A/N: I have to say, this might be the penultimate chapter of the story. It just might be. I wrote this story in like a week and a half and it was so much fun and I'm glad 99 percent of you were on this ride with me. The other 1 percent, y'all need to chill and sort out your priorities a little bit because yikes.
Disclaimer: I don't own CHUCK, or its characters. I'm not making any money from this story.
Sarah slammed her book shut and tossed it onto the end of her lounge chair on which she'd splayed herself out after taking a dip in the pool.
For what was supposed to be a vacation, this wasn't panning out to be as enjoyable as she'd wanted it to be.
Zondra's smart mouth had nearly gotten them into trouble at the airport in Barcelona. They'd pegged her as a non-Spaniard Spanish speaker and it proved to be enough of a hit on her ego that she'd snapped at them. The jewels hidden in the lining of their suitcases prompted Zondra to finally give in and apologize to the airport workers, and they'd finally climbed onto the plane to make their way to their final destination—Lisbon, Portugal.
But the air had been tense between the three of them after that. And before that, Sarah hadn't been in the right state of mind to really enjoy the beautiful sights of Spain's most artistic city. Luckily, they'd only had two days there before moving on.
They arrived in Lisbon yesterday and all that remained was for them to wait for Jay to catch up with them. The loot had to make it up the hill to the house that a Mrs Georgia Winters owned. Twice divorced and basking in her ex-husbands' monthly checks to continue her lifestyle.
That was the story Sarah had come up with in her mind when she'd made the purchase with Georgia Winters' account three years ago. It was something she could abandon whenever she had to, no strings attached.
And it was the perfect base for them to regroup, figure out how and where to sell whatever they'd stolen, take their payments, and plan the next job. It was a few hours on a plane to get anywhere in Western Europe from Lisbon, and it had quick access to the water in case they had to make their escape that way.
But now she was here, in Lisbon, and she had nothing but time on her hands. She'd discovered in the last four days since she walked out of that house in Saint-Tropez that having time on her hands meant having the youngest Bartowski heir on her brain. It was constant and it was brutal.
She'd read this entire historical romance in just one day, thinking that reading a book that was written in French would require her to concentrate more on it, force her to push anything else but that out of her head, stop the distracting thoughts of him from flooding her mind.
It hadn't worked.
Maybe because the heroine had morphed into an eighteenth century French maiden version of herself while she was reading. And of course, the "dark-haired, dashing rogue" who'd swept the heroine off her feet had become Chuck in her mind. And over the course of a weeks-long journey through the Strait of Gibraltar and up into the French Riviera, of course they'd fallen in love around the action and adventure. While the robber found herself missing her own dark-haired "rogue" more and more with each page she read.
Because the rogue in the pages paled as a man compared to Chuck Bartowski.
The rogue in the pages had stymied his maiden's individuality in many ways. He was a terrible listener, constantly cutting Henrietta off when she spoke, flying into jealous rages over her speaking to his crewmembers…
Granted, she hadn't known Chuck long enough to really experience what he was like in most situations. They hadn't taken a sea trip together for weeks on end. She hadn't had a chance to see if he was capable of jealousy. She didn't know what it was like to wake up in the morning, turn over, and see him sleeping there beside her, unshaven, his hair mussed from sleep. She didn't even know what he looked like when he was asleep, did she? They hadn't allowed themselves the privilege of sleep that night, instead striving to make the most of every last moment they'd have together, knowing it could never happen again.
She'd known, at least.
He'd still been trying so hard for more, more time with her, more time together, a promise they'd meet again at some point, all the way to that last moment when she left him behind, tied to the chair, the handkerchief keeping him from saying all of the things he probably wanted to say.
She wished now that she'd let him say them.
If only to hear his voice one last time. Maybe one last "I love you" from him might've made this easier. Or maybe she'd known he'd convince her if she let him say anything else. And that was why she'd gagged him.
No, she'd gagged him to further the narrative for the gendarmes that she'd kidnapped Chuck and had to flee before she could get anything out of him.
Sarah had been eager for news of him, wanting to find anything that mentioned the incident. She'd looked at any newspaper she could find along the way to Lisbon, and all she could find was a small mention that authorities were still searching for the jewel thieves in cities along the French Riviera.
Did people with the kind of money the Bartowskis had pay off newspapers to keep their names out of them, she wondered? Charles Bartowski being kidnapped by the robbers seemed like it might warrant some coverage by the press. Or did Chuck untie himself and escape?
Truly, she didn't know what had happened after she walked out of that room. She dove into the backseat of the getaway car and that was that.
Either way, he wasn't mentioned anywhere except that he and his sister and her husband had been present at the Chellequin when it was robbed and that no one had been harmed during the robbery.
She was disappointed, to say the least. She'd hoped for maybe a picture of him, or some mention of him having been found in the robbers' hideout. Anything.
Sarah huffed and slumped back against the chair again, pulling her wide-brimmed straw hat off of her head and covering her face with it.
The worst part about all of this was that she was dwelling enough on Chuck that it was playing tricks on her mind. Her heart was starting to get the better of her brain. And she found a part of her was wondering if she'd really done the right thing or not. What if she'd just assumed she knew what the right thing was? What if she didn't know what was right or wrong and she'd just run in the other direction because she was afraid of how intense the love affair had been in just those two nights they'd spent together?
What if all of this was just her running?
She sat up and pulled her hat from her face, slamming it down over the book she'd just done the same thing to. Pushing her hands through her hair, she thought she might be going mad. That would explain everything. That would explain this romance in the first place.
She fell for the worst possible person a criminal could fall for because she'd snapped, and her subconscious was trying to sabotage her existence as a jewel thief. And now she was going absolutely mad over a man who spent his own existence in the spotlight.
The worst possible person to fall for.
And the best.
He was the best.
He'd changed everything. He'd changed her.
She wasn't mad at all. And she knew it. She was perfectly sane. Wreckless, damaged, hard, cold… but still sane.
She'd fallen in love with Chuck Bartowski because he was worth falling in love with, even if she'd had to run away from it, away from him. She meant what she'd said. She wasn't enough for him. Maybe nobody was enough for him. But she definitely wasn't. She was too much trouble.
He tried to say he wanted more trouble. She'd listened to him, and she'd understood him. His life had become stagnant and he thought that she'd brought him out of it, made him want more, want to experience more.
She believed him.
But he didn't understand what her existence really consisted of. He hadn't seen the way she, Zondra, and Carina had to hide amidst the crates of dried albacore in the belly of the boat when a patrol had stopped Philandro during the journey to Calvi, right before they'd pulled into the dock.
They'd nearly been found and would have been but for the clever intervention from Jay.
Or the time she'd been clipped by a bullet from a bank guard's pistol making her escape after a robbery gone south. The scar was light, just above her hipbone, but it was a frightening reminder of just how close she'd come to dying.
This wasn't some glamorous caper film. It was real life.
And there was no way anyone who wasn't in the trenches, so to speak, could know what it was really like to be a jewel thief, a con artist. She wasn't complaining. At this point, she was successful enough that she could make the choice to leave it behind whenever she wanted to. But she chose to stay. This was her life. It was all she knew. All she wanted.
It wasn't all she wanted. She also wanted Chuck. She wanted him in her life. But he wasn't made for this life.
And that was why she was here, sitting beside the bean-shaped pool, alone and upset, but especially resolute. Chuck Bartowski would eventually find someone who was an adventure, like she was, but without the extra baggage. Without the risk and acute danger. Perhaps he'd find an interesting woman whose moral compass worked better than the Ice Queen's did.
But God, how she wanted him.
