Keith couldn't look anyone in the eye. He kept sneaking little glances, then looking away immediately. It felt awful. The guilt was eating him up inside, like a wild animal gnawing on his organs. His stomach felt cramped, his breath too short. Hunk's face was disappointed and resigned, Allura was grim and pinched, and even Coran looked serious and unhappy. Pidge was worse than all of them put together-—she was peeking out at Keith from a hole in the blankets that covered her and Lance like a gremlin from a cave, and her eyes were burning. Keith was pretty sure that he had just gained an enemy for life.

But worst of all... Worst of all was Lance. He didn't look angry or sad or disappointed. He looked tense and...scared. He was shrinking back into the blankets and cushions around him as if he wanted to hide there, and his arm was wrapped tightly around Pidge, much too much like a frightened child with a teddy bear. It made Keith's chest feel loose and wobbly, like his heart had turned to jello. He'd never meant to hurt Lance, not like this, and he certainly had never wanted to make him scared of him. That was... That was just the worst.

Keith felt like a monster.

Shiro saw where he was looking and let out a short sigh. "Pidge. Stop trying to kill Keith your mind."

Pidge looked offended. "I'm not trying to kill him. I don't want Keith to die. I just want him to suffer a little. For what he did to Lance."

Keith looked down. His hands clenched in the fabric over his stomach. He wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.

Shockingly, Shiro chuckled, soft and a little sad. "Well, you can lay off now. I promise you, he's suffered. More than a little, even. He feels very, very bad." He nudged Keith, and Keith reluctantly looked up at his face.

Shiro raised his eyebrows, and Keith remembered what they had discussed in the hall. Formal apology first, informal apology later. They needed to get this done before they could move on.

Keith swallowed and gave him a little nod, then looked back to the group. His hands twisted in his shirt. The steps for a formal apology swirled around in his head. He'd done it more than once; surely he'd be able to handle this one little thing. It was the least he could do.

Express remorse, accept responsibility, offer to make amends, promise better behavior in the future. Don't make excuses. Be sincere. Do it, Keith. Just do it.

Keith opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Shiro squeezed his shoulder. Keith sucked in a breath and tried again.

"I...I'm sorry." His voice sounded awful, scratchy and broken. He scrunched up his face and tried again. "My actions were inexcusable. And I didn't just hurt Lance, I hurt the whole group." He looked around at everyone, tried to meet each set of eyes at least for a moment. Then he had to look down at the floor. Time to come clean.

"And...and this wasn't the first time." He looked up and tried to find something to focus on. Hunk, sitting straight across from Keith on the most central sofa, looked the least like he wanted to tear Keith a new one. So Keith stared into his face, not daring to blink. "A few days ago, in the hallway, I... Lance and I were talking. Well, I was yelling. And I...I lost control of myself. I pushed him against the wall." Just for a moment, he wanted to say. It was an accident, he wanted to say. I didn't mean to hurt him, he wanted to say.

No. Don't make excuses. Hunk's face was utterly dismayed, almost heartbroken, but Keith still had to tell him. "I knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong, and I still did it. Lance went pale and said he couldn't breathe, and when I let go he fell to the floor. I hurt him. I'm sorry." He looked into Lance's face for the first time since beginning his confession. Lance stared back at him almost without comprehension, his face blank and eyes wide.

Keith felt his face screwing up again and deliberately smoothed it out. "I'm sorry, Lance. I hurt you, and I'm so, so sorry. I wish you had told someone then. I wanted you to. But when you didn't, I should have told someone myself. Maybe then..." He gulped and pressed his hands against his stomach, trying to calm the churning in his gut. It didn't help. "Maybe if I had told someone, today wouldn't have happened. That would have been better, because... What I did today was so, so much worse than just pushing you against a wall."

The tears came again. Keith let them. "What I did today was so, so wrong, and I am more sorry than I can ever tell you. I knew it was wrong, I knew it, and I still did it. Everything I said was wrong, and I knew it was wrong while I was saying it. You aren't selfish. You aren't bringing us down. You aren't bad for this team. You're...you're fantastic for this team. You're wonderful. We're so, so lucky to have you here with us. And...and we wouldn't be better off if you were still on Earth. It's completely the opposite. You've saved us all more than once, you've saved me more than once, and I never, never should have said something so cruel and hurtful and...and untrue. Just completely and utterly false in every way. Not to you, and not to anybody."

Lance was still staring at him, seeming completely confused. Keith didn't know what else to do. He spread his hands in a gesture of supplication. "I know there's not much I can do to make up for this, but please, Lance... If there's anything I can do, anything at all, any way that I can show you how sorry I am and make this better for you, please, please tell me. I'll do whatever it takes to fix this. Just...anything. Anything at all."

