10.
Hot red liquid was dripping down the faucet. The sink was covered in blood, thick and slippery as she tried to wash it down the drain. Her eyes shut still, her breathing trying to correct itself although the thoughts raised her anxiety and she was huffing out in exasperation.
"Clarke, it's fine," the voice she hadn't heard in a long while said to her, gently, lovingly, "Honey, it's okay, just come here," he coaxed her, struggling to smile with his teeth. She opened her eyes, but didn't glance at him at all, just shook her head in annoyance and remained at the white, now red, porcelain sink, scrubbing until her hands ached.
"Clarke!" he tried to yell, but the tiredness in his voice came through, stopping her short of her actions. She bit back a sob and shut her eyes tighter than ever, tears streaming down her face.
"How could this happen?" she asked, trembling voice, hands, legs that threatened to give out any second.
"Sweetie," he pleaded and it was enough to send her eyes darting towards him. Her father was sat against the wall of the train station bathroom. Hand clutching the wound punctured above his chest, dangerously close to his heart as his blood, the same rouge coloured liquid that filled the sink, seeped out in the holes between his fingers. She rushed over to him, applying more pressure to the affected area.
"Dad," she began, forcing herself to look for whatever determination she had left in her. Whatever anger, hurt, and pain she felt over the events that just took place to guide her into channeling all her energy to making sure her father walked out of here alive and on his way to being well, "You will be okay! I promise, just stay awake and keep a tight hold on that wound,"
Her father's chest rose slightly as he tried to laugh, it coming out as a wheezed chuckle instead. His breathing became erratic and heavy, she narrowed her eyes at him but he continued to breath like he ran a marathon and smile like he just got told the funniest joke in the world.
"Dad!" she let out frustration taking over, but it only caused his smile to widen, meeting his teary eyes that refused to cry, just yet.
"You're stubborn," he mumbled in amusement, "just like your mom," it only fueled her anger at him. Hearing him talk about her mother like that, in a voice that held her up above the world, among the shining stars that he probably won't see again if he continued to put stress on his body, disgusted her. She's the reason he's like this, why can't he see that.
Before she can scold him, there was a loud bang against the bathroom door. The handle began to move up and down furiously and voice echoed in the hall outside the small room they've locked themselves in. They were coming for them, no, they were already here. They were outside waiting patiently and defiantly, waiting to capture them and finish what they started.
Clarke pushed her way against the crowd of young adults that gathered on the first floor. She was brought back from her reverie by the hand that slapped her back propelling her forward until she was near the front of the large group staring up at one Bellamy Blake.
When the blaring siren of an alarm went off right after the ground began to quiver, Octavia and Raven sprung up and moved efficiently with such ease as if they were prepared for this their whole lives. For all she knew they could have been. They called out to each other and to her as they made their way outside the bedroom and into the hall gathering anyone and everyone they could and guiding them to the bottom floor where they believed safety lied.
"Octavia, make sure there's no one left then follow us down, if you find your brother tell him I'll be in engineering figuring out what the fuck happened," Raven said over her shoulder already making her way down the steps. She gestured for Clarke to follow and they began to descend behind the last group of boys and girls. It seemed the pain of Raven's leg was forgotten because she was moving at a speed that Clarke with two good feet couldn't match.
"What's going on?" she asked erratically, following her down. Raven shouted to the rest of the group to head down and then switched directions and headed towards their own room. Clarke followed blindly when another tremor shook through them and an explosive sound rang in their ears. They met each other's eyes and panic set in. It was one thing to hear the sound and feel the shake one time, but another thing to hear it again, and then again, and again.
"I counted four," Clarke whispered once they were in the room, "all together there were four explosives," she clarified stepping further into the room and glancing around trying to figure out what Raven was doing.
"They were bombs, if I had to guess, maybe an air raid. To hit the ground with such force and caused, what felt like a three-point-zero maybe three-point-five magnitude earthquake," Clarke stayed silent, thoughts swimming in her head. Air raids meant it couldn't have been the Grounders. They were stuck in traditional ways with limited to no use of technology at all besides farming and communicating but all that was thanks to their relationship with Skicru. The bombs came from somewhere else, and she prayed, so damn hard, that they came from someplace else and not the one place she had in mind.
"Raven, what are you doing?" Clarke's toughness and gritted teeth betrayed her anger at the spiral of bad luck that doesn't seem to be ending. Raven ignored her and flipped through her collection of notebooks and loose pieces of paper before retrieving a lined sheet of paper with scrawls across it. Clarke recognized it as the same sheet of paper Raven had written, erased, crossed out, and practically ripped up, carrying various codes on how to break through to the military section in the Arkadian system.
"Got it!" she said in relief, "Clarke, go down with the rest of them, I'm going to head to engineering," but before Clarke could protest or ask what exactly was on that thin piece of paper, Raven scurried out of the room.
Clarke moved until the back of her knees met with her bed and she flopped down on it hard, with her elbows at her knees, and face in her hands.
No, this couldn't be happening. Not now, not when things were starting to look up. Only they really weren't. All she had was an idea, one that presented a lot of obstacles.
Suddenly, it all began to click, it was infuriatingly weird how silent both fronts were but knowing that this is what it has led to, that someone was planning an attack, it made more and more sense. She still couldn't believe it. Her mind fell into a black hole, deeper and deeper before she realized and pulled herself out. The alarm still deafening, loud with warning, yet she took her time using the next few seconds to pick herself up and then down the steps.
When she got there, it was chaotic. No one knew what was going on and their questions were bouncing off the walls unanswered and repeated over and over. They didn't know where the attacks came from, who was attacking, and if the attack was even over judging by the fear that coated their eyes and the nerves that racked their skin, causing jitters and fumbled words to come out of their mouths.
"Clarke," she turned to Finn and Monty who stood in the middle of the crowd. She rushed to them only to be pushed to the side when there was a wave of ear-splitting shrieks and thundering shouts all at once. She didn't even get to the two boys because the crowd shoved her forward, someone hit her shoulder harshly, another banged her head and the anxiety rushing through her veins was all too familiar.
She didn't really know how that scene she pushed down to the deepest and murkiest corners of her mind reappeared as vividly as ever but the last time she witnessed it was days ago, in her reoccurring nightmare. She had never daydreamed, allowing such memories to flood her and keep her in a horrific trance. But the bile that rose, the heavy angst of what was to come, and the constant nagging of her logical brain that told her she should have known, that she did know but chose to be ignorant, was not enough to bring her back. It took a dark-haired brooding, and bitterly spoken man to do the job.
