Yes it is indeed true: I have updated!
Boy. I haven't updated in months. I suppose ever since Death among Misery was published :/
Oh well. I hope this chapter was definitely worth the wait ;) I'm hoping in updating again and again!
Horian's desk room had definitely gotten brighter since Lictor had got here. Now that the serpent had someone who relied mostly on sight, Horian had flickered on most of the rooms lamps and lighting.
The room was definitely an odd sight. Very small, perhaps much smaller then Lucius's office. It was merely about six metres wide from wall to wall, paintings of large, postured serpent-beings hanging from each side. Lictor gave a stare at each one. None of them actually looked exactly like Horian at all. One painting, the figure was not green, but brown, whilst his head was more narrow, wearing a rather posh tuxedo and a top hat, obviously revealing his pride in life. Although the figure wore such valuable, rather 'civilised' items, his face was fearsome, with a nasty cross-eyes scowl as the picture stared out into the room with his burning red eyes.
A large polished wooden desk sat in the middle of the room, with a neatly styled chair behind it. On the desk itself sat a small model of a golden cobra, its head raised up in a fierce strike pose, its teeth jolting out from its ferocious face, the model lay on top of a small, circle-shaped wooden block. On the other side of the desk was a lamp, and a couple of small photo's of yet more of Horian's ancestor's.
For a rich man's home-office, it didn't exactly look the most decorated place in the mansion.
Horian sat at his desk in a prideful posture. His eyes were jolted in a sharp look of pure intellect and calmness mixed with a fearsome stare. His pupils glued down on a square object on the desk in front of him.
Lictor sat on the other side, his eyes mirrored Horian's, but his posture was less prideful, merely staring down with his eyebrow raised.
There was tension between the two. A slight silence as they both looked down towards the small, square object.
"You know what?" Lictor called out. Horian responded with his eyebrow raised at him, his tongue dangling with his mouth.
"I can't take this stupid pressure any more!" Lictor jumped out from his seat. "I QUIT!"
The basilisks eyes raised wide.
"WHAT?" The serpent responded. "You can't quit! You signed a contract!"
Lictor crossed his arms against his chest. "Pff! Contract smontract! This is stupid! How can you possibly drag me into this?"
"You can't do this to me! Victory is at the palm of my hand!"
From that, the mantis gave an aggressive posture, he immediately leapt on the desk, kicking the chest set off the table. Horian gave a scream of shock.
"MY CHESS BOARD!" The serpent leapt off his chair, bending himself over as he immediately began to pick up the glass chess pieces from the floor.
Lictor put his hands by his hips, one eye grew wider then the other as he stared down to Horian.
"When I read that contract, I didn't see anything about playing chess! What about the plan?"
Horian responded with a murmur, plucking a chess model of a one-eyed horses head from the floor.
"Do you know how much this chess set cost, boy?"
Lictor sighed. "Alright, how much?"
The snake gave a pause. "Actually it was a gift. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Horian quickly picked himself up, his face immediately changed into a cunning smile as he turned towards the mantis.
"As I told you, insect. After I fired that worthless boot-licker, I agreed with myself that one cannot achieve victory by himself."
"And that's why you want me right?" Lictor said, rolling his eyes.
From that response, Horian placed a finger by his chin. "Well actually you came AFTER this."
From that, the mantis sat by the edge of the desk, his eyebrow raised in confusion.
The serpent made a hiss as his tongue flickered from his mouth. "Well you see, as you know that I am of course diabolically evil, so I gave myself this thought of 'hey Horian, if your so diabolically evil then why not hire a henchmen?' I of course, agreed with my superior self, and went on my phone immediately to hire the most perfect-"
"Wait, wait, wait." Lictor quickly interrupted. "...your evil?"
Horian raised his eyebrow. "Yes. Of course I am evil! What else did you think of me?"
"Well..." The mantis replied with his eyes raised up in thought. "I just thought you were like... misunderstood."
Horian snorted. "Preposterous! I am the most evil being in ALL OF MISERYVILLE!" As he said that, he raised his chest out in a powerful manner, his voice deepened and lightning cackled from each side of him. Lictor himself looked around in confusion of where the source of the lightning was coming from.
As the serpent quickly settled, his communicator by the desk clicked on.
"Horian!" Came a deep voice. It was quick to recognise that it was the dictator of Miseyville himself.
"Tommorrow I am taking a walk down Miseryville." Lucius's voice came out from the small device.
"I expect you to carry me."