Lance blinked. Keith finally broke eye contact with him and looked around at the larger group. "I know it doesn't mean much right now, while everyone is still hurting because of what I did, but I promise that I'll do everything I can to prevent this happening in the future. I..." He caught a breath, felt his face reddening. "I'll talk to someone when I start feeling scared and angry, so I won't lose control of myself. I'll...I'll find a healthy way to work out my emotions instead of letting them take me over the way I did today and a few days ago."

He looked up at Shiro. Shiro gave him an encouraging nod. "Shiro...Shiro's gonna help me. He says...we're never gonna let it get this bad again." Keith looked down at the floor, then back to the group again. He couldn't meet anyone's eyes, so he picked a spot sort of in the middle of the couches and fixated on it. "I hope you believe me. I hope...I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, even if not right away."

That was it. That was all the steps. Keith felt dizzy. Shiro squeezed his shoulder. There was silence.

It was Hunk who broke it, bless him. "Aw, Keith..." He stood up from the sofa and came over. "I forgive you, buddy. I can't speak for Lance or the others, but for myself... Of course I forgive you." Big arms scooped Keith up in a gigantic hug, pinning his arms to his sides, and he was pressed to Hunk's heart so hard that he lost his breath once again. Keith stiffened for just a second, then relaxed.

Hunk put him down, and Keith rubbed his hands over his face. Shiro patted his shoulder with a sigh, then addressed the larger group. "There's more we have to talk about. A lot more."

There were several serious nods. Shiro nudged Keith over to the couches, and they both moved there and sat down. Keith found himself next to Coran. He dared to look up into his face for a moment and saw Coran giving him a sympathetic look. "Good job, paladin," he said softly, pitched only for Keith's ears. "That was very brave."

Keith looked back down at the floor, half bent over with his elbows on his knees. He buried his face in his hands again, unable to look at anyone. Something nudged his arm, and he peeked through his fingers. Coran was holding out a handkerchief. Because of course Coran carried a handkerchief. Keith hesitated, then took it and scrubbed at his face. Everything felt gross and sticky and hard-used, as usual after a long, disgusting cry. One reason he tried to avoid them as much as possible.

But there was also a feeling of...emptiness in his stomach. A good emptiness, like something bad had been emptied out. The wild animal of guilt was still there, but it was much smaller, and it didn't seem to be chewing him quite so hard anymore. Maybe...maybe he could do this. Maybe things would be okay. Eventually.

Keith glanced through his bangs and saw Lance across from him, looking pale and confused. Pidge was plastered against his side, looking up into his face and pouting. "Lance," she stage-whispered. "Drink your tea. It's getting cold."

Lance blinked, then lifted the cup in his hand and took a slow sip. It seemed to help. He sat a little straighter and looked across the circle, though he didn't look at Keith. He was focusing on Shiro.

As was everyone else. Keith sat up, too, and turned sideways to watch him. Shiro was sitting straight, almost in a military posture, his hands on his knees. His face was pained, and he was clearly working up to something.

"Keith's actions were definitely inexcusable," he said, "and that apology was necessary. But there were several factors that led up to the events of today, and we need to deal with all of them." He looked across the circle at Lance, then sighed. "Lance, kiddo, are you feeling a little better?"

Lance blinked. "Um." His voice was very soft, a little thready. "...Yes?"

Shiro shook his head. "We'll come back to you. Just drink your tea and let Pidge cuddle you. But we definitely have things we need to discuss. Neither of us are completely blameless for today." He looked around at the group. "So we'll start with me, then."

Keith blinked and caught his breath. This sounded like the prelude to a confession, but he had absolutely no idea what Shiro might be confessing to. Then Shiro turned to him and gave him a small, sad smile. "Keith. You thought Lance has been having nightmares every night, and I've been helping him with them."

Keith's eyes widened. "Um. Yes?"

Shiro looked around at the others. "Did anyone else also think that?"

Silence. Then Hunk slowly, sheepishly raised his hand. "I, uh... I knew he wasn't getting enough sleep. And I figured you were still taking care of him, like you did on the planet. But I didn't think that they were happening every night, no." He looked horrified at the thought.

Pidge stuck up one finger from her blanket hole. "I thought there were nightmares. Didn't think it was every night. Didn't think you had anything to do with them."

Allura and Coran just looked utterly dismayed and out of the loop. They hadn't realized anything was wrong at all. Keith couldn't blame them. Shiro and Lance had both done everything they could to be as normal as possible during the day, and Allura and Coran didn't know them as well as the other humans did.

Shiro sighed. "Well, then, I need to apologize too, for deceiving you all. I might have meant it for the best, but part of it was also selfishness on my part. I wanted to be strong and in-control for the team, like the black paladin is supposed to be, and so I let the weight of all of my problems fall on one person." He looked across the circle again. "Lance. I'm so sorry. I should not have let this continue as long as it did, nor even start on the path we took at all. I knew from the beginning that it was going to be dangerous and overwhelming for you, and I should not have let you bear it. You were so eager and so excited to be helpful that I let you, but I shouldn't have. It's my job to be responsible and look out for you as well as myself, and I failed. I failed both of us."

