Disclaimer:For the last time, I don't own anything. Never have, never will.
What Once Was
10th Night: Nightmares and Dreams
That night Karen couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned for a while, and still she couldn't sleep. Why, she had no idea. Finally, she stood up and grabbed a clean uniform from her lone dresser. She changed and went out the door, deciding that a walk would do her some good.
She had no real destination, just wondering around the empty halls of the Order, the only sound were the soft clicking of her boots and the flicker of the torches. Other than that, it was dead silent. Karen did not care. After a few years, nothing really fazed her anymore, not really. Her mask allowed her to act and portray emotions like everyone else in the Order, except maybe Kanda. And it was because of her mask that everyone believed her to be the person she wanted them to believe she was.
She wasn't.
As she wandered, her thoughts wandered as well, from the day's events to how everything started, to the few moments with her hated parents. Closing her eyes, she tried to tune it all out, that's why she had this mask, after all. To deceive, to be able to hide her real emotions, to try and deceive herself. After all, what she really wanted was to forget. Forget everything.
Unconsciously, her pace slowed as her memories came to her, but she only stopped when a soft voice came to her ears,
"Mana."
Karen stopped dead, her eyes open now, all previous thoughts gone and replaced by the figure in a black suit, top hat, and caring smile, though his face was covered in shadow. She turned her head in the direction where the voice came from and saw that his door was opened, barely, but it was open.
Soft whimpers came from within the door, muffled crying, and his voice strained, begging, "Don't leave me, Mana…please…Mana…"
Automatically, Karen's hand went up, to push the door and go to his side, to comfort him, to tell him that everything was all right. She stopped herself. How could she do that? After all the effort she's done to get this far, how could she just ruin everything now? But his cries awakened something within her that she hoped she could've kept buried for a long time. She bit her lip and turned away, away from Allen's door, away from both his and her past, walking swiftly back toward her room.
Unbeknownst to her, Linali watched from the shadows. Like Karen, she couldn't sleep either, and so she walked around the halls like she usually did, heading toward the Science Department to see if her brother or any of the other scientist needed anything--coffee, most likely. And instead she comes across this strange sight.
A sudden fear shot through her. What if Karen had feelings for Allen? Shaking her head, she pushed those thoughts aside. Karen was older than Allen, wasn't she? By two years, why would she have eyes on someone who was younger? But then again, she shouldn't be talking. After all, Allen was younger than her, supposedly, but by what--a few months? Linali turned and walked toward her previous destination, trying to block out both her thoughts and Allen's whimpers.
xxx
"Finally!"
Lavi stretched his aching back, his arms raised above his head. "Geez…even after a party, the old man doesn't let up on the work…argh, my back hurts…" he complained to no one in particular. He sighed and continued his way to his room, closing his eyes. He's been in the Order long enough to memorize where every room in the tower was, and whose it belonged to. He didn't need his eyes to reach his own. But that didn't mean that he knew where everybody was. He turned a corner and nearly ran into someone.
"Sorry!"
When the other person didn't answer, or even make a sound, Lavi quickly opened his eyes and blinked. "Hana-chan?"
Said girl looked up at him, surprise apparent on her face. "Lavi?"
For a moment, the both of them just stood there, blinking. Then Lavi remembered what time it was. "What're you doing up at this hour!?"
"Haha, umm…I was just…uh…" she looked away. Why couldn't she form an excuse? Why couldn't she even think straight? She gritted her teeth and looked back up at him, noting his worried expression. "I couldn't sleep so I just walked around, I'm heading back to my room now. Anything wrong with that?" She knew her voice betrayed what her face showed him. For some reason, she couldn't regain her composure. Was she that afraid of her past?
"Well no…but isn't your room that way?" he pointed to the end of the hallway opposite the direction she was heading.
"W-well, yes, b-but…I was uh…" Karen could feel her face burning up. About why, she had no idea.
Lavi couldn't help but chuckle. "Fine, I won't ask, but…come on, off to bed with you. It's late," he told her.
Karen shook her head, immediately recalling something like this happening before. Why, oh why, did she start remembering this now. "I-It's fine. I'm not even tired."
"Go to bed already."
"I'm fine!"
Lavi sighed. "Sure…just like my back isn't killing me right now."
"Then why don't you go to bed?"
"I will, as soon as you're in bed."
Before she could argue any further, Lavi took her hand and started walking down the dimly lit hall, towards her room. "It's unhealthy to stay up this late and wake up early, especially to train with Yuu-chan."
"I don't care." Amazing, simply amazing. Even now she was arguing. What a stubborn girl.
