Equanimity, Chapter 10

The day before Dawn called Misty, she had already been acting strange, May noticed it right away, but never found the chance to ask her. Since May started dating Drew, Dawn would avoid her in large intervals—as if she was traveling with them, but her mind was somewhere else. Dawn insistently forced May to train their pokemon together, and more than that, she was literally planting herself between May and Drew at any chance she was given. Not intentionally, May thought, but she was still there—constantly.

"Dawn, are you okay?" May had asked her on several occasions, but Dawn brushed her off each time with a "I'm great!"

Maybe it was May's own insecurities that kept her asking, but she knew the blue-haired girl was lying.

It had been three weeks since May entered a competition, and she still had no intention of doing so. Dawn had entered two and May and Drew had been there in support of their friend, and watched her win both competitions. A part of May, even though she would never admit it, was a little jealous at Dawn's natrual capabilities. The Sinnoh native already had the five ribbons she needed to compete in the Hoenn Grand Festival in two months—and May had exactly none. Nada. Zip.

Grimacing, she leaned back with her hands over her stomach, soaking in the last of the spring sun. It would be June soon, the start of summer, and in a few short months, they would be in fall—and off to Tracey's wedding. May gave herself until then to figure out what her issue with contests was, because the arc-tournament Grand Festival between the three largest contest regions: Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Johto was starting, and she knew she wasn't ready to compete with the trainers there. Drew and Dawn would both be entering, top coordinators in their own rights, but May hadn't been close to victory in a contest since she was defeated at the Wallace Cup.

She lost left and right, messed up on little presentations, and her entire show was like getting hit repeatedly. She took the stage, and her mind froze.

A part of her, deep down in her stomach, embedded by copious amounts of determination and experience tried to argue with her fleeting mind—but May simply didn't want to do them anymore. The pull to contests had long lost their allure, and she was repeating areas she had already been to before. May wasn't seeing anything new in the world, and the largest reason May started her pokemon journey was to see the world, becoming a coordinator was just a cherry at the top, that seemed to turn into the whole bowl of ice cream.

Still, who was she supposed to tell about this? Originally, she always had Max to talk to when times were tough—he was there to distract her, attend gym battles with, and a constant force to press forward to new regions; whether she would ever admit it or not, Max had learned more from Ash than anyone, and the young boy was following closely in his steps.

May, on the other hand, felt lost without her little brother. Sure, she worried over him, but the excuse to spend hours on the road became increasingly less once he left. Now, she was traveling city to city with Dawn and Drew—Dawn, who only missed being a Top-coordinator because she faced people at the likes of Zoey and Urusula on a daily basis, while Drew was already the top-coordinator of johto region, his time spent in Hoenn was for developing strategy, and the duo spent more time discussing appeal strategy and coordination than May did.

Frankly, it was becoming too much. Between Drew and Dawn, May had little time to explore, and her spare time was spent rehearsing, training; she and her pokemon were both tired.

May sat up to stare into the distance at Drew who was coaching his rosellia on a technique for its petal dance, while May drew her lips into a line—no, what really bothered her, was that Drew didn't seem to notice or care that May was losing interest in the coordinator scene.

How was he supposed to though? That's how they connected in the first place.

"Earth to May?" Drew waved his hand in front of her face, and she blinked once, and then again when she finally looked at him with wide eyes. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't realize that he approached.

"Oh, sorry." She mumbled, sitting up. Drew took a seat beside her, staring at the forest ahead of them. They were on the outskirts of town, sitting in silence for a moment before May's head tilted to one side, and she draped one knee over the other.

"How long have we been doing contests?" May asked suddenly, glancing over at the young man with green hair; his arms were crossed over his chest thoughtfully and he hummed.

"I've been doing this for eight years." He looked at May and raised an eyebrow. "I think you've only been here for six."

"Almost seven." May corrected, holding up her index finger. "And Dawn's only been attempting for six and she's already beaten me, and gotten closer to her goal of being a top-coordinator." May said with a slight frown, looking around for the blue-haired girl. The sun was going down, and it wasn't like her to skip out on the two of them.