As she watched him now, standing tall on top of one of the empty tables, he commanded everyone's attention without even speaking. His eyes floated across the room, the rage was evident but it was the flicker of panic that she only seemed to catch that made his composure rip through the tension in the air.
Next to him stood Miller, who surveyed the crowd just as carefully as he did. Clarke took this chance to do the same, her gaze crossing over Harper who was working to settle everyone down, Monty and Finn were still behind her, lost in the sea of confused and worked up people, and Octavia was nowhere to be seen. She turned her attention back to the two powerful forces at the front of the room to find Miller already staring at her. His eyes were narrow, debating, and before she could process it she saw him brush his elbow into Bellamy's arm nudging him in her direction.
Those eyes she was starting to become too familiar with tightened when they met hers. She wasn't greeted with the same semi-icy, semi-something she couldn't decipher look that sent her stomach turning. Instead, she met a look that was so cold, so raw, and so livid she felt her stomach drop. He let his brown orbs slide past her and at the rowdy crowd in front of him who have seemingly forgotten that he was standing there.
"Quiet!" it was as if another bomb was dropped because his voice shook the ground and those who were still consumed in their terrified thoughts shut their mouths and gave him their full attention, "We don't know what's going on. There's an attack and that's all you need to know for now. Everyone needs to head back, stay in your rooms until it's safe for you to come out. They cannot, will not scare us into running away. This is our home now! This is where we stand and where we will fight back and no one, not the Grounders with their threats or Arkadia with their bombs will take it away."
The room was indifferent at first. Some people looking up at their leader with questioning wary glances, wondering how he could easily dismiss this, while others cheered on, supporting him full-heartedly. When he spoke his last word, a cry of approval met her ears as each person raised a hand in agreement. She was the only one who shook her head in disagreement, the only one who thought this ego of his was going to get them all killed.
Except that she wasn't the only one.
"So The King has spoken and now we all have to listen to his fucked up plan until we're covered in dirt and rubble," Finn sneered, silencing the room. The hatred that covered Bellamy's face was shuddering, if she hadn't seen it too many times already she would have stayed frozen like every other breathing soul in the room, but she knew it by now. Even though she denies its effects on her, she can't help that little shudder that rushes through her anyways.
"Shut the fuck up Collins and get moving," a new voice called over them. She peeked behind Bellamy to see Murphy, arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face. Finn opened his mouth but was met with a furious snarl and a voice that resonated to their inner core.
"You want to walk into that and die, go ahead."
"He's right," Clarke said not thinking. The pace that all eyes took to find her made her flinch faintly. Bellamy's eyes were daunting, his body language spoke loud and clear telling her to stop talking by the curl of his fingers forming fists, telling her to turn around by the clench of his jaw, and telling her to run as fast as she can away from him, from all of them by the way his chest puffed out and moved rather quickly in irritated breaths, up and down.
But she had already spoken. It was too late to back out now and as her father's words rang in her ears, she was stubborn, and she's sure Bellamy already knew that.
"You said you don't know what's going on. That means you have no clue whether the attack will continue, whether they'll drop another bomb three miles away, or near us again or on top of us. We can't stand our ground if there won't be a ground to stand on," she directed her words to the crowd that watched her in awe, "We need to leave now, just take whatever you have on you! Do not go back to your rooms or try to pack your things. We don't have time," she turned to Finn, heart still hammering in her chest for deifying every bone in her body that told her to shut up, "Did you have a place in mind? We can't be out in the open,"
Finn nodded, eyes gleaming with pride and approval at her stance. She didn't want it, not from him, not from any of them actually. She wasn't doing this to challenge their rebel leader, or to prove her worth to them. She was tired and done with trying to make it work their way. It was her life on the line too, and she'd be damned if she died before she got to stick it to the council, Lexa, and Bellamy Blake.
"There's a bunker, not too far from here. It is almost 100 feet—" Finn paused because another bomb was dropped, this time much closer to them because it vibrated the ground twice as hard as the first few times. The sound of the explosion was close too, like it was right outside their door. This was enough motivation for them. Everyone scrambled to get out, running ahead while Alpha guards tried to keep them orderly and Finn shoved past going to lead the way. She exchanged frantic looks with Monty who nodded his head in understanding and monitored the crowd.
She moved to go to the engineering room to find Raven and whoever remained and let them in on the new plan. The plan that will give them a chance to survive to see tomorrow when a rough, warm hand latched onto her wrist in a tight grip. She didn't have to look to know who it was but she chanced a glare at him anyway.
"The fuck do you think you're doing?" he fumed. She was ready to object, to prove that her idea was much better than his death wish, when he jerked her forward and into a little alcove behind the spiral stairs.
"Hey, Bellamy, you need—"
"What game are you playing?" ruthlessness was dripping from his tone, he eyed her closely and she felt small and insignificant under his torturous gaze.
"What?" she asked confused and trying not to let him get to her.
"You told them, didn't you?" he accused, fingers still closed around her small wrist. She glanced down, the callous that brushed the inner side of her wrist left tingling sensations to flutter through her but the feeling stopped when she registered his words.
"What?" she all but yelled this time, tugging her hand out of his grasp harshly, her own eyes narrowing at him.
"Problem with your hearing, Princess?" over his shoulder she could make out Miller lingering, watching the people of Skicru shifting away into the evening air. It still wasn't dark out, but with the way the dim atmosphere hung around them she could've easily been fooled.
"I heard you just fine, I don't really understand what you're insinuating," she bit back, except she did know what he was insinuating. He couldn't be this paranoid with this much trust issues to actually think she gave away their location, when she, herself does not want to be found.
"Funny, it really is, a pretty blonde girl shows up out of nowhere, wanting nothing but peace only to go running to her people when things don't go her way," his condescending tone irked her. She wasn't doing this with him now. She turned to walk away when he pulled her back in.
"Don't touch me," she pushed his broad shoulders back taking him by surprise. Her efforts were a waste seeing as he didn't move an inch. It was the wrong move either way because fury was about to fall and hit her hard.
"You don't know what you're doing, Griffin. You think you're some leader, well leaders do what they think is best," he deadpanned shaking his head vaguely at her. She fixed him with a steady look, for once she had the upper hand in their discussion and she wasn't going to let it slip.