What if Sarah did fix her moral compass? What if she decided to change everything, leave all of this behind, and settle into his life? She knew he wouldn't want her to slip into a perfect mold, the way other women he'd been with had. He'd made it clear to her that this was why he'd fallen in love with her.
She was messier than that. She supposed someone else might be offended by that, but she wasn't. In a lot of ways, he was saying she was more human than those other women. And that he personally preferred real people to perfection.
But she was more than he'd bargained for.
And she wouldn't last long in his world, just as he wouldn't last long in hers.
A clean break was...for the best.
Was it?
And therein lies the problem, she thought grumpily to herself.
Now that she was four days removed from their quick escape to Calvi, she couldn't decide if it was for the best or not.
She should chalk it up to the fact that she missed him so terribly. It was scrambling her brain, and her heart was taking over where her confused brain was dropping the ball. If she could just get to a place where she was filled with simple happiness, like how a sweet memory from the past might make her feel, that would be perfect. When thinking about him meant happiness and warmth, instead of painful longing that made her fingers and toes tingle in a terrible way, and her chest ache relentlessly.
She thought back to that first night, when she'd made him dance with her. And the band had played...
And as she swung her legs around to lie on the lounge again, feeling the Portuguese sun beat down on her sunscreen slathered skin, she let her eyes slip shut.
Sarah heard her own voice start to hum the tune of the song that the band played that night, the way she had countless times since. "But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me," she crooned quietly, slowly…
Her voice drawled prettily, carrying across the small, green pool yard.
"Hmm hmmm hmm but I linger on, dear," she sang, filling in words she didn't know with more humming. "Still craving your kiss. Hmmm hmmm hmm hmm hmm just saying this…"
She let her arms go limp, imagining how he'd held her that night, even though they'd barely met mere minutes before. He'd held her much closer than was probably appropriate in public, and she'd felt acutely where each of his fingers touched her, like they were shooting electricity into her at each point. And he didn't back down or lose his footing when she'd flirted with him, even if she had spotted a bit of a blush on his cheeks at least once.
This man she hadn't been supposed to follow that night.
This man she especially wasn't supposed to meet, let alone make eye contact with, flirt, dance…
But he'd burned her from the inside out, the sound of his voice as he'd flirted back, the way he'd moved with his body against hers. All he'd had to do in that moment was to lean in and press his lips to hers—anywhere really—and she would have dragged him to a more private place than the dance floor of a night club. And yet, the fact that he didn't was exactly what made it so hard to keep from falling further into his charms.
She stopped humming, then, and she opened her eyes, finding herself struggling to keep tears from forming again.
"While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me..." she finished in a whisper.
Sarah bit her lip and sat up again, wiping her cheeks beneath her sunglasses and gathering up her hat and book.
"Oh, here ya are."
She looked up to see Zondra approaching from around the hedges that lined the stairs leading up to the back patio of the house. "What's wrong?" Sarah asked.
"Why does something have to be wrong?"
"Jay hasn't made it back with most of the loot yet. I just thought maybe you'd gotten word of something bad, that's all."
Zondra snorted. "What, you think those two shipwrecked? Jay threw Philandro overboard in a mutiny and made off to Africa with our loot?"
"No, of course not," Sarah snapped. "It's just worrisome he isn't here yet."
"Oh, come now. He won't be here for at least a day or two. It's not a short trek they're making. That was the whole point." The brunette shrugged.
Sarah sighed and nodded. "You're right. My brain must just be...jumping to conclusions."
Zondra stared at her closely as the blonde slid her sandals on and walked toward her. "You're still moping, aren't you? Pouting?"
"Pouting?" Sarah asked, pulling her chin back and giving the shorter woman a warning look. "I don't pout."
"You're pouting over Trust Fund, leaving him behind and all that. My brother has six kids. I know what pouting looks like." Zondra raised both eyebrows, as if daring Sarah to argue with her. "Fine, we won't call it pouting. You're sad or...something."
Sarah just brushed past her with a tired huff. "Or something."
"Heartbroken?"
"Look, I'm not having another pep-talk about Chuck. I did what was right for him, even if it might not have been right for me. I chose him over myself. I'm unhappy now. Everything hurts. There's nothing to be done about it. So what else is it that you want to say to me about it?" She spun on the shorter woman and faced her head on.
"Hey, now…" Zondra held both of her hands up. "I just came out here to tell you we've steamed a big juicy crab and I threw together a quick bacalhau. It's a little salty, but edible. Trust me, I don't want to talk about...that. Feel free to give Carina all the details, and only Carina, since she loves that crap."
"Oh. Sorry."
"S'okay," the other woman said with a shrug. "You need to get out of this funk, though. You're rubbing off on her and she's getting crabby, too." She snorted as she led Sarah up the stone staircase to the back patio. "Ha! Crabby. And we're eating crab."
Sarah rolled her eyes and smirked for Zondra's benefit, but as they walked together into the kitchen a few moments later, she thought about how right her friend was. She needed to break herself out of this, if for no other reason than there was a chance it might dull her focus.
}o{
One thing was for certain.
Zondra wasn't wrong when she said Carina was crabby.
It wasn't as noticeable when they were eating, probably because they'd had a relatively silent dinner, shoving food into their mouths hungrily after a day of making phone calls and doing research with certain contacts of theirs to figure out the safest and most profitable route for selling their loot.
But after dinner, they'd all sat in the living room, put on a quiet record, and read—Sarah had taken up the Diário de Notícias, the other two propping books on their laps. Carina hadn't just been restless, she'd kept looking at the clock on the mantel, Sarah noticed.
"Carina, are you...all right?"
"I'm just peachy," the redhead chirped, but her lips were spread in a thin line.
But she continued to glance at the clock, letting out soft huffs of frustration. She barely turned the pages of her book, and then finally, after a half hour, she shut the book altogether with a thump and slammed it on the coffee table next to her.
"You don't seem too peachy," Sarah said, sitting up a bit straighter in the stuffed chair she'd chosen, lowering her legs down from where she'd curled them up against her body.
"Well, maybe I think people should be more reliable, especially when you go out on a limb and give them the chance to…" She stopped herself, then picked up her book again. "It doesn't matter. I hate humanity."
Sarah and Zondra exchanged a confused look.
"Red, is, uh...this about Jay?" Zondra asked. "The fact that he isn't here yet, I mean."
There was a silence, too long for Sarah's liking, but then the redhead looking between her friends and shrugged. "Yes, of course. He's got a wide open sea at his disposal and maybe I don't trust he won't sail off into it instead of meeting us here."
"I don't necessarily think that's fair," Sarah said hesitantly. "What would make you think that?"
Carina's eyes flicked down to her lap, and then she cleared her throat and looked back up at Sarah. "I did have an old friend of mine seduce him into her room that one night a few years ago so that she could tie him to the bedpost in his undershorts for a few hours. Because I thought it was funny." She shrugged. "It was funny."
"That was actually very funny," Zondra murmured.
"It was, yes," Sarah agreed matter-of-factly, nodding.
"Pale green striped undershorts," Carina chuckled.
Sarah was the first one to sober up, and she studied her red-haired friend closely. "Are you sure it's Jay that's bothering you? You really are looking at the clock quite a bit."
"No, I'm not," Carina snapped, her brow furrowed in annoyance. "I just like to know what time it is, that's all. What's wrong with that? I'm not wearing my watch. If it's all the same to you two."
"I didn't say anythin'!" Zondra defended, eyes wide.
"You were thinking about it." Carina stood up then and paced to the large fireplace they tended not to use when they were here, looking down into it.
"You are in...sort of a mood, there, Red," the brunette treaded lightly, wincing in Sarah's direction.
"If people were just more trustworthy... If they weren't selfish fools and outright cowards, I wouldn't be in such a mood."