"You can't compare yourself to Dawn." Drew mumbled under his breath, as if this wasn't the millionth time he heard this from May since her defeat three years ago.

"I know." May sighed and then sat forward, squinting her eyes. "I wonder what Max is up to, you know?" She grinned. "I worry about him out there in Kalos on his own!"

Drew froze for a minute, watching her with a worried expression before sighing. She always changed the subject when serious topics came up.

"He's not on his own, he has several companions with him." Drew assured her, scooting slightly closer to the brunette as she tapped her fingers against her cheek.

"You know what I mean, without his big sister." She corrected, "We've been together since the start of our journeys!" She exclaimed, suddenly full of vigor as she glanced at Drew. "I hope he's doing okay." her shoulders dropped, and nonchalantly Drew's arm found perch over her shoulders while she expressed her growing concerns about Max.

Physical contact was never weird for them, in fact, May was growing used to how often Drew touched her, especially in public. While the later took some adjusting, she still did not like it when he would try to hold her hand, or arm, her waist, or really touch her at all in public. Private, intimate moments were nice, but she got flustered anywhere else. She grinned.

"He always suffered with foot in mouth syndrome, you know. I wonder if he's making an ass out of himself in Kalos..." May grinned while Drew rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine. He's not a kid anymore." Drew paused for affect and shook May gently. "He can take care of himself—now can you?" He mocked, his eyebrow lifting behind his hair.

May pursed her lips and glared at him. "Of course I can." She mused and then turned thoughtfully to face him.

Unexpectedly, his face had drawn only inches from hers, his mouth ajar as his other hand found its way to her thigh, and then moved up to her waist when he closed the space between them. Her face turned scarlet from the sudden act, shuddering as a child with their hand in the cookie jar would. It wasn't that she was nervous it was only a new sensation, an odd one. She wasn't used to it yet. He pulled apart before she had time to return his affections, and he winced at the near-rejection she had unintentionally bestowed upon him.

"Your mind is somewhere else, sorry." he offered while she shook her head and leaned back into him.

"It's fine." she mumbled, kissing him before he could reply.

XOXs

May might have thought that Drew didn't see it, didn't understand it, but he could see it in the way she spoke, the way she trained, and the serious lack of preparation as they traveled. He observed that it was something akin to a mid-life crisis, only May was reaching it now, and was rapidly decreasing in momentum each day.

For example, her chipper, optimistic demeanor had slowly faded since they left Pallet Town some six weeks ago. She had grown more anxious and short-tempered, and a part of him wondered if it was contests, him, Dawn, or the change in group dynamics since Max left. The first few weeks had been... a blur since they started dating; but already it seemed like she was off in her own world again.

He sighed lightly, approaching her with his hands in his pockets while she paced the floor of the shared pokemon center bedroom.

The sun had once since faded, and Dawn had yet to return.

"Do you think we should be worried?" May asked, looking out the window, and to the street. Drew pursed his lips and shook his head while collapsing onto his bed. He snatched the magazine from the night stand—some coordinator weekly, and sighed. May took a seat beside him and scrunched up her nose.

"Doubtfully. She's probably just out training or something..." Drew offered in short reply, but the insinuation only ruffled May's short temper.

"You know people do other things than just train all the time, Drew!" She snapped, looking over at him with snarl. With wide, lime green eyes he looked at her and blinked several times until her frustration simmered down, and she threw herself beside him on the bed and folded her arms over her forehead.

A long pause followed, where Drew hadn't taken his eyes off of May.

"...Can we talk about this?" He asked suddenly, watching her uncover her blue eyes and look up at him. She blinked a few times, and then shuffled to sit up once more.

"Talk about what?" she sighed.

Drew thought for a few moments, trying to collect the proper words to express his emotions without offending the brunette when he inhaled.

"About your sudden irritability?"

"I'm not irritable!" She hissed quietly, curling her knees to her chest. Drew gestured to her for example, also sitting up.

"May," He tried. "I've been trying to give you space to figure this out on your own, but if there's something I can do to help-"

"I don't want to do contests anymore." She expressed blatantly, with a long, revealed sigh having finally gotten it off her chest. Drew blinked and then pressed his shoulder against hers.