Partway through this speech, Lance's face crumpled up. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn't have the energy for it. Pidge squeezed him harder, her expression twisting up in confusion and distress.

"Shiro..." Allura sounded almost scared now. "What are you talking about? What is this secret the two of you have been keeping?"

"The nightmares." Shiro looked back to Keith again, as if he meant to tell the truth particularly to him, before everyone else. "They weren't Lance's. They were mine."

For a moment, Keith couldn't quite take it in. He felt like his brain short-circuited. Then Shiro offered another smile, small and pained and apologetic, and Keith caught his breath.

He sat up straight, staring at Shiro with wide eyes. "Wait...you...?"

Shiro nodded.

"You...you've been having nightmares. Every night. Since the jungle planet."

Shiro nodded.

"And... Lance..." Keith turned his head to stare at him, still not sure he believed it. Lance looked even more like he wanted to cry.

"Lance has been helping me," Shiro said gently. He put a hand on Keith's shoulder, holding him carefully. "Mostly because...a lot of the nightmares were about him. I kept..." He drew a shaky breath. "I kept seeing him...dead. Or...a prisoner with me, at the Galra arena. Worse things. I wouldn't be able to believe they weren't true unless I saw him in person, watched him breathing, listened to his voice." A hint of humor touched his voice. "I think Lance got tired of me waking him up every night. So he suggested that we just...cut it off at the pass." Coran and Allura looked confused at the metaphor, so he modified it. "Make a pre-emptive strike. He decided to just start the night with me, instead of having to move to my room halfway through every time. He also decided that I should start getting more sleep. Insisted on it, actually."

Hunk blinked rapidly. "Okay, that's kind of normal for Lance. He's always on everyone to get more sleep. But why was this so imperative?"

Shiro grimaced. "Well, I was only getting four hours a night."

Everyone except Lance and Pidge exploded at that. "Shiro, that is..." "Holy Quiznak, you cannot..." "Young man, I really must protest..." And Keith just kind of...punched him. Lightly. It was a reaction of pure shock.

Shiro grimaced even harder and rubbed his side where Keith's fist had landed. "I know, I know." He lifted his other hand and patted the air in a calming gesture, and the others slowly subsided. "Lance didn't like it either. I'd been doing it because it... It kept my nightmares to a minimum. Before the jungle planet screwed everything up. I told him that getting more sleep was going to make it worse, and I was right. But Lance was sure that he could handle it. That he could handle all of them. And he did. For a while." He looked across to Lance and gave him a sad little smile. "You were so good, soldier. For such a very...very long time. But you got tired, and who could blame you? You just needed someone to relieve you, that's all. And I should have made sure it happened. When you're feeling a little more like yourself, I hope you can forgive me."

Hunk was standing now, his face drawn with concern, fists clenched in front of him. "Shiro, you have to... We have to..."

"I know." Shiro waved at him. "Sit down, Hunk. I know. Since Lance has been helping me, I've been getting more sleep, even though I've been having more nightmares, too. He did...he did such a good job of getting me back to sleep every time, so quickly that sometimes I didn't even realize I'd had a nightmare. I would just surface for a moment, hear his voice, and go right back under. It was..." He drew a breath. "It was really nice. And yes, since I've been getting more sleep, I can tell a difference. I'm stronger and steadier, and even my mind has felt more whole. It was very important, and I'm incredibly grateful to Lance for everything he's done for me."

He looked across at Lance. Keith looked too. Lance didn't look as much like he wanted to cry now, but more like he just didn't know what to do or how to feel. Keith could relate.

Shiro looked around the group. "So, yes. I want to keep doing that. I want to keep getting as much sleep as possible. But I don't want... I can't continue to rely only Lance. It's too much for him, and as we all know, after today, he's having his own problems that need to be dealt with."

Hunk sat back down again, mollified. He was muttering something about "schedules" and "monitors" and "everyone," so Keith knew that his engineer brain was already working away at the problem. But Shiro was still focused on Lance.

"Buddy?" he asked, and his voice was so incredibly gentle that Keith's fist squeezed in his lap and his heart seized in his chest. He had only heard this soft, tender tone from Shiro once, and that had been in very, very dire circumstances.

Lance blinked, long and slow, and looked back at Shiro. His bottom lip was trembling, but he seemed more aware and awake now. His face wasn't as pale, either, and even Pidge had backed off a little from her tight grip on him.

"Are you ready to talk now? You look like you're feeling better. You finished the tea?"

Lance nodded and swallowed, then looked to Allura. "It was really good," he said softly.

She smiled. "You're very welcome, paladin."

Lance looked back to Shiro and drew a careful breath. "Yes. I'm ready."

Shiro nodded, and Keith braced himself.

They weren't done yet.