Disclaimer: No officer, I swear! I don't own a thing! It's all Jo's, all hers!
Author Note: SORRY! It took wayyyy to long for me to get this chap up. And I'm not even going to pretend I have a good excuse for it. 'cause I don't. Pure laziness. That's all. But yay its up now THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS I LURVE U!
This-Recurring-Dream: OMG isn't he??(raffi) the lil girl I was babysitting was like singing along with him and I was ahhh creepy person.
Murdrax-Sirius I scaring me too! N I'm writing it! hahah thanks for reviewing
The sentimental sweets/sugar quill, IzzyBree, Zoe: yay new reviewer! I heart u guys, Fanks so much!
Kelly: I have nothing to say to you. Nyah. We should go skating again! Mebbe crutches will b there.
Piggy396: it DID go right up! Twas amazing I deleted my chart thing though, I decided that it wasn't' important(and I was starting to get overobsessive heee)
Ravenclawroyalty: Bananas should b given the right to vote! I bet they'd like accomplish world peace or something. Theyre such peaceful creatures. Ish
THANK YOU ALL! YAY
Chapter 10: Meet the Family
James: The tooth fairy, eh, Padfoot?
Sirius: Yes. Mr. B used to know her quite intimately. He doesn't like to talk about it though. Quite a nasty business it was when she left him for Santa Clause.
All: -stare at Sirius-
Lily: I'm scared James! Hold me! –cowers in James's arms-
James: If it weren't so creepy, I'd tell Padfoot to act scary more often. It has some pleasant results.
Remus: -approaches Sirius cautiously- Er-Sirius?
Sirius: It's not nice to ignore people Moony! –glares-
Remus: Uhm…what? Oh, Mr. B…Sirius? Could I see Mr. B. for a second…?
Sirius: Of course Moony, I've hogged him quite long enough now. Would you like to meet the rest of his family? –eager look-
Lily: Did he just say the banana has a family? Dear lord James why are you friends with that madman?
James: I'll let you know if I remember.
Remus: That's really OK Sirius, er- I really don't need to see Mr. B's…family.
Sirius: No really, it's no problem! –claps- They'd just LOVE to meet you all! Lemme go round 'em up! –skips around the room collecting random knick knacks and yelling yee haw and howdy partner-
Remus: -goes back to couch- Well I tried…
Lily: -climbs off James' lap- Fat lot of good it did! Now we have to meet the bananas family for god's sake!
James: -puffs out chest-I'll protect you Lady Lily! Sir Jamesie is by your side!
Lily: Right…
Sirius: -bounds up to couch with a euphoric grin on his face- Look! Mr. B's family!! Let me introduce you. This is Mrs. B –holds up what might have been a feather duster in a past life- Met her after the Tooth Fairy scandal. Best thing that ever happened to him
Remus: Sirius! THESE ARE INANIMATE OBJECTS-
Sirius: -whacks Remus on the head with Mrs. B- Remus! Don't say the "I" word! You are SO inconsiderate!
James: IDIOT!
Sirius: -withering look at James- Would you stop focusing on yourself so much James? It's unbecoming.
James: But isn't that the "I" word?
Sirius: Psh, NO! It's –dramatic whisper- Inanimate.
Lily: Sirius! This is insane! You need to-
Sirius: -grins crazily/evilly at Lily and cracks knuckles-
Lily: -squeaks- James! –hides behind James-
Sirius: You three are the RUDEST bananas I've ever met. –glares- This is Brother B. –holds up a length of twisted wire- and this is Sister B. She's a wild one she is. –holds up a wicker basket with holes in it- And this is-
Remus: Sirius! This needs to stop!
Sirius: Shhhhh! You're going to wake up Baby B.!
Lily: How do a demented feather duster and a banana have children!?
Sirius: I was too polite to ask actually…
Lily: -snorts- Polite. Huh.
Sirius: Lily! You woke up the baby! –throws the B siblings at Lily and James and starts to sing very off key-falsetto lullabies to a bottle cap that might have soothed a baby hag, but not much else-
Lily: James! Get those things away from me!
James: Er-ok, anything for you Lily…-picks up wire and basket with two fingers and chucks them across the room-
Lily: My Hero!
Sirius: SHUT UP STUPID BABY! –throws bottle cap across the room-
Lily: If that man ever has children I think child protection services should be at the birth to take them away before something horrible happens. I mean imagine what he'd do to something that actually made noise!
Remus: I think the bottle cap actually does make noise to him Lily…
Sirius: Ahem. Anyway this is Granny B –holds up string with bobby pins attached to it- she's-
Lily: Do you think he'll notice if we just start to read?