"Wow." Sarah folded up her paper and set it to the side. "Carina, I'm not sure Jay really deserves that. He's probably coming in tomorrow or the day after. We knew he'd take longer to get to Lisbon than the three of us planned to."
Carina just shrugged in frustration, apparently deciding not to verbally contribute.
But then Sarah thought she heard Carina mutter under her breath, "I'll track him down and strangle him with his own damn tie if he doesn't show up."
"That's it," the blonde said, standing from her chair as the others looked across the room at her. "All three of us have been in truly sour moods."
"I didn't say anythin'!" Zondra defended again.
"We need to get out of this house. We're going to get gussied up, put on our best dresses, and disappear into Lisbon's nightlife."
The other two blinked at her.
"What?" she asked in a clipped voice, shrugging demonstratively.
"You are suggesting we go out?" Zondra asked, mouth agape.
"Yes!" She growled. "Stop looking at me like that. I keep obsessing over whether or not I did the right thing that morning in Saint-Tropez, obsessing over him, and it's making me crazy. You're obviously in a terrible mood over that clock for some reason," she said to Carina, gesturing to the clock. "And you...you're just...You frown all the time, Z."
"The hell's that mean?" the brunette snapped, obviously affronted.
"I need to get my mind off of that wonderful, tall, curly-haired walking trust fund before I descend into madness. So please, please, just...encourage me, support me, and go with me to dance and drink and be merry. Please."
"And…" Carina paused, licking her lips. "And if Jay comes back while we're gone tonight?"
"Chances are he won't," Zondra chimed in.
"She's right. He's going to arrive tomorrow or the day after. Just like we all planned."
"But if he doesn't? What then?"
"He waits until we come back. It'll be fine."
"That'll throw everything off. I really think we should wait here. When he's back and we have the loot stored in the wine cellar, then we can go out to celebrate. But not tonight. I think we should stay."
Zondra groaned. "So are we not going?"
"We're going. I'm going upstairs for a bath. I'm doing my hair and makeup. I'm wearing my best dress. I expect the same from the both of you," she demanded, walking to the doorway that led into the entryway where the staircase was next to the front door. She paused at the doorframe then and turned back slowly, wincing. "Please?"
Carina still looked reluctant, but Zondra didn't leave her much of a choice, grabbing her wrist and dragging her after Sarah.
}o{
Sarah Walker forced herself out of the bathtub after fifteen minutes of soaking, knowing that if she stayed much longer than that, her mind would get lost again. She'd discovered in the past few days that there was something about a bath in particular that made her think about Chuck Bartowski as a lithe, strong body she'd had pressed against hers instead of the intelligent, warm, kind man he was, and the things he'd said. Things that didn't include his hands on her bare skin, his lips against her body, and other sensations she could still feel if she really concentrated. Even days later.
So she practically catapulted herself out of the soapy water, yanked on the chain to drain the tub, and wrapped a towel around her form. She needed to get her head out of that space. She needed a distraction. And she felt guilty wanting a distraction from thoughts of Chuck, even though she knew it was for her own mental health. She didn't understand how every woman who met him didn't suffer from the same constant obsessive dwelling she was dealing with herself.
Maybe it was just them, their connection. Other women didn't see him the way she did because he wasn't the same with other women. Maybe he didn't look at them the same way, that way that had drawn her in; those warm, swirling brown eyes that looked like amber and were so potent. It was an appropriate metaphor, she thought, his eyes reminding her of amber. Wasn't that what prehistoric bugs got stuck in? She was trapped like a prehistoric mosquito in amber.
Shaking her head and rolling her eyes at herself, she tied the towel around her now dry body and padded across the room to begin dressing.
She managed twenty whole minutes of dressing, fixing her hair in front of the vanity, applying her makeup, all without letting her mind wander to Chuck again. She'd forced him out the moment he made an appearance.
This night wasn't about finding other men, though. She was clear with herself about that. There was no way she could even stomach trying if she wanted to. She didn't want to even talk to another man tonight. But if they could find somewhere loud and wild where she could get lost in the atmosphere, somewhere she couldn't hear herself think, that would be perfect. She needed a few hard drinks, too.
There was a knock on her bedroom door then. "Yeah?"
She saw in the mirror reflection as Zondra opened the door and poked her head in. When she saw she was dressed, she came all the way inside, thrusting her hand out, palm up. "See? You're almost ready."
"Yes, just a few minutes and I'll be set. Why?"
"Carina hasn't even picked out her outfit yet. She claims she needed, quote, a little catnap, unquote."
Sarah spun around to face Zondra, the stool she sat on squeaking under her. "What?!" she snapped. "She took a nap? She can sleep in the morning when we get back!"
"That was what I said, too! She's sitting on her bed humming and hawing, not budging. I tried to literally pull her to the closet and she just went right back to think some more. She is out of her mind tonight."
Sarah stood up and walked through her room with her bare feet, scooting past Zondra who stood in the doorway, looking like she was ready to go as well. "Red, what are you doing?" she called out as she walked across the landing above the stairs and went into the hallway. She pushed Carina's bedroom door open and stared at the redhead, crossing her arms. "You're usually the fastest when it comes to getting ready for a night out. Consistently."
"I just can't decide," the other woman said with a shrug. "How fancy and elegant are we going, here? Is it going to be a wild party where a gown would be out of place? Or should I wear a sportier dress because we're going dancing? How much are we drinking? That affects the height of the heels I'll be wearing."
Sarah gaped. "Carina, why are you asking so many questions? We're not meeting Prime Minister Salazar tonight."
The redhead gave her an amused look. "Oh, we're not? I must've been mistaken. It's tomorrow night then, is it?"
The blonde snorted. "Stop futzing around and get dressed. And for God's sake, do something with that hair of yours."
"Ha!" Zondra's voice came from behind her. "And hurry up, we don't got all night."
Carina finally stood up and grumbled, standing in front of her closet. "Well, what about color?"
"Oh, come on," Zondra groused.
"Carina, dear God." Sarah crossed to stand next to her. "You're a redhead, you look amazing in green. Here. A green dress. It's the perfect amount of elegance for tonight, with a hint of sporty." She pulled it out and held it up to her friend's tall figure. "You look amazing. Now put it on."
"I don't know that I want to wear green tonight."
"What?!"
"I just mean, it's almost gimmicky, isn't it? A redhead always wearing green?"
Sarah gave Carina the most confused, annoyed look she could muster. "Gimmicky? I've got blond hair and blue eyes and I wear blue all the time. Because it looks good. That's not gimmicky. It's intelligent fashion. Put the damn green dress on. You're wasting time."
"I'm not wasting time on purpose. This has been a long couple of days, we're finally going out on the town in Lisbon together, and I want it to be perfect, that's all."
"And whether or not you wear green isn't going to affect that in any real way, Red," Zondra piped up. "So put that crap on and let's get out of here. I'm getting impatient."
"Patience is a virtue," Carina crooned.
"Not right nooow it isn't," Zondra crooned back sarcastically.
"Enough. Put it on, damn it." Sarah shoved the dress into Carina's hands.
"Worried you'll miss all of the eligible rich bachelors at the Lisbon nightclubs, Miss Sarah?" the redhead drawled, batting her eyelashes sweetly.
"I don't give half a damn about rich bachelors. Especially not tonight. I'm specifically trying not to think about one of them in particular. That's the point of this outing. And I wish you'd get dressed so that I can get a start on that," Sarah nearly whined.
"I can think of a way to purge Trust Fund from your brain, Blondie," Carina said, a teasing look on her face. But there was a strange amount of seriousness in her blue eyes. "It might involve other trust funds."