"I am doing that Bellamy. The fact that you can't see it only proves to me how blinded by your ego—"
"Is that what you think?"
"It's what your showing me by how your choosing to lead. Arrogance will only get you far and you don't have to trust this decision, or me, but I do care about these people,"
"Could've fooled me," he said dark and heavy, she shifts from her left foot to her right.
"What does that mean?"
"Why do you lock yourself up in your room? You spend your days in medical, barely making conversation with anyone who tries to get to know you, only working on patching them up and then your back between those four walls. You rarely ever engage with some of the people who have seem to take a liking in you," he listed off knowingly, she was curious as to how he knew all this, the way he read her scared every inch of her being. It must have showed on her face because a small smirk etched its way across his lips except it wasn't teasing or amused, it was dry and humorless.
"Don't act like you know me," she mumbled, looking ahead focusing on his unruly hair, the way it curls near his ears, the freckles drawn-out by his cheek bones. Her cerulean eyes were anywhere that wasn't windowing into his reckless demeanor.
"Oddly enough Princess, I do know you. I know enough to know that you are here looking for something else,"
Clarke had had enough. She was done walking away because she couldn't deal with his superiority and egoistical behavior towards her. It doesn't matter that she does have an ulterior motive, it doesn't even matter that he's accused her of betrayal. No, what bothered her was that she was onto something. She was progressing in her plans to avoid a war and now she was standing here, plans like burnt residue hanging in the air and a threat outside their walls that could hit them at any second.
"I'm not going to say this again. I am not here to fuck with you, Blake, and I didn't tell the council about this place. How could I have when you just told me the events of my day?" she let out a sigh and decided to take a gentler route, "I was coming up with ways to get both sides to agree to a treaty, for both sides to co-exist without problems before the week was up,"
She was expecting another racy response but instead she heard silence. She risked a glance at his eyes instead of the area around him only to find that her suspicions of earlier were true. He had a gauzy look of guilt, or something like shame hidden behind his tough exterior. He kept his silence up, and when she peered over his shoulder again at Miller it was like light was peeking through broken glass.
"You…" she trailed off finally understanding. She mentally kicking herself in the ass, "You lied to me?" she asked in disbelief, "You were never going to take my suggestion. It was always war with you, wasn't it? Kill them before they kill us…" she let her voice fall flat. She glared at him harder now, but the guilt that was present before was shoved away.
A distant sound enveloped them, another bomb except it sounded a long while away.
She's wasted so much time here as it is, she needed to go to catch up with the others.
Clarke was dithering, caught between worry over those who might be injured from the aftermath of the bombing, and anger over how stupid she was to think that Bellamy actually cared what she thought. How could she be so stupid, when on a good day he didn't trust her, how can she think of him as anything more?
"You were in the way." Was all he said, the clench of his jaw slackened only to tighten up again and lock when she shot him her best withering stare.
"How are you any different than Jaha?"
It was a slap in the face. He all but flinched at her sharp words but she didn't have enough shit to give right now. He lied to her, let her go off on false hope only to distract herself from getting in the way of his plans. When he didn't speak she stepped forward, invading his space, he stepped back, although still towering over her in his full height.
"I truly don't know what's stranger, how idiotically you behave for someone who's supposed to look out for his people, or how easily you slip in and out of these mood swings of yours. Just when I'm starting to think you have a heart," she didn't finish that thought because she was swiftly backed up into the corner of the secluded alcove with her back pressed flush against the wall and little distance separating her from him.
The air between them grew hot and thick, and the sounds and worries of war was left behind them. Both were fuming, both were angry and spitting out words that they knew would feel like daggers in the back.
"If you're looking for a heart, you won't find one here. You wanted to leave, fine, go. You want to lead, fine, then follow your Spacewalker to the bunker and keep all of them there until the coast is clear," a rush of cool air met her when he moved away. Miller having been standing there the whole time and most likely heard the entirety of their conversation followed him to where they disappeared after the second flight of stairs.
She managed to catch up to the group of them. They were moving at a fast pace, keeping their heads low and quivering out of sight when they see any movement up above them. She pushed her way to the front where she tapped Monty's shoulder to get his attention.
He turned to her with relief in his eyes that warmed her heart briefly, "Where's Jasper?" he looked around her, towards the back of the group but she shook her head.
"Sorry, Jasper, Octavia, Raven," she confirmed, "they're all back at the Dropship. I couldn't go back for them, I had to make sure everyone here was alright,"
"Bellamy stayed behind with them?" at the mention of his name the acid in her stomach threatened to work its way up her throat and out, even with the lack of food she's had today.
"Yeah," and Monty knew better than to pry. He lodged into retelling her about where he had been during the first bomb and his own theories on the subject.
"Okay, but I don't get it. Why use air raids?" she asked. She knew that in the hundred years or so since civilization prevailed, they had succeeded in recreating communicating devices, cars, and even some hovercrafts, but specific military units to drop explosives, was new.
"Better accuracy," he replied. At the head of the group she could see Finn, he was pointing to a flat area a few steps ahead of them.
"From that high up, they could see us. They could probably see the Dropship; why didn't they attack there? If it is better accuracy, if Arkadia is the one behind it, then why are they wasting their time hitting around the Dropship but not directly on it?"
Monty's mouth hung open at the revelation. His eyes widened slightly and he let out a strangled breath, "No fucking clue,"
The bunker was dark, covered in dirt and had continuous stairs that led them to the safety of being underground, far enough that if they happened to get bombed, the damaged would be very minimum. There was an abundant stench of burnt skin and raw terrain that dawdled for too long before it blended in and was forgotten about.
Someone asked Finn how he managed to find this place, to which he gave a small chuckle and a wink, claiming that he found it on one of his too many adventures in the woods. It came to Clarke's attention that she didn't know what purpose Finn served to the Dropship. While everyone had a role, he was always somewhere unexpected doing something no one else had thought to do, like explore the surrounding area of the deserted building they called home.
Being this far down, away from the chaos above should have been comforting but it felt like nothing close to Clarke. She entered with a heavy mind, ensuring that everyone that followed them down there had made it. Then turning to her own thoughts again, trying, aching to figure all this out.
Her conversation with Monty had stopped short when she moved ahead to speak with Finn. He held a glint in his eyes, one of praise she didn't really want to see. Ignoring it, she managed to, with his help, get everyone inside, secure the door shut, and settle the handful of young kids who were scared, shaking from both the cool air of the bunker and the fear that seeped into their bones.
