Lacus awoke with a smile. Though she knew there was a war on, she felt at peace, for the first time in a great while. It was her fourteenth day back, her fourteenth day spent in the company of Athrun and Kira in her father's estate. Though overjoyed at her rescue, Siegel had been unable to spend much time with her. As he had predicted, Patrick Zala had become the new chairman and the Supreme Council was chaotic at the moment, dealing with the ramifications of the change.
But none of that concerned Lacus at just this moment. A sliver of light slipped past the curtains drawn across the large bay windows of her room. Pulling her covers down, she turned her body and let her feet dangle off the side of her bed for a moment. Stretching, she stood and walked forward to open the curtains. The reflected light from the PLANT's mirrors was mimicking dawn on earth. The warm oranges and yellows flowed over the vast lake surrounding the central landform of the PLANT. Lacus smiled, the sight bringing her great joy.
This is a view worth protecting, she thought.
"Ms. Clyne?"
"Yes?" replied Lacus, turning to the door. It creaked open and a maid entered.
"Mr. Clyne had to leave early again this morning. He wanted me to tell you that he won't be back for dinner tonight either," said the maid. "Would you like me to have breakfast prepared now and to wake the guests?"
"Yes, please," said Lacus. "Actually, let Mr. Yamato sleep, but wake Mr. Zala. He has a meeting later this morning. Just make sure there's something for Mr. Yamato when he wakes up."
"Of course," said the maid. "Will you eat with Mr. Zala?"
"I think I will." Lacus grinned and turned back to the window as the maid retreated back out of the room. Sighing, Lacus entered her large walk-in closet. After a moment's deliberation, she slipped into a light blue summer dress and entered the bathroom to complete her daily ablutions. Soon, she strode out, cast one last look out at the brightening day, and left her room. She hummed cheerfully to herself as she made her way down the length of the house, running a finger lightly over the banister as she walked down the large, mahogany staircase in the main entrance hall. Exiting out onto the large lawn below her windows, Lacus settled herself into a wooden chair on a patio.
"Morning, L-Lacus," said Athrun with a yawn. She turned to find him stretching, his ZAFT Red uniform tunic not yet fastened over his light-blue undershirt.
"Good morning," she said cheerfully.
"Ugh, how are you already so awake?" he asked.
Lacus's smile slipped.
No! No, don't think about it! Deal with it later!
"Lacus?" She quickly turned and smiled again at Athrun. He looked at her with concern for a moment, and then shrugged, turning to pick up the teacup just set down on the table before them.
"So, what are you meeting about today?" asked Lacus, also taking her teacup.
"I'm not sure yet, but rumor has it that the Le Creuset Team is going to get a bit of a shake up." Athrun paused to munch on a scone. "I'll be meeting with Commander Le Creuset and some other commander's on a variety of subjects, I suppose."
"That sounds very interesting," said Lacus.
"Liar," said Athrun, pausing again, this time to yawn. "It's going to be deathly boring." He sighed. "I wish we could stay here, like this, forever. Kira, you, me… Whenever I go back out there, whenever I seal up this uniform, I change. I can feel it come over me. I'm colder, more distant."
"I had noticed, on the Vesalius," agreed Lacus. "I thought at the time that you were trying to be more militant, to be a leader."
"That's it in part," he said with a shrug. "I hadn't really noticed it before. Not until I ran into Kira again. He's just so innocent. He's infuriatingly naïve at times, too. But I envy his simplicity."
"I think you're wrong," said Lacus, suddenly. Athrun looked up at her with surprise. "I don't think he's innocent, or naïve, or simple. He's just new to war. He didn't realize what he was doing, in all of those fights, but think about it, Athrun. It's been less than three months since Heliopolis, since he was introduced to war. You spent much longer than that just in the academy, before you even became a real soldier. And he doesn't view himself as innocent at all. He thinks he's a terrible human being."
"Are we, Lacus?" Athrun said. "Are we terrible human beings? He's right, really. We've killed so many people we don't need to. And I didn't even notice. I didn't care. I destroyed so many lives so casually."
"I think… I think you are human beings," said Lacus. "I don't think you are any better or worse than those you killed. I don't like it; I even hate it, hate you, hate all soldiers and killers. But I think it's because I'm scared, Athrun. I think I'm scared that I'm like that, too. That I could kill and destroy. But… I think it's necessary. I don't want war, but there are people, Natural and Coordinator alike, that would spread that destruction. I don't think all of them are bad, either, per se. But they are wrong, and misguided."
"So we should kill them?" said Athrun scornfully.
"No," replied Lacus, frowning. "But the conundrum is, what happens when there is no other choice? Would you let that person kill you, kill your friends, kill your family? Because there you have to make a choice: which human lives do you value more?"
"I… I don't know," said Athrun sadly. "And I've already made that decision a hundred times over, without realizing it." He looked up, and Lacus felt her heart twist at the horrid look on his face. "What should I do?"
"I can't tell you." She met his gaze, eye for eye, as he nodded.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't burden you with that. It's just that I'm worried. I think that I have to fight. That I have to be out there, so that when there's the chance to stop all of this, I can take it. I can stop those that would continue the war by ending it." He drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "But what of Kira?"
"What?" asked Lacus. Unbidden, an image of the young man flitted across her mind's eye and she flushed just a tiny bit.
"You like him, don't you?" asked Athrun, with sudden perception. He grinned as Lacus failed to form any words. "It's okay. I know we're engaged, and I do love you, but not…"
Lacus nodded, still blushing somewhat, and they both turned to look out into the distance. Silence filled the air; the words unsaid were not needed.