"Well that's too bad, Hana-chan, 'cause I do." And with that, he basically dragged her to her room, despite her rantings.
"Lavi, I'm not tired!" Even as she spoke, a wave of nausea came over her, bringing with it a deafening roar in her ears that made her want to do nothing but sleep. Immediately, her body felt as if it was being weighed down by unseen chains, wishing to pull her down into an endless abyss.
Turning back to give her a glare, Lavi noticed something he hadn't noticed before. "Are you sure…you look pale, Hana-chan." He stopped and placed a hand on her forehead, noting the dazed look that her eyes had gained.
"I'm fine, Lavi…" Inwardly, Karen yelled at herself. Why couldn't she regain control?
"You do realize what time it is at least, don't you?"
"Fine, if I go to bed will you leave?" The unknown wave, the uncontrolled emotions and reactions, everything was really starting to irritate her. Maybe all she needed really was some rest.
"Fine, just sleep…I'm worried about you, Hana-chan." And he really was. He opened her unlocked door and lead her inside. He just couldn't understand why she was so stubborn, about her own health too. It only worried him more when she hurried inside and he heard something small click against the wooden desk, though it also added to his curiosity.
"Don't be stupid, Lavi. You don't need to worry about me. Goodnight." And without even turning the lights on, the female turned and pushed the redhead out of her room, softly closing the door behind him and sighed. Walking to the bathroom, a hum softly came from her throat, a song from long ago following soon after.
Shine bright morning light
Now in the air the spring is coming
Even with her head throbbing and body screaming for the soft mattress, the words came out smooth and strong, even as she changed and brushed her hair. She made her way toward her bed but instead went towards her window, not really knowing why. Looking up at the moon, she was instantly reminded of the first time she sang this song, the cool breeze blowing her long dark locks away from her face.
Sweet blowing wind
Singing down the hills and valleys
A soft smile played on Lavi's lips as he heard his flower. Putting his head back and closing his eyes, he let himself fall into a dreamless slumber, the smile blooming out into full view. "Hana-chan…"
Keep your eyes on me
Now we're on the edge of hell
"M-Mana…" Allen tossed and turned once more before unconsciously hearing something so soothing, he couldn't help but stay still in order to listen to it, even if he was asleep. 'That…that voice again…and that song…' A new image entered Allen's slumbering mind, and along with it, a warm and comforting light, something that the white-haired boy hasn't felt in a long time.
Dear my love, sweet morning light
Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far
"Who's there…?" Allen asked the figure. He received no reply and instead, received a loving smile, even if the figure was covered in shadow. He did know that he knew this person, and could only look on as she came forward, all the shadows and dreaded souls surrounding his tattered form hissing away like frightened animals. He stayed where he was, deep into the pool of warm dark liquid, looking up as the girl came closer to him, noting that even the darkness seemed to slink away from her very being, as if she was an angel sent to him by God; a Guardian Angel, just for him.
Shine bright morning light
Now in the air the spring is coming
The angel reached out to him, that smile still upon her face. Allen hesitated, how could he sully the pure being in front of him with his filthy hands? Hands stained with blood, clothes and tattered body covered with bruises and cuts, his eyes weary from the darkness. He didn't want to taint her for some unknown reason. He simply felt guilty to even ask her help, even if he didn't voice it. The boy hung his head, tears starting to form in his eyes. Tears that he refused to show in front of her.
"Allen."
Said boy's head immediately shot up, tears spilling from his blue-gray orbs. He was surprised to find her kneeling in front of him, as if she was hovering right above the sea of blood he bathed in. Even more so when she reached out and wrapped her arms around his battered form. "Allen…" Immediately, the scene of his nightmare disappeared and was replaced by a serene mountainside, the two of them on the shore near the lake. Looking around, Allen knew he was here before, recalling his previous dream. He looked down and saw that his clothes had changed, they were clean now, not a hint of blood was upon them. He looked up at the person's face, only to see that it was still covered in shadow, but that smile of hers remained.
"Who…are you?"
Sweet blowing wind
Singing down the hills and valleys
"Don't cry, Allen." Her voice was so familiar, so soothing to his ears. "I'll always be here to protect you. I won't let anything happen to you…"
Keep your eyes on me
Now we're on the edge of hell
Allen slept soundly the rest of the night, the nightmares dare not come near him. A smile was placed upon his face, no longer contorted in pain or fear.
Dear my love, sweet morning light
Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far
xxx
The following morning, the raven-haired female awoke to a light series of knocks. Groaning slightly, she sat up, "Who is it?"
"Just me. Can I come in?"
Karen blinked and looked out her window. It was just the break of dawn, what was Lavi doing up this early?
