Title: Revenge is best served Blue
Chapter 10 – To be or Not to Be?

"Guys…"

"What do you mean…it's your fault?"

"Dad? You…killed mom?"

"Boys…it's not like that," Frank quickly interjected as he pulled away from his eldest son and stood between Danny and his boys who both stood and looked at their father with angry glares.

"What's it like!" Jack demanded as his watery gaze glared at Danny with a demanding expression. "What!"

"It's about a case…"

"Danny," Frank warned.

"What case?" Sean interjected sourly.

"Danny is not to blame for this. The person who killed your mother is out there and we will find who did this. Right now our emotions are high and before we all say things we don't mean or put blame where it doesn't belong…we need cooler heads to prevail."

"What case dad?" Jack asked again.

"Jack…." Frank warned again.

"Don't we have a right to know?" Jack challenged back as Danny stepped up beside his father and looked at his boys with a defeated expression.

"It was tied to the Thomas Wilder case."

"But he's dead," Sean insisted with a small sniffle.

"It's…complicated."

"And we can leave complicated for another day," Frank insisted with a stern expression. "There is dinner in the kitchen if anyone feels like eating. Otherwise we can put on a comedy but we're not talking shop tonight."

"Not hungry…" Sean stated with a small huff as he turned and stormed into the living room and plunked down onto the couch and just cast a numb expression toward the TV.

"I'm sorry," Danny offered somberly as Jack just looked at him before he turned and slinked into the kitchen to hang with his cousin and aunt. "Damn it," Danny cursed as he looked at his father with a defeated expression. "I uh…"

"There is nothing to say right now. They are raw and so are you. Fingers don't need to be pointed and if the conversation continued blame would be laid."

"It is my fault!" Danny insisted with a quiet hiss. "I pushed Blueridge. Had I not…Linda would still be here…my boys…would have their mother," he groaned as he slumped down into the large chair beside his father's home office desk; Frank taking the chair opposite.

"You don't know that."

"I do! It doesn't seem right…seems like an odd dream of sorts…not real," Danny insisted as he leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees and then cradled his head in his hands. "I just can't…believe this. Wish…wish it was just a bad joke and…" his voice died out as he slumped back into the chair and looked at his father with a blank expression. "I…did this."

"I know you want to believe that right now and arguing with you will only cause tensions to rise. You will need time to process this but you also need to remain focused."

"What the hell does that mean?" Danny hissed sharply. "I am focused! I am focused on finding the son of a bitch who did this!"

"You know you won't be allowed to work this case."

"Like hell you'll remove me!" Danny challenged as Frank remained silent and let his son just vent. "I have…I know this case…I know this guy…"

"Guy? I thought Detective Baez mentioned you thought it was a woman?" Frank countered softly.

"You talked to her?" Danny shot back as Frank raised his brows.

"I won't argue authority with you right now."

"I just…can't…" Danny resigned as he hung his head and let a few more tears fall and his shoulders slump. Frank leaned forward and let his hand rest on his son's knee as he looked up and watched Jack's face appear in the doorway.

"Come in," Frank entreated as Danny too looked up and then looked at his son in remorse.

"I uh…" Jack stammered before he turned to leave.

"Jack, you can ask. What happened, is that what you want to know?" Frank directed as Jack turned back and nodded. "We don't know all the details yet and so right now speculation can cause more harm than can actually help to heal," he tried to gently explain. "We don't know all the details right now. When we know, Danny will tell you what he can."

"What does that mean?" Jack pressed.

"It means some case details are not allowed to be discussed," Frank answered with a tender note. "Did you get something to eat?"

"Yeah a little. Not much. Not that hungry."

"Understandable," Frank said as he heard a knock at the front door. "I'll be right back."

Jack paused in place a few minutes before he dared to move in closer to his father and then slowly sat down in the chair where Frank had been. "Dad…"

"What Grampa said…" he huffed as he looked up with a defeated gaze.

"Why did you blame…yourself."

"Because…you're mother had no enemies. Everyone…everyone liked her," Danny resigned as he looked at his son in sorrow. "I'm sorry."

"Grampa said it's not your fault."