The sunshine she welcomed earlier felt miles away. As they were walking, she caught sight of thick, dark smoke from the bomb, covering the sky like a black cloud ready to burst. It was bad enough they lived on nuclear soaked ground, but to have an increase of air pollution, they won't last the next hundred years.
She took to caring for those who had minor injuries from standing too close to a shelf where something fell on their foot or they got rammed back into the wall as the earth around them shook. It was after her last examination, when she got up wiping her hands on the side of her thighs, did she notice that the entire room was silent, watching her, waiting. She glanced at Monty who nodded encouragingly. They were waiting for her to address the situation, and while she had previously spoke to the large crowd, she felt nervous. It was their leader that held his head so high up, whose words came out so fluidly and easily, who was able to entice them with each and every syllable. She was nowhere near that, yet, they stood patiently waiting, or as patiently as they could with aircrafts flying above with explosives at the ready.
"O-okay," she mentally kicked herself for the shake in her voice, "We will be safe here. We just need to wait it out, once it looks safe enough to leave, we will. But just, breath," she turned on the spot, taking in every wide eyed, innocent, or somewhat innocent, look the group around her gave. Yes, they were criminals. Yes, they had done things that ended them up in a rogue rebellious home with the idea of a revolution that could solve all their problems. Yes, they, in a way, were a threat to the system.
But, they were still human. They weren't the ones calling the shots, or firing them either. They just needed a place to belong, a place that wouldn't punish them for their mistakes but instead guide them into not repeating them.
"I know you're all worried and scared. But that fear you have, it's what makes this situation bearable. You feel, and you understand that feeling. It means you value your life, and so do I. Nothing will happen while we are here. So just relax, or try to at least, and know that we will get through this," she continued with one formative nod. She stepped to the side pulling Monty to trail after her.
"Tell me who's missing?" she asked, glancing back at the now scattered crowd. Some looks of relief met her while some looks of panic subsided enough that it was only anxiousness left. That was enough for now. They trusted her to keep them safe and she would deliver if it was the last thing she did. It seemed she wasn't so bad at the motivational speech thing as she thought she was. She brushed past the thought of how Bellamy would look at her now, if he saw how she was able to handle the situation. Would he look at her in that intent way he did, or would he growl at her attempt at taking away his leadership role? A leadership role she didn't want really, and by the looks of it, he didn't want it either.
"Besides Bellamy, Jasper, Raven and Octavia," Monty started, the hair covering an inch of his forehead flicked to the side as he moved, "I think about five or six more, a guy named Sterling was supposed to be here with the rest of Alpha Squad, and then we have Wick and Bryan in engineering," he counted on his fingers, "Oh and Miller," he added in afterthought. Clarke pursed her lips but didn't say anything.
A quick look at the people in the room, she noticed another person missing as well. The cynical, loud-mouthed and now dangerous delinquent, Murphy, was nowhere to be seen. She silently thanked whatever good was left in this world for that. She really didn't want to deal with him in such closed confinements.
"Thanks Monty, go see if Harper needs anything," she patted his shoulder but he didn't move.
"Clarke," his voice was thick with something that bordered concern, "we don't have much in this bunker," she took another proper scan of the room, the overview was as bad as Monty made it out to be. There were a few supplies locked up in a broken wooden barrel that had mold and dirt up the side. A handful of orange blankets, a few flashlights, and a litter of shredded notebook paper that was yellow and burnt. There wasn't any food or water.
"There is no way anyone is leaving here, but the attack has been going on for a while. It has to end soon,"
"But what if it doesn't? What if they won't stop until there's nothing left here but rubble and the smell of death?"
"Don't think like that and don't talk so loud," she hissed pulling him farther into seclusion.
"Jasper is still there," Monty shook his head in disbelief and disgust, "I left him behind! My brother!" he whisper-shouted angry with himself, angry with the world. Softness took over Clarke's features. The feeling of leaving behind someone you love, someone who is family to you was too close to her heart.
In that second she broke a rule, her own rule of getting too close. She pulled Monty into a tight embrace to which he gladly returned. She held him for a minute longer and as she pulled away she muttered in a voice so low, "He will be okay, and so will you," it was a promise she couldn't really make, but Monty took the words like a saving grace anyway.
"Princess," Finn sauntered over to them, hair flopping and fingers curling around the edges of his jacket. Monty taking this as his cue, left without another word and an air of sadness.
"Is everyone—"
"Yeah, they're all good. Like you said it should pass soon," he gave her a scrutiny look, almost challenging her to admit that she was exhausted and frustrated with life. She was, but him prying won't help it get any better.
"Alright then, anything else?" she risked asking but then instantly regretting in when she heard him next.
"How are you doing?"
It was slowly becoming more clear to her that Finn was just as she had always thought he was. He was kind, and caring, and truly wanted to live in a world where peace wasn't a punchline of a joke, but the embodiment of civilization. She felt for him, fuck she understood him, but he in turn didn't understand her. He asked all the wrong questions, looking for all the wrong answers. He was right in taking the stand against Bellamy's deluded plan, yet so fucking wrong in believing that the people, their people, would willingly step aside and welcome outsiders.
She was so fucking wrong too.
"I'm fine," she lied through her teeth and even though he knew, he let it slide. The one good thing he's done so far. The thought of what he had done to Raven entered her mind, actually it really never left since she confessed it. People make mistakes though. Sadly, he had let go of someone who was so honest and good-hearted, despite her cracks at feigning otherwise.
"It's all going to be okay," his attitude was gentle, carrying a softness that was just Finn Collins.
She smiled tightly and nodded along anyway, as if her well-being was really her biggest concern. She gave an acknowledging shrug of the shoulders and walked around him to sit near a group of teenage girls who were huddled close, speaking in even tones, distracting themselves. They smiled at her lightly as she sat down and while they tried to include her in their discussion she gracefully bowed out, her own thoughts consuming her.
A part of her was still hurt that she was put on a dead-end quest at securing a world that didn't have to undergo war to achieve amity. She couldn't help the nagging voice that told her she should have known. That she was a huge idiot for not knowing that Bellamy Blake would lie, blatantly, to her face. It just didn't seem real to her though. She knew the kind of asshole he could be. If anything she was probably the person who was at the end of his temper tantrums the most, however, it didn't seem like he would so effortlessly lead her on like that.