The serpent dropped himself into a depressed look, walking up to the communicator. Lictor almost sighed, his eyes then rotated towards the small model of the golden cobra behind him, his face widened in wonder as his eyes began to sparkle, then crawling towards the model.
Horian murmured as he clicked the communicator linked to Lucius's house.
"Yes boss." The serpent said lazily as his tongue flickered from his mouth. "I'll bring my... spine protector."
From that, the serpent gave a pause for a reply, but there was none. Lucius obviously really couldn't care less to reply to his minion, merely for his confirmation or even just to send the message to him.
Horian gave a sigh as he finally picked himself up from his depressed posture.
"So where was I?" He said to himself. He gave himself a moments thought before everything earlier finally returned to him. "Ah yes!" He said with a smirk, turning to the mantis.
"I-"
Horian then paused as he gave a stare at the insect, who was poking the small cobra model with curiosity.
"HEY!" Horian yelled out. Lictor made a jump in shock, his claw hitting into the golden models chin, the head immediately snapped off into the air, then landing into the mantids hands.
Lictor turned his head at the basilisk, then giving a scowling look, his foot patting the ground with impatience.
Lictor, trying to make a chuckle as the serpent raised his eyebrow in a daring pose. The mantis picked the broken head of the model, trying to place it back to the headless body.
"Now..." Horian said as he turned his back to the mantis, never really giving much care for the damaged artifact. His face resumed into a cold smirk as he walked towards the large painting of a black-scaled ancestor, who wore a valuable dark red dressing gown, with a black cane by his left hand, giving a familiar look as the other paintings.
Horian walked to the side of the massive artwork, clicking on a small, red button. The black serpent immediately vanished behind the wall, replacing it was three rows of televisions hanging off the wall side, each one showing a part of Horian's mansion, revealed by hidden security camera's.
"As you can see, I have Heloise directly in my sights..." He gave a pause as he examined each television.
There was a moment of pause.
"Wait... WHERE'D SHE GO?" He yelped out alarmed.
Lictor, still trying to place the models head back with the body, turned his head to the televisions hearing Horian's alarming groan. The body of the small cobra statue made a small snap sound, then immediately collapsing into dust, the mantis turned his head back to the once golden artifact, then making a quick surprised jump to see what had just happened to it.
"Heloise?" Horian said out to himself, his head turning to each television at a time.
"Heloiiise?" He repeated with a more longer pronouncement. His eye quickly caught a the small girl in one of the camera's. Finally, Horian's face crept down into a dark look, his smile wide and his his teeth pointing out.
"Ahhh, there she is." Horian said to himself, then turning himself back towards the mantis. Lictor himself quickly pushed the demolished model off the desk as it landed into the bin sitting down by the edge. The mantis turned to Horian, trying to make an innocent look.
The doorbell quickly rang, Horian's eyes widened, then settling his expression in joy.
"Oh good!" Horian said out loud. "The hitman is here!"
Lictor gave himself a confused look. "There's a doorbell in this room?"
Horian didn't reply, instead skipping towards a wooden door which happened to appear right next to the left side of the room. Lictor had just noticed it, with the two gargoyles sitting on each side.
Horian griped the handle, then pulling the door open, he gave a proud posture.
"Welcome! My-" Horian gave a paused as his eyes quickly adjusted to the sunlight. He gave a stare into the empty space where the 'guest' was supposedly meant to be standing. The serpent gave a confused look, slowly closing the door, turning around and walking away.
"Odd.." He said to himself, Lictor barely understanding what is going on.
"I could've sworn I-" Horian halted for a moment, his ears picked up something.
Lictor mimicked Horian's confused look as they looked all over the place, the sound of a person yelling out, like he was falling. The two turned their heads around for the whereabouts of the noise as it grew louder, louder, and eventually it almost felt like it was inside the room.
There was a loud crash, the two looked up, a object had smacked through the ceiling, smashing into the ground beside Horian, causing both Lictor and the serpent to leap in surprise as the entire room rumbled from the impact.
Lictor gave a odd stare into the debris scattered around. Broken pieces of the roof fell from from the ceiling, harmlessly clambering down around a crater. The object marked on the groud, to Lictor's surprise, was the shape of a man.
The figure immediately jumped to his feet, standing rather happily for a guy who had just crashed through the ceiling. The thin figure stood almost the exact same size as Jimmy. He was wearing a black and white tuxedo, with his hands shrouded by black leather gloves and his feet covered by black leather hiking boots. But as Lictor moved up to his head, there was definitely something not human about it. It was not the fact that he had a massive, rather insane smile across his lips or his wide eyes each with different covered pupils. But his entire head, shaped like a giant round waffle.