"I know…but I feel like it is…I should have been able to protect her," Danny's voice broke as he quickly swallowed back a few sobs as he tried to hold it together for his son. "Come here…" Danny entreated as he moved over and let his son sit beside him.

"I want her back," Jack lightly sobbed as his head lolled onto his father's shoulder and Danny's arm instinctively came up, wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him close.

"So do I."

A few moments later Sean joined them and the three of them sat squished on the small seat and just cried together.

XXXXXXXX

"How is he?" Baez asked Frank in a low tone as she entered the somewhat quiet Reagan home. She had been there on a number of occasions and there were always tempting smells that came from the kitchen and happy chatter that seemed to permeate every corner of the large home. But tonight…there was a pall that hung over the family – a dark pall that threatened to get larger and linger for the foreseeable future.

"He's raw…how was the scene?"

"Surreal," Baez replied with a heavy frown she looked at Frank in worry. "I've been there a few times but tonight…it just seemed to wrong to be there without Danny and seeing the team clean up the blood but then I'm glad he wasn't there. It looks like there might have been a fight before the final blow was delivered."

"Really," Frank stated more than questioned.

"Anthony is still there with the forensic team as they finish up. He's not letting them miss anything," she concluded with a small smirk.

"He can be very intimidating when he wants to be," Frank said back with a small smile as Baez nodded in agreement. "Danny cannot work this case."

"Told him that?"

"I did," Frank confirmed. "Took it as well as can be expected right now. I will remind him again but I know he's not going to listen to that. He'll want to find whoever did this and he'll defy what he can and in this current state of mind he might not care."

"Did you call Dr. Day?"

"An hour ago. I won't leave it to Danny to make an appointment for himself. I'll make the first few for him. If he keeps this inside, it will do more harm than good."

"Okay, whatever I can do, just ask," she told Frank firmly.

"He's in the office."

Danny watched the boys take their leave and then the space was quickly replaced by the frame of his partner. "Hey…"

"Hey…" she entered and then looked at him in remorse. She let her hand rest on his and gave it a comforted squeeze before she took the seat opposite him. "I uh…brought you a few things and for the boys."

"I should be home."

"Anthony is there…"

"Damn…what?"

"When you go back it'll be all cleaned up."

"Did you uh…find…I mean where we found Linda…was there other…" Danny looked up and pleaded with his watery eyes.

Her heart broke as she looked at his expression and then dropped her gaze back to her hands and then back up to his gaze.

"There was?" Danny asked with a small hiss.

She wanted to lie…so badly wanted to lie but knew as soon as he saw the report from either Anthony or the forensic team that he'd uncover the truth and then call her on it for not telling him the truth from the start. "I want to lie to you."

"Please…tell me."

"It looked like there was a bit of a fight before the actual takedown. A few things were busted that uh…had some blood splatter on them. Danny…"

"I had to know…she…she wouldn't have gone down without a fight. Not just…" his voice trailed off as he looked away and then back at his partner. "I don't…know what to do."

"Wish I had something better to say than I'm sorry," she confessed with a heavy sigh as she slumped down beside him.

"I can't stay there…at home…home…damn. If she was killed on the job or…somewhere else but home…home is where there are supposed to be happy memories and good times not…not that their mother was killed there," Danny rambled on with a heavy sigh.

"Don't make any rash decisions right now. I'm glad you can stay here as long as you need to."

"Yeah I'm sure dad and gramps would be happy if we all moved back in but uh…I think the boys would need their own space and…" he stopped and just shook his head. "This…this just can't be real. We just talked about a family vacation and…" he stopped once more and then let his expression darken. "When I find who did this…it will be game over."

"Danny…"

"An eye for an eye," he hissed as his fists balled tightly. They remained that way a few seconds until her hand once again rested on his a few seconds and then drew his stormy sapphire gaze up to hers.

"Let's hope I get to them first," she told him a soft tone as his body naturally relaxed. "Need anything right now?"

"A time machine?" He quipped dryly as her lips pursed. "No I uh…I just need to wake up from this nightmare and tell myself that this…damn why'd I push him…why!"

"I'd say try to get some rest but I know you won't listen," her soft words were uttered as he leaned back in the chair and just stared at her in quiet misery. "You need anything…I don't care what time of day or night…call me."