"Yeah. Door's unlocked." Her eyes quickly gazed over to the desk next to her, thankful that that was still face-down on the wood. Ever since she's been here, the only people to ever be inside her room were Lavi and Kanda. Each only came in once before, with Lavi's exception of last night.
For some reason, a wave of nausea hit her and she lay back down, a hand placed over her head. 'Where did that come from…'
"You feeling better, Hana-chan?" Karen looked up, surprised to see the redhead with a tray full of food. "Thought ya might be hungry."
"Why are you doing this…?" Karen asked as she sat back up, leaning against the front of her bed. An amused laugh came from the older boy as he brought a chair next to her bed and placed the tray down.
"Well, we're friends, right?" he asked her, his ever cheerful smile on his face.
'Friends…? Right…friends…'
"You really shouldn't have…"
Lavi just continued to smiled at her, all his worry placed behind that goofy smile of his. After all, Karen wasn't the only one at the Order who had a mask. He reached over and placed a hand on her forehead. "Least you're not getting a fever or anything. You feel okay, right?" His smile seemed to widen when the female nodded. "That's good. Well, I'll just leave you alone then."
"It's okay if you want to stay," Karen was surprised at herself. Why did she say that? Sheepishly, hand covering her mouth, she looked over at Lavi, who still had that smile on his face. She didn't know it, but for the first time in a long while, a soft blush tinted her cheeks.
"I wish I could, but I cant. Bookman still wants me to finish those recordings." Though his voice didn't portray it, the Bookman Apprentice was ecstatic. Maybe, just maybe, she liked him? However, as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he mentally hit himself. She would never like anyone like him, a person who didn't even have a true identity, someone whose name was only an alias to go by until he was known as Bookman. Still, the one called Lavi couldn't help but feel…happy. Even if it was against regulations, to house these feelings for someone, he just couldn't help it, he couldn't help but feel like she was blushing at him, not at the person he wanted her to see. "But then again, I could always blow him off, right?"
"No, don't do that. I don't want you to get in trouble with the old man 'cause of me," she told him, the blush fading away, even if she wasn't aware it was there in the first place. What she said was true, however, she really did not want him to get in trouble. For what reason, though, she had no idea. Why? That one word question kept coming into her mind. Every time she was with the redhead, she felt like she could open up to him, even for a little, and smile like she truly meant it. And what did this fluttery feeling in the depths of her stomach mean? Oh how she hated emotions.
"Well…alright then. If you need anything, just ask," the Bookman in training stood, heading towards the door. "Oh, and Hana-chan?" he turned in the doorway, smiling like an idiot.
"Hm?"
"Get better, 'kay?" And he left.
xxx
For some reason, after that little meeting with the Bookman-in-training, the raven-haired female never felt better, even if she wasn't sick in the first place. All throughout the following day, nothing was out of the ordinary, no random hits of nausea, no killer headaches. Nothing of the sort.
It was a pretty boring day, no missions were assigned, which, of course, was suspicious in itself but no one complained. Bookman had Lavi working in the library practically all day, Linali was helping Komui and the rest of the Science Department, Allen was there too, Miranda and Krory were training, and on more than one occasion the two of them spent at least ten minutes apologizing to one another for no real absolute reason. Kanda, of course, was training by his lonesome self, but it really couldn't be considered lonesome, since Karen was with him most of the day.
"Man, Gramps, you just wanna put me to work, don't you," Lavi complained, stretching. There was a small crash as Bookman jump kicked the eighteen year old in the face. "Hey, that was unnecessary!"
"Hmph. You better be done with those scrolls when I get back, Lavi," was all the Bookman said as he exited the library and headed towards Hevlaska's chamber, leaving a steaming redhead behind.
xxx
"Ah, Bookman. What do I owe this pleasant visit?"
"Hevlaska…there is something I need to confirm." Bookman's voice was stern, his expression matching the coldness of his voice.
The tentacle-armed exorcist nodded. She knew when others were being serious or not, when they were in pain or simply faking it. Bookman, now, was as serious as ever. "What do you wish to know, Bookman?"
The old man nodded, "That girl, Karen. Do you have any knowledge about her past? Anything at all?"
"All that I know is that she was under the care of General Cloud Nine, but she was not one of her students. I do not know the reason for that or that came to be."
"I see…" Bookman was quiet for a while as he pondered about that seventeen year old. He sat down on the floating platform, hands inside his sleeves. Hevlaska waited patiently for him to continue, it wasn't like she had anything else to do. "Hevlaska."
"Yes, Bookman?"
"I heard this from Komui, but I need to make sure. I need to hear it from you."