The figure brought his right hand up into a salute.
"Waffleman! At your service!" He said out loud.
Horian's confused look settled into a joyous sneer. "Ah! So your the one I hired, am I correct?"
The figure stood there in a pause, his weird facial expression seemed to be literally stuck on him as a insane smile. The figure quickly erupted into a loud reply.
"So YOUR the one who wanted the pizza delivery?" It replied.
Horian's confused look returned. "What? No! Are you or are you not the man I-"
The serpent was quickly interrupted as the figure slapped his gloved finger on the basilisks lips, Horian replied with a shock.
The strange creature bent down at serpent, his eyes diagonal, pointing in different directions. Waffleman placed a finger by his own lips.
"!" He said. His spit jumping from his mouth all over Horian's face.
"Are you..." The creature said in whisper. "...a weavil?"
Horian gave a pause in confusion, then quickly shoving off Waffleman's hand from his mouth.
"Do I LOOK like a weavil?" Horian spat out to the figure.
Waffleman replied with a sharp, stealthy look. His eyes rotating side to side.
"So..." He whispered again. "...you did'nt steal Waffleman's wallet?"
Horian blinked. "Er... no..." He said honestly.
Waffleman quickly lifted his head up, his smile widened.
"Oh that's good!" The figure yelled out. "You see, Waffleman thought you were the weavil that took Waffleman's wallet!"
This time it was Lictor's turn to reply. "There's more then one Waffleman?"
Waffleman turned his head to Lictor, his smile yet still remaining. "What? There's only ONE Waffleman!"
Lictor gave a confused look. "Then why do you keep saying 'Waffleman'?"
Waffleman gave a pause. This creature was practically a robot, the fact that it only showed one emotion.
"Waffleman don't always say Waffleman! Waffleman's Waffleman's name, you see!"
"Eh?" Lictor replied rather confused. Horian quickly changed the subject.
"So... YOUR the one I hired right?"
Waffleman turned his head to Horian. "Yes!" He replied.
"OK..." Horian said. "Two hundred dollars I spent for you to help me claim what I want?"
"Yes!" Waffleman replied.
Horian took out a small sheet of paper, looking into it. "...and I trust you brang some traps to help out? Including a weapon?"
"Yes!"
"And what weapon would that be?" Horian's eyes turned back the Waffleman.
Waffleman gave a pause.
"Yes!" He finally replied.
The serpent gave a odd stare at the figure. "Eh? What do you mean?"
Waffleman quickly gave a reply. "Waffleman brang a SPECIAL weapon!"
Quickly digging his hand in his left trouser pocket, the he then pulled out something roughly twice the length of his hand, waving it in the air, the object began to shine like it was the sun itself, with the awe guy, hanging from a rope of the ceiling behind Waffleman, singing away as he created a rather miraculous atmosphere for this strange tool Waffleman had pulled out.
"BEHOLD!" Waffleman cried out. Then pulling his hand down between Lictor and Horian, he opened his palm. As the light began to fade along with the singing, the area fell into an awkward silence as the two creatures stared at Waffleman's hand. But rather then being awe struck, they felt more of being unimpressed.
"What is it?" Horian questioned sharply with his eyebrow raised.
Waffleman raised his arm higher over the two, he postured like it was some sort of valuable relic.
"YOU DO NOT QUESTION THE BANANAMANA!" Waffleman yelled out from the top of his voice.
"The bananamana questions YOU!"
Themselves facing Waffleman's over-dramatic pose, Horian and Lictor's eyes looked at each other, both knew they were sharing the same thoughts.
Waffleman quickly broke out the silence.
"You see..." He said, clenching down as he began to stroke the object with his other hand.
"With the bananamana-"
"Banana you mean?" Lictor interrupted. Waffleman lifted his smiling head towards the insect.
"DO NOT QUESTION THE BANANAMANA!"
"No, seriously." Lictor quickly said with arms folded. "You mean a banana right?"
Waffleman quickly tilted his head at the insect. Despite the never-changing facial expression, Lictor could feel the creature give him a rather curious look.
There was suddenly an awkward silence.
"NO!" Waffleman interrupted. "BANANAMANA!"
Horian's hand slapped on to his scaly forehead.
"Look!" He said. "Can you just show us what this erm... bananamanana-"
"BANANAMANA!" Waffleman interrupted.
