Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Merry Christmas to all! I hope you and all of your families stay safe for the holidays!

Chapter 10

He sat in the hospital chair trying to go over what he had missed in the last couple of months. How could he miss her feeling the same way? Did she feel the same way? The kiss was amazing. Earth shattering. For him it seemed like his whole life was now split in two, everything that happened before the kiss, and everything that will happen after. The way she held him made his heart want to explode in his chest. But what if it was a heat of the moment thing for her? Like an attempt to prove to herself that she was still alive after her near death experience and he had absolutely nothing to do with it? He had seen it before, the need to prove the life flowing through a person veins after almost loosing themselves. He had seen soldiers do borderline questionable things to prove it. Hell, he had done it before after his first tour. Or after bullets where taken out of him, bullets that led to being a hairs width away from death.

He wasn't a hundred percent sure that she wanted this. All he knew was he wanted this. And he'd be damned before he does anything to hurt his chances with her. He would be there for her in her recovery, going at the pace that she set. Watching for a sign from her. After Audrey he had closed himself off to any sort of feelings, but this woman unknowingly bulldozed into his heart, rendering all forms of resistance useless. So he would be there when she needed him, and hopefully sooner rather than later she would allow herself to see him as more than just her partner.

As she drifted in and out of consciousness trying, but miserably failing, to stay awake for any long period of time, she let her thoughts stray to the man sleeping in the hospital chair beside her. He looked so uncomfortable she almost woke him up, but the sheer exhaustion written across his face even in sleep gave her pause. Obviously Reddington had been right again when he said Don never left her bedside. His face at that current moment made it painfully obvious that he hadn't even slept for the twelve days she had been unconscious. She didn't want that for him. Her mind drifted to the kiss and she had to close her eyes to try and savor the memory of him. His taste. His smell. The way he handled her – with such gentleness that her heart had nearly broken. For a man who was so strong and solid, a man that she looked at to be her rock in any situation, to be so utterly gentle and tender was just unthinkable.

She knew that she couldn't go back after that kiss. The floodgates were open, and while before she had fantasies of him, now she had something real to compare it to. And as cliché as it sounded, nothing could compare to the real thing. She didn't know how she lived so long without it, the all-consuming heat that didn't compare to anything she had ever experienced. She wasn't letting go. She wouldn't let him go now. As stubborn as he was she was determined. He wanted her that much was obvious, from the heated look he gave her when she kissed his palm; she just had to find out how much. She wasn't stupid enough to run after a man who didn't want her, or wanted something short term. Not that she thought he was that kind of man, but she did want to make sure before she was all in with her heart. At least that's what she told herself, because deep down she knew that she was already way over her head.

Weeks went by, with her recovery progressing as expected. They never discussed the kiss but he was always there. Helping her through the rehab, driving her home for the first time after the hospital, calling her every so often to make sure she was okay and had everything she needed at her place. While he was always there to help, he also gave her space. Which she both appreciated and grew extremely frustrated over. She appreciated the time he gave her to recover and get back to her full strength, both mentally and physically. But the fact that he shied away from any personal topics again frustrated her to no end.

She did notice he was a lot more gentle with her over the couple of weeks following the shooting, the lingering glances and shy smiles that were exchanged sent her nerves into a frenzy every time. It was as if he was waiting for something but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what. She was sick of waiting. When she came back to work she thought something would change, while she could understand the behavior while she was in hospital and recovering, she couldn't understand it when she returned to work. She was fairly certain he wanted the same things she did. So what was he waiting for? She had spent too many long nights trying to come up with a way to make him think of her as not some breakable china doll, but a woman who was strong and could handle anything he threw at her. Her frustration festered with each passing day.

The conference room was cluttered with a number of people. While Red was seemingly unaware for the goings on around him, his sharp sense took everything in. Particularly the tension in Lizzies posture. While for all intents and purposes she seemed to be having a rather amusing conversation with her colleague, Fred? Flint? Whatever his name was, and seemed to be quite enjoying herself as he said something that entertained her. Her head being thrown back in laugher and her hand reaching out to steady herself, landing on the guys forearm, just proved that point. But he saw the tension in her shoulders, the way her smile did not quite reach her eyes. The way they would flick casually to the door every couple of minutes as if she was waiting for someone.

His mind again went to how useless half of these people that were surrounding him were. How Cooper still missed the interactions between two of his best agents baffled him. The only competent occupant, baring Lizzie, was Meera, who he was currently in conversation with. He enjoyed talking to her, and while she was currently grilling him on his past criminal activities, they both knew he wouldn't give anything up. Both however, took comfort in the easy battle of wits that passed between the two of them. For he knew that Meera still didn't feel like she belonged here. Surrounded by FBI. He could relate. And while his purpose for being here was primarily Lizzie, he knew that Agent Malik was here because of him. She was thrown into this assignment by forces outside of her influence, pushed outside the comfort of the CIA, and he felt partly responsible for her discomfort. They had struck up a sort of silent agreement over the past couple of months. Between them both feeling like strangers in the PO2, and the frustration they both felt towards what was happening, or not happening, between Lizzie and Ressler, they were bound to have some common ground.