"That's not what I want. I'm not looking for other trust funds. I'm looking for distraction."
"Men can be distracting."
"I'm not looking for human distraction."
"Fair enough."
"This isn't about me and Chuck, though. This is just about the three of us having an enjoyable night together. Seeing what Lisbon night life has to offer, since we're going to be here for a while, right?" She turned and sent a look towards Zondra, including her in this as well.
"Sounds good to me," the brunette said, crossing her arms and shrugging. "But this fool here refuses to put on a damn dress."
"Will you please put on the damn dress?" Sarah asked Carina. "For us."
"Fine. I'll put it on. But I'm not promising I won't find myself my own rich bachelor tonight. You might be stuck on Trust Fund, but I am free as a bird." Sarah giggled and walked away as Carina slipped the dress on over her lace shift and slid her arms through the arm holes in it.
They stood there watching then as she spent an annoying amount of time with the zipper, as though it was jammed or something.
Zondra let out an annoyed growl and stomped over, slapping Carina's hands away. "I've got it. Just...stand there. Straighten your back and stop slouching."
"I couldn't reach it with my back straight," Carina argued.
"Well, I can so straighten your damn spine."
Carina rolled her eyes and pulled her shoulders back. "Better?"
"Yes. Move your hair."
The redhead gathered her locks up and waited for Zondra to zip up the back of her dress, then she let her hair fall back. "Let me just do my hair and makeup. Why don't you two wait downstairs?"
"Nuh uh." Zondra shook her head. "I'm afraid you'll lie down and take another catnap."
"I can't have any privacy while I'm getting ready?"
"We gave you enough privacy. Now we're gonna stand here until you're ready."
"Why?"
"Because we're both ready to go and you're just standing here lollygagging! I want to get a drink and dance with some tall, dark, and handsome Portuguese man, damn it!"
"Well, I'm not stopping you, honey," Carina quipped, shrugging, and, Sarah noticed, still not going to the vanity to work on her hair and makeup.
"You literally are. We've already been an hour at this, including the time Sarah and I took to get ready."
"The faster you two leave my room, the faster we get out of this house and out into the Lisbon nightlife," she said in a sing-songy voice, flipping her hair for the effect.
Sarah just rolled her eyes and went to Zondra, grabbing her shoulders and guiding her out. "Fine. We'll wait for you downstairs. But you'd better hurry up."
"I'm hurrying!"
It was an entire hour later that Sarah found herself back inside of Carina's bedroom, watching Zondra stand over the redhead as she sat at her vanity mirror, the two of them arguing back and forth.
"I've had it, Red! I've really had it!" the brunette said, raising her voice.
"Good. Fine. Then have it."
"Two hours!" Zondra groused. "Two hours from the time we all started getting ready 'til now! Is there something wrong with you?"
"I dunno, Z. You tell me."
Sarah rolled her eyes. Carina knew exactly how to get under Zondra's skin. Playing dumb, using that sweet, saccharine voice, not raising her own voice the way Zondra wanted her to...the sarcasm...oh, Zondra was going to snap. And Sarah had to be here for it, so that she could watch, because she was getting seriously frustrated with the redhead, too.
"You've been a problem all day, Carina. All day. And now we're trying to go out and you take more than TWO HOURS to get ready! By the time we get to a club, they'll be all out of gin!"
"Guess you'll have to make do with vodka, huh? What's good for the Russians…" She let her voice trail off, turning back to the mirror to calmly continue applying her mascara.
"Careful, Red. You play with fire, you're liable to get burned," Sarah warned through clenched teeth, trying with all her might to stay even-keeled and calm. Someone had to rein this in when it got too intense.
That would not be Zondra, by the looks of it.
"I'm not playing with fire," the red-haired con woman said with a casual shrug. "I'm just trying to get ready."
"FOR. TWO. HOURS."
Carina glanced up at Zondra over her shoulder and batted her eyelashes. "Well, honey, you can't rush perfection."
"Oh my God, I will kill you, Red. I will. Don't think I won't. I've put a handful of folks underground and you know it's true."
"Mmmhmmm."
"You know, I've punched enough fellas in their throats for saying women are high maintenance, but you're proving them right and I genuinely hate you for it at the moment," the brunette growled.
"Good. I hate you, too. Just for that, I'm going slower."
Zondra made a fist, gritting her teeth, and Sarah leapt in, grabbing the other woman's arm and forcing her a few steps back. She was only half sure Zondra wouldn't have killed Carina if she hadn't just stepped in.
"You damn-" Zondra growled like a caged lion and stepped back, brushing herself off. "That's it. I'm not going. My patience is gone. I didn't wanna go this bad."
Carina put down her mascara, raising her eyebrows and smiling. "Oh, good. That's fine. We won't go."
Sarah spun around. "What?! No! We agreed! We all agreed we were going out tonight! I can't stay here; I'll go absolutely mad!" she pleaded.
"She said she doesn't wanna, so…" Carina shrugged matter-of-factly, like she wasn't the root of the entire issue.
"I'm out of patience with you and your attitude. I'm just not going. You lost your chance," Zondra said, walking out of the room.
Carina shot up from her bench and yelled, "GOOD!"
Sarah followed Zondra, though, feeling a bit desperate and angry. "Zondra, be a damn adult!"
Zondra spun on her at the staircase. "Oh, so she can be a child, but I have to be an adult! That makes a lotta sense!"
"That's not what I'm saying! You're both being idiotic!"
"You're idiotic!"
"Grow up!"
"No! Not until she does!"
Sarah kept following Zondra down the stairs. "This vacation has been horrible! I've been heartbroken and-"
"Well, whose fault is that, Blondie?"
"Mine! Obviously!" Sarah said, rolling her eyes. Zondra was apparently trying to use her leaving Chuck behind as a dagger in this situation, but she was well aware she'd made the decision and she was hurting thanks to her own actions. She wasn't letting Zondra have this victory. "That's beside the point! I'm trying to push past it and go out for one. fun. night. And you two are ruining it with this trivial nonsensical argument!"
"No!"
"You're making everything worse by-"
"I'm not going!"
Carina crashed down the stairs behind them. "Me, neither!" she yelled.
"I HATE YOU BOTH! I'M TRYING TO HEAL!" Sarah belted. She shut her eyes tight and took a deep breath. "I forgot my shoes." She smoothed he hands down the front of her dress and cleared her throat. "I'm going upstairs to get them. When I come back down, we. are. leaving. That's all there is to it."
As she climbed back up the stairs, she heard them following.
"We can't! I'm not ready!" Carina yelled.
"I'm not going!" Zondra yelled at the same time, just a step or two behind Sarah.
Anything Sarah planned to say to them was interrupted, however, when there was a knock on the front door.
All three of them stopped.
Sarah spun on her heel, looking down at Zondra behind her first, then at Carina who was at the foot of the stairs still. "Who is showing up at our door at almost ten at night?" she hissed loud enough so both of them could hear without whoever was out there hearing.
Both of them shrugged, eyes wide.
It couldn't be anything good.
The knock sounded again, a short, clipped, playful rat atat tat.
"I'll get it," Carina said, clenching her jaw, her blue eyes flashing dangerously. She went to the small desk pressed against the wall in the entry way and slowly slid the drawer open, pulling a small pistol out. "I doubt it's Jay...it's too early for Jay."
Sarah glared. For all of Carina's posturing about needing to stay home tonight in case Jay came back, now she was suddenly agreeing that he probably wouldn't make it in tonight. Typical.
But she braced herself then as Carina went to answer, sliding the lock and slowly opening the door a crack, hiding the gun behind her back and putting her other foot out to block the door in case whoever it was tried to push it open and force their way in.
"Yes?"
