I'm back! Sorry for not updating sooner but although I had an internet connection I faced some trouble with Word so... Anyway , Paris was great, amazing, magical, but now I'm back and so so ready FOR MORE of this story! It's my favorite to write so far and that has to do big time with your amazing support!

Disclaimer:If I owned them, an episode would be dedicated on a very very romantic and so much more...:P week that El and Liv would spent to Paris!

She made her way slowly to the door. She opened it to reveal a very concerned looking Alex.

"Liv, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm fine Alex." Olivia said starting to walk back to the couch were she was laying before Alex knocked her door, with a blanket over her.

"Like hell you are" the blonde attorney said firmly and followed her inside were Olivia had already laid back on the couch covering herself with the blanket again.

"Olivia what's going on?" Alex asked again.

Olivia turned to look at her. Her expression was so worried and Olivia didn't blame her. She would be worried as hell too, to walk in and find her friend looking as awful as she knew she looked right now.

Almost a month had gone by since New Year's Eve and she and Elliot hadn't exchanged a single word. She had contemplated a lot of times to go and find him, talk to him but she was afraid. Afraid to even look at him, afraid that he would say again that he loved her, afraid that he would maybe just close the door on her face and how could she possibly hold it together after something like that?

So she buried the temptation to go and find him, deep inside her and tried to focus on other things instead. At first, it was easy. She let Alex and Casey more than once, to drag her to the stores for baby clothes and stuff or maternity clothes for her. She took regular walks on the park or around the city, she even had Fin and Munch to come to her house some times. But as the time went by, she found it harder and harder to focus on things without thinking and missing Elliot. Not to mention the fact that she could hardly do ten steps top, without having to sit down because of how tired she felt. And if that wasn't enough, the nausea and vomit was back and she also had started losing weight instead of gaining.

Her doctor had said that all those were symptoms of the diabetes but that didn't make it easier or less scary for Olivia. There were mornings that she would spent them entirely on her bed, because of the fatigue or because she would have thrown up so many times that she could barely stand afterwards.

Alex and Casey occasionally stopped by, but their work was hectic and unpredictable from time to time and seeing how Olivia had stopped joining them for lunch dates and shopping sprees, since she barely left her apartment anymore, the times they met had become fewer and farther apart.

And now, the more Alex was taking in Olivia's appearance the more guilty she felt for not being there more often for her friend.

"Liv what…" she started saying only to be interrupted by Olivia's sudden rise from the couch, with her hand in front of her mouth. Alex stood up and followed her into the bathroom where she emptied what little was left on her stomach. She then leaned against the wall with an exhausted look on her face. Alex kneeled beside her and started rubbing her back smoothly. A tear fell down on Olivia's cheek but she wiped it away quickly.

"Damn hormones" she muttered "I'm sorry you had to see this" she turned to Alex who was still rubbing her back

"Liv, why on earth are you apologizing? Come on let's get you back to the couch".

Alex helped Olivia up from the bathroom floor and led her back to the living room and the couch where Olivia fought a bit to find a comfortable position. Alex smiled slightly.

"God, you got big. Although not so big as I remembered you from the last time I saw you, two weeks ago. Liv what the hell happened, did you lose weight? She said frowning.

Olivia nodded but waved as if it was nothing.

"It's because of the diabetes but believe me it's the least of my concerns right now. Not being able to get out of the bed in the morning and rushing every half an hour to the bathroom to throw up, now that really bites me off" she said forcing a small smile but Alex shook her head.

"You should have called. You know that I or Casey would have…"

Again Olivia shook her head.

"I'm managing. It's fine, Alex, really. You and Casey both have demanding jobs and you are not my babysitters"

"Yes but we are your friends. What about Elliot?"

Olivia's posture changed immediately on the sound of his name. She lowered her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, totally avoiding eye contact with Alex, something that didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Liv" she said quietly, "Something happened with Elliot?"

Olivia bit her lip trying to hold back her tears. And suddenly all the emotions she was feeling since New Year's Eve where she watched Elliot turning his back to her and leaving, the desperation, the fear, the guiltiness, added to the fatigue and exhaustion of the past weeks, it all became too much to handle on her own. She needed to talk to someone.

"Alex" she said finally, her tears now running freely down her cheeks "I think I screwed up big time"

After confessing everything to Alex, she wiped her now red and puffy from the tears eyes and sighed.

"I am questioning myself everyday if I made the right decision" she turned and looked at Alex who this whole time was listening patiently without interrupting her.

