-Monkey and Kora-
Davey whimpered and braced himself for the sloppy kiss he knew would be coming any minute. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited, but nothing happened. Slowly, he opened one eye, then the other, and was amazed to find that everyone in the room had completely frozen, motionless. Barking Cow was positioned exactly two millimeters from his face; when Davey realized this he almost went into cardiac arrest.
Davey tried to take a step back from the incredibly unattractive princess, but found that he couldn't go anywhere. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and when Davey opened his eyes, there was Kloppman - no, Kloppman's head - floating before him. "How 'bout a kiss for the bride?"
"WAH!" Davey screamed as Kloppman laughed at his little joke. Davey was in shock. "YOU did this to me! Why?!"
Kloppman made a face that suggested that, if he'd had a body, he was shrugging. "You complained too much, the lot a' youse! I thought I'd teach you a bit of a lesson."
"What are you? I thought you were just the old man running the lodging house."
Kloppman laughed. The laugh was a bit sinister, Davey noted. "You got most of it right. I'm just the old sage running the lodging house."
Davey's eyes widened, but Kloppman cut off his next question. "D'you wanna go home or not?"
"Please, I'd do anything! Well, not anything b - "
"All right, all right, I'm convinced," Kloppman's head answered. "Close your eyes."
Davey did so. Suddenly, he felt himself being pitched forward, and he landed a big sloppy kiss on Barking Cow's lips. Davey opened his eyes and screamed. Kloppman, who was now invisible, laughed uncontrollably. Then, there was a blinding flash of light and a WHOOSH of air, and David Jacobs lost conciousness.
Spot squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the blow to come. It never did. There was a strange wooshing sound, and the frenzied cheering of the crowd halted abruptly. His heart pounding, Spot allowed one eyelid to slide up minimally. The warrior woman was poised above him, her sword arm drawn back in preparation for a mighty blow. Yet, she was motionless. Breathing heavily, Spot opened both of his eyes all the way, and took a long look around. Everything wasn't moving. Spot's jaw worked soundlessly when a familiar voice made him spin around.
"Are you enjoying your new life, oh high overlord Spoticus Maximus?" Spot's eyes widened in shock at what he saw. There was Kloppman...but...it was only his floating head.
"Kl-Kloppman?" Spot sputtered. The floating Kloppyhead nodded in aknowledgement.
"Yes, it's me. I sent you here to show you how good you really have it in New York. I was sick of all the whining. Now...if you ask nice enough, I just might let you come back home." Spot fell to his kneeds beside the spectrall, grasping at the air, trying to get ahold of legs that weren't there to grovel at them.
"Yes! Ise wants ta go home! Back ta Brooklyn! I'll stop complainin, Ise promise! Just please!" Gazing solemnly at Spot's pleading eyes, the floating Kloppyhead nodded gravely.
"Very well." There was a great white flash of light, and Spot knew no more.
Kid Blink was about to be "improved upon" by Ancient Egyptians when suddenly, all movement ceased. Blink, however, was afraid to move, for one of the men held a sharp, pointy object above him. All of a sudden, there was Kloppman's head floating around the cavern. Blink's eyes widened. "Kloppy ol' pal! ...Did they get you too?"
Kloppman laughed. Strangely enough, it sounded more like an evil laugh than a "You're funny" laugh. "No, Blink, they didn't get me."
"Where'd yer body go?" Blink asked in amazement.
"I don't know, actually...ah, well. You, eh...wanted to come home, did ye?"
A grin broke out on Blink's face. "Yes, please, oh Kloppy yer Highness. I don't wanna be cut apart by these people!"
"They mean well, Blink, but no one in their right mind wants to be their guinea pig. Very well, if you promise not to complain so much I suppose - "
"I LOVE YOU, KLOPPMAN!" Blink yelled. "I'll never complain again, I promise!"
Kloppman smiled. "Very well, then."
The Floating Kloppyhead uttered a few unintelligible words and Blink disappeared from the Egyptian cavern.
Mush was confused. A split second ago, he had been frozen to the ground in both cold and fear. The cold was still here, but the fear was gone. Now, everything around him wasn't moving. Except for Kloppman's head, which hovered in front of him. The only thing that Mush was sure of was that Kloppman meant the Lodging House, which equalled home.
"Kloppy!" he cried in joy, running to embrace the kindly old man (what there was of him, anyway), but coming up with nothing save an armful of air. The floating Kloppyhead smiled fondly in spite of himself as Mush scratched his head, even more confused now.
'The poor boy's just a tad slow,' he thought. 'It's hard to stay angered with him for long.'
"Don't worry, Mush," he stated. "I think you've learned your lesson here. I've come to take you home." The delighted grin that spread across Mush's face, like a little boy facing a mountain of presents on Christmas morning, made the trip to this gods-forsaken ice cube of a wasteland worth it all for Kloppman. If he had his entire body here with him, he would have rumpled the newsboy's hair affectionately. "Close your eyes," he instructed gently, "and count to ten. Then open them, and you'll be home."