"If you heard it from Komui, then the information he has given you is presumably correct."
"Yes, I am aware of that, but I still need to be sure."
Hevlaska nodded, she understood what he meant. He was a Bookman, after all, and as a Bookman, all of his data and recordings of history and events had to be correct and precise. "Ask away."
"When Karen first came here, to be gauged her innocence, she, like Allen, was told a prophecy by you. What was that prophecy? What is she known as, in the Prophecy of the Destroyer, the Innocence Battle from long ago?"
"She is…" Hevlaska hesitated for a moment, "She is the Guardian of the Destroyer."
xxx
Karen sighed. 'Not again…'
It was nighttime now, and judging from the height of the moon, and how silent the Tower was, it was, like the night before, late and she still couldn't sleep. "Why doesn't it seem like I can get a decent night's sleep anymore…" Karen muttered to herself and got up. Like the night before, she changed and started wondering around, no real destination in mind. Well, none that she was aware of.
It seems as though the unconscious mind is a strange thing. Even if the conscious has no real thought of where to go, the subconscious has a way of working things to the point of leading the body to a certain destination in which the host has no idea until they are actually there. Thus, it was with Karen's subconsciousness. And oh, how she loathed it now.
Before she realized it, Karen was in the part of the Tower where Allen's room was. As of now, she was in the hallway that led to his room. She stopped when she realized where she was, and she contemplated whether or not to leave and go back to her room, right then and there. But there was something within her that did not allow her to move one step back. Only to step forward.
And so she did. As she did, she immediately regretted it. His room was slightly open again, but it wasn't open far enough for people to notice that it was open. She only noticed because she had a feeling that her subconscious was leading her to his room. And like the night before, soft whimpers and cries came from the fifteen year olds space. This time, however, she knew she couldn't run away.
Karen hesitantly raised her hand in front of the door. Her hand was shaking. In fact, she was shaking entirely. No, she couldn't run away. Not when he was practically crying, right in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she carefully opened his door and entered his room.
Her breath caught in her throat as she saw Allen's sleeping form thrashing about, tears falling down his pale face. In the moonlight, he would've looked like an angel, the light bouncing off his silver face and pale face, but right now, he looked like a fallen angel that was being tortured by the devil. His hands clutched the sheets around him, face contorted in agony, his soft whimpering emanating around the small room.
"Allen…" Karen whispered. Cautiously, without a sound, she made her way towards his form and brushed a few strands away from his face. "It's alright, Allen. Everything's okay…don't cry…"
xxx
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Screams of the souls that he couldn't save echoed after him, the bandaged mummies surrounding him from all sides as he slipped and fell into the murky water. No, not water. It was far too thick and sticky to be water. Allen yelped as he realized it was blood. Innocent blood spilled by the Earl. "N-no…get away from me…" Allen whimpered. He tried to activate his innocence but found that he couldn't. A black chain was wrapped around his anti-akuma hand and it was because of that that he couldn't activate his arm. He turned and ran, ran away from it all, toward the destroyed buildings, past the disemboweled bodies of people, or what used to be people, past the broken limbs and organs floating around in the sea of blood. "Mana!" he cried out, just as a figure of a man appeared on a nearby area of desolate land. "Mana!" he cried once more, trying to reach his foster father. But the closer he tried to come, the farther away Mana became. "Mana, no…don't go…Mana, don't leave me, please! Mana!" He reached out, as if he could grab his hand or his black coat.
His eyes widened and a cry escaped his lips as Mana, the man he loved so dearly, was pierced through, an Akuma laughing sadistically behind him, only to fade away into the darkness surrounding everything. "Mana!" Allen ran to his side, no longer in the sea of blood he was in before. "Mana, father, please, please, don't leave me again. Mana!"
"Allen…just keep…walking forward…" Mana's famous words.
Allen shook his head, tears falling from his eyes. "Papa, don't leave me!" Allen found himself a child again, crying over the loss of the only family he ever had, the only one he remembered that loved him. He shook his head, his original brown locks swaying this way and that, "Don't die, Mana!"
"It's too late for that, Allen Walker"
Allen looked up as the shadow of a large being with a top hat and rabbit ears appeared beside him and he couldn't help but move away from the Millennium Earl.
"My dear Allen Walker. Do you want to see your father again?"
With a cry, Allen covered his ears, his eyes shut tight, just as the skeleton akuma form of Mana appeared in front of him. "A-Allen…" Allen tried blocking it out, this was just a dream, it wasn't real! "How could you turn me into an Akuma?!"
It wasn't real!