"Liv, honestly, I don't know. Your relationship with Elliot had been very complicated from the moment I met you"

"That's the understatement of the year" Olivia mumbled and Alex let out a small laugh. She examined Olivia's sad expression for a minute.

"What does your heart says Liv?" she asked quietly afterwards. Olivia sighed and brought her forehead to rest against her hand.

"I love Elliot in more ways than one. As my best friend, as a brother and… that night brought to the surface feelings that were buried deep down… they are strong but I don't know if they are strong enough to hold a relationship to this point in my life"

"Elliot thinks so."

Olivia did not respond, she just looked at her friend, who had a sincere look in her eyes.

"Look Liv, you need time and that's fine. You have a lot on your plate right now, even without the whole thing with Elliot. Just try and take care of yourself and your baby girl"

Olivia looked at Alex with glassy eyes and a bitter smile.

"Oh God, she's not even born yet and I'm letting her down! I'm going to be a terrible mother" she said shaking her head.

"Now, you know that's not true. So just drop all the disturbing thoughts for a while, and let's talk about something exciting"

Olivia huffed. "Like what?"

"Like baby names!" Alex said with an excited tone

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Come on Liv, don't tell me you haven't thought of any!"

"I had actually" she admitted and Alex's eyes lightened up

"So, spill!"

Olivia laughed softly, and the baby inside her kicked, like she was feeling her mother's change of mood. She placed her hand on her stomach and went on chatting with Alex, feeling significantly lighter.

She opened the box, grabbed a spoon from the sink and took a bite. She closed her eyes and chewed slowly, savoring every second of it.

She lately had found out that lemon pie was one of the things that she could keep down. She had walked in on a pastry shop, seeking for some sweet comfort and the first thing its smell hit her nose was a lemon pie. And though it came as a surprise to her as she always hated lemons, she didn't complain, especially when the pie had managed to stay down, contrary to many other foods lately.

So now, when she was feeling up to it, she could go outside and pick up some lemon pie, always picking some extra pieces knowing that probably the days to come would be spent into the apartment and only there.

She took another bite and she was about to move on the living room and enjoy the remaining pie on the comfort of her couch, when the buzzer went off. Still with the pie in hand she went to see who was there and she almost dropped the plate, when the face of Helena Jenkins appeared on the small screen.

"Yes?" she asked with a hesitant voice

"Um, Olivia it's me, Helena Jenkins. Can I come up? I'd like to talk to you for a bit, if that's ok."

Olivia stared at the screen with a disbelieving look. Her voice sounded sincere and from what she could see, her posture almost… humble?

From curiosity more than anything, she buzzed her in. She dropped the plate on the kitchen counter beside her and went to open the door.

After a minute, Helena walked out from the elevator and came and stood in front of Olivia, which had her arms crossed in almost a defensive manner above her stomach. Helena took notice of that and offered a shy smile, startling Olivia even further. Since when Helena Jenkins had a shy shell on her body? Was she up to something?

"Olivia, I know I'm the last person you wanted to see right now, but I had to come. The last time we met I was awful to you, hell, I've been awful to you every time I've seen you this year and I really wanted to apologize" she said with a calm tone, nothing like the fake sweet demeanor Olivia had experienced in all their previous meetings.

"Well, I can't say that I'm not surprised. You didn't seem so worry about being awful the last time I saw you, or like you stated, in every single one of our meetings" she said sternly but with a voice that was indicating that she was open for a conversation.

Helena sighed hard and for the first time, Olivia noticed something else in her eyes, except from remorse and guiltiness, she noticed sorrow and that's what probably made her nod for Helena to come in.

She closed the door behind her and walked into her living room where she nodded towards an armchair and she settled to the couch.

"You were right the last time Olivia. I was a bitch to you because I just couldn't face how shitty my life was. My husband was cheating on me, I was feeling neglected all the time. And then I see you, about to have the one thing I wanted more than anything, a baby and without even trying. I was being so mean to you because I needed to believe it myself that you were doing it wrong and that the time for me would come soon and I will do it perfectly. I was so jealous, my life was falling apart in front of my very eyes and I desperately needed something to hang on" she admitted with an honesty that startled Olivia even further.

"What changed now?" she asked, even though she suspected the answer.

"I got a divorce and for the first time in my life I am ready to fully take matters in my own hands. I am good at my job and I really want to start a family on my own, even without a husband." Helena had a determined look in her eyes and Olivia could not help but smile.

"So will you please forgive me? I know that I've been a completely bitch to you and you have every right not to…"

"Helena stop." Olivia raised her hand to interrupt her and Helena stared at her anxiously. Olivia smiled some more.