She remembered staring up at the night sky with his heated body close, the smallest look of defeat in his eyes, and the tension dense, like it always is between them. He seemed real, genuine, and he caught her by surprise when he told her she had a week to come up with a plan. Truth is, he wasn't around in the last five days, and that was enough evidence and the fact that he admitted it moments ago, that proved he had no intention of conforming to whatever 'plan' she came up with.
A loud rumble met their ears and then the ground began shaking again, only this time stronger. So much stronger that they fell over, one on top of the other. Someone tumbled over Clarke, the zipper of their sweater catching against her cheek.
A sound of glass crashing against hard concrete rang. Clarke tried sitting up, the weight of the others and the plummeting dirt keeping her down. There was no glass anywhere though, she moved to lean on her elbows and found that there wasn't anyone seriously injured. Brief relief engulfed her but died soon after another wave rolled the ground underneath them.
She heard cries and screams around her, Monty covering Harper's head, wrapping himself around her. Some of Alpha and Beta Squad huddling with the younger ones tightly, from her position she had no sight of Finn.
Three minutes later, and the world grew quiet again. They were able to get up, Clarke checking for damages, Finn who had been against the far wall was inspecting the bunker around them, and members of Alpha Squad questioning each other about what the next step should be.
The next step was to stay there. Stay as silent and as still as they could be.
The bomb that just hit was a metaphor. It shook entirely around them, shaking their beliefs, threatening their life style, and reminding them that wherever they go, how deep into the soil they find themselves, they can never hide. For it will descend on them, and explode this realm into pieces.
It was hours later, when a hum of stomach rumbles was followed by distant protests of hunger that boredom took on its most accurate form. It seemed that the distress that smeared their hearts when they first arrive had disappeared and everyone was getting antsy, ready to leave the darkness. Two flashlights of the seven they found were out, and the sun had set long ago although they wouldn't have noticed either way.
Clarke stared down at her father's watch, thankful that she didn't forget to wear it this morning. She never forgot, but in the off chance that she did, she's glad today wasn't one of those days. She sighed again, it becoming her favourite thing as of late. It always felt like she needed the extra help to breathe. She needed a deep intake before a smooth exhale to control her feelings.
Looking around the room, she noticed those who weren't pained by hunger, slept, and only a few stayed quiet, still in anxiety mode. Thankfully no tremors surfaced after the earlier traumatic wave that hit. She didn't know if it was safe to leave or not. She'd be damned if she would gamble any one of them to go check even though Harper and another boy, Connor, offered to check it out.
"We need to go check on our people," Connor had said referring to the rest of Skicru that were at the Dropship. Clarke didn't allow herself to think about them after the biggest shake that drove them. She did not want to imagine Raven's lifeless body or Jasper's last words to her were some humorless joke she was too busy thinking to actually listen to.
"I know. We will, but we have to stay here until it's safe. I can't take a chance on either of you going and then having another bomb go off," they were struggling with this for a while until ultimately reeling back and accepting her words.
It wasn't for another hour and a half that they heard footsteps from above, accompanied by a couple curse words and then a pull of the door.
"Octavia!" a chorus of her name was heard from them as each person realized the dark haired beauty walk down the final steps. Behind her, Lincoln came into view speaking in hushed tones to Conner and Finn then directing them up ahead. A scurry of feet rushed past her, she watched as the clambered up the steps and out of reach.
"What happened?" she asked Octavia when she was close enough. Harper and Monty were at her side eagerly awaiting her response.
"They bombed close to the Dropship, I don't think anyone got hurt, but a few miles past the ruined building, Sterling, Monroe and Mel were caught in the aftermath," she explained out of breath.
"What do you mean?" a raised eyebrow from Harper as all three of them tried to dissect the information.
"I don't know why those idiots were out there, but they didn't make it back to the 'ship in time and there was a massive explosion. It was a five magnitude or something, Raven said it was the worse that came from a bomb since the nuclear war,"
"Are they okay?" Monty spoke this time.
"I don't know. Bellamy and Murphy went after them; we came for you guys. You were buried under so much rock we had to dig our way through for forty-five minutes before we could get to you,"
"If the bomb hit near the entrance to the other side of the wall, then how the hell did we feel that and get buried under that much rock?" Harper was asking a very good question. As Clarke remained quiet, still trying to come up with a response to the shit that's happened in less than six hours, she thanked Harper and Monty for the interrogation.
"They dropped two at the same time, one near here, and one near there. Wick and Jasper were trying to communicate with some of you guys but half of the Squad left their walkie-talkies behind and the other half were out of range," Octavia brushed her long bangs back. Lincoln reappeared then gesturing to all of them that it was time to go.
"Jasper's okay?" Monty let out a breath that showed to have been heavily sitting on his chest. Octavia confirmed with a small smile pushing him ahead with Harper following closely leaving only her and Clarke behind.
"Octavia, what the hell is going on?" Clarke finally finding her voice, asked in desperation. It didn't make sense. None of it did. Arkadia, if it even was them although she was sure it was by this point, was dropping bombs in the area around them yet not directly on them.
What game were they playing, and why did they choose to play it now?
"I have no idea, Clarke. All I know is that it's serious now, more serious than we ever thought it was," at that note, they climbed the stairs and welcomed the dawn. A gleam of orange and yellow peeked over the horizon, lighting up the sky a little against the dark blue. On one side of the earth the faint hue of the moon was still there, on the other side, the sun was getting ready to come out.
"…safe to go back. Keep your eyes sharp, move quickly," she caught the end of Lincoln's dialogue. Bodies propelled forward, trying and failing to keep be noiseless, in a straight line.
Around them the aether was demolishing. It felt like a plead, a cry for help. A surge of smog, scented with a fiery smell, found its way into their nostrils. Holes covered the surfaces below them, smoke and black ash twirling across, over, and in between the trees. The earth, on this side of town, was deteriorating, and it wasn't due to the atomic scum that caked the grass, the clouds, and the water over the last hundred years.
Clarke wanted to cry. How could they ruin their home like this? It was bad enough, it was horrible enough to witness and hear retellings of their repulsive history but to repeat it, knowingly, was another thing all together. But what could she expect? They were humans. Humans who had a knack for forgetting their past, and a desire to test themselves, burden themselves with pain and welcome, gladly, self-destruction.