"Hello, there, M—Oh...I-I'm sorry. You're just...You're pretty."
Sarah frowned. Who on Earth…?
"Thanks, handsome. Who are you?" Carina chirped.
"Oh. Oh, right! Right, of course. I'm a…" His voice drifted off. "Honestly, you have these freckles that sort of disappear and reappear in the light and I'm just dazzled. I—That's not why I'm here. I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared for a beautiful woman to open the door obviously." He cleared his throat. "Sorry. I'm here because I have a package. I'm a courier, see. A special courier. And I need you to sign for this package I have. See? It's right here. Under my arm."
"I...see it. Say that thing about the freckles again, cutie. I liked it."
"Oh. Ohh…" his voice breathed. "Ahem. I-I mean, I'm here to deliver this package, miss."
"That little ol' box for me?" the redhead drawled.
"N-No. It's...Well, I dunno. I'm just...I'm the...you know…"
"Right. The courier. Special courier."
"Exactly. You got it. Will you just sign?"
"Well, who's it for?"
"Uh, um…" There was a slight pause. "It says here it's for a Miss, er, Miss Blond Mystery? Yep. Package is for Miss Blond Mystery." He cleared his throat again. "Weird name. But I don't do anythin' but deliver the packages. Because I am a courier. That is my job. Courier..ing." Sarah thought she could almost hear the other man gulping.
But she was already walking down the stairs towards the door when she heard 'Miss Blond Mystery'. She was the only blonde in the house. It was for her, obviously. But who the hell had sent a courier to her door with a package? Who even knew she was here?
Carina signed and took the box. "Thanks, cutie."
"You, uh, you have a good night, miss."
"Oh, trust me. I mean to." She blew him a kiss as she shut the door and Sarah could swear she heard him tripping on his way down the front steps, and a soft, "Ow", before the door shut. Carina threw the lock and then turned to face Sarah with the box in both hands. "You're the only blonde I know at the moment."
"Why am I getting a package here? No one knows I'm here save for us and Jay. Jay's still out on the water somewhere, so it can't be from him."
"Not only that, he wouldn't call you a blond mystery," Carina snarked. "The man does not have a way with words."
Sarah scoffed and took the package as Carina offered it up to her. She turned it over and studied the box. She didn't recognize the handwriting on it.
"Maybe you have an admirer in the neighborhood who noticed you coming and going over the last few days?" Zondra theorized, leaning against the bannister of the staircase casually.
"That's silly," Sarah admonished. "We don't really have neighbors. They're all further down the hill. And we just got here yesterday."
"Do you have any enemies?"
"You two are the only ones I know of," she said drily, eyeing them both. At least Carina had the decency to wince at that. Zondra didn't seem to care.
"Open it."
She glanced up at Carina who looked eager. That was a bit suspicious, she thought, but she figured she'd open it anyway. She was even more curious about the contents. "Here's hoping it isn't a bomb," she murmured.
"Or poison," Zondra offered helpfully.
Sarah shook her head and tore at the tape, popping the flaps of the box open and looking inside. There was another box inside, much smaller, and covered in blue velvet. "What…?"
Frowning in confusion, she pulled the box out.
"A jewelry box?" Carina asked.
"I-I don't know."
Sarah shoved the packing box under her arm and popped open the rectangular blue velvet box, peering down with wide eyes. "What. Is. Going. On?" she asked breathlessly.
"What is it? Lemme see!" Carina pushed up next to her and looked down. "Wait, what are these? Gems?"
The blonde carefully plucked one of the two shimmering, brown gems out of the carefully padded slot in the box. "Two axinite gems, intricately cut...These are beautifully cut. Almost perfect…" she breathed in awe.
"Axinite?" Zondra asked, but Sarah ignored her, her mind going a mile a minute.
Who would send her two perfectly hewn axinite stones like this? These were probably worth a pretty penny, not as much as other rare gems, of course, but she imagined a few thousand each, if not more. It depended on the clarity of the stone. But that didn't matter. What really mattered was who had sent these?
Two axinite, placed so perfectly in this blue velvet box.
"Who sent this?" Carina asked, reaching in to take the other stone. Sarah pulled away and pouted at her. "Oh, come on. I'll give it back."
"They were sent to me," Sarah said, still letting the redhead take the other stone and study it in the light from the lamp on the entry way desk. "I don't know why, or by whom-"
But the words died in her throat as she was assailed by a specific memory. It was almost a week ago when it happened, but the words rang in her ears now.
Has anyone told you your eyes look like axinite? Pure axinite.
I've never heard of axinite.
What a shame. It's a very beautiful mineral. And rare.
He'd given her such an adorably confused look, which had only emphasized his eyes further. That was only the beginning of the flirtation that afternoon. It was the beginning of everything.
"Why axinite? How do you even find this? Whoever sent this is either loaded or a thief like us. This is worrisome," Carina was saying, and all Sarah could do was shake her head, staring down at the gems as her friend put the other one back into the slot in the box.
"Did we steal axinite from the Chellequin?" Zondra asked. "It could be that we sent it to ourselves without remembering."
Both Sarah and Carina sent her supremely flat looks.
"What? It's more of an explanation than you two've come up with."
All Sarah could do was gaze at the stones, feeling her eyes start to fill. She didn't even bother trying to blink away the oncoming tears. How had he even remembered…?
No. More importantly, how did he know where to send them?
Before she could properly freak out over that very important question, there was another knock on the door. Her heart leapt into her throat.
"Oh, what n—Whoa!"
Sarah shoved Carina out of her way and lunged at the front door, turning the lock. She ripped the door open.
There he was. All six feet and four inches of trust fund and warmth. A slow smile grew over his face, and then his glittering brown eyes dropped to the box in her hand and he grinned a bit crookedly. "I see my courier arrived on time."
The sound of his voice broke through the startled haze that had settled over her and she gasped out his name.
"Chuck!"
}o{
She dropped the packing box at her feet and had her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck. She heard his hat that she knocked off of his head fall to the steps behind him and she didn't care because he was holding her again.
"Hoooo-lyyyy mackerel," came a gasp from behind her.
She didn't care.
She didn't care, she didn't care, she didn't care.
All she cared about was in her arms. She worked hard to not let the tears fall, but the relief and pure joy she was feeling threatened to make them spill over. She feared if she started she wouldn't be able to stop.
But then he pulled back a bit and cupped her face, happiness radiating from his features. "You're a stinker, Sarah Walker," he breathed. "Didn't even let me say goodbye."
"I know. I know, I'm sorry." She sprang at him again, hugging him, clinging to him. And then something occurred to her and she pulled back. "How?" she panted. "How are you here? How'd you know where to—? God, I can't believe you sent me axinite. After that horrible pick-up line."
"It wasn't so horrible. It worked."
"Hey, maybe bring the party inside," Carina said then, and Sarah glanced back to see her opening the door wider.
Oh.
She pulled back from Chuck and dragged him inside the entry way, letting Carina shut the door behind them. As she gazed up at Chuck, her heart pounding against her ribcage, she noticed the smirk he sent Carina over her shoulder.
"Fashionably late, Curls," the redhead said, apparently having picked up his hat at some point, as she proffered it to him. He let go of Sarah with one hand, the other arm slung around her slim waist, and he took the hat.
"It's a trait I learned from my mother," he said with a shrug.
"What?" Sarah asked, breathless, as she kept both of her arms wrapped tight around his torso. She was almost afraid to let go. Afraid this was a dream.
"I was about ready to go find your rich backside and drag you here by the seat of your pants," Carina groused.
"I'm sorry. What?" Sarah repeated, looking back and forth between them.
"I agree with what she says," Zondra piped up, jaw slack. "What?"