"It's ok. I forgive you. I really do. And I'm glad that you managed to make things better for yourself because you deserve it"

A relieved smile crept on Helena's lips.

"Olivia, thank you. It means a lot. You are truly a great person and you're going to be an amazing mother I'm sure"

Olivia's smile grew wider.

"Thanks, Helena. So, do you want me to bring you anything? I have some great lemon pie."

"Oh no thanks I'm fine. Um, lemon pie Olivia? I thought you hated lemons" Helena chuckled

"Wow, how do you know?" Olivia asked surprised.

"Well, I guess the whole school knows, since that time Robert Dense put lemon in your food because you called him an asshole in front of the entire cafeteria. You freaked, remember?" Helena giggled and Olivia laughed too at the memory

"Oh God, yes. Well I guess pregnancy does weird things to a woman. Besides, it's from the little things I am able to keep down" she said pulling a face and Helena looked at her confused.

"How come? I thought that sickness lasted only throughout the first trimester…"

"Um, diabetes." Olivia said uncomfortably and Helena's eyes grew wide.

"Oh Liv, I'm sorry I didn't…." but Olivia waved her hand

"It's fine, it's kind of annoying but it's not that bad"

"Still you have to be careful. You'll need extra help and seeing…" Helena stopped knowing that probably the subject of the absence of the baby's father was sensitive. "Well at least, you have that friend of yours, Elliot? The handsome one that came at the reunion?" Helena winked.

Olivia felt her heart drop. She wasn't ready to discuss Elliot with anyone besides her close friends.

"Um yeah he helps but I manage on my own as well its good really" she fibbed swaying uncomfortably on her seat.

"You are so lucky to have a man like that by your side Olivia. The way he looked at you on the reunion, all this love in his eyes, not to mention lust…" Helena said with a sigh and flashed a cheeky grin at Olivia.

"Um…. What? No, no you are wrong… we…ah, we are just friends" Olivia tried hard not to stammer but it wasn't so easy.

"Come on Liv, don't tell me you haven't notice! The man adores you! It's obvious from a hundred miles away!"

Olivia couldn't help but look Helena stunned. It was one thing to hear from her friends that knew them for so many years that there's more than friendship between her and Elliot and a whole another to hear it from someone who had seen them together only once.

" You are so lucky to have such a good man in your life, Olivia, it is very random nowadays. And it doesn't matter that he's not the father of your child, I'm sure that he'll be a thousand times better than the biological one." Helena continued gently, seemingly oblivious on how stunned her words were making Olivia feel.

" Um, I don't know… I guess…" she managed to form at last.

" Well don't waste any more time here Liv! He's a catch! You deserve all the happiness you can get" Helena said with a gentle smile.

Although her heart was pounding like crazy, Olivia managed a small smile.

"Um we'll see" she said offering a small smile, thinking that she was probably sounding really pathetic. Helena smiled again and rose from her chair.

"Well I don't want to keep you any longer." She said and Olivia raised slowly too. They walked silently to the door. Before Helena stepped out, she turned to Olivia

"Will I see you around?" she asked expectantly.

"Sure Helena I'd like that" Olivia said with a genuine smile.

"Bye for now then, Olivia. Take care" Helena said and with a last smile she exited the apartment.

Olivia closed the door behind her and let out a deep sigh. Later this evening, she tossed and turned to her bed, unable to fall asleep. Frustrated, she raised her tired body from the bed and walked through the quiet dark apartment to the kitchen. She took out the remaining lemon pie from the fridge, grabbed a fork and took a few bites, leaning on the kitchen counter. Her eyes fell on her fridge and more specifically to a picture that was there, a picture that she was carefully avoiding to lay eyes on but she also didn't find the courage to take off from where it was.

She looked at herself and Elliot smiling happily at the camera. The photo was taken at the precinct's Christmas party about a year ago and it was one of Liv's favorite because they both look so genuinely happy. Tears starting to well up in her eyes and she dropped the plate with the pie to the sink to wipe them away.

"Damn it Elliot, how did we end up like this?" she muttered and the baby chose that moment to kick her hard on the ribs. She rubbed her stomach with a sad smile.

"I know baby, I know…. I screwed up" she whisper trying to wipe away the tears that were now running freely down on her face. Her baby girl moved inside her and Olivia hugged her stomach, needing more than ever the contact with the small life growing inside her.

"But I will make things right, I promise. I will make it right for both of us" Olivia said with determination.

What will happen now? Will Liv find the courage and talk to Elliot?

Coming up Liv is in for some big surprises...Brace yourselves... Cause the best are yet to come!

Since then, review! Even if it's a death threat :P