"...what this bananamana can do?"
Waffleman lifted is head at the serpent.
"YES!" The creature quickly noted.
A few minutes later
Horian settled themselves behind a block of sandbags. All the desks and items of the office had been put aside in the room, leaving the area almost completely spotless despite the dark red carpet that covered the floor. Horian in a corner, adjusting his safety behind the blocks of sandbags in case of anything unfortunate.
Standing in the middle was Lictor and a crash-test dummy roughly the same size as him. The mantis had customized the it to look almost exactly like Heloise, given a dirty blonde wig customized with a ponytail, its body was covered in a red scarlet dress, and it had a stick attached to its back, sticking out into the ground to give it balance.
"ARE YOU DONE YET?" Horian yelled out impatiently. The mantis ignored his call, concentrating on placing a piece of string under the dummies cucumber-shaped eyes, in the form of a smiley mouth.
The serpent murmured to himself impatiently. Turning away as he sat himself down.
Completing his task, Lictor gave a stare at the model, giving a quick thought.
"It's still missing something..." He said to himself.
A light bulb flickered on his head as he raised his head brightly. Sticking his hand behind him, he pulled out a carrot, then stuffing it above the fake mouth in the form of a nose.
Lictor moved backwards. Amused at his work, he turned towards the pile of sandbags, opening his wings he quickly took flight towards it.
Horian lifted his head towards the dummy, with the mantis landing next to him. Horian's eyes quickly took notice at a large green plastic army helmet Lictor had placed on his own head.
"Why the helmet?" Horian asked with his right eye raised towards the insect.
Lictor responded with an innocent look. "Makes me look more prepared."
The serpent took his eyes off the mantids head-wear.
"Alright." He said. "Where's that waffle-brain?"
The office door suddenly kicked open. A tall, slim figure walked in wearing a long stylish silk-red dress, long eyelashes curled upwards from his eyelids, and his lips worn red with lipstick. Lictor tightened his mandibles in an attempt not to laugh, tears leaking from his eyes, but Horian gave a look of both anger and confusion at Waffleman.
"WHY are you wearing THAT?" Horian called out to him.
"IT MAKES WAFFLEMAN'S HIPS LOOK BIGGER!" The dressed figure responded in a rather prideful tone.
The serpent face palmed himself, his teeth grinding in anger. His eyes turned towards the snickering mantis with a look of demand and outright fury, giving Lictor the sign to stop laughing.
Horian gave a sigh. "All right." He said, calming himself down, he quickly pulled out a microphone, then facing at Waffleman, who stood by the other side of the room.
"Proceed to tactical assault on target!" Horian's voice echoed from the device.
Waffleman's smile raised in excitement, then picking the bananamana from his dress pocket, he raised it in the air.
"THE POWER OF THE BANANAMANA!" He quickly called out, the awe guy pocked out from behind him, his voice singing into the dense air.
Waffleman turned at the dummy, the 'weapon' raised up above him, he quickly adjusted himself into a mad sprint towards the target yelling out a rather bad mimic of an old native-american war-cry as his tongue flickered about from his mouth in a loud call. As Waffleman came closer and closer to the target, Horian's eyes peeled on the whole scene, Lictor next to him, slowly falling asleep to the rather boring moment. The red dressed creature was only a metre away now, the bananamana raised in striking position, ready to release its power, then something happened. Waffleman stopped with one of his feet still raised in the air, like he had suddenly frozen in time, he lost balance as his foot caught on a piece of his dress, tripping up, his face smashed into the dummy, pieces of wood flew all over the place with a loud crash as the creatures giant head demolished the dummy, leaving nothing but its splinters scattered around the place.
"That was genius." Lictor said in sarcasm. Horian gave a paused look in surprise, then his face clunched down in anger.
"I paid two-hundred bucks for HIM?" He yelled out with his arms spread at the collapsed hitman.
The two suddenly heard something from the face-down creature. A voice, slightly escaping from the carpet floor into their ears.
"Immah...ing...mah...azeh!" They heard, both looking at each other oddly.
Suddenly, the floor underneath Waffleman erupted, launching into the air as his mouth fired out a huge, thick, purple line of energy, blasting out from his mouth launching the hitman towrds the ceiling, inevitably smacking into it. Waffleman's body remained stuck to the concrete above, yet even in this situation, his smile still remained.
"WAFFLEMAN HAS A PLAN!" He suddenly called out before the small chunk of the ceiling around him collapsed, dropping him back to the ground with a loud smash.
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