The speed at which her brain was powering was unbelievable. She hadn't felt this way since that night three months ago, now four, seeing as she's been among Skicru for a little over a month. She needed to be alone, needed the space to expand and those imaginable wings to stretch out and carry her away.
It was stupid to stow away from them but she had no choice. She believed she didn't anyways. She wasn't going to break down, not in front of them, not ever again. In order to avoid it though, she needed to get away. So she waited until Octavia and Lincoln, bringing up the rear of the large group, to be far ahead of her, and then made a run for it.
Careful not to run into any of the deep holes, or twist along the wrong side of the woods, she sprinted forward until her chest started to burn. Without realizing it she found herself past the Dropship and near the detached building they snuck into and under to get past the wall, a wall that as she looked ahead, couldn't really see all that clearly. It wasn't just the fog covering it up, but like it wasn't even there anymore.
She heard voices suddenly, after the rush of heat evaporated from her chest and the soft ringing calmed in her ears she could make out the distinct voices of three males, and one female. She followed them, until she encountered their backs at the edge of a cliff. One of them must have heard her because they recoiled, looking over their broad shoulder to meet her eyes.
A distant voice, that didn't come from the three figures standing on the outer ledge, called out, "I'm almost there, once I have her pull us up!" She walked forward, standing next to Bellamy who watched her, eyes focused on the cut by her cheek and across her nose. While none of the others got hurt, thankfully seeing as there were no medical supplies or ways to help heal them, she managed to get a few scrapes from being flung to the side during the final course of the bombing.
"I'd say he's heard one too many of your motivational speeches," Murphy sneered glancing over at the two of them. Next to him, Monroe, a short girl with light braided hair and an extremely worried expression on her face dropped to her knees, careful not to overstep and fall down the seventy-foot drop that obviously came from the unfortunate bombing.
Bellamy looked down as well, and in his gruff unamused voice muttered, "Shut up, Murphy,"
Her eyes turned to peer down and she felt her legs give in. With all her strength she persisted to stand still. The girl, Mel, was half way down the deep pit. If she were to fall, hit her head wrong against the cold hard ground, she would be dead. Clarke tried not to think of this, without even glancing around, she knew everyone else was avoiding the same thoughts that circled their brains.
Murphy's breathing was hefty, Monroe was on the verge of tears, and Bellamy was tall and emotionless. Sterling, who Clarke realized she didn't even know his last name, not that she made an effort which made it hurt all the more, was close to Mel now. He reached out a hand to her, and the girl lifted hers carefully to grab onto his when the unexpected happened.
The thin rope that was tied around one of the poles peeking through the foundation of the building gave in, slipping down before anybody could grab hold of it. Bellamy moved into action, practically going over the edge, hoarsely shouting the boy's name.
Clarke let the gravel under her feet and around them stay in her view, not willing herself to watch the boy she never got to know collapse with a drumming thud.
A shriek came from between Monroe's lips, even Murphy looked sick. Hands and knees shaking, Clarke attempted to glimpse at Mel only to find the girl sobbing against the rock she's latched her fingertips against.
"You can't save them all," Murphy's voice cut through, "Let's go, we still have a couple people from Gamma Squad that were out there collecting supplies. We need to go find them, we'll come back for her."
Clarke glared at him, not believing how fucking selfish he was being. She observed Bellamy who was still facing Mel and the blurry vision of Sterling's dead body. He gave the impression to be debating Murphy's words, disbelief was not even close to how she was really feeling. Just as she was about to speak up, he reached his full height again, eyes never leaving the bottom of the pit.
"Mel," he called out to her, "Focus on me, you can do this,"
A cry came from Mel down below, above however, Clarke was surprised, and Murphy groaned.
"I can't," Mel wailed, clinging to the rock that was supporting her body weight. It was only a matter of time before it couldn't any longer.
"Yes you can. You're strong," the grumble in Bellamy's throat gave indication to his frustration and worry that threatened his tough façade.
"I'm not strong, stubborn maybe,"
"So be stubborn a little longer," he commanded.
Clarke watched with new interest. She paid attention to the way his eyes turned into a golden brown as he pressed on with determination. The kindness that glazed his features was soft, and it took her breath away. She had never seen Bellamy like this. She knew he cared about his people, about Skicru, especially with the way he was perceived by many of them, but seeing him now, like this, crouched down while speaking with such precision, with so much heart, it showed her something she wasn't sure she wanted to see.
It showed her the real him. Not the one who hid behind his collected, calm behaviour, and his bleakness with words that could cut glass. It was his genuine self, the self he tried to hide from Clarke when he told she wouldn't find a heart within him. There was one, he was just possessive over it. He just wanted it to vanish, to him, it showed weakness.
Clarke dragged her gaze away from his strong jaw, and fierce draw of his lips when she felt eyes scorching her cheeks. She peered through her lashes to find Murphy, amusement in his eyes and a hue of understanding at what he had just witnessed. She flushed, backing away, enough that if she were to fall down the bomb induced hole, it would be too soon.
"You're not gonna die, you hear me?" he asked Mel, and Mel bobbed her head between gasps and cries with whatever power was left in her.
"I told you, you can't save everyone. Besides, we're out of rope and by the time we get back with some she would have slipped and crashed down, probably having Sterling break her fall," Murphy said with his low and snarky drawl.
"Then run. Go get the rope, equipment, whatever will help her. Don't call for anyone else, get the stuff and run back,"
"But the others—"
"We don't know if the other's even made it," Bellamy shouted now, "Go Murphy," but Murphy stood in place until Monroe got up from her position, eyes watered out.
"She was Sterling's friend back at the Ark," she said lowly, "he was one of us, he was with me," she paused taking in a shaky breath, "I'll go,"
"You both will," at the finality of Bellamy's words, Murphy reluctantly stepped aside to let Monroe take the lead, trailing behind her in haste.
"You're sure we can save her?" Clarke broke the eeriness that surrounded them.
"Yes," although he was firm in his answer she saw the tick in his jaw, the brief flash of hesitation in truly not knowing how this was going to end.
"You were right," Clarke found herself saying. He went rigid, eyeing her over with a quizzed expression.
"I usually am," he crouched back down to catch Mel's eyes who was now taking quick breaths, "about what?" he finally asked, index and middle finger pressing down on the ground in front of him. Clarke mimicked his position, bending her knees and resting on her heels.
"It's bigger than us all," she murmured. She sensed him regarding her, almost in the same new interest she had done with him. If he wanted to say something, he managed to talk himself out of it because she saw his pink lips part and then close strictly.