Another cry escaped Allen's lips as his anti-akuma weapon activated on its own and destroyed his father, then went back to being chained up, the black chains clenching his arm so tightly it could break the bone.
"Dear Allen…come with me, then you won't be in so much pain, yes?"
"Go away!" Allen turned and ran away from the malevolent being, only to come face to face with the fated souls of Akuma, all reaching out to him, 'Help me…' Only to be destroyed by a sadistic little girl with short spiky hair, licking a lollipop. A man wearing a black suit and top hat with slicked back curly hair stood beside her, the same sadistical grin on his face. Allen stood there, shock rooted him to the spot. "R-Rhode…Tyki…"
Said Noahs grinned and reached their hands out towards Allen. "Come with us, Allen. The Destroyer of Time should be spared in the destruction of the world…"
Taking a step back, Allen ran away from them, yelping as he realized he was back in the sea of blood. He could hear the following movement of the Noah and the Earl and he tried to run faster through the murky substance. He could feel his tears falling down his dirtied face, his entire body feeling like it could collapse at any moment. Another yelp escaped his lips as he tripped and fell once more into the dark sea. He heard laughter behind him, "Poor little Allen--"
"It's alright, Allen. Everything's okay, don't cry…"
Allen looked up, and once again saw her. He bit his lower lip and reached out to her, he didn't want to be here anymore, even if it was a dream--a nightmare. He wanted someone to comfort him, and even though he knew it was selfish of him, that was what he wanted most of all right now.
xxx
Karen moved his pillow and carefully sat on the bed, his head upon her lap. She brushed a few more strands of hair out of his face, stroking his hair with her other hand. "I have a new song for you, Allen…" she whispered to him, saying exactly what she had said to him so many years ago, "…wanna hear it?" She nearly laughed as the boy nodded, even if it was an unconscious act. "You really haven't changed, Allen…" she lowered her head, her bangs casting shadows across her eyes. If it wasn't for the moonlight shining down on the two, the tears that formed in her eyes would never have been visible, a single glimmering tear falling down her face, leaving a trail of wet sorrow behind, fell and gently landed on the boy's sleeping face.
If you are lost in your way
Deep in an awesome story
Don't be in doubt and stray
Cling to your lonesome folly
Allen closed his eyes as the angel held him. He felt warm now, the cold no longer nipping at his tattered form, though his tears still fell. He could hear the shadows, the darkness, the Earl and the Noahs all fading away. Turning in her arms, he buried his face against the base of her neck and shoulder, trying to stop the tears that were still flowing. Even if he had only seen her for the second time, he felt as if he knew her from long ago, this feeling almost exactly like what he felt with a certain dark-haired exorcist. Were these two beings…one in the same? No…they couldn't be…couldn't they?
Now you're too close to the pain
Let all the rain go further
Come back and kiss me in vain
Mother oh do not bother
The seventeen year old continued to stroke his hair comfortingly, a soft smile on her lips as she sang. He was no longer tossing or turning, his face no longer scrunched up in pain, no longer clutching his sheets around him. Instead, he looked like he was sleeping soundly for a while, his hands no clutching the sheets, his knuckles no longer turning white, no more whimpers coming forth. Now, he really did look like an angel. 'They had no right in calling you a demon…no right at all…'
Hear the chorus of pain
Taking you back to proper ways
It's so easy to find
If you could remind me
They were no longer in that blood-filled area of destruction, nor were they in the serene mountainside, instead they were in a cozy little room, a small fireplace in front of them, the warm flames softly dancing around in their wooden platform. Allen lay on her lap, absolutely comfortable, even if he knew she was a stranger…wasn't she? He looked up, only to see that her face was still covered in shadow, only her smile was visible to him. "Who…who are you? I know you…don't I?" The female stayed silent, save for the song that came from her throat, and just continued to smile at him. Allen closed his eyes, and his hand somehow finding hers. "You're here…to protect me…aren't you…"
Now you are lost in your way
Deep in an awesome story
So I will find you again
Kiss you for lonesome folly
Karen's eyes widened ever so slightly, just as she finished the song, as she heard the words from him. She bowed her head, shutting her eyes tightly, letting a soft sob erupt from her throat. "Th-that's right, Allen…I won't let anything happen to you…I never have…and I won't start now, Allen…" she whispered.
xxx
Linali stood near the door, in the exact place where she was the previous night, all emotions drained from her usually smiling face. She had no idea what to think or feel at the moment, how could she know? Closing her eyes, she turned on her heel and headed back to her room. 'I'll ask her about it later.'
:::End 10th night:::
I am soooo sorry this took so long -sweat drop- Hope you liked it! Next chapter should be up...right about now -points-