"That's it?" He asked, trying to pummel his mocking tone. "That's what's been bothering you?"

May snapped her eyes at him, glaring nonstop when he grinned and pressed his index finger against her jaw to move her face sideways where he planted a sincere kiss.

"Drew, it's a big deal! This has been my whole life until now!" She cried kicking her feet over the edge of the bed and shrugging off his kind advances. Drew followed her slowly.

"But it seems like no matter what I do, I take three steps back each time I take a step forward!" She exclaimed throwing up her hands and then falling backwards on the bed to cover her face. She couldn't place in words what was wrong with her, and Drew inhaled briefly.

"Why don't we enter one together?" He offered, watching her lower her hands to look up at him.

"Drew, you're a top coordinator, you're not-"

"I'm allowed to enter any contests I want in Hoenn." He cut her off, pulling her forward gently. "What better way to get you back onto your feet...?" He asked while shaking her gently.

Against her will, she found herself smiling. "That's not the point..." She muttered while looking up at him. Drew shrugged in response.

"I know it's not." He offered, "but, if you're going to drop out of contests, you should at least give it one more shot, right?"

May sucked in air, and then closed her eyes with a curt nod.

"Now, can we get to sleep?" He asked while shifting back onto his corner of the bed. May looked back at him, and then back to the door.

"But what about Dawn?" May inquired, eyebrows knit cutely while Drew tossed the magazine he had been reading off to the side of the bed, and clicked the light off.

"She can take care of herself, I'm sure." He mumbled, snagging May by her waist and dragging her down to the bed beside him. She scrunched up her nose at his antics and then curled under the sheets compliantly.

May couldn't argue, Dawn was perfectly capable of fairing on her own, but something in her stomach just didn't sit right tonight. She missed afternoon training, and now she wasn't back at the pokemon center. Maybe she felt as if she was imposing too much and finally left? May hoped her bitter mood didn't force Dawn to believe she had to leave. Groaning under her breath, Drew shifted and nestled his head beside hers and blew on her ear.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, and in that brief moment, a part of May hated how perceptive he was of her feelings. Pieces of her knew that Ash would have never been so perceptive. But she felt guilty for even comparing the two.

In fact, she felt guilty for even having a relationship that controlled so much of her life. It was terrifying knowing that decisions she made would now affect not only herself, but also Drew. A little under two months ago, she almost ruined them completely when she tried to figure out her feelings for Ash by kissing him—and now... A part of her worried that the same thing would happen with contests. Already in the last few weeks, it seemed that the honeymoon phase had ended; coming from a high of spending long nights of exploration to make up for lost time; to snuggling in bed like an old, married couple. Drew was insanely proper, and sweet, and romantic; a bit of a dork on many occasions, but she still liked him. In return, May was really fidgety and uncomfortable with touching. Contrary to popular belief—and she knew Dawn thought it—they hadn't gone past second base; primarily because May would get scared and Drew was... well Drew was perfect. And she was a mess.

May sighed.

"Drew?" She asked through the darkness.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, half-asleep.

"Would you still like me if I wasn't a coordinator?" She asked the near-sleeping man beside her.

"Of course." He breathed into her neck, though she wasn't so sure he was sincere as he pat her stomach gently. "Go to sleep May. You're thinking too much." He slurred his words while she turned over quietly, kicking the blankets over her feet, not feeling any better.

If she wasn't a coordinator, what was she supposed to be?

Author's Note:

Alright, next chapter is going to be up in just a few minutes.

So, I've been mulling over these last two chapters for days now, and finally, I've decided, what the hell, I'm just going to submit them and see how it goes. -throws up arms- next chapter we see Dawn! Yaaay!

Every time I wrote this chapter initially, I originally had it set up where Drew really didn't notice that something was wrong with May, but that is one of the greatest charms of contestshipping, Drew is very perceptive of May's emotions, even if she doesn't think that he is. So, in the end, it turned into bit of a fluffy chapter.

EVERYONE IS HAVING MIDLIFE CRISES OMFG.