They stayed like that for a while, calling out coos and reassurances to Mel who was starting to lose faith. Murphy and Monroe came back minutes later, only this time with Octavia and Lincoln in tow.
"I told you not to get anybody else," Bellamy said in anger. Octavia rolled her eyes at her brother pulling the different types of rope and wires from behind her. Working quickly, they managed to create a sturdy long cable that will, hopefully, last this time.
"I'll go down," Octavia said, however was strongly discouraged and dismissed by two tall, dark and incredibly resilient men who cared for her all too much to let her do it. Clarke swallowed the envy, the idea of having someone actually fight for you, love you enough to fight for you, and focused on the issue at hand.
"I'll do it," she stated. Murphy clapped sarcastically then beaconed her forward to tie the rope around her waist.
"Like hell," a rough tug at her shoulders brought her back, she curved her upper body to see Bellamy furiously eyeing her.
"What? I'm the smallest next to Octavia and Monroe who can be easily brought down and back up with Mel"
"You can't carry her back up alone,"
"There's you and Lincoln to help pull us up, it will be fine," she deadpanned but his large hands gripped both shoulders now pushing her behind him.
"Doesn't matter, these are my people,"
"Contrary to popular belief asshole, they're mine too," hurt was evident in her features and she knew he noticed. It didn't faze him though, bringing her back to her earlier predicament. He only ever showed her what he wanted to, only ever told her what he wanted to, usually consisting of spiteful comments that kept her at bay. Whether he considered her as 'his people' or not, it didn't matter. Right now there was a girl that needed saving.
Lincoln worked on securing the end of the rope to the same pole that the former rope slipped from. Murphy and Octavia were fastening Bellamy in as Monroe talked to Mel, lacking to ease her woes by the sound of the unbashful sobs echoing around them.
"As soon as I've got her, pull us up," Bellamy directed, stepping back slowly.
"Famous last words," Murphy scoffed with a straight-face. His lack of humor was getting to be annoying, if Bellamy didn't save this girl and come back up fast, Clarke was going to push Murphy down next.
"Shut up Murphy," the Blake siblings said in unison, smirking at each other like they shared an inside joke. She watched as Bellamy eased back, his front facing them, gauging her expression to the point where she became self-cautious. In no world would she want to admit that she was worried about the Skicru leader, she wouldn't if any of the other's asked her, but to herself, deep down, she was. For all they knew she would be the one on the verge of pushing him down, yet, she was slowly grasping the kind of person he was.
It wasn't all black and white. Not with him at least. Now that she's thinking about it, not with anything, actually. There were shades of grey, shades that reminded her of grief and pain and the fact that there is still the mystery of what just happened to them.
He disappeared behind the edge. She waited, planted in her spot while the others lowered him down slowly. The sun was now making an appearance, yellow and gold rays beaming down at them. A breeze, cool and enchanting, whizzed past them, all she could think of is the madness going on beyond the wall, and the dead body that lied seventy feet below.
Dropping to her knees, she leaned over getting a view of the top of Bellamy's black hair. He was closer to Mel now, closer than Sterling had been. He moved so that he was only an inch away and grabbed hold of her. Mel, through a few coaxing words, let go of her death grip on the rock and wrapped her arms around Bellamy's neck. Lincoln tightened his hold on the rope, Murphy in front of him pulling along.
Bellamy and Mel were halfway up, the rope maintaining its hold until it couldn't anymore. The two cords that were tied together gave in, and suddenly instead of one continuous rope, it split into two parts.
What happened next caused a type of panic that Clarke had never felt before. Her heart stopped in her chest, and she scrambled from her spot to grab hold of the torn wire. The two figures dangling by said rope, dropped further until they were jerked to a halt when all five of them grabbed at it.
"What the hell happened up there?" Bellamy called up to them.
"Hang on Bell," Octavia's fraught voice called back to her brother.
Except he couldn't really hang on, the rope that was fashioned was not expecting the pressure of two bodies, and a steep drop. Even with all hands on the rope, the smaller section was what they were now grovelling onto. Lincoln's muscles bulged, his teeth clenched as he went to haul the coiling rope closer to his body but it seemed to be useless.
"You have to cut her loose," Murphy yelled, and Clarke was seconds away of kicking him down, if it wasn't for the fact that they needed him to help, she would have done it by now.
They didn't hear Bellamy's response. Cautiously and strategically, they moved about so that they were distributed evenly enough with the minimum space they had, to pull efficiently. Together, they managed to get them up without another hitch.
With the two of them coming into view, she felt a wash of solace over her body. Mel landed on top of an exhausted Murphy who eyed her with some apprehension. Monroe went to help her up whilst Octavia rushed to Bellamy embracing him in a hug to which he happily returned. From over his sister's shoulder, he scrutinized Clarke, eyeballing her.
"You seemed worried, Princess," at the curve of his lips and the way the word 'princess' rolled off his tongue she was tempted into agreeing, admitting that yes Bellamy, she was terrified and in truth she didn't know why because it would probably be better if he weren't in the picture. She would get her way, avoid war, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to see it that way. He was needed here. But she had already told him he was right today, his ego didn't need any more boosting.
"Not at all, Blake," she stated as nonchalantly as she could. She didn't fool anyone, not with the way her chest was puffing, her cheeks red in colour, or the way her blue spheres involuntary lit up as she caught sight of his forehead come from behind the threshold.
Walking into the Dropship was like a dream. Back in the smelly, cringe-worthy bunker, she thought that at the rate the air raids were going, they probably wouldn't see this place again.
"Oh thank God," a force hit Clarke, wrapping scrawny arms around her. She moved back to see it was Jasper, he smiled at her and then went to embrace Octavia. Clarke found Monty and gave a short grin in understanding. The brothers were reunited.
"It's bad," she heard Jasper say to Bellamy, who was ready to snap someone's neck. Murphy raced ahead with Jasper and Monty, in a direction Clarke could only assume would lead them to the engineering room. Lincoln and Bellamy shared a strange look, with the former wrapping his hand around the base of Octavia's back, going after the three guys.
Monroe was next to Mel, who had her arm elevated in front of her. She had sprained her wrist during her initial fall but with her amazing clutch in holding her body weight up, she put added stress on it that now requires her to wear a cast for a few months.
"Get her some ice. I'll meet you in medical in a few minutes," Clarke instructed before heading to the room that supposedly held bad news, and maybe, just maybe, all the answers.