James: Probably not. He's monologueing.
Sirius: And here we have Uncle Moggy B.-
Remus: Loudly. I could put a silenceing charm on him.
Lily: Won't he notice if you do that? He might get…violent. I'll just read. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news.
James: Who threw it I wonder.
Lily: -disbelieving look- Polar bears, James. Pink ones.
James: Ohhh. The pink ones have the best aim you know.
Lily: "And finally, bird watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?" "Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that in stead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars-
James: Fshhhhhhhhhhhwaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrroooooo.
Lily and Remus: -stare at James-
James: What? I'm doing my impression of a shooting star.
Lily: Uhmm, Yeah. Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early-its not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight." Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters… Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good-
Sirius: This is second-cousin-twice-removed B. –holds up old dishcloth-
Remus: My god, how big of a family can one banana have??
Lily: As big as Sirius is crazy.
Sirius: -loudly- AND THIS IS SECOND COUSIN'S GREAT UNCLE B. HE'S AN AXE MURDERER. HE DOESN'T LIKE FLOWERS.
Lily: -mumbling- Just keep reading…just keep reading. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously.
James: Ccccgghgllllleeeeeeheghm
Lily: He's choking! Oh my god! Remus! He's choking! HELP!
James: NO! It's ok Lily! I'm not choking! Don't worry. I was just erm…clearing my throat. Nervously. Demonstrating what that Dursley fellow was doing…
Lily: -hits James- James! You prat! I thought you were dying! Don't you EVER do that again.
James: What would I have been choking on anyway? My spit?
Lily: Ew. Well it's possible…or you could have been choking on a…on a…banana. Or something.
James: Banana! Why would I be eating a banana!? I don't think I could touch a banana after this.
Remus: I know what you mean Prongs, I will never look at bananas the same way again.
Lily: I won't even look at bananas PERIOD after this. This has scarred us for life.
Sirius: Hold Mr. B. for a sec, will you? –gives Mr. B. to Lily-
Lily: -screams- GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
James: -grabs banana and throws it at Sirius-
Sirius: James! –glares- What was that for! You could have killed Mr. B.! –holds up the severely squashed mushy Mr. B.-
James: I…er…wanted….well…Lily….didn't want it…
Sirius: You're gonna get it James! –runs towards James-
Lily, James, and Remus: STUPEFY!
Sirius: -falls over backwards-
Remus: How long do you think he'll be out for?
Lily: Hopefully a loooooooong time. Tie him up or something so when he does wake up he won't come after us.
James: We can't do that…
Lily: -glares- Yes. We. Can.
James: -gulp- Er-ok. Moony?
Remus: Why do you make me do it?
Lily: Don't ask why Remus. You don't want to know the answer.
James and Remus: -stare at Lily-
Remus: Erm…ok then. –conjures ropes and ties Sirius up-
Lily: Ok back to reading now. "Er- Petunia, dear- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?" Not voluntarily I'm sure. As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.
James: My god, what happened between you two?
Lily: -grits teeth- I don't want to talk about it. "No," she said sharply. "Why?" "Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls…shooting stars…and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today…" "So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley. "Well, I just thought…maybe…it was something to do with…you know…her crowd." GAHHH! They make me so mad! I can't read anymore! –throws book at James-
James: Ow! Lily! How many times do I have to tell you that that thing is hardcover?
Lily: James! You are such a baby! It's only a book and I didn't even throw it that hard! Just read it will you! I need something to take my mind off Petunia.
James: But, Lily, the book is about Petunia. Sort of.
Lily: What's your point?
James: Well, you know, when you want to take your mind off things don't u like not want to read about them?
Lily: James, James, James, you're reading into this wayyy to much. Just read!
Remus: -takes book from James-
James: I still don't see how reading about your sister is going to take your mind off her. Hey! The book is gone! It disappeared! Maybe the door is back now! –runs over to wall and starts pounding on it-
Remus: James! The book did not disappear! I have it right here! And for God's sake stop pounding on the wall, there is nothing there.
James: What? Oh…-goes back to couch- Well you heard the girl Moony, READ!
Remus: -rolls eyes- Ok Prongs. Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare.
James: Ha! You big muggle! Not so brave after all are you? Not when James is around! Huh? Huh? Not when James POTTER is around!
Lily: Oh shut up you big prat.
James: -hangs head- Ok Lily.
Remus: Instead he said, as casually as he could,
Sirius: MWUURMMMPPGH
Lily: OH NO! He's awake!!!
Author Note: Ummmmmmm I don't have anything to write here except for REVIEW and I promise I will have the next one up by next Saturday.
Mwah♥
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