Mush did so eagerly. As he closed his eyes, he caught a glimpse of a shining flash of light before everything went black.
Jack squirmed in the iron grip of the deadly fire-breathing dragon. It stared at him with a look that clearly said, "Finger-lickin' good!" If Jack hadn't been held so tightly by the dragon's talons, he would have curled up into the fetal position and sucked his thumb.
The dragon gave Jack a parting look and shot a red-hot column of fire at him. Jack braced himself for the burn, but after a moment he was startled to realize that the fire had stopped advancing toward him, and was now suspended in mid-air. "How the heck..."
Suddenly, there was the floating head of Kloppman, hovering above Jack. "KLOPPMAN! I LOVE YOU! GET ME OUTTA HERE!"
"Hold yer horses, Kelly," the head answered, trying to hide his amused look.
"Oh, please, Klop, get me outta this mess. I don't wanna be supper for no dragon. Please," Jack begged, his eyes pleading.
"You promised you'd stop wishing for Santa Fe. Does that mean I don't have to loan ye no more money fer them stupid Western Jim pamphlets?"
"Sure, Kloppman, anything you want! Just please don't let it get me!" Jack cast a frightened look upward at the dragon's face.
"Very well. On the count of three. One. Two. Th - "
Everything went black.
Race weakly lifted his head. A few minutes ago, after calling out for help, he had collasped from sheer exhaustion. He could have drifted off to slight right then, but the guard surely would have set upon him with the whip. Yet, after waiting in fatigue-induced apathy, the guard did not come. Moreover, the sound of strained grunts and heavy blocks being slapped onto hardened blocks had disappeared.
Race opened his eyes after lifting his head. Hovering above him was Kloppman's slightly transparent head. Race groaned and flopped back down dejectedly in the dirt. "This work really is gettin ta my head," he moaned. The floating kloppyhead smiled mischievously and spoke in a booming voice. "I am the great sage Kloppersus. You made a bargin with me. Swear off your gambling habits--forever--and I will return you to your home."
Racetrack pushed himself up slowly and leaned against the wall. He stared earnestly at the Kloppyhead. "Ya look like Kloppman, and he's a nice guy. So I think I can believe what ya say. I can agree ta those terms." Kloppman raised an eyebrow and titled his head at the newsboy.
"You are able and willing to never game again for the rest of your life?" Race placed his hand across his cheset, his face a portrait of sincerity.
"I am a changed man. Long hours of hard labor have taught me ta appriciate the good things I got. Gamblin's too risky, I could lose all the stuff I worked for."
Kloppman wasn't convinced, and he let it show. Inside, he cackled with glee. Race might possibly be a tad bit serious now, but that would last five seconds once he got back to New York. It didn't matter, though. Watching Race squirm as he was now was more than enough. The floating Kloppyhead scrutinized Race from head to toe, and sighed heavily. "It is a deal. But remember your promise!" he warned.
Race's limbs trembled in relief. "I will," and he collapsed. Maintaining his self-control had used up the very last bit of Race's energy. He fell asleep on the spot, not even noticing the white light that flashed through the air.
Crutchy was tied to the uprooted tree, suspended above the fire. The cavemen had, oddly enough, stopped moving entirely. Now Kloppman's floating head was suspended mid-air above Crutchy.
"About to be fried to a crisp, I see," Kloppman noted.
Crutchy squirmed, pointing at the Floating Kloppyhead. "IT HOVERS!"
Kloppman rolled his eyes. Crutchy pleaded, "Please, Kloppman, take me away from here! I can't understand a word these guys is sayin', an' when I say somethin' they make fun of me! And on top of that, they wanna have me for dinner!"
"More likely they're offering you as a sacrifice," the Kloppyhead said matter-of-factly, "since there ain't enough meat on yer bones to feed this many men."
Crutchy squeaked in horror. "Please, take me away from here, Kloppman!"
Kloppman studied Crutchy for a long moment. He was just too loveable to say no to. "Very well. You can come home."
Crutchy smiled. "Thanks, Kloppy!"
There was a flash of light, and when Crutchy had disappeared there were several very confused cavemen scratching their heads.
"Who dares call upon me and disturb my work?" a thunderous voice boomed from the sky. Long-John Pete, One-Eyed Jack, and the rest of the pirates shivered in awed fear at the spectacle above them. The head of an older mad glared at them from the sky.
Long-John Pete found his voice and called up to the head, "I a-am Long-John P-Pete! Captain of this ship. You sent us this boy," he pointed to Les, who was still frolicking about the deck, "for reaons that we can only guess! We now repent of all our wrong-doings, and humbly beg you to return this child from whence he came!"
Kloppman took one look at Les, who was now reattatched to One-Legged Jack's arm, singing his "Wow Jack!" song, and said, "Nahhh..." A moment later, he disappeared. A match for the wail of agony that then resounded from the "Sharksbreath" was never found again in the whole of the great Atlantic ocean.