This time, Sarah did let go, taking a step away from Chuck so that she could see the both of them.
"That was how he knew where this place was. Carina, did you give him this address?" She stared with wide eyes. "You did, didn't you? After everything I said about trying to protect him. What were you thinking?"
"Blah blah blah, you were trying to protect him. You were doing the right thing by him. You don't deserve him. You're not enough for him. Blah blah. I heard the whole spiel, Sar, but everything else besides your voice—your eyes, your face, the way you looked so defeated and unhappy—was telling me the opposite. So I decided to do something to make you happy. I gave him a chance where you neglected to. I told him where you'd be so that he could make the choice for himself." She shrugged. "And that was the right thing."
"N-No, Carina." She spun. "Chuck, you—This is crazy." She spun back to Carina. "You! You know what this job entails, what my life is like. This life. It isn't safe for...normal people."
"Hey!" Zondra joked, still at the staircase.
"I'm not exactly normal," Chuck said, shrugging. "My existence is anything but normal."
"But you don't get shot at." She put her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Stay in your world where you don't run the risk of being shot at, Chuck."
"I'm a multi-millionaire, one of the richest men in the western world, always out in the public eye...I've been told to hire security on multiple occasions, bodyguards, what have you. I'm not saying it's anything like what you do, or the danger involved in what you do. But this isn't a regular life I'm living. I'm not a regular guy." His hands slid to gently grip onto her hips.
"You're not a criminal."
"That's true. But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to make some sacrifices."
"Uhhh...Zondra, what do you say we hit the town just the two of us?" Carina broke in, then, awkwardly.
Sarah realized the two of them had been standing there the whole time and she blushed a bit, sharing a look with Chuck and turning to face them. She felt his hand settle on her lower back and heat spilled through her midsection.
"Wait just a minute." The brunette straightened up from where she was jauntily leaning against the bannister and pointed at the redhead. "You've got some cheek! That whole two hour procrastination stunt was about Trust Fund Kid, wasn't it? You were stalling because you thought he might come! You set all of this up and you dragged the two of us along to the point where I was ready to stab you in the eye with my hairpin!"
"Ummm, maybe?"
Chuck stepped around Sarah then, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his pants pocket. "You mean this note she left in my pocket when she tied me to the chair a few days ago? Gave me the address and the date. Signed, Red."
"Mmmm and you didn't let me down," Carina drawled, closing the distance between them and moving in to give him a big kiss on his cheek.
Sarah rolled her eyes. "You wrote the address of my house down on a piece of paper and stuffed it in his pocket? Carina, nothing about that is safe!"
"You trusted him enough to give him your real name, Sarah Walker. So I figured this was fair game."
"She has a point," Chuck murmured.
"You be quiet."
He widened his eyes and pressed his lips together, holding a hand up and looking away.
"And now this conniver wants me to go out on the town with her, after the last two hours of waiting. I honestly hate you, you know that?" Zondra groused, pushing away from the staircase and walking towards the door. She grabbed Carina's shoulder and pushed her towards it in front of her. "Go. You're buying my first three drinks. You, don't wait up," she said, pointing at Sarah. "And you!" She spun on her heel, facing Chuck. "You came through. I didn't expect that. I'm pleasantly surprised. You might be...okay, Trust Fund."
"You really are just gonna call me Trust Fund forever, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I am."
"Not 'Chuck' or anything?"
"Nah."
"Well, all right. Fair enough."
She snorted and the two of them were gone, the front door shut behind them.
}o{
The air was almost uncomfortable in the entry way, Chuck found. An awkwardness had settled between them now that the flurry of events had died down, almost as quickly as it had started. The other two women had disappeared out that door, it had slammed shut behind them, and now he was alone with Sarah for the first time in what felt like a year, even though it was four days at the most.
Sarah sighed heavily and turned to face him, her eyes tired. And even though he saw some sadness in her, he could tell she was glad to see him. And it wasn't just him projecting because he was ecstatic to see her again, after fearing he never would.
She was glad to see him. Glad he was here.
But he could also see in her face that she was going to go back to that old talking point again. He had his work cut out for him. But at least he had time now.
"Chuck...I can't believe you're here," she breathed, reaching out and putting a hand on his bicep, running her hand down his arm almost reverently. It made his heart beat faster. And he had to bite his lip to keep from closing the distance and kissing her to within an inch of her life. That wouldn't help anything, but Lord save him, it would feel so good.
"I wouldn't be if Carina hadn't slipped me your address. I think that means she likes me!" he chirped, giving her his signature smile and winking.
She seemed to smile almost in spite of herself. "I never know what she is thinking or doing. Who she likes, who she doesn't like. She keeps us all on our toes."
"Kept me on my toes, too," he said, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Ellie found it in my jacket pocket and I didn't quite know what to do with it at first. But almost immediately, I thought to myself, why in damn hell wouldn't I take advantage of this opportunity I've been given?"
Sarah shrugged, looking almost shy. It was strange, seeing this woman be shy. It was different, but he'd never been opposed to different, and he wasn't about to start now.
"Sometimes Carina's prime motivation in life is stirring things up, doing what people don't want her to do, causing havoc, and then she sits back with a cocktail and watches it all play out," she said, frowning. "I don't know yet if this is one of those times."
"Or...maybe she wants to see us happy." He tilted his head. "Perhaps not me. She doesn't know me. But I can believe she'd want to see you happy."
"Maybe she does. But this has been a shock and I don't quite know...what to think. Honestly."
"So...you're not happy to see me." Maybe he'd been wrong…
"You idiot, of course I'm happy to see you. I was miserable at the thought that I'd never see you again." He felt his entire heart and soul soar at her admission, and he tried to keep it from showing too hard on his face. "But I'm not certain this is...I just mean to say that I knew what I was doing when I said those things to you that morning in Saint-Tropez. I'll never be enough for you. I'll never be good. Not in the way you deserve."
"There are a lot of different definitions for 'good', Sarah Walker. You might not be good in one way, and you're still good in other ways." He moved in a bit closer, careful not to touch her but still leaning in so that their faces were mere inches away. "You're good in all the ways that are important to me."
She let out a deep breath. "What if that's not good enough for me?"
Chuck didn't know how to respond to that. So he just swallowed and kept his eyes on hers.
"Chuck, you're incredible. And you really have a way with words. I-I don't. Unless I'm working, trying to lie, manipulate, act my way through a con, to get something I need, I am no wordsmith. But I'm going to try to put this as clearly as I can. I simply do not deserve you."
"I disagree," he said easily, shrugging.
"I suppose that's your prerogative, but I think you're wrong. You already know this, but maybe I need to repeat it again. I steal things for a living and I have no intention of stopping."
He shrugged again. "I know. And I wouldn't want you to."
"Then how the hell is this supposed to work?" she asked, throwing her hands up. She gestured between them then, almost a bit manically. He could see how frustrated she was. "This thing between us, as good as it is, what kind of viability does this have? A criminal and a socialite. It's nothing but trouble."
Said socialite opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off.
"I know, I know. You like trouble. But be realistic for a second, Chuck. Please. What kind of longevity is here?"
"I don't know," he said, twisting his mouth to the side thoughtfully. "I don't know if it has longevity. I think it does. I really, really think it does. But I don't know for sure. How could anyone say anything in the future is for sure? But why can't we try anyway?"
"And what's that going to look like, in your mind?" she asked immediately. "What does us trying look like to you?"
He stopped, took in her words, and let them settle in his mind. She seemed to be waiting patiently enough for him. And he finally sighed heavily.
