As soon as the carriage had shuddered to a halt, James dived past Lily, Jasmine and Terri, flung open the carriage door, jumped out triumphantly, and landed neatly on the ground, only to be welcomed by the sound of applause from-"
"Dad?!" gasped James, stumbling backwards in surprise at this disconcerting discovery. "What the hell are you doing here?!"
Harry James Potter smiled down at his horror-struck son, and said, with a maddening air of calmness, "Oh, you'll see, Professor Potter. Now, why don't you make your way inside and find your place at the Staff table?"
James stared at his father, mouth hanging open, unable to process what he was seeing.
Before he could formulate a question, however, he'd been shoved aside by Lily, who was gawking at her father with a similar look of horror.
"Dad?!" she squeaked, adding as her brother had done, "What the hell are you doing here?!"
Harry looked slightly despairing.
"Have my children honestly not learned any larger a vocabulary?" he asked to no one in particular.
Lily ignored this slight on her grasp of the English language, and hissed, "Dad, please tell me you're just here to welcome the first years to the world of Defence Against the Dark Arts!"
The way her father's mouth curled in the corners at this statement and his eyes shone with what could only be described as mischief did nothing to abate Lily's growing sense of unease.
With one last apprehensive look, Lily signalled for Jasmine and Terri to leave her dad and James to it. Jasmine and Terri nodded awkwardly at Harry as they passed; he was Lily's dad after all.
James, seeing this as his chance to escape, too, motioned to follow the three girls. His progress was hindered somewhat by the sudden arrival of a screaming girl, who threw her arms around James' waist and began hugging him like there was no tomorrow.
Suitably startled, James stared down in astonishment at his attacker and felt his heart sink as he recognised the brutal fringe and bottle blonde hair.
"Sienna?" he said weakly, grimacing at his father who made an 'Oh' shape with his mouth as he realised who it was.
Spying a group of squabbling third years, he made a swift exit as his son struggled to rid himself of the extra body that had attached itself to areas where he'd rather not be attached.
"Oh, James!" cried Sienna, her voice muffled due to the fact that she had her face pressed into his stomach. "You're back!"
"Er, yeah," said James uncomfortably, trying to ignore the laughter coming from his students as they saw the predicament he was in.
"I'm so glad!" she sobbed. "I never thought I'd see you again!"
Yeah, me neither, thought James, starting to get annoyed. Sienna Butler had been absolutely obsessed with him ever since he'd courteously held open a door for her in her first year. Four years on, and she still hadn't forgotten it. She regarded James as some kind of God, and although under normal circumstances this would have pleased James immensely, he had to admit that this much adoration was scary, not least because Sienna had changed her whole way of life to fit around James'. This included dying and cutting her hair in the exact style as one of James' previous girlfriends, Felicity; memorising his timetable and choosing her subjects accordingly, so that she'd have maximum chance of bumping into him in the corridors during lesson change-over; cheering on Gryffindor at every Quidditch match, despite the fact that she was a Ravenclaw; reading up on everything she could find out about his father so that she'd have something to talk about with him every time she saw him; and, perhaps most unsettlingly of all, she'd started to threaten any girls who had taken any interest in him.
James' parents had suggested he take out some kind of restraining order on Sienna, but James had waved off their concern. By the time Sienna's obsession had reached alarming proportions, James was just about to leave Hogwarts. He'd figured that he wouldn't have to worry about her once he'd graduated and that Sienna would finally get over him and find someone else to fixate on. Of course, he hadn't taken into account the fact that he'd be returning to Hogwarts and Sienna would still only be in her fifth year.
On the plus side, he thought, she won't be able to fling herself at me this year; I'll be a Professor, so it'd be illegal.
Although he wouldn't say 'no' if another, non-freak student decided to try it on. That would just be discrimination, right?
As his robes were starting to become uncomfortably wet, James took a deep breath and said to Sienna, as calmly and as nicely as he could, "Miss Butler, I, er, hate to be rude, or whatever, but you're kind of getting my robes all soggy. Do you reckon you could let go of me now?"
Sienna looked up at him, startled, her eyes ringed with red from all the crying she'd been doing.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, James!" she cried, getting to her feet, and looking highly embarrassed. "Oh God, this is so totally mortifying!"
And, without another word, she burst into tears again and rushed up the steps into the Entrance Hall, leaving James to stare after her in total bewilderment.
She gets weirder every year, he thought, shaking his head.
He did not think on this too much, though, as at that point he spied Olive Yang, looking sexy and confident in a pair of 4-inch heels.
Smirking, James strode over to her and said, as authoritatively as he could, "Now, Miss Yang, are those shoes really appropriate for school? I think I might just have to give you a detention with me this evening, now that I'm your Professor."
Olive and her friends gaped at James and then burst into fits of giggles.