"Storm clouds heading this way". Her statement caused him to look away from Lizzie and follow her gaze towards the entrance of the PO2, seeing Ressler step inside. Red saw the frustration his eyes, and then watched as he scanned the room, eyes landing on Lizzie. He almost chuckled as he watched Ressler's face show a kaleidoscope of emotions from anger to jealousy to withdrawal. He watched as the Agent reigned himself in, took a breath and walked towards Lizzie. Red's eyes moved to Malik's briefly, not wanting to miss a thing, directing a "This could get interesting" her way, before quickly looking back at the show that was about to unfold.

He walked into the PO2, tired and frustrated from the lead he just chased up. It wasn't promising to begin with, so he wasn't all that surprised when it was a dead end, but it still frustrated him to no end. All he wanted to do was see Liz, talk to her for a bit so that she could soothe him with her calm presence, go home and try to get at least a couple of hours of sleep.

He saw her in the middle of the conference room, all bright and smiling. Throwing her head back and laughing at something Flint was saying. Try as he might he couldn't stop the jealousy that instantly bubbled up inside of him. The hand the landed on Flint's forearm as she tried to steady herself did nothing from his irritation. Why was it so easy for her to be around everyone else but him. She was even comfortable around Red for God's sake. He walked over to them slowly, trying to catch any detail he could about the exchange between them. Not wanting to acknowledge the fact that she might be interested in this guy. Surely he would have noticed if something was going on between the two? And then it all snapped. The pure fact that he might have lost his chance with her gave him a crude awakening. When his hand landed on her elbow he felt her whole body tense up, her eyes flicking up to his, questions fluttering through them. "Can I see you for a moment please". His tone didn't leave much room for argument; neither did the grip he had on her elbow. As he steered her away from prying ears and eyes she went over the change that she saw in the man that standing next to her. He seemed surer of himself, but at the same time completely lost and confused. Like he was steeling himself for something.

In her office she took a step away from him, casually allowing her eyes to drift to the window between her office and the conference room as if trying to catch anyone who might be looking in. He stepped further inside, leaving her by the door as she closed it. With his back towards her she saw the tension built up in his shoulders. Frustration seemingly seeping from him. "Is there a problem?"

That question made his teeth grind. For there really shouldn't be a problem. She wasn't his and could do and talk to whomever she liked. He just never allowed it into the realm of possibility that she could be interested in someone in the PO2 other than him. He didn't think he could handle that. Seeing her with a husband outside of work was one thing, seeing her with someone at work, constantly in front of him, well that was just hell on earth.

She could see the frustration in his eyes as he turned back to her. Something was still holding him back, although she could see his resolve tethering on the edge. So she decided to push him, throwing caution to the wind. Because surely rejection had to hurt less than the pain she was feeling for the last couple of weeks. Him being so close but not able to touch him was killing her. She was sick of waiting. And so she pushed "If you've got something to say, say it". She threw it into the wind as if in challenge. Not really sure where this conversation was going and trying to understand where all this frustration towards her was coming from.

He really did try to form a sentence in his mind. Something to explain exactly what he was feeling to her. But he was never a man of many words. Actions spoke louder than words in his book. And he was a man of action. He stalked towards her slowly, searching her eyes for any sort of hint to her not wanting this. Her eyes gave away nothing, just looking up at him as if trying to figure out his next move.

And then she realized that maybe she didn't need him to say anything. This was surely better. He stalked towards her like a predator. Walking into her personal space and not stopping until both hands were flat against the door on each side of her head. He felt a shiver go through her and he tried to distinguish whether it was out of fear, anticipation, or hesitation. When he saw her eyes flick from his and down to his lips he knew there was no going back.

She felt like a caged animal but she couldn't help the shiver that coursed through her body at his closeness. She wanted him closer, reaching an arm around him to hold him in place while her hips moved towards his. He let out a groan and allowed his head to fall on her shoulder, nose nudging at her neck, smelling, inhaling her scent in. Vanilla. "Tell me to stop" his husky voice sent shivers through every nerve ending in her body. She was quickly loosing any capability to speak, let alone think. She knew that they had reached their precipice. This was it. And he was letting her choose, giving her a way out. She almost laughed at him for thinking she had any choice in the matter. There was no way she could let him go now.

"No"

A rumble came up from his chest that she felt go through the skin where they were connected to her very soul. He pressed himself further into her, all hard planes against her softness, pushing her further into the door of her office. His forehead against hers.

"I want this. I want you" was all she said, because she needed him to know. She had wanted this desperately for months, since visiting him in the hospital all those months ago. Since before that if she was being honest with herself. With him in front of her now, she didn't think she'd ever let go. She moved her free hand to his stomach, letting it travel up, feeling the tight muscles moving under her hand as she went further. Skimming his collarbone, lightly with a finger, finally ending with her hand wrapping around his neck. The hand that was wrapped around him pushed him further into her, while the added pressure from the hand on his neck let him know exactly what she wanted.

He let go of everything, all the control that he had been holding onto for the many months he had to spend around her, all the doubts that clouded his mind every time he was around her. As his lips descended on hers, he looked into her eyes, feeling a sense of calmness wash over him. This was right. This was exactly what he needed. Her with him, safe. The look of passion and trust she gave him made all other thoughts fly from his head, making him give himself up to her completely. Pouring everything that he couldn't yet say into the kiss.

The more you review the more i update - and the longer the chapters. Please let me know your thoughts and which direction you would like this story to go in now that we are actually getting somewhere :) Pleaseeeee R&R. Love to all as always!