"Dad's already lined up the shrink right?"

"With you blaming yourself? Is that rhetorical?" She countered.

"Yeah…suppose so," Danny huffed as he leaned forward once more.

"I'll be back in the morning with an update. In the meantime…just rest as best you can," she told him as he finally stood up, gave her a hug and then pulled back with a nod.

"Goodnight."

"He'll need your support to get through this," Frank told Maria as she neared the front door to leave.

"He's always have it," she assured him with a warm smile. "I'll see what Anthony has found and we'll be back in the morning."

Frank closed the door and then wandered back to his son who stood and stared out the main window with a defeated gaze. "Good partner you have there."

"The best," Danny retorted proudly. "You better not take her off this case."

"Not going to. I'd tell you to steer clear but I know that'd be falling on deaf ears. We'll discuss strategy in the morning. You and the boys can stay as long here as you need."

"Think they'll want to go back…back to the place their mother was ambushed and murdered?"

"Have they seen any crime scene photos?"

"No."

"Then hopefully they'll still have only happy memories. They'll ask of course…what you tell them is up to you…lying would be unwise," Frank cautioned. "But we'll think about all that in the morning. Right now…just go and lie down and see if you can get some rest."

"I found her…what image do you think I'll see when I close my eyes when I try to rest?" Danny hissed sourly as Frank's face winced. "I just…you might not want to hear this…but when I find them…"

"You're right…I don't want to. I understand the revenge…"

"How could you? Her death…was a direct result of my actions! Revenge is the only thing that will help me past that."

Frank knew it was pointless to argue. So instead he leaned in, kissed his son on the forehead, gave his shoulder a squeeze and whispered goodnight. With that he turned and headed into the living room and told the boys to pick a room and try to get some rest.

Erin and Nicki each took turns and said goodnight to him and then left and then just Jamie was left.

"Hey."

"Hey…" Danny looked up from the sofa in the living room as Jamie entered and slumped down onto the small loveseat opposite him. "I know it was a woman that killed Linda."

"Danny…."

"No! I know it was," he insisted as Jamie's brow furrowed. "I need everything on anyone...I mean anyone who Blueridge talked to over the past 10 years."

"What? But…"

"I doubt he's Mr. Popularity," Danny deadpanned as he cast a narrowed glance toward the darkness outside the large picture window. "When I find her…I will kill her."

Danny's promise sent a chill up Jamie's spine so much so that he feared his brother just might seek out revenge and take matters into his own hands – no matter the personal consequences.

"I swear it on Linda's life."

XXXXXXXX

"He looked so broken Thomas….so broken…" her voice trailed off as she looked down at the small ribbon of blood on her milky skin. One look from an outsider and they might wrongly assume that she made the cut as some kind of morbid response to the precious life she just look. But if that same outsider dared to push back a bit further the dark fabric sleeve that hid the rest of her skin…they'd see other such trails. Scars? Trophies? Reminders? Was it to mask the pain? Or give her something new to revel in after the adrenaline rush of death had worn off?

To her it was both…the fresh sensation her body craved and a sign of respectful remorse for a life taken too soon. Warped? Twisted? She'd say both – proudly.

"I tried to block out the screams…mother's voice…always in my head. She…she never understood me…nobody did. My brother…her favorite…only you understood me. You saved me…save my sanity…my soul…the world condemned me…they condemned me! You saved me," she whispered as her eyes welled once more. "Cedric…I did love him…I think…not sure I was capable…"

She slowly lay back down onto the dark hardwood floor of her quiet lair and closed her eyes. "She called for him…Danny…her husband…was kind of sad…" she gently smirked as her dark eyes opened. "But I'm not finished yet…you had the whole plan mapped out…"

And while small rivets of blood started to slide down her arm and pool on the floor, her eyes drifted to the right and rested on the board that had one small light over it.

"Oh yes…Danny…I'm just getting started."

With that she closed her eyes and let out a laugh that could only be described as…triumphant!

A/N: oh dear…of course our baddie isn't done and of course Danny's going to want revenge but…will he actually get to see Dr. Day? Will he actually go home? Will he find some clues as to who he wants to target? Hope you are all enjoying this new angsty take on Linda's death and would love your reviews before you go and thanks so much!