Getting control of herself, Olive flipped her long hair behind her and said, smiling flirtily, "If you insist, Professor Potter. Should I wear the shoes then, too?"
Before James had time to answer, a hand was planted firmly on his shoulder; he jumped and turned round to find his father looking irritated.
"I think Professor Potter would prefer it if I were to take your detention, Miss Yang. Run along now."
As Olive went into the Castle, looking dejected, Harry said quietly to James, "Nice try. Do it again and you'll be right back to filing."
James grimaced.
He had a sneaking suspicion that this year was not going to be quite as fun as he had originally thought.
*
Hugo clambered out of his carriage, sniffing as his nose began to bleed again.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake," he spat, coughing as he snorted the blood into the back of his throat. "Razor, tissues!"
Finch, who was climbing out of the carriage as Hugo said this, snorted.
"You really are such a div sometimes, Weasley. You know there is a better way to deal with this, don't you?"
Hugo was not listening, however, due to being busy stuffing copious amounts of tissue up his nose.
Finch rolled his eyes and turned to face the castle, only to be greeted by the unpleasant sight of Holland Barratt and his minions walking toward him.
"Arsehole alert, arsehole alert!" he muttered out of the corner of his mouth, his eyes locked on the steadily advancing Slytherins.
Hugo and Razor looked round, the former with tissue sticking out of his nostrils, and felt themselves tense.
Just as his parents and uncle had had to face the almost daily assaults from Draco Malfoy, Hugo and his friends had, for some reason, incurred the wrath of Holland Barrat, a fifth year, like them.
Hugo supposed it might be something to do with having one of the most famous families at Hogwarts. Barrat, on the other hand, had a muggle mother and a father who had up and left them when he'd found out his son wasn't going to be the football player he'd always wanted; he was to be a wizard instead.
Hugo, Finch and Razor would've felt sorry for Barrat if he hadn't turned out to be such an utter wanker.
As Lily had once spat at him, "If you were my son, I would've up and left you, too."
A touch harsh, perhaps, but no less true.
The three of them braced themselves for the pending massacre.
"Well, isn't this cosy," sneered Barrat, as they drew level with them. "Nice tissues, Weasley."
Hugo turned beetroot red and hastily tugged the bloodied tissue from his nostrils.
"What do you want, Barrat?" sighed Finch, looking bored.
"Me and my pals here," he indicated Blentham and Archer, two of his most prized jock friends, "Wanted to welcome you back to Hogwarts personally! After all, we, more liked people, want to make sure that you losers don't feel too badly. We're nice like that."
Razor snorted.
Barrat looked at him.
"Got a problem, fatty?" he asked, eyebrows raised.
Blentham and Archer sniggered behind him.
"Yes, highly original," replied Finch sarcastically, "I'm only sorry that my IQ is not up to the same intellectual capacity as yours is…"
He yelled as Barrat slammed him up against the carriage.
"Speak to me like that again, you Gryffindor git, and I will curse your tongue out of your mouth," he hissed, making sure to spit in Finch's face.
Hugo and Razor motioned to help their friend but Blentham and Archer had already moved to block their path.
"Move," said Hugo, sounding braver than he felt.
"Oh, or what, Weasley?" said Barrat, looking incredulous, still holding a struggling Barrat against the carriage. "You three tossers gonna take us on?"
*
"You know, I never did understand why the two of you never got together… aside from the fact that your father would've had a fit if you'd slept with a Weasley!"
Rose, who had been quite content to grit her teeth at this defamatory comment, was rather surprised to find Carla's face, which had shone with delight mere seconds earlier, now screwed up in pain as the poker hot slash now branded on her face burned her skin.
"Ow, Jesus CHRIST, Scorpius!" screeched Carla, tears welling up in her eyes as Liam hastily pressed a cold towel on her face. "What the FUCK?!"
Rose stared round at Scorpius, thinking just the same thing, only to find him calmly getting up and opening the carriage door as it shuddered to a halt.
"We're here," he said unnecessarily, staring at Rose pointedly.
"Uh," said Rose, glancing back at Carla uncertainly. "Shouldn't I-"
"Carla'll be just fine," said Scorpius firmly, without even looking at his cousin, whose face was now glistening with tears. "Come on, or we'll miss the feast."
Feeling supremely uncomfortable about leaving Carla, who, although Rose loathed her, really did seem to need help, Rose nevertheless got up and said awkwardly, "Um, you ok, Carla?"
Her concern was met with a look of pure disgust.
"I don't need help from a dirty Weasley-OW!!"
She squealed as the mark on her face burned red-raw.
"STOP IT, SCORPIUS!!"
*
James took his place at the teachers' table and stared around at the Great Hall.
Ahh, he thought, as he watched two fifth years start a food-fight, it's good to be back.