"Sarah, I don't know. Not just yet. These last few days I've been traveling from Saint-Tropez to Lisbon, all the while conspiring about how best to do this whole...presentation. Showing up at your door and everything." He'd been worried, honestly, that she would recognize Morgan as the courier almost immediately. But apparently he'd put on enough of an act that she hadn't. He'd seen the outright surprise on her face when she opened the door, the hopefulness…
"I haven't thought about how to make this work," he said. "Maybe part of me thought we'd talk about it after I got you to actually let me in."
"You didn't think I'd let you in?" she asked, looking up at him through her eyelashes, a little pout on her lips.
"I wasn't certain. You seemed pretty resolute when you left me tied and gagged that morning," he said, giving her a less than pleased look. She at least had the decency to wince. "But I had to try. I couldn't not try. If only it meant...seeing you again."
Sarah bit her lip and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "You get me so confused. I never know if I want you to keep talking like that, or if I want you to stop."
"Sorry. You bring out the love poet in me."
That made her giggle. "That was utterly terrible."
"It felt really bad. Yeah."
They laughed together. He sobered first, gnawing on his lip, watching her. He decided to be truthful, completely truthful.
"Sarah, I don't have any idea in my head of what this is gonna look like. Us. Us trying, I mean. I haven't had enough time to think about it. I've been so caught up in getting to see you again, trying to see you again. I was honestly a tad worried on the plane to Saint-Tropez that Carina was playing a cruel joke on me. Ellie didn't think so, but deep down inside I was worried."
"Ellie?" she asked, eyes wide. "Ellie is...here?"
"Ellie, Devon...Morgan my axinite courier. Yes. They're all here. I suppose you could call this a, um, family affair." He gave her a crooked smile. "They know everything." She blanched. "Wait, not everything. I didn't tell them...your real name. And only Morgan knows this address. I had to. He was my courier."
She sniffed in amusement, he thought. "I thought I might've recognized that voice, but I didn't put two and two together." She opened the box again and looked down at the gems he'd struggled to find and have delivered to him fast enough to make this happen. He'd spent a fortune, but for him, it was nearly nothing. Especially if it meant making this work between him and his robber. "This was clever, Chuck. Two axinite gems."
"Like my eyes. Apparently. That's what you said, anyway."
She giggled and shut the box again, setting it to the side. As she crossed her arms, he thought maybe she had something else to say, so he stayed quiet, letting her have a bit of time to think.
"I'm terrified for you, Chuck. There's no path I can see that will fit the both of us. And if you try to go down my path, eventually you'll be unhappy. And that's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario, you get caught up in some trouble like you did last week, only this time your parents' legacy doesn't protect you. Even worse than that, you get hurt. Or…" Her voice trailed off and he knew what she wasn't saying.
He swallowed thickly. "And you don't want to go down my path, I know." He nodded. "I understand it, too. I'd never expect you to throw your whole life, what you enjoy doing, away for me. You know that, right?"
Sarah smiled a bit. "I know. But I'm just going to reiterate this again; my whole life, what I enjoy doing, is stealing from other people. Which is why I'm so resistant to this entire scheme."
"It isn't a scheme," he said, accidentally letting his frustration show. He willed himself to take a breath, calm down. "We're two people who are in love and we're trying to find a way, just one way, to be together."
"You're right," she said quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trivialize it."
"It's all right, Sarah."
"I'm just completely flummoxed by all of this, Chuck. By how much you want to be with me, knowing everything that you know. By how hard you're pushing for it, when you have no idea whether it can even work. By the fact that I've found the one thing in the world I want more than anything, and it's somehow made me even more sure that I shouldn't have it." She let out a hard breath and pushed her hair back from her face, obviously frustrated.
"Because you love me and you're trying to protect me. That means more to me than you know, Sarah. Truly." He finally moved in and held her arms under her elbows, looking into her blue eyes. "But we can still make this work."
Sarah pulled away suddenly and pushed past him, walking through the double doors into what looked like a study. He followed after her, deciding to stop short of touching her again, just letting her stand there, her back to him, body tense.
"How can you say we can make this work when we have no plan?" She spun to face him, and he wondered if she knew her face was begging for him to find a plan somehow. If he could just give her a reason to hope this might work…
"We don't have a plan. Not yet. But what if Carina has gifted us exactly what we need?"
"What? Another chance?"
"That, sure. But mostly, she's given us time, Sarah. Time we didn't have in Saint-Tropez. We have this safe setting with which to take our time, too. No gendarmerie looming over our heads, waiting to pounce. She's given us time to talk, to figure it out." He huffed, scratching the back of his head. "You know, what if we don't have to have a plan right now? Tonight?" A crooked smile stretched over his lips and he caught her eye. "I'm a young man, Sarah Walker. I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I've got time."
Her chest rose and fell again, and she licked her lips...almost hungrily, he thought. But then she gulped and shook her head. "This is madness," she breathed, crossing her arms and pressing her fingers to her lips, looking off to the side.
"I know. It is. But then again, what if it isn't?" She sent him a flat look. "Just food for thought," he said with a shrug.
"What are you doing, Chuck? All of this," she said, gesturing around them. "Making love to a criminal. Trying to make it work when you know it's a dead end." She sighed and gave him a long look. "You know this is a dead end, don't you?"
"No. I don't know that. Not at all. And there's no way you could know it, either, Sarah."
"Chuck, you're crazy! As much as we both want this, it can't happen! You need to get your head out of the clouds. I get it, you're used to getting everything you want." She froze then, looking remorseful. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so harsh."
"You're not altogether wrong, Sarah." She looked a little confused. "Having this much money usually means I can buy just about anything, and I suppose if I wanted to—anyone." He winced. "But that's the thing; this isn't like that. It's different. My whole life, I've wanted for nothing. I was taken care of every step of the way. I was provided with the best education, privileged beyond all measure. But these last ten years, as much as I've gotten what I wanted—funding for scholarships for other kids, support for all of my charitable causes, et cetera—I've never really wanted." He closed the distance as he spoke, hearing the desperate undertone in his own voice and not caring to disguise it. "I'm talking real want, where it makes your blood...I don't know, burn inside of you. Like having it will make everything real and clear. It's madness, you're right. All of this. My teasing aside, it is madness." He held onto her arms, stepping even closer so that their fronts were brushing. "And at the same time, I feel like everything is finally settling inside of me. You make me feel...peace. Calm. Even though I'm absolutely certain that life with you won't be particularly easy. This, us figuring out a way to make it work won't be easy. But it's gonna be worth it. Whether we've got the longevity you're so concerned about or not, Sarah."
"I want to believe that with everything in me-"
"Let yourself believe it, then. Let this happen."
"How?" she burst out, pulling away again, rubbing a hand down her face. "Like I keep having to say, there is no plan."
"And like I keep having to say, there doesn't need to be a plan right now. We have time. For all intents and purposes, we have all the time in the world," he said, outstretching his arms to the side. "We have the time to come up with a plan, or multiple plans. We can work together on this. Think about it, mull it over, try different things. I don't know. I don't care. I just want to know that you're willing to try. Because I am."
"Are you willing to end up in prison because you're seeing a jewel thief?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.
"I dunno! Maybe! But I don't think that's gonna happen."
"Like you said yourself, we don't know what'll happen in the future."
He groaned. "Don't throw my words in my face like that, Sarah."
"You said them."
"I did," he relented. "And I meant them. But you have to let me make a decision for myself, even if you are trying to protect me."
"You don't know what this life is like, Chuck. Carina does, and maybe that's why I'm so angry with her. She knows what this life entails and she gave you a way to force yourself into it, where you can be legitimately hurt."
"She gave me a choice you stripped from me that morning."
She reeled back a bit, almost as though she'd been hit. And it made his chest ache, but he wasn't backing down just yet. He couldn't.