"You shouldn't be late to your meeting," said Lacus after a time.
"You're right," said Athrun, standing. "I shouldn't."
Lacus watched Athrun's retreating back with a sad smile.
Not now, Lacus. Later, when the dawn isn't still so beautiful, she thought. She settled back in her chair and sat peacefully in the sunlight.
"Good morning, Lacus."
Lacus gasped and turned about quickly. Kira had just walked up, wearing, like Athrun, an unsealed ZAFT Red uniform. The brunette appeared to be in much better shape this morning. He smiled and sat down in Athrun's vacated spot, grabbing a scone.
"Dear me, Kira. Sneak up on me like that much more and you'll scare me to death."
"Sorry," replied Kira with a grin.
Lacus turned back away from Kira, hiding her blush. She was embarrassed, both by the end of the conversation with Athrun and that she had been so lost in thought as to not notice her guest at all.
"What shall we do today?" she asked without turning.
"Hmm… Aren't you supposed to be preparing for a show?"
"Yes, but that will only take a few hours later this morning," said Lacus. This would be her first performance since she had left with the Junius Seven memorial committee, and the theater was already sold out. "This afternoon I'd like to do something different."
"Sailing," said Kira through a mouthful of scone. "Let's see if Athrun wants to go after he gets back from his meeting."
Lacus finally turned to face the table again and gave Kira a warm smile.
"Let's."
"What is it Athrun?" asked Kira, worriedly. He and Lacus had been out on the water in a twenty-two foot sailboat when Athrun had called, saying it was urgent. They had been looking forward to Athrun joining them, as the scheduled weather of the PLANT had fortunately leant them 20 kph winds to the fill their sails. Kira had some little experience in sailing from his time on Earth, in Orb, and Lacus had been out a few times before. Athrun's greater experience had been something they were counting on. But when the call came they had managed to quickly turn the boat around and headed back for shore. Now, on land, they had reached Athrun, standing dejectedly in his crisp Red uniform on the lawn. Kira looked up with a smile, hoping to cheer his friend up, whatever the cause of his sadness.
"Kira…" he began, but the words died in his throat. He looked up and Kira nearly gasped at the pained look in his friends eyes.
"Athrun, are you okay?"
"Kira, I'm so sorry…" Kira's heart began to race as Athrun finally spoke. Lacus looked over at him with concern. "I… At the meeting, they announced the new policy… In the name of justice for the atrocities of Junius Seven and the bombardment of Orb… ZAFT is going to try and execute all of the Earth Forces officers they have in custody."
Kira stepped back, in shock.
Mu. Murrue. It's my fault. First the mechanics, now them.
"Kira, it's not your fault," said Lacus, coming over to take his arm. "Here, sit down."
"Kira, I'm so sorry. I tried to ask about the policy, but the trials are already getting underway." Athrun ran a hand through his hair, clearly distressed. "How are we any better than them now?"
But Kira just sat, not reacting in the slightest. Before, when he had realized the number of deaths on his hands for the first time, he had been paralyzed with guilt. Now, his brain was going into overdrive.
It's my fault, so I have to do something. I have to save Murrue and Mu and Ensign Badgiruel and all of the others. I have to.
"Kira? Kira? Are you alright?"
He looked up to find Lacus staring at his face.
"I'm okay, Lacus, thank you." He sighed. "I'm sorry, it was just a little shocking." Seeing that she was still not satisfied, he forced a weak smile. "Really, I'm much better than before." Turning to look out at the water, his face became grim. "Then, I knew it was my fault, but there was nothing I could do about it. It killed me inside. And it's my fault now, too. Athrun," he said, turning to face his friend, "I can't stay here." Athrun nodded understanding.
"Yeah, I would expect that," he said, kicking at the grass. "I wish I could leave too, but… I can't yet. There are still things I need to do. And I have to protect the PLANTs."
"But maybe you could…" began Lacus. Kira quieted her, resting a hand lightly on her arm. He didn't notice her faint blushing.
"No. He has to stay," he said, smiling up at his friend. "Will we have to be enemies this time?"
"Never," said Athrun. "I can't in good faith stay here and let you go, but we'll never be enemies ever again. I promise. Kira… good luck. Let's meet again, soon." He gripped his friend's hand for a moment, gave Lacus a quick hug, and walked off to the house.
Kira sighed and closed his eyes, calming himself for a moment.
How can I possibly do it? I have to, but how can I? he thought, bitterly.
"It's a terrible thing, isn't it?"
Kira opened his eyes and found that Siegel had just arrived.
"Mr. Clyne, what should I do?" he asked.
"I think you already know what you want to do," said the older man with a shrug, sitting down in one of the chairs, gladly accepting a teacup from his daughter. "And the thing is, with things the way they are, I'm inclined to agree with you."
"What do you mean, father?" asked Lacus, surprised that her father, the great statesman, might ever say something remotely treasonous.
"I mean, ever since Patrick Zala has become chairman, the rhetoric against the Naturals has been greatly increased," he said. "It's been a mere two weeks and already polls are showing that the popular is more aggressive and in favor of war. And now he's stooping to this…" His voice trailed off sadly. Then, he looked up at Kira with fire in his eyes. "If you really want to do this, young man, we just might be able to help you. When I heard the announcement, all I could do was leave the council chambers. Let me do something, through you."
Kira paused a moment, his eyes tracking from daughter to father to daughter again. He nodded.
A/N: Double update. Comments under the next chapter.