A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long. I was having some story-identity-crises going on. The point I reach is...we are now moving into the Romance/Drama section of our story, so yes, the focus is shifting. It took me like two weeks to realize why I couldn't write the new chapter. It was because I was FOCUSING ON THE WRONG THING.

I blame Marianne and her smut. And her ice cream.

Chapter 10: Who Let You Go

During the long trek of Atlantis, through which the strangers met many a varied stranger, in many colors and styles, Beth never became uncomfortable. Much to her surprise, she found the place relaxing. From its rigidly standing military components to the laid-back and tie-dyed science departments, it was all smoothly and eloquently drawing her into a sense of well-being she couldn't remember. If this place had been so wonderful, however, why had she left?

Which brought her thoughts back to the original cause of mild distress; why had she been taken by Kolya? It gave him no political or military advantage to have her, because from what she understood these people did not negotiate with people such as him. What was the purpose in taking someone who once taken lost all strategic value?

Perhaps not all, she mused as she followed the broad and utterly delectable back of Ronon Dex through the halls. Behind her Shalimar followed, a much lighter compliment to Ronon's darker looks. It was like walking in a lust sandwich, torn between which one to touch. Rather, where to touch?

As the day wore on, the corridors (though she'd not thought is possible) became more crowded. Now, though, the crowd was a mix of native people and Atlantians. When one too many gave a wave to her, she slowly pressed her hand against Ronon's (oh so muscled) arm to signal she wanted to stop. "Who are those people?"

Ronon lifted his eyebrow as if the question was odd, but shrugged and answered anyways. "They're the Athosians. Teyla's people."

Shalimar too had questions. "You allow civilians into your military outpost?"

"They're our allies. Besides, they work here."

Ronon turned as if the conversation was over, and with a small smile Beth left Shal behind to walk aside the tall Satedan. "What do they do here?"

"Why are you so curious?"

"They're different from everyone I've met so far. Besides, I'm a curious person."

"You always were."

"Was that a slur against my character? The one...I don't remember?" She'd started it as a joke, but the entire situation dawned on her again, unsettling her into a bit of a stammer as she struggled to imagine what she really was like. Was she really a curious person, or was it a facet of her amnesia? Was she loud or quiet? Did she read in the evening, or spend it with friends? What were her favorite foods?

The questions could have gone on for hours had Ronon not answered. "No, just a statement."

Beth knew they were walking in circles now, having seen most of what she was currently 'allowed' to see. With Shal at her side, the Colonel didn't want them in the Control Room, and the general tour was starting to wind down. "What was I like?"

Ronon faltered in his steady steps, halting for a moment to stare down at her. Her face looked paler than usual, though the eyes shown quite brightly. Her hair was still the same soft curls she'd always worn, though there was something just a bit wild about them now. The urge to brush those curls was so strong in him that he clenched his fists behind his back. "I didn't really know you very well."

"Tell me what you did know."

Shal rolled his eyes and continued to watch the crowd around him. Though the conversation seemed private enough, every person in a ten foot radius was listening and most likely reporting back to someone, whether it was enemy or friend Shalimar wouldn't know until disaster struck. If it struck.

Ronon nodded, turning his head to find one of the many alcoves nearby that actually would afford some solitude. What he did find was one of the many small balconies overlooking the massive ocean that surrounded them. Taking her hand, he led her into the balcony, a bit surprised when Shalimar remained outside the door. Apparently, the man was less than interested in who Beth had been before she became 'Beth'.

Ronon leaned against the railing, taking a deep breath and studying the woman before him. She smiled back, just a bit saucy, and shrugged. "You gonna answer the question?"

"You were quiet, but not shy. You thought on things before you said them, and when you did speak people listened. Not just because you are our leader, but it was something about you that demanded it. As far as I know you weren't into physical fighting or even sparring, preferring to do your battles with words. Still, you liked to run the halls before most of Atlantis was up. We ran together a few times."

He took another deep breath, turning to stare out across the deep blue he could see, sky and water blurring together and unintentionally reminding him of the azure of her eyes as she stared at him. "You were responsible, you took everything to heart. Every casualty, every battle, every failure."

Beth nodded, also turning to stare out over the edge. "Was I...was I a good-"

"You were a great leader. One of the best I ever followed."

She shook her head at his fierce statement. "No. Was I...a good person?"

Ronon was puzzled. "Of course."

Beth nodded, slightly relieved. "I wondered."

"Why?"

She smiled softly to herself, fidgeting a bit in her place. "Sometimes I have dreams. They make me feel...doubtful and just a bit angry. When they're done I sometimes think that I've done bad things."

"You've done things I didn't like, but you always took the consequences with them. You did things for what you believed was the best."

"The road to hell..." she whispered to herself, turning for the door.

"What?"

"Huh?" She turned, wondering what he wanted now that the conversation was over. Clearly it was time they continue on before any more of this touchy-feely nonsense overtook them.

"You said 'The road to hell'?"

"Oh, um," she thought long and hard. Why had she said that? What did it mean? In the end, "I don't know. Just something that slipped out."

Ronon nodded but he was still confused. He knew the phrase; Sheppard was fond of using quips when dealing with their enemies. What confused him was what she seemed to think of herself. How could she not know what a good person she was? Just what were these dreams that made her so doubtful?

On a better note, it seemed Carson's theory was correct. Ronon's very presence was jogging more and more of her memories, though apparently not all of them good.

In the medical bay, Dr. Beckett (unaware of how successful his theory was proving) was listening avidly as Gordy described those same dreams/memories.

"She had them the very first night we rescued her. We thought at the time that they would subside, just some left over shock from being held. It continued though."

Carson nodded, replying in that thick brogue of his that had many a nurse purring. "They would. She'd been having them for weeks before she went missing."

Sheppard snapped to attention, his attention taken from admiring several of those 'purring' nurses to Beckett. "What?"

"Indeed, she didn't want to alarm anyone so we'd been privately discussing several solutions."

"What was the cause, Doctor?" Teyla asked, her voice quiet and calming as usual. She laid her hand on John's suddenly tense arm, letting it fall away when he relaxed onto the counter beside her.

"I believed it to be emotional stress," Carson glanced at Gordy before continuing, not sure whether they should be discussing the topic in front of him, though it was prudent to inform Colonel Sheppard now. "They started after Michael."

"We all had a few bad dreams after that, Carson," Sheppard said harshly. "What was going on with Elizabeth?"

"Well, you know how she is, John. She takes a lot onto her plate, and this was just one incident too many. She felt guilty and it was taking its toll. I recommended she see our therapist. She was to have her first session when she returned from the Genii."

"Well, we know that didn't happen."

"Why did the nightmares continue when she was with my men?" Gordy asked, finally drawing their gazes back to himself. "If she didn't remember the incident, shouldn't the dreams have lapsed?"

Carson sighed, settling down into a chair before looking at them with weary eyes. "That's part of the problem. Since she apparently remembers enough to have them, I'm beginning to wonder if the amnesia is the result of her not wanting to remember."

"Why wouldn't she want to remember?" Teyla asked, very much aware of just how close John was to her.

"After all the things we've gone through together, would you?"