"Hey. Thanks for coming by, I just wanted..." I pause trying to find the right words. "Well I'm not sure what I wanted." I tell her honestly.
"Hey it's no problem. What are friends for?" She smiles and takes the seat on the side of me. She gently takes my hand in hers and looks up at me, sort of asking permission if it was okay. I don't pull away.
"So, why'd you call me?"
"Way to get straight to the point." I laugh.
"Come on Spence. I know you didn't call me here just for some company. What's on your mind?" Damn. It's almost scary how well Carmen can read me already.
"Well..." I want to tell Carmen. I want to tell her everything I'm feeling. But I'm afraid. But due to my past experiences, I know it's better to take the plunge than to regret not trying.
"I feel guilty. Everything I do, I can't help thinking Ashley should be here with me. It hurts me to laugh. It hurts to enjoy anything. I just can't help but feel it's my fault no matter what anyone tells me." My eyes begin to tear up. God, can I last more than an hour without crying?
I look down. Fearful of what Carmen will say.
"It's going to be hard Spence." I look up, not really understanding. "The guilt. It's going to be hard to get over the guilt." She clarifies.
"You have to remember that this," She motions for me to look around the hospital room. "is not your fault. It was Patrick's. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this." She pauses for a moment, looking wrapped up in her own thoughts. "Everything happens for a reason."
I look away again. What reason is there for taking Ashley away from me?
"Hey...Come on Spence, look at me." She uses a finger to lift my head up so my eyes met hers. "It will get better as time goes on. I promise." Our eyes linger for a few more seconds. I almost believe her. She slowly leans in to kiss me. Our lips meet for a brief moment before I suddenly realize what is going on. I pull back and fresh tears pour down my face.
"I can't do this." I can't believe I kissed Carmen. And in front of Ashley!
As much as I don't want to admit it, I felt happy. For a few seconds I believed that everything would be okay.
I stormed out of Ashley's room and into the awaiting arms of Clay. He always waits for me when I'm at the hospital. As much as he doesn't want to be, he's there. He knows that I need him.
"Shhh. Calm down Spence. Let's go home."
After a while Clay calms me down. Now I'm in my bedroom staring at the ceiling. I hear my cell phone beep. I pick it up and check the screen. 1 new voicemail.
"Hey sweetie, it's Mom. I'm just calling to let you know I'll be working late tonight. Dad got caught up at his office so make some Mac & Cheese or something. Okay? Bye."
I hit the delete button and just as I'm about to hang up I hear the words: No new messages. 1 old message. To listen to your voicemail, press 3.
Hmm. I guess I didn't delete an old message. I click 3. I hear the date. Jees, this message is almost four months old.
"Hey Spence." I freeze. I know that voice. I haven't heard it in four months.
Well there you have it. Chapter 11 will be up...eventually. Thanks for the reviews. If you don't know understand the whole voicemail thing take a peak at chapter 3 again.