"Listen to me, Sarah. Really listen."
"I am. Just because I disagree with you, doesn't mean I'm not listening," she snapped. He'd hurt her feelings a bit, he could see. And damn him, but the flash of immaturity and stubbornness she was showing in this moment made him love her all the more.
"All right. I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "You're right that I don't know everything that your career entails. I've probably glorified it in my head in some ways because of the Fantômas comics my dad and I read together when I was a kid." She didn't seem to understand the reference. He thought he'd show them to her later. If there was a later. He was starting to wonder if he might not get through to her, even with this extra time he was given. "Maybe I never will fully understand that. I know for a fact that I'd never be able to fit myself into that world. You're right about that, too. But none of that means we can't find some way to...to meet in the middle."
"Again...how seems to be the question neither of us can answer," she murmured.
"Not yet. We will, though. Maybe both of us have a few things we'll need to compromise on. Sacrifice."
"I don't want to sacrifice anything."
"But you'll sacrifice your happiness. And being with me."
She clenched her jaw and looked away, blinking rapidly. He thought perhaps tears were gathering in her eyes. "You don't understand what you'd be getting into with me. And so what if you make the sacrifices, Chuck? And we end up finding some way to be together? Only for you to discover in a few months, or even a few years, that I'm not all you made me out to be?"
He sighed, thinking about it for a few moments. "Realistically, I don't have an answer for that. But I can tell you that I feel with everything in me that what you just said isn't going to happen. I know what I'm about, Sarah. I'm a grown, twenty-seven year old man who's been through the ringer in some ways, and has been given everything he has in a lot of other ways, but I know what I'm about. I know what I want. I know how I feel."
"Then we go back to what I said a few moments ago. What if I don't want to sacrifice any part of my lifestyle?"
"Not even if it turns out to be worth it? Not just for me, but for this. What we could be. How fantastic both our lives might be if we're together." She was quiet, thoughtful. He decided to press his luck a little bit. "I feel like deep down you know it'd be worth it. I'd never ask you to sacrifice everything. But maybe if we take this time Carina's given us by helping me to find you again, we can figure out what each of us can sacrifice, what we're willing to sacrifice, to make this work."
"I'm really getting fed up with how easily you're getting inside of my head."
He chuckled. "I can't say I'm sorry."
She snorted. And then she frowned, pushing a lock of lustrous blond hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I love you, Chuck. And I need you to know something about me, about my life, that I've never told anyone. I've never really had any reason to."
He nodded, listening closely, paying close attention.
"There's never been a time in my life when I thought I was going to find my...someone. You know?" He was still a bit foggy on where she was going, so he just furrowed his brow. "You don't know." She gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I wish I had your way with words right about now. What I mean to say is that regular girls—people in general, not just girls—have this expectation, I think, of finding a person, someone who is important, becomes theirs. You know, the whole marriage, baby...or for some people maybe even a whirlwind romance is enough. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying, but I never had that thought. I never got to a place where I felt I'd want or need it. Maybe I didn't think it had a place in my life." She took a deep breath. "I'm not saying that for sympathy. Because it never felt like a bad thing. My lifestyle didn't allow for it, really. Men, yes. Love, no. Because…why? What for?" She furrowed her brow and shrugged, and he noticed her crossed arms slid around to the point where she was hugging herself now. "And I'm telling you this, because it means that I never expected in a million years to meet you. Not you, Charles Irving Bartowski, the youngest heir to Stephen and Mary Bartowski's fortune. But you...the man I've fallen in love with. I never knew there was anyone like you. Never would've guessed it in a million years. So I wasn't ready for how fast and intense and real this was. And now I'm...floundering, maybe. And confused. And...having a hard time. I love you. I want what's best for you. But I want you, even though I know I'm not what's best for you."
Chuck sucked in a deep breath and nodded. "I understand. And I think I agree, even though I come from a completely different place than you do. I-I mean, I think in a way it's been the same for me. I told you before, I've been with women, just like I'm sure you've been with men." She raised an eyebrow. "That sounded bad. I didn't mean it like that. It's not a judgmental thing. I just...Look, I'll be blunt. There is no way, with the things you did to me that night, that it was your first time. And I say that with the utmost respect, and frankly, quite a bit of awe."
Sarah was blushing, and he inwardly felt rather good about it.
"And listen, you love me. I know it. I believe you when you say it. I know it just as much as I know I love you. If that makes sense." He scoffed at himself and cleared his throat. "But—and I don't mean this in a harsh way—you don't know me. You do, I mean you do know me, but not...not really. Flirting over a craps table, one dance, a robbery, and two nights of...well...doesn't really lend itself to truly getting to know a person. That's a fact." She shrugged in agreement. "So, with all due respect, Sarah Walker, I'm not at all sure you know what's best for me."
At least this time she didn't look angry. Just thoughtful, quiet.
"I do know what's best for me. I've had twenty-seven years of living in my skin, learning about myself in some...difficult ways. I've gotten to a point where I think I can figure out not just what I want, but what will end up being good for me." He took a deep breath and tilted his head. "Maybe it sounds like I'm talking through my hat. But I know you're good for me. I know what I've tried before you, I know who I've tried. I know what hasn't worked out and why. I've gone through the motions, I've done what was expected of me. I know what isn't good for me. I need someone who's going to keep me honest."
"So...a criminal."
He gave her a look and she shrugged as though she had a point.
"You're more than just a criminal. You're someone who's gonna hold my feet to the fire."
"Whose feet are currently at the fire, Chuck?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
He blushed. "Good point. I just mean that you're not going to let me get away with anything, you're..."
Chuck huffed, and suddenly he was the one who couldn't get the words out.
"If you want a woman who's gonna talk back to you, I'm sure you can find one of those who isn't also a jewel thief who can get you into heaps of trouble."
"I don't want just anyone who's gonna talk back. I want you. Your career choice doesn't change that. You aren't hearing me."
"I am hearing you just fine."
"You're not. You said you're going to get me into trouble. Do I want to end up in jail? No. But I do want the sort of trouble I know you're gonna bring me. The kind of trouble that keeps my blood flowing, that makes me feel like I'm alive. You make me laugh. And I know that's...really corny. But nobody else makes me laugh. Nobody else brings me joy the way you do. And damn it, that's worth something. It's worth everything."
He wasn't expecting her to lunge at him, grab his face, and kiss him. He dove into it with everything he had, wrapping his arms around her, drinking her in. They stayed that way for a while, grabbing at one another, fingers tangling in hair, twisting in clothes…
And when they finally pulled back for air, Chuck panted out an aching, "I am so confused right now...but God, I love it. I love that you do this to me. It's everything I've always needed."
She giggled, kissing him some more and pulling back, her lips still brushing his as she breathed out a heady, "You're mad."
He kissed her this time. "Ohhh, completely," he groaned out, earning another almost manic giggle from his robber. "But you love it."
Sarah bit her lip and nodded. "Mhm.
"I hope you don't think me too forward, but…" Chuck knelt down and just showed her instead of continuing to talk, slipping his arms behind her legs and hoisting her up into his embrace. She squealed and had to wrap her arms around his neck, a look of pleasant surprise on her face.
He knew they hadn't worked things out. He knew she still hadn't give him an answer. But they had time for answers. He needed to get a little more trouble under his skin before they dove back into that.
And as he carried her up the stairs, letting her tell him where her bedroom was, he was very resolute about where he wanted to get that trouble. For the rest of his life.
A/N: Woooooooooooooooooooooooo boy howdy that was a big one. Hope it was as enjoyable for you as it was for me. Hahahaha. Please review! Let me have it. Really tear this chapter apart. Ha haha hahaha hahaha ha (thumbs nose)
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