarnate and the only one I'll ever love, I'll never give up on her' to 'I'm done with Lily Evans, she can go eat a toadstool'.
"Moving on?"
"Yes, moving on – d'you have to repeat everything?"
His friend rolled his eyes.
"James, I'm going to say this once. You've not given up. You might think you have, but you haven't. I can tell. You're not that – fickle"
James lunged for his Firewhiskey and raised it to his lips.
"Padfoot, I mean this in the nicest possible way. Piss off"
Sirius snorted, and leaned against James's shoulder, ignoring his annoyed huff.
"No" he said cheerfully.
"Go away" James said, his voice slipping into a whine.
"Nope"
"Fine"
Sirius grinned, and James shoved at him half-heartedly. Backs against the wall, shoulder to shoulder, eyes on the crowd.
A.N. I hope you enjoyed! If you did, please, please review and let me know what you think. And sorry about the underage drinking... Really. I just needed a drinking game.