It was a cluster of voices all at once that encompassed her when she entered the cool room. There was some damage done, with computer parts shattered across the floor, buttons from the keyboard scattered as she stepped on one of them and glass shards in a pool of red by the far wall. Against it were Miller and Bryan holding each other. Bryan was seated on one of the desk chairs, a large piece of glass in his side soaking his shirt with blood.
She rushed over to him without warning or paying attention to the beat-up area around her.
"Help him, please," Miller begged. Shock overcame her features, not because of who Miller cared about, but because he was begging, pleading in a way that was all too familiar to Clarke.
"Of course," she said automatically then proceeded to assess the injury. Miller had his forehead pressed against Bryans, soothing his pain with warm words and scattered kisses.
She wanted to suggest moving him but knew Miller wouldn't allow it, besides, by the looks of it, Bryan had a better chance of surviving if he stayed where he was. She ripped his shirt exposing his skin, the place where the glass met his abdomen.
"It looks pretty deep. You're not showing any signs of anything other than discomfort so I think it's safe to say that it didn't hit any major organs," she thought out loud hoping it will ease both guys, "I'm just going to need some things from the med room,"
"I'll get it," Miller shot up.
"No, stay with him," Bellamy surprised them. He stood behind Clarke having watched the entire exchange, "Jasper," he summoned to the goggled boy, "get Clarke what she needs from medical and call Harper to wrap Mel's arm. I'm assuming she knows how?" his question directed at Clarke with a quirked eyebrow, she moved her neck up and down, still astounded. Jasper invaded her vision, prodding her to give him the list of supplies she needed.
"Got it," he established rushing out of the room after she gave him detailed instructions on what to get and how to go about finding them. Feeling like she was kind of invading the couple's moment, she stepped to the side promising to return as soon as Jasper comes back. She emphasized the amount of pressure that was needed to keep the blood from pouring out then walked closer to the main operating unit.
"This is an overview of all the places that were hit with bombs," Raven indicated with a wave of the hand at the screen above that spread out like a map in front of them. She noticed an obvious pattern, the attacks were made on areas around the walls but not necessarily on them. The force was enough to cause severe damage to surrounding areas such as Clarke's inability to see the wall when she first stumbled upon the gang by the building, and the hole in the ground that took Sterling's life.
"You got through to the military base?" Bellamy asked, shrugging out of his coat.
"After ten failed attempts, yes. Except I couldn't do shit to un authorize the attacks. They kept them coming, it was commanded by Arkadia that much I know, but while I was trying to override it, another system or something, I'm not even sure what, was on the same server blocking my attempts,"
"It wasn't someone in Arkadia?"
"No," Raven shrugged, flickering through the adjacent screen almost as if proving to them that there was no possible way around the unexpected user who was deliberately locking her out.
Any other thought was rapidly ceased because the screen that held the map now held an image of Thelonious Jaha. This time he wasn't behind a pillar or among the council members. He was alone, a grey wall behind him matching his attire and a solemn expression on his face.
"I come today to you, citizens of Arkadia, with tragic news. The senseless and irrational group known as Skicru have performed an inexplicable act today. They have attempted to destroy the wall that we have built to keep you safe. To keep your children, wives, husbands, and innocent workers of Arkadia safe from harm," jaws were dropped all over the room, no one took their eyes off the screen, "Their leader, Bellamy Blake, is responsible for this act of indecency. They are trying to test our patience, our faith, and our will to survive but they are mistaken. We will prevail, we will keep each other safe. Skicru will pay for their mistake. I am profoundly delighted that none of our people were harmed with their foolishness. Stay safe and God speed,"
Bellamy's arms were now crossed over his chest, his face impassive and his body ready to attack. Octavia chocked on her spit, Lincoln rubbed a hand over his face, Wick and Murphy exchanging looks of bewilderment, and the saddened couple, paying for a mistake covered up with lies was lost in their own world. Clarke, Raven and Monty froze still not knowing what to do next.
Like a lightbulb moment, it all clicked in Clarke's head. Why the attacks were around the wall, aimed at the Grounders, the area around the Dropship, even close to the bunker. Why they weren't able to hack into the military system until it was too late, why Bellamy was the sole person that this burden had fallen on.
"He did this on purpose," Clarke supplied before anyone else could get a word in, they turned to look at her with fixed glances, "He made sure we couldn't get into the military system, made sure that we were convinced Arkadia was only trying to keep the idea of life outside the walls a myth when in fact they were plotting their attack. They hit Polis no doubt, attempting to destroy the Grounders. They hit the area outside the Dropship trying to scare us off, and they attacked the wall but caused no permanent damage to frame us," she moved closer to Raven and the screen that reopened the map once the broadcasted message ended, pointing out the spaces of ruined ground.
"But that doesn't prove his claim that we did it. There were air raids," Murphy started but Clarke beat him to it.
"To them and to us there were, but to anybody else, to the Grounders, we could've fired missiles because the areas that were hit weren't that far from us,"
"How does this even help them? They fucked up this part of Arkadia for what? To prove a point?" Murphy continued, glaring at the screen.
"It's an abandoned part of town, I bet he doesn't even consider it Arkadia. He doesn't care what happens to it. This was meant to scare us into backing out of a rebellion, meant to frame us so that when we do rebel we don't have any supporters, and I have a feeling he's hoping that by pinning this on us, the Grounders would believe it and turn on us too," Raven answered this time.
"If we're fighting the Grounders than he doesn't have to worry about anything. We'll kill each other for him. He can just sit and watch" Octavia added inaudibly. They all still heard her, loud and clear.
"They'll believe us, Lincoln will tell them," Raven gestured with a flip of the head towards the big guy by the door who had a torn expression on his face.
"If what you're saying is true, then my people will believe it. They'll look for any excuse to go against the people of Arkadia, even Skicru. I can't help you, they already see me as a traitor by being on this side of the wall when the attack was going on,"
It all dawned on them then. They're screwed.
Clarke fought against it, she fought so hard against the truth that a part of her had always known.
War was the only answer; it had always been but she was so disbursed with the idea that maybe it can be avoided to see that it can't because it is the only way to get peace or a shot at it.
Clarke stared at Bellamy, and with a daring tone in her voice that revealed her discomfort and devastation at the truth of the matter, she spoke as clearly as she ever did.
